Paddy Irishman was the most intelligent man in Ireland. He was the president of the Irish branch of Mensa, had won a million pounds on who wants to be a millionaire, and was Professor of astrophysics at the Paddy Institute of Technology. One day he was in the pub (as Irishmen do) and his mates were telling him that he should appear on Mastermind, the quiz where the most intelligent men on the planet, show their superior brain power. So he filled in the forms and sure enough was called up, and over to London he went to appear on the show. The moment came when he was called up to the chair, to be questioned. "Paddy, what is your specialist subject?" "Irish History" "Paddy your minute starts now. Who was the leader of the Irish Revolution?" "Pass" "In what year was the revolution?" "Pass" "How many men died during the Easter Revolution?" "Pass" "What was the name of the British informer who helped the rebels?" "Pass" All of a sudden his friend stood up in the audience and roared "Good man Paddy, tell the fucking English nothing" <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> <> <> Mr Funny Bone International <> <> <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Check out the artist "Mystacy" on MP3.COM Check out the tracks "The Weakest Link Bitch", "MegaWoo", "Do You Know Who Mystacy Is" & "Got To Feel Good" + more to come soon - http://www.mp3.com/mystacy The 1st CD is now available to buy - price US$11.99 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Subscribe to my jokelist by sending a blank e-mail to:- mr-fbi-subscribe@yahoogroups.com <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you." "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news. Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes eight." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to acquire some equipment." "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm." Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks, 14,000 armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Really?" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Paddy rang again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to get ourselves airborne. We've modified Ted's ultra-light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit, and the bridge team has joined us as well." Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10,000 bombers, 20,000 MiG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million men." "Faith and begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> <> <> Mr Funny Bone International <> <> <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Check out the artist "Mystacy" on MP3.COM Check out the tracks "The Weakest Link Bitch", "MegaWoo", "Do You Know Who Mystacy Is" & "Got To Feel Good" + more to come soon - http://www.mp3.com/mystacy The 1st CD is now available to buy - price US$11.99 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Subscribe to my jokelist by sending a blank e-mail to:- mr-fbi-subscribe@yahoogroups.com <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. "That is one smart dog," the man commented. "He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." A blonde left her car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over, she checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. She went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the problem. The mechanic told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would be removed. She took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe. Another blonde came by and inquired what she was doing, she told her that she was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents. The other blonde responded, "That's not going to work unless you roll up the windows."