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#Post#: 80463--------------------------------------------------
Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: jpcher Date: November 12, 2023, 8:46 pm
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Interesting topic came up at dinner today. DD#1 and her DHsam
are (in my opinion) hosting a Friendsgiving dinner. In other
words, all the friends will be meeting at their place for an
everybody brings something type of pot luck.
Someone said "You should send out an email with what meal items
are needed and ask who is bringing what (so you don't end up
with 5 salads).
Someone else said "The person making the main dish (turkey) is
the host and should organize the dinner."
I said "The event is being held in your home. You are the host
and should organize the party."
DD#1 said that she somewhat agreed to Friend making the turkey
but she (DD#1) thought it should be cooked in her home (with the
new oven roaster that I bought her before I knew this was an
issue) instead of transporting the turkey to the party. Friend
wants to brine, prepare and do whatever special stuff she does
to the turkey.
Someone said "Let her take the roaster, prepare the turkey and
bring it to the party when it's done baking."
I balked a bit at that. Transporting a hot turkey with all the
juices in a roaster oven isn't an optimal situation.
Conversation ensued. I think DD#1 was left with some confusion
as to how to handle/organize/take charge/HOST! this situation.
What say you all? Who is the actual host here?
#Post#: 80464--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: Aleko Date: November 13, 2023, 1:55 am
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DD1 and DHSam are. No question. Their invitation, their home.
They’re responsible.
That said, when hosts issue an invitation for a contributory
event, they have to work with whatever their guests are
comfortable with providing / doing: they don’t get to issue
orders, as ‘You: make a pumpkin pie! You: bring three different
salads, one of which must include beetroot!’ You: come early and
move the furniture!’ They have to use tact and cajolery to
ensure that they don’t end up with, as the friend said, 5 salads
and no main; and if there is any dish that nobody is
volunteering to bring, they just have to provide it themselves.
I can well understand that someone who would be happy to roast a
turkey in their own kitchen and bring it ready-cooked might
reasonably be deeply unhappy to be voluntold to bring it raw and
roast it in the host’s kitchen using unfamiliar equipment. It
would totally freak me!
It is now DD1’s (backed up by DHSam) responsibility to decide
how and by whom this turkey is to be cooked, without upsetting
Friend. I wish her luck!
#Post#: 80466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: oogyda Date: November 13, 2023, 7:00 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2565.msg80464#msg80464
date=1699862123]
DD1 and DHSam are. No question. Their invitation, their home.
They’re responsible.
That said, when hosts issue an invitation for a contributory
event, they have to work with whatever their guests are
comfortable with providing / doing: they don’t get to issue
orders, as ‘You: make a pumpkin pie! You: bring three different
salads, one of which must include beetroot!’ You: come early and
move the furniture!’ They have to use tact and cajolery to
ensure that they don’t end up with, as the friend said, 5 salads
and no main; and if there is any dish that nobody is
volunteering to bring, they just have to provide it themselves.
I can well understand that someone who would be happy to roast a
turkey in their own kitchen and bring it ready-cooked might
reasonably be deeply [b]unhappy to be voluntold to bring it raw
and roast it in the host’s kitchen using unfamiliar equipment.
It would totally freak me![/b]
It is now DD1’s (backed up by DHSam) responsibility to decide
how and by whom this turkey is to be cooked, without upsetting
Friend. I wish her luck!
[/quote]
I completely agree with the bolded paragraph. Aside from being
awkward and uncertain, it would involve the person in charge of
the turkey to be there hours before everyone else. I think the
turkey could be wrapped and the drippings transported in a
leakproof container. That gives rise to the question of who
will be preparing the gravy.
I love "Cajolery". It's much more pleasant to the ear than
"coercion" .
#Post#: 80467--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: lowspark Date: November 13, 2023, 11:38 am
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The host is the person whose house it's being held at. I would
say if someone else were bringing ALL the food, I would call
them co-host.
In this case, person bringing the turkey gets to decide how to
go about cooking it. If DD wants it cooked in her house, she
probably needs to be the one cooking it unless the person
cooking it is super ok with doing it at her house. If I were
cooking a turkey for TG and bringing it to someone's house,
where I chose to cook it would depend on many factors.
-How comfortable am I at that person's house in general?
-How comfortable would I be in their kitchen?
-How comfortable is that person with other people working in
their kitchen?
-How much stuff, i.e., ingredients, equipment, etc., am I going
to have to schlep over?
-What will we be doing while the turkey is cooking when I don't
have to be in the kitchen?
Regarding the other dishes, absolutely she needs some version of
a sign up sheet.
People need to say what they are bringing. Otherwise she will
almost certainly get duplicates of the easy dishes and none of
the hard ones. And people who don't plan ahead inevitably just
pick up a premade dessert and you really don't want too much of
that if there aren't enough savory dishes.
Two choices there:
1. She just lets everyone say what they are bringing and vets
responses to avoid unnecessary duplicates.
or
2. She posts a list of what is needed and people choose which
one they want.
For normal pot lucks, usually method 1 works. But for TG,
particularly if she is trying to make sure the traditional
dishes are covered, i.e., like stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet
potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, etc., I'd go with method
2.
