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#Post#: 14--------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Jday1106 Date: June 4, 2018, 9:52 am
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Before I begin, I just wanted to let yall know how this is going
to work. Each week we will be doing two chapters, the discussion
for each chapter will be posted on Monday and Thursday and
everyone's responses need to be posted by the end of each
Tuesday and Friday.
Alright ladies, after reading this first chapter, what did
everyone take away from it? Did you think the chapter was
helpful? After reading the chapter and watching some of the
YouTube videos associated with it, I took some time to write
down some topics for discussion. Don't feel the need to respond
to every topic if you don't want to, I more so wrote them to get
everyone thinking. You can also bypass all the questions if you
want and just tell us your thoughts on the chapter if you
prefer, or if there was something in particular in the chapter
that just stuck out to you that you want to comment on go for
it.
1. What does marriage mean to you?
2. What has helped your marriage?
3. What have been some struggles in your marriage, and how do
you deal with struggles that arise?
4. Is God a part of your marriage and if so what does it mean to
you to have God in your marriage?
5. How do you balance being a wife and a mom?
6. What are some ways that you show unspoken signs of love?
Now I know not all of these questions will apply to everyone, so
like I said don't feel the need to try to answer every question.
Each of us will get a different outlook on this chapter because
we are all each on different paths, so it will be nice to see
everyone's responses and how we may differ or be similar. Emily
for you, I know you may be thinking this is pointless I'm not
even married, but maybe one day you will and you can still share
with us how you picture what a marriage will look like for you
and what you picture your husband being like.
#Post#: 15--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: mnlepage328 Date: June 4, 2018, 6:44 pm
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I've read the chapter and looked over your questions. I'm
working on watching the videos! I will be posting my reply's
tomorrow :)
#Post#: 16--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 5, 2018, 10:21 am
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I am working on my post in-between work, so I will post the
final this afternoon! Looking forward to reading what everyone
thought about the first chapter on marriage :)
#Post#: 17--------------------------------------------------
Jennifer's reply to Chapter 1
By: Jday1106 Date: June 5, 2018, 10:25 am
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I enjoyed reading the first chapter of our book, I felt like I
connected with a lot of the things the author discussed. The
biggest thing I connected with her about is my faith and sharing
it with Andrew. I got back into my faith in my early 20s and
became very passionate about it, and in the beginning Andrew was
very resistant to Catholicism, we use to get in debates all the
time and both of us can be very stubborn at times. As everyone
knows in the end Andrew became open to the Catholic faith
(thanks to what I accredit it to, ALOT of prayers) and now he
loves debating other people on the faith, which to me is now
humorous knowing his stance on it a few years ago. After Andrew
was confirmed in the church and we were married in the church,
my vision for our Catholic marriage hasn't turned out exactly as
I had planned. Don't get me wrong I feel very blessed to have a
husband that chose to become Catholic and who goes to Church
with me just about every Sunday, but like the author in the
book, I wanted more. I want Andrew to be more passionate in the
faith with me. If he has an excuse to miss Church he is on it,
and that kills me because I wish it was more important to him.
Confession, he never goes to that, and by doing that he isn't
participating in the faith the correct way. During the Easter
season, he doesn't fully participate in Lent like I would like.
These are a few examples of Andrew not participating in the
faith fully. Anyways my point is that I pictured a husband who
would be as passionate as me in the faith and the two of us
would encourage each other to grow closer to God, but instead I
find I'm the one encouraging. This has been a struggle for me
that I had to just let go and like the author in the book I just
pray for Andrew and try to be a good example. I use to nag him
all the time but I want him to want to participate fully, not
feel forced. When I feel frustrated I just think about how
blessed I am to have a husband to share my faith in period, he
may not be as passionate as me but at least he is participating
with me. I also have to remember that like myself neither Andrew
nor I were raised in the Catholic Church and for me to expect
him to know the faith inside and out is wrong, this is why I've
learned it's important for me to be patient, a good example,
pray for Andrew, and encourage little things to add to our daily
faith life together.
