Subject: Top5Classic - 3/1/04 - Surprise Oscar Nominations From: Top5 Productions Date: 03/02/2004 06:49 AM To: Top5Classic@topica.com Reply-to: Top5Classic@topfive.com =========================================================== Graduate in less than 13 months with AIU’s Online virtual campus. Classrooms and student service as close as your computer. Highly accredited, study anytime – anywhere. http://click.topica.com/caabZuuausV5Va67KL8a/ AIU =========================================================== ================================================================== T O P 5 C L A S S I C The Half-Caf, Half-Decaf of Humor Lists ================================================================== March 1, 2004 (Today's list was originally published on February 9, 1999) The Top 13 Surprise Oscar Nominations 13> Best Supporting Performance -- (TIE) Catherine Zeta Jones's bra in "The Mask of Zorro" and Salma Hayek's bra in "54" 12> Dan Quayle Continuing-Butt-Of-The-Joke Award -- Pauly Shore 11> Best Use of a "Beard" -- Tom Cruise 10> Best Endorsement of Button-Fly Jeans -- Ben Stiller, "There's Something About Mary" 9> Best Attempt to Convince the Public That *Anyone* Actually Watches MSNBC -- "Deep Impact" 8> Excessive Perkiness Most Likely to Cause Diabetes -- Meg Ryan 7> Best Exaggerated Use of Abundant Cleavage -- Jennifer Love Hewitt 6> Special Texas Chainsaw Massacre Memorial Award for Special Effects -- "Saving Private Ryan" 5> Best Ongoing Celebrity Scam -- The accountants from Price-Waterhouse are sad to report that they cannot reveal the winner in this category due to an injunction from the Church of Scientology. 4> Most Improved Appearance When Depicted as a Cartoon Insect -- Woody Allen 3> Best Performance by a Sharpei -- Walter Mathau 2> Most Successful Combination of Male Nightmares in a Movie Title -- "Shakespeare in Love" and Topfive.com's Number 1 Surprise Oscar Nomination... 1> Best Product Placement -- America Online in "You've Got Mail" Best Product, um, Placement -- Ben Stiller's goo in "There's Something About Mary" [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White ] [ To subscribe: Top5Classic-subscribe@topica.com ] Don't miss out on the fun -- join NOW! http://www.topfive.com/html/ClubTop5.shtml ================================================================== Rumination of the Day If kids on your street try to get you to play a game called "Throw Rocks at Andy," don't do it, 'cause it's not very much fun. (Andrew Friedman) To subscribe to Ruminations: ruminations-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== Selected from 88 submissions from 36 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ---------------------------------------------------------------- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 1 (7th #1) Diana Heche, Santa Monica, CA -- 2 (Rookie!) Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 3 (Hall of Famer) Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 4 Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 5 Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 6 Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 6 Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA -- 7 Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 7 Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada -- 8 Andy Wagner, Madison, WI -- 9 Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 10, 11 Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 11, Topic Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 12 (Hall of Famer) Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 13 John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 13 (Hall of Famer) Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13 Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Runner Up list name Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Runner Up list name Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Honorable Mention name Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor The Dream Academy, London, England -- Ambience ================================================================== [ T O P 5 C L A S S I C ] [ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] ================================================================== [ TOP5 -- The Home of Original Humor http://www.topfive.com ] The Top 5 List (original lists) top5-subscribe@topica.com Top5 Classic (greatest hits) top5classic-subscribe@topica.com Ruminations (odd thoughts) ruminations-subscribe@topica.com The Daily Probe (news satire) probe-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== [ To bitch at the owner: chris@topfive.com ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== =========================================================== Sign up to get FREE information from leading colleges! Compare degrees, admissions, financial aid and more. Study your career education options at Collegeinformation.info. http://click.topica.com/caabZusausV5Va67KL8f/ College Info =========================================================== --^---------------------------------------------------------------- This email was sent to: emailaddress@redacted EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://lists.topica.com/u/?ausV5V.a67KL8.ZGVubmlz Or send an email to: Top5Classic-unsubscribe@topica.com TOPICA - Start your own email discussion group. FREE! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/create/index2.html --^----------------------------------------------------------------