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|  [37mGremlins BBS Jokes Listing                                     [35m      |
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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: It didn't .. it was hit by a Mac truck!


Q. Why carn't ya ski in Japan..?
A. Coz all the slopes are here.. in Austrlia..


Q:  Whats blue and sits in a corner?
A:  A baby wrapped in Glad wrap


Q:  Whats green and sits in a corner?
A:  The same baby 3 weeks later


Q. What do you call a 5 yr old girl laying on the carpet naked..
A. Kinder Surprise


what do u do when u come across an elehant?
clean up and say sorry


whats the diffrence between a camel and semen?
u find camels in bahgdad and u find semen in your dads bags


Q. What the diffence between a Priest and Pimples
A. Pimples don't cum on ya have till ya 13


There was an irish man who couldn't speak good english, and he was shopping one
day ehn he decided he needed a bucket to water his flowers with. So he went
to the hardware store and said, can I please have a fuckit? the owner said"beg
your pardon?", and he said, a fuckit, u know!, so the store keeper gave him a
bucket. He walked out, and decided he needed a gun, so he could go hunting,so
he walked to the gun shop, and said,"could I please have a bum?", the owner
said"what!?", he said "A BUM!", so the owner gave him a gun. As he walked out
he decided he needed a pet, so he went to the pet shop and said 2 the owner,
can I please have a cock'n'spankit?, and the lady said"How dare u?!",and
he said "no,no, forgive me, I want a cockenspankit!".The lady said, "Oh, a
cockerspanial!" and sold him the dog.
As he was walking down the street with his bucket, gun and dog, the dog
suddenly ran of its leash. He went up to a police man and said,
"CAN YOU PLEASE HOLD MY BUM AND FUCK IT WHILE I GET MY COCK AND SPANK IT!"


Q. Whats the differnce between a petafile and a greyhound
A. A greyhound waits for the hair to come out the box


Ther was these two fags fucking on the bed, the house started to burn down.
Which on got out of the house first, the giving it or taking it.
The one taking it, coz hes got hes shit already packed and ready to go


What do you say as a come-on in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in!


What's the difference between Joan Kirner and a pitbull?
Only the lipstick!


There was an old man from Nantucker,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it!


What did the Dislyxic Satan Worshiper do?
he sold his soul to Santa


What did the constipated mathamatican do?
He worked it out with a pencil!!!


Q. Why are camels called ships of the desert.
A. Because they are full of Arab seamen.


Man to workmate:  Of course it's not your day Ernie!  With 5 billion people on
this planet, do you realise the chances of it being YOUR day?


Jogger:  I can't run today.  My headset broke.


Receptionist to doctor:  The patient is in the middle of a magazine article
and will see you soon, Doctor.


A Police Officers' answering machine message:  You have the right to remain
silent.  Anything you say will be used to determine whether I'll be able to
return your call.


Sign in front of a restaurant:  Evening special.  Men dine half-price when
accompanied by a lady of equal or lesser value.
Last 5 by Olly




q. Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYE?
a. Too many blondes were downing
<mL>


q. Why did the blonde leave a coat hanger in the back seat of her car?
a. In case she locked the keys in the car.
<mL>


q. What the blondes idea of safe sex
a. Locking the car door
<mL>


a. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant.
b. Blow in her ear
<mL>


q. How can you tell if a blondes had a bad day.
a. Her tampoon is behind her ear , and she dosen't know what she did with her
cigarette.
<mL>


a. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer
b. so that she would keep the freezer cold
<mL>


Molla   they are old and stupid...


whats better than eating a mandarin?
EATING AMANDA OUT.


Q: How do you know when you've been eating good pussy?
A: When you wake up in the morning and your face looks like a glazed donut!


A blonde was pulled over by a cop for speeding.
When the cop arrived at her car she said, "Oh, no. Not another speeding ticket.
is there any way I can get out of it?".
The cop looked at her and then undid his fly and pulled out his dick.
"Awwww.", she said. "Do I have to keep taking this breathalizer test?".


I was talking to Marty today (16/1) and he had an interesting and yes, funny
story about the time his X (Shez) almost burnt the house down......
......Yeah, my X nearly did one time ...... I could c the kitchen lite up,
looked in and she's holding a saucepan wich has fire cuming out of it, and shes
holding it over the sink, rite next to the fucking curtains, no fucking brains!
!! Quickly put it out, she had no idea ... AAAAGGGRRHH!!!!
YEAH! I laughed, and yelled at her .. stupid! Oh well .. but am still here.
-
- Anywayz, I though it was funny so if you don't stiff.
- Live long and prosper!
- Kirky out.


Dad And Johney came home to find the canary dead with its legs in the air Dad t
d  Johny that it had gone to heaven with God Jony accepted this one week later
Johny ran out to dad and said we nearly lost mum today what happened said dad J
hny  said I came Home For Lunch and Mum was lying on the bed with her legs in t
air yelling out God Im coming Im coming and if wasn't for the postman holding h
down we would have lost her


How do you get 100 babies into a barrel?
Blender.


How do you get them out?
Doritos.


Whatcya do wif a dog wif no legs??? Take it for a drag!


Three  vampires went into a bar.. First vampire orders a hot blood.... the
second one orders a hot blood ,,,... the third one orders a hot cup of water
.. Tha barman says .. why not blood.????
A few minutes later you see him molesting awoman across from the bar, then he
comes back with a tampon, flicks it in the water, sqeeeeeeling "everybody's
jiggling!!!!!!".......<fukd joke hey!>


Teachers joke courtesy of the Principle
Be where the snake spits!
And it was
another one...
Wears the soap?
Yes
And another!
What happned to the lady who walked infront of a bus?
Disaster!
Ok do I have to explain it?
Dis arsed her
Now, I didn't have to explain it did I?
-
These cool jokes courtesy of DRUGIE! and the Demon headmaster!


Q. Why did the woman cross the road ?
A. That's not the point....what was she doing out of the kitchen !!!!


A blonde walks into a hairdressers, wearing a headset, and asks for a haircut.
The hairdresser goes to remove the headphones, but the blonde stops her. The
hairdresser shrugs, shes used to blondes, and continues.   After a while, she
starts to get pissed off at the headsets, and thinks,'screw her' and rips them
off!  Just as she's funishing the cut, about 2-3 minutes later, the blonde
suddenly collapses on the ground!! Oh, no, thinks the hair dresser, what have I
done??!  She checks the blonde, and shes stone, motherless, dead.  She hears a
faint sound coming out the the headphones and she picks them up.  She puts them
to her ear and hears :
"BREATHE IN .....BREATHE OUT....."


Hickory Dickory Dock
This Chick Was Sucking My Cock
The Clock Struck 2
I Popped My Goo
And Put It Back In My Jock