So when Andrew and I struggle in our marriage, communication is
the biggest thing, that and apologizing. These two things have
been the hardest for me to perfect and are still a work in
progress. In marriage, communication really is the key and not
only just communicating but doing it the right way. There were
many times that I found myself bottling stuff up because I
didn't want to discuss an issue just to have it turn into an
argument. I'm definitely not good at this but my goal in
handling issues that arise is (1)addressing the problem at the
right time (if he does something stupid in public, don't turn
around and cut into him right there, wait until the two of you
are in private), and then when it's the right time (2)don't
accuse him of something, instead tell him what he did and how it
made you feel, (when you're really upset it can be hard to do
this in a non-threatening way that keeps him from becoming
defensive), and next after you tell him the issue (3)try to then
have at least a couple solutions to resolve the problem, and
lastly (4)sometimes you just have to let things go. This was a
big one for me, I'm sure I can be a pain to live with and there
have been lots of things I've had to learn to just let go. When
you're married, you're sharing your life with another person so
not everything is going to go like you want. There has to be
compromise on both sides. AND one biggy, (5)learn to apologize.
Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and apologize
(apologize sincerely) even when you're thinking in your head
this is ridiculous and I'm not the one whose wrong, but like I
said before, some things you just have to let go and know you
can't always have your way. So like I said this has been
something I definitely struggle with, and when I'm struggling
with something with Andrew and I can't seem to work things out,
I pray. I pray a lot. After all God is the third person in my
marriage and a lot of the time I need him to help Andrew and I
get back on track.
One other piece of advise I read somewhere before I got married,
never speak badly about your husband. Remember that your husband
and you are now one, and you should treat him the way you would
want to be treated. You should always respect him and speak
kindly about him, when you and him are going through something,
keep it private. I use to tell mom every little issue I had with
Andrew and after a while she would start to stress the two of us
were going to break up and probably was starting to worry if
Andrew was a good guy or not. This is why it's important to keep
your issues to yourself, you don't want people looking
negatively at your husband and your marriage. Keep
communication open with your husband and when you need to talk
to someone else to rant out your frustrations, talk to God. (Now
just a side note, I'm refering to little things, if you have a
serious issue that's going on definitly seek help from another
person if it's something you and your husband aren't able to
resolve on your own.)
To end this, I just want to say I love unspoken love signs and
think they are very important in marriage. I love when Andrew
does something without me even asking, one of the big things
he's been doing lately is letting George out to go potty without
me having to ask him, which seems silly but to me it means
something. For Andrew he loves getting his head scratched or his
shoulders and back massaged so I try to remember to do that
often without him asking me. Those are just a couple examples of
how Andrew and I show unspoken love.
#Post#: 18--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: MommaAshley Date: June 5, 2018, 10:51 am
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[quote author=Birdie link=topic=3.msg16#msg16 date=1528212077]
I am working on my post in-between work, so I will post the
final this afternoon! Looking forward to reading what everyone
thought about the first chapter on marriage :)
[/quote]
Just wanted to show you guys how to respond to a specific post.
So I selected mom's post. I hit "quote" at the top right of her
text box and then it added her post and I can respond directly.
Hope that makes sense!!!
#Post#: 19--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jennifer's reply to Chapter 1
By: MommaAshley Date: June 5, 2018, 11:03 am
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I wanted to try and quote a little something for everyone's
post, I will do my best to keep this up throughout the threads.
[quote author=Jday1106 link=topic=3.msg17#msg17 date=1528212336]
(4)sometimes you just have to let things go. This was a big one
for me, I'm sure I can be a pain to live with and there have
been lots of things I've had to learn to just let go. When
you're married, you're sharing your life with another person so
not everything is going to go like you want. There has to be
compromise on both sides.
[/quote]
Jenny, I loved your response, very detailed and specific. Giving
examples from your real life can help others who may be feeling
the same way. The part of your post that stood out most is
quoted above. Learning to let things go in a relationship is a
huge "task." It is something you learn and continue to practice
throughout your marriage. It is also something you can implement
into other relationships, whether friendships or work
relationships. As a mother, I use this everyday. "Is what my
child continues to do really that bad?" Learning to let things
go gets easily with time and maturity. Whether the maturity
evolves from yourself or your marriage, it's not an overnight
resolution.
#Post#: 20--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Emilydaaay Date: June 5, 2018, 1:19 pm
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My favorite part in chapter one was this quote..”Love is never
something ready made, something merely given to a man and a
woman, it is always at the same time a task, which they are set.
Love should be seen as something which in a sense never is but
is always becoming, and what it becomes depends upon the
contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment.”
That quote was really important to me because I completely agree
with it. A relationship with anyone on this earth is something
that needs to be continually watered and cared for. A all
relationships go through hard times and it is what you choose to
do through those hard times that determines the relationship.
