Subject: Top5 - 9/13/04 - Outdated Intelligence From: TopFive Date: 09/14/2004 01:15 AM To: Top5@topica.com Reply-to: topfive@topfive.com ================================================================== T H E T O P F I V E L I S T IMPORTANT: Your electric bill is enclosed. ================================================================== September 13, 2004 NOTE FROM CHRIS: Some topics are much more important than others. This particular one concerns no less than the national security of all Americans. Don't thank us, folks -- we're just doing our patriotic duty. The Top 5 Signs the Department of Homeland Security Is Getting Outdated Information 5> We go to Orange Alert when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. 4> Recently received video claiming responsibility for the killing of the radio star. 3> Tom Ridge keeps trying to TiVo the new "Friends" season. 2> Intelligence shows terrorist Fred bin Flintstone is planning to hijack a pterodactyl and fly it over key bowling alleys. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign the Department of Homeland Security Is Getting Outdated Information... 1> "Be on the lookout for Egyptian terror leader Hassim el-Rashid Imhotep, a.k.a. Birdie Eye Leaf Leaf Squiggle Birdie Kneeling-Guy Bent-Stick Lion Squiggle." Join ClubTop5 to see the whole list: http://www.topfive.com/html/clubtop5.shtml ================================================================== Today's Classic Top5: New Euphemisms for "Stupid" Read it on our website: http://www.topfive.com To subscribe: Top5Classic-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== Rumination of the Day I teach my children to be kind and take extra good care of their toys. It teaches them discipline and shows them that if they take care of things, they'll last longer. But the main reason is that if toys should ever come to life and take over the world, maybe they'll remember our kindness and spare my family. (Wiley) To subscribe to Ruminations: ruminations-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== Selected from 98 submissions from 34 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1 (22nd #1) Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 2, Banner Tag Danny Gallagher, Tyler, TX -- 2 Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 3 (Hall of Famer) Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 5 Eric Rayford, whereabouts unknown -- Topic Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name (HoF) Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- HM list name Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor The Lurkers, London, England -- Ambience Ambience explained: http://www.topfive.com/arcs_am/am091304.shtml ------------------------------------------------------------------ "Counter-Intelligent" and "A Dollar Short" The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions for today's list can be found on our website: http://www.topfive.com ================================================================== [ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T ] [TOPFIVE -- The Web's Best Original Humor http://www.topfive.com] [----------------------------------------------------------------] The Top 5 List (original lists) top5-subscribe@topica.com Top5 Classic (greatest hits) top5classic-subscribe@topica.com Ruminations (odd thoughts) ruminations-subscribe@topica.com ================================================================== [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] ================================================================== [ To unsubscribe: Send mail to Top5-unsubscribe@topica.com ] [ To bitch at the owner: chris@topfive.com ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== Your free subscription is supported by today's sponsor: ------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you live vicariously through Reality TV? Let us know and win! http://click.topica.com/caacDv1clvXASa67KL9f/PermissionData ------------------------------------------------------------------- --^---------------------------------------------------------------- This email was sent to: emailaddress@redacted EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?clvXAS.a67KL9.ZGVubmlz Or send an email to: Top5-unsubscribe@topica.com For Topica's complete suite of email marketing solutions visit: http://www.topica.com/?p=TEXFOOTER --^----------------------------------------------------------------