#Post#: 80468--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: lowspark Date: November 13, 2023, 11:43 am
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[quote]
DD#1 said that she somewhat agreed to Friend making the turkey
[/quote]
Reading through this again, that sentence sounds odd to me. If
I'm hosting an event in my house, I set down what I'm doing,
THEN invite others.
So I would have said something like,
"Come to TG at my house for a pot luck. I'll supply the turkey
and everyone else please say what they are bringing."
How did Friend get to be the one making the turkey against DD's
apparent reluctance?
And did she actually agree or not? I mean, is Friend definitely
cooking the turkey or is it still in question? And if so, what
is DD making?
#Post#: 80470--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: sandisadie Date: November 13, 2023, 2:52 pm
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I like the idea of posting a list of the foods DD wants at her
(the host) Thanksgiving dinner. Then asking everyone to choose
what they would like to bring. But - I would also let the
friend do the turkey if that's what she wants to do. She can do
it at her home and figure out how to get it and the juices, etc
to the dinner without mishap. DD should specify that she will
use the drippings, etc to make gravy after the turkey arrives.
All of this sounds like it can be a very fun and satisfying
dinner, but it needs careful planning on the part of DD.
#Post#: 80472--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: Rose Red Date: November 13, 2023, 3:52 pm
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Who is paying for the turkey? Is one person paying or is
everyone chipping in since that's the main course?
#Post#: 80473--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: Hmmm Date: November 13, 2023, 4:05 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2565.msg80467#msg80467
date=1699897081]
The host is the person whose house it's being held at. I would
say if someone else were bringing ALL the food, I would call
them co-host.
In this case, person bringing the turkey gets to decide how to
go about cooking it. If DD wants it cooked in her house, she
probably needs to be the one cooking it unless the person
cooking it is super ok with doing it at her house. If I were
cooking a turkey for TG and bringing it to someone's house,
where I chose to cook it would depend on many factors.
-How comfortable am I at that person's house in general?
-How comfortable would I be in their kitchen?
-How comfortable is that person with other people working in
their kitchen?
-How much stuff, i.e., ingredients, equipment, etc., am I going
to have to schlep over?
-What will we be doing while the turkey is cooking when I don't
have to be in the kitchen?
Regarding the other dishes, absolutely she needs some version of
a sign up sheet.
People need to say what they are bringing. Otherwise she will
almost certainly get duplicates of the easy dishes and none of
the hard ones. And people who don't plan ahead inevitably just
pick up a premade dessert and you really don't want too much of
that if there aren't enough savory dishes.
Two choices there:
1. She just lets everyone say what they are bringing and vets
responses to avoid unnecessary duplicates.
or
2. She posts a list of what is needed and people choose which
one they want.
For normal pot lucks, usually method 1 works. But for TG,
particularly if she is trying to make sure the traditional
dishes are covered, i.e., like stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet
potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, etc., I'd go with method
2.
[/quote]
I agree with all of this. I want to be able to do all the turkey
prep in my own kitchen without having to share the space and
work around others who are also trying to prepare something. I
also don't want to worry about oven size and temp. I have had
co-workers transport a cooked turkey to the office in a roaster
and kept it on warm till time to carve. It seemed to work fine.
#Post#: 80474--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: jpcher Date: November 13, 2023, 4:36 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2565.msg80468#msg80468
date=1699897405]
How did Friend get to be the one making the turkey against DD's
apparent reluctance?
And did she actually agree or not? I mean, is Friend definitely
cooking the turkey or is it still in question? And if so, what
is DD making?
[/quote]
This event came up during a conversation I had with DD#1 a few
weeks ago. She was wondering how to keep all the brought dishes
warmed in the oven while there was a turkey in it. I offered to
buy her a roaster oven, which I did.
I'm not sure where Friends offer of making the turkey came into
play or whether DD#1 accepted Friends offer before I bought her
a roaster oven. (Sorry, not exact details, just sharing with you
what I know.)
#Post#: 80475--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who is the host? . . . aka Friendsgiving
By: oogyda Date: November 13, 2023, 5:08 pm
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[quote author=jpcher link=topic=2565.msg80474#msg80474
date=1699914982]
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2565.msg80468#msg80468
date=1699897405]
How did Friend get to be the one making the turkey against DD's
apparent reluctance?
And did she actually agree or not? I mean, is Friend definitely
cooking the turkey or is it still in question? And if so, what
is DD making?
[/quote]
This event came up during a conversation I had with DD#1 a few
weeks ago. She was wondering how to keep all the brought dishes
warmed in the oven while there was a turkey in it. I offered to
buy her a roaster oven, which I did.
I'm not sure where Friends offer of making the turkey came into
play or whether DD#1 accepted Friends offer before I bought her
a roaster oven. (Sorry, not exact details, just sharing with you
what I know.)
[/quote]
Personally, I would want to do a test run with the roaster oven
before I did a turkey. Perhaps try roasting a chicken to get an
idea of how it compares to the oven.
Then again, I've been doing my turkeys on my gas grill for 20 +
years. It cooks a litlle faster on the grill, but it keeps the
oven open for other things.
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