That’s important because a lot of people think the hard times
determine the relationship, when that isn’t the case. Hard times
are necessary, they make us better people. I think the same goes
for marriage. Everyone is going to have a “cross to bear” in
their relationship, maybe even multiple crosses to bear! That’s
when you either turn to each other and get through it or you
turn away from each other and either go it alone or find comfort
in another person.
Communication is very important in a relationship as well.
Communication with one another and communication with God or the
universe. You have to know what you want out of life and your
marriage, and you have to pray and believe in it. I think you
have to have conviction to stay with someone. It isn’t easy
anymore and you can’t just rely on yourself or your partner. I
talk to a lot, and I always feel better in the days I have
talked to God a whole whole lot. When I tell God what I feel it
relieves a burden of me. When I tell God what I’m hoping for it
relives even more of a burden off of me. I also think it
relieves a burden off your partner when you are able to talk to
God about the relationship. We can’t always download all of our
problems with our spouse to our spouse. Then the whole
relationship becomes a constant “how to improve so you deserve
this” type thing. I believe if you pray to God for your partners
heart to change, it will happen. I have seen it before in life.
So, yes I do believe it is not “vital” for survival, but vital
for a peaceful life to keep God at the center of all your
relationships because when you do that you remember how to treat
people, how to have an accepting heart, and it just keeps your
from going “low” and doing things youll regret.
Also, sorry for any typing errors. I’m typing from my phone e
and for some reason I can’t see the whole text box.
#Post#: 21--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 5, 2018, 4:00 pm
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Hey Girls!
So I read the first chapter and watched half the videos, I still
have a few to go. I loved this chapter and thought it had some
really good advice on keeping your marriage strong! Below are
my answers to the posted questions from this chapter. Since
you all are my children and know first hand how I deal with my
husband, some of this may not come as a surprise. But I don’t
know if you all know what’s in my heart and the things I try to
do to make sure my marriage stays healthy. I know for sure that
you all know I am not perfect and I have had my struggles along
the way, but that only makes me human. I like to think that I
try my best to learn from mistakes and correct behaviors that
are not conducive to a heathy marriage. Disclaimer: I take no
responsibility for things Tamara does – she’s my husband’s
second wife – haha!!
1. What does marriage mean to you? If I were to define marriage
in a simple sentence it would be, "going through life with the
person I love the most in this world!" Marriage sometimes gets
a bad rap, but if nurtured and cared for your marriage can
become something really wonderful and worth all the effort you
put into it. I love the quote from Pope John Paul II in the
book, “Love should be seen as something which in a sense never
“is” but is always only “becoming,” and what it becomes depends
upon the contribution of both persons and the depth of their
commitment.”
2. What has helped your marriage? I can think of three important
aspect of a healthy marriage, communication, putting your
husband first and respect.
Communication is so important when sharing your life with
someone. Men really don't know what we are thinking, we have to
share our worries, fears, upsets and things they do that drive
us crazy. But, in saying that, I think it's important in how we
present those issues. I think it was the youtuber Laura that
put it so nicely: presentation is everything! And I myself am
not always the best at presenting my issues, but I have learned
through the years when I do say things nicely and not
mean-spirited I usually end up with a better response!
Secondly, I would say putting my husband first before my family,
friends and even children. I know putting your husband before
you children may sound crazy. But it really works and is
something your children will respect as they get older. I have
always made it a priority to make sure our relationship was
being nurtured and not forgetting that we came first and we will
be the last to leave. Kids will come into your life and then
leave to start their own families. If you put your husband on
the back burner while you raise your kids, your relationship
will suffer and when it’s you and him again, you might not even
know each other! So you can’t take that for granted and just
assume it will be the same if you don’t make the relationship a
priority and make your husband a priority. Make sure to carve
out time alone by going on a date or just spending time together
after the kids are asleep.
Another thing I think is important is “take your husband’s
side.” I’m a known “mama bear” but I’m also a known “hubby
bear!” Even if sometimes you don’t always agree with him, let
him know you are on his side and will support him. And, don’t
keep secrets from each other. Respect is so important! Respect
the man you married and promised to spend the rest of your life
with, he deserves that!
Now, have I always done my best at everything, NO, but I wake up
and try every day because I think having a strong and healthy
marriage is one of the most rewarding things you could ever do
in your life. I truly feel it’s worth every ounce of energy,
frustration, and sacrifice because with that also comes love,
companionship and happiness!
