Atekcad.116 net.general utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!ihnss!cbosg!teklabs!tekcad!franka Sat Feb 27 14:14:20 1982 Video Vegetables Video Vegatables (or I hated the stuff mom used to cook so why bring it up?) Lets face it folks, there are a lot of useless vegetables out there. You know, the ones that nobody in their right minds ever ate. OK, maybe your parents ate them once or twice a year, but otherwise, they were never even thought about, let alone eaten. I'm not refering to the vegetables that kids generally hate, e.g., brocolli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, etc., but the really STRANGE ones, such as squash, rutibaga, eggplant, turnips, and others too numerous to mention. Now nobody really ever liked these vegetables then (remember that your father (who would eat ANYTHING) didn't ask for seconds on rutibaga) and nobody really likes them now (when was the last time your favorite local restaurant had turnips as a choice of vegetable?). We have a responsibility to future generations to stamp out these disgusting, noxious, icky, gross vegetables and for this reason, I am advocating the formation of a group called the NASODNIGV, the National Association to Stamp Out Disgust- ing, Noxious, Icky, Gross Vegetables! Sure, it will be tough going at first, what with all those high school Home Economics teachers out there with nothing better to do than shove eggplant down some poor kid's unsuspecting throat and there will always be some nutritional looney out there to tell us that these vegetables really are good for us and we should shut up and eat them because there are starving children in (China, India, Bangladesh, Harlem, fill in the name of your favorite under- developed country here) who would be OVERJOYED to have a few bites of rutabaga, not to mention the women's magazines who could no longer write trash articles on "101 Uses for that Lonely Turnip in Your Vegetable Crisper", but with hard work and perseverence, we could overcome even these formidable obstacles. We must realize that federal grants could not be expected (what with the federal budget in the shape its in), so we must find a way to make our own way in the world. However, I believe that I have hit upon a solution not onlt to make a large amount of money, but to also teach the nation's youth anti-turnip values at the same time. I propose that we market a new video game (Ta da da da da da!): FUNGUS MAN In this game, a figure of a man runs through a giant refrigerator full of junk food, meats, fruits and good vegetables, gobbling them up as he goes. However, at fixed intervals, a group of icky vegtables come up from the vegetable crisper and chase the man. If they catch him, he must eat them and dies with a horrid taste in his mouth, unless he can pick up one of several fungus spores lying around the fridge. If he gets to a fungus spore he can, for a short period of time, mold the icky vegatables and throw them out of the refrigerator into a waiting garbage disposal (where they belong anyway). After a while, though, the spores die and its look out again, Charlie! I think that this game would be an instant hit (if only for its extreme originality) and would certainly bring in the bucks to fund our fledgling organization. There is only one more thing to do and that is to decide an agenda as to how to stamp out these horrid vegetables in our lifetime. I propose that we start with lobbying Congress to give money to farmers not to grow these disgusting vegetables (we do for useful vegetables now). If this did not work, we could arrange a march up Pennsylvania Avenue followed by a vegetable burning in front of the White House. Finally, as a last resort, we could all become "vegetable revolutionaries", kidnapping high govern- mental officials and force-feeding them squash and rutabagas until the government met our demands! So, I think its about time to stop this vegetative scourge upon our great nation. We must mobilize if we wish to have a eggplant-free world where our children would not have to cope with the fear of rutabagas! We have nothing to fear but turnips themselves! Yours, In Disgust for Icky Vegatables, F. A. Adrian (ucbvax!teklabs!tekcad!franka) ----------------------------------------------------------------- gopher://quux.org/ conversion by John Goerzen of http://communication.ucsd.edu/A-News/ This Usenet Oldnews Archive article may be copied and distributed freely, provided: 1. There is no money collected for the text(s) of the articles. 2. The following notice remains appended to each copy: The Usenet Oldnews Archive: Compilation Copyright (C) 1981, 1996 Bruce Jones, Henry Spencer, David Wiseman.