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#Post#: 24--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 5, 2018, 6:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=MommaAshley link=topic=3.msg18#msg18
date=1528213897]
[quote author=Birdie link=topic=3.msg16#msg16 date=1528212077]
I am working on my post in-between work, so I will post the
final this afternoon! Looking forward to reading what everyone
thought about the first chapter on marriage :)
[/quote]
Just wanted to show you guys how to respond to a specific post.
So I selected mom's post. I hit "quote" at the top right of her
text box and then it added her post and I can respond directly.
Hope that makes sense!!!
[/quote]
Seeing if I'm doing this right.
#Post#: 25--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 5, 2018, 6:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Emilydaaay link=topic=3.msg20#msg20
date=1528222749]
My favorite part in chapter one was this quote..”Love is never
something ready made, something merely given to a man and a
woman, it is always at the same time a task, which they are set.
Love should be seen as something which in a sense never is but
is always becoming, and what it becomes depends upon the
contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment.”
That quote was really important to me because I completely agree
with it. A relationship with anyone on this earth is something
that needs to be continually watered and cared for. A all
relationships go through hard times and it is what you choose to
do through those hard times that determines the relationship.
That’s important because a lot of people think the hard times
determine the relationship, when that isn’t the case. Hard times
are necessary, they make us better people. I think the same goes
for marriage. Everyone is going to have a “cross to bear” in
their relationship, maybe even multiple crosses to bear! That’s
when you either turn to each other and get through it or you
turn away from each other and either go it alone or find comfort
in another person.
Communication is very important in a relationship as well.
Communication with one another and communication with God or the
universe. You have to know what you want out of life and your
marriage, and you have to pray and believe in it. I think you
have to have conviction to stay with someone. It isn’t easy
anymore and you can’t just rely on yourself or your partner. I
talk to a lot, and I always feel better in the days I have
talked to God a whole whole lot. When I tell God what I feel it
relieves a burden of me. When I tell God what I’m hoping for it
relives even more of a burden off of me. I also think it
relieves a burden off your partner when you are able to talk to
God about the relationship. We can’t always download all of our
problems with our spouse to our spouse. Then the whole
relationship becomes a constant “how to improve so you deserve
this” type thing. I believe if you pray to God for your partners
heart to change, it will happen. I have seen it before in life.
So, yes I do believe it is not “vital” for survival, but vital
for a peaceful life to keep God at the center of all your
relationships because when you do that you remember how to treat
people, how to have an accepting heart, and it just keeps your
from going “low” and doing things youll regret.
Also, sorry for any typing errors. I’m typing from my phone e
and for some reason I can’t see the whole text box.
[/quote]
Emily, I really like your post! I think you are going to be a
great wife someday, you have such a sweet heart and a very
caring personality! Whoever catches you will be one lucky guy:)
#Post#: 26--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jennifer's reply to Chapter 1
By: Birdie Date: June 5, 2018, 6:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jday1106 link=topic=3.msg17#msg17 date=1528212336]
I enjoyed reading the first chapter of our book, I felt like I
connected with a lot of the things the author discussed. The
biggest thing I connected with her about is my faith and sharing
it with Andrew. I got back into my faith in my early 20s and
became very passionate about it, and in the beginning Andrew was
very resistant to Catholicism, we use to get in debates all the
time and both of us can be very stubborn at times. As everyone
knows in the end Andrew became open to the Catholic faith
(thanks to what I accredit it to, ALOT of prayers) and now he
loves debating other people on the faith, which to me is now
humorous knowing his stance on it a few years ago. After Andrew
was confirmed in the church and we were married in the church,
my vision for our Catholic marriage hasn't turned out exactly as
I had planned. Don't get me wrong I feel very blessed to have a
husband that chose to become Catholic and who goes to Church
with me just about every Sunday, but like the author in the
book, I wanted more. I want Andrew to be more passionate in the
faith with me. If he has an excuse to miss Church he is on it,
and that kills me because I wish it was more important to him.
Confession, he never goes to that, and by doing that he isn't
participating in the faith the correct way. During the Easter
season, he doesn't fully participate in Lent like I would like.