3. What have been some struggles in your marriage, and how do
you deal with struggles that arise? Well after being married for
over 30 years, we have had a lot of struggles. I don’t have
time to write them all out. Some I have handled well and some
not so much! When we do have struggles, communication and
leaning on each other is important. Don’t blame one another or
unleash your fears or worries on your husband but talk to each
other and be there for one another.
4. Is God a part of your marriage and if so what does it mean to
you to have God in your marriage? Yes, God is part of my
marriage. Even though my husband is not where I am spiritually,
I try and keep God in my marriage whether it’s praying for my
husband or praying that I can be a good wife and make the right
choices. I feel like things work better when God is a priority
in my marriage, because when it comes down to it, God always
wants what is best for us. We sometimes think we know what is
best for us, but I find that when I look to God for direction it
always seems to be what is best for us and our marriage.
I can relate to the author, in that I find myself jealous of the
families in the church and wish that my family would have been
able to experience faith together and made it a center of our
marriage and our family unit. But I know that I can look to God
for direction and pray for my husband and my family. I think we
each have a different spiritual journey in our life and it
doesn’t have to always be at the same time. I think as a wife,
it’s my job to pray for my husband and be the best example I can
be. It’s up to him to experience his journey with God on his on
terms and in his own time. I totally agree with the author and
how she dealt with her situation on this topic.
5. How do you balance being a wife and a mom? That can be very
hard at times. Like I said in the earlier question, it’s
important to put your husband first and then your children.
That’s not to say ignore your children because your husband’s
needs are more important. It’s just make sure you schedule time
to also focus on being a wife. I see women all the time,
putting their marriage and their husband’s needs on the back
burner and focusing their sole attention on whatever the
children need. But children learn from watching their parents
and feel safe when they see their parents loving each other. So
I think it’s so important to make sure you also take care of
your husbands need.
6. What are some ways that you show unspoken signs of love? I
think we both do a good job at showing our love for each other
through unspoken signs of love. For me, it can be ironing his
shirt while he is in the shower. Something he doesn't ask me to
do, but I know it will make his morning easier. I always make a
point to wash his favorite coffee mug every evening so that it's
ready for him to grab in the morning. Making his lunch and
cutting his sandwiches in half - I know this sounds silly, but
he really loves that and it's something so small but makes him
smile! Taping Nascar or Motorcross and surprising him when he
asks, "what are we going to watch tonight?" These are just a
few things off the top of my head, but I think its important to
do those unspoken acts of love for one another. It brings me
happiness to do this without him even acknowledging it or saying
thank you because I know it means a lot to him.
#Post#: 22--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: MommaAshley Date: June 5, 2018, 4:49 pm
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[quote author=Emilydaaay link=topic=3.msg20#msg20
date=1528222749]
My favorite part in chapter one was this quote..”Love is never
something ready made, something merely given to a man and a
woman, it is always at the same time a task, which they are set.
Love should be seen as something which in a sense never is but
is always becoming, and what it becomes depends upon the
contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment.”
[/quote]
Emily, I like that you used this particular quote in your
response to week one! The very first line, "love is never
something ready made," is a pretty powerful message. I think a
lot of us get wrapped up in a fairy tale idea of love or
marriage and in all reality, it's a job. I don't say job to mean
chore, job is simply to do a task or piece of work. You could
think of life as work and your marriage is a piece of that job.
We have to learn to adapt and evolve because we change over
time, whether we admit this or not.
#Post#: 23--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: MommaAshley Date: June 5, 2018, 5:01 pm
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[quote author=Birdie link=topic=3.msg21#msg21 date=1528232404]
“Love should be seen as something which in a sense never “is”
but is always only “becoming,” and what it becomes depends upon
the contribution of both persons and the depth of their
commitment.”
"Something he doesn't ask me to do, but I know it will make his
morning easier. I always make a point to wash his favorite
coffee mug every evening so that it's ready for him to grab in
the morning."
[/quote]
Tamara, great response!! I know Tammy would be honored!
I like the quote you posted, Love is always becoming. Love is
always changing and evolving, just like those that are "in
love," or "in a marriage."
Also, I find the unspoken things you do very similar to what I
do. Always making sure laundry is done, underwear are fresh and
without holes, white shirts are good, dry cleaning is dropped
off. Packing snacks or drinks when we go out to run errands.
It's the little things that add up.
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