Subject: Ruminations -- February 20, 2004 From: Top5 Productions Date: 02/21/2004 05:57 AM To: Ruminations@topica.com Reply-to: Ruminations@ruminate.com ================================================================== [ --== TopFive presents ==-- ] [ http://www.ruminate.com ] [ R U M I N A T I O N S ] ================================================================== Ruminations for February 20, 2004 DON'T FORGET! Our Winter Blowout special will be history soon, with ClubTop and ClubRum subscriptions and renewals going back to the regular prices! http://www.topfive.com/html/winter_blowout.shtml -=++=- NOTE FROM CHRIS: It's the final day of the workweek, which can only mean one thing... Casual Brad Friday! Put your cyber-hands together for the Lieutenant of Loopy Logic... BRAD SIMANEK! -=++=- You'd think with me assuming the weighty responsibility associated with sitting in an emergency exit row, the flight attendant would've given me my fifth beer free. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- You'd think with me assuming the weighty responsibility associated with sitting in an emergency exit row, the flight attendant would've given me my fifth beer free. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- If I had a nickel for every monkey it took to write a cliche about what to do if life gives you lemons, I'd probably screw the whole thing and make Lemon Monkeymeat Pie. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- The understated genius of the modern toilet is pretty amazing when I think about it... especially while awaiting my arraignment on charges stemming from the use of my alternative Saran-Wrap-and-catapult design. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- I'm beginning to think this doctor has a thing for me, because each visit begins with her asking me to strip, lay down and be still while she sticks her hand down my shorts. I don't see what any of this has to do with getting my black Lab his vaccination boosters. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- I find it ironic that when I went to confession to seek forgiveness for my vodka-drinking problem, the priest offered me Absolution. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- I'm always careful about knowing the meanings of words I use, because I don't want to be labeled as anti-semantic. (Brad Simanek) -=++=- I don't think I have the time to remain subscribed to this bulletin board. By the time I had completed the arduous task required by the posting labeled "read 27 times," some joker had upped the requirement by one. (Brad Simanek) ================================================================== A BRAD SIMANEK FAN, ARE YA? Those of you who like Brad Simanek's, um, "work," should know that he has a book of his Ruminations for sale. It's called "Slightly A'musing" and you can reserve your copy today at: http://www.topfive.com/html/bradbook.shtml Also, our ClubRum subscribers celebrate Casual Brad Friday *every* Friday! Sign up here: http://www.topfive.com/html/winter_blowout.shtml ================================================================== From the Ruminations Archives... I always thought it would be cool to win a contest where I get to rename a town. Then I'd drive slowly through the streets of "Wankerville," shouting, "You people are a bunch of wankers!" at passers-by before speeding off. (Brad Simanek) Join ClubRum and get 10 Ruminations every day! Learn more at http://www.ruminate.com/html/clubrum.shtml ================================================================== [ Send your Ruminations to: submit@ruminate.com. ] [ NOTE: We accept only 100% original, unpublished items. ] [ --- --- --- --- ] [ Please forward this message only in its entirety. ] [ Radio and television programs, magazines and newspapers ] [ *must* receive permission before using this material. ] [ --- --- --- --- ] [ To kvetch at the owner: Send mail to chris@topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004, Chris White ] ================================================================== TOPFIVE -- The Home of Original Humor http://www.topfive.com ------------------------------------------------------------------ The Top 5 List (original lists) top5-subscribe@topica.com Top5 Classic (greatest hits) top5classic-subscribe@topica.com Ruminations (odd thoughts) ruminations-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== [ R U M I N A T I O N S ] [ Ruminations is a Top5 publication ] [ http://www.ruminate.com ] ================================================================== =========================================================== MORTGAGE / REFINANCE RATES ARE LOW. 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