These are a few examples of Andrew not participating in the
faith fully. Anyways my point is that I pictured a husband who
would be as passionate as me in the faith and the two of us
would encourage each other to grow closer to God, but instead I
find I'm the one encouraging. This has been a struggle for me
that I had to just let go and like the author in the book I just
pray for Andrew and try to be a good example. I use to nag him
all the time but I want him to want to participate fully, not
feel forced. When I feel frustrated I just think about how
blessed I am to have a husband to share my faith in period, he
may not be as passionate as me but at least he is participating
with me. I also have to remember that like myself neither Andrew
nor I were raised in the Catholic Church and for me to expect
him to know the faith inside and out is wrong, this is why I've
learned it's important for me to be patient, a good example,
pray for Andrew, and encourage little things to add to our daily
faith life together.
So when Andrew and I struggle in our marriage, communication is
the biggest thing, that and apologizing. These two things have
been the hardest for me to perfect and are still a work in
progress. In marriage, communication really is the key and not
only just communicating but doing it the right way. There were
many times that I found myself bottling stuff up because I
didn't want to discuss an issue just to have it turn into an
argument. I'm definitely not good at this but my goal in
handling issues that arise is (1)addressing the problem at the
right time (if he does something stupid in public, don't turn
around and cut into him right there, wait until the two of you
are in private), and then when it's the right time (2)don't
accuse him of something, instead tell him what he did and how it
made you feel, (when you're really upset it can be hard to do
this in a non-threatening way that keeps him from becoming
defensive), and next after you tell him the issue (3)try to then
have at least a couple solutions to resolve the problem, and
lastly (4)sometimes you just have to let things go. This was a
big one for me, I'm sure I can be a pain to live with and there
have been lots of things I've had to learn to just let go. When
you're married, you're sharing your life with another person so
not everything is going to go like you want. There has to be
compromise on both sides. AND one biggy, (5)learn to apologize.
Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and apologize
(apologize sincerely) even when you're thinking in your head
this is ridiculous and I'm not the one whose wrong, but like I
said before, some things you just have to let go and know you
can't always have your way. So like I said this has been
something I definitely struggle with, and when I'm struggling
with something with Andrew and I can't seem to work things out,
I pray. I pray a lot. After all God is the third person in my
marriage and a lot of the time I need him to help Andrew and I
get back on track.
One other piece of advise I read somewhere before I got married,
never speak badly about your husband. Remember that your husband
and you are now one, and you should treat him the way you would
want to be treated. You should always respect him and speak
kindly about him, when you and him are going through something,
keep it private. I use to tell mom every little issue I had with
Andrew and after a while she would start to stress the two of us
were going to break up and probably was starting to worry if
Andrew was a good guy or not. This is why it's important to keep
your issues to yourself, you don't want people looking
negatively at your husband and your marriage. Keep
communication open with your husband and when you need to talk
to someone else to rant out your frustrations, talk to God. (Now
just a side note, I'm refering to little things, if you have a
serious issue that's going on definitly seek help from another
person if it's something you and your husband aren't able to
resolve on your own.)
To end this, I just want to say I love unspoken love signs and
think they are very important in marriage. I love when Andrew
does something without me even asking, one of the big things
he's been doing lately is letting George out to go potty without
me having to ask him, which seems silly but to me it means
something. For Andrew he loves getting his head scratched or his
shoulders and back massaged so I try to remember to do that
often without him asking me. Those are just a couple examples of
how Andrew and I show unspoken love.
[/quote]
Jen, I love your response! I think you are doing a really good
job at working hard to make sure your marriage is successful -
it takes work but it's so worth it!
#Post#: 27--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: MommaAshley Date: June 5, 2018, 9:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Well, interesting read, or in my case, listen. I am doing this
one on audio-book. I think for one that is involved in the
Catholic faith, Lisa had some great things to say. However, my
lifestyle doesn't follow, so I'll answer the questions the best
I can without sounding like I come across anti-religion, because
I'm not. I'm rambling. Apologies.
I believe marriage is a union of two that have agreed to conquer
life together. Each of you brings something unique to the
relationship, together you learn to do life. By doing life, I
mean to start your marriage, your career, your family. You make
roots and you grow. It's not just a piece a paper. It's the
commitment.
What has helped my marriage, lol, I have to chuckle. My story is
long and crazy and full of drama. But, long story short, I got
married very young. Not only was I young because I was 20, but I
was immature. I thought I knew what love was and what I wanted,
but I was wrong. And I don't mean this in a bad way, it wasn't
the marriage or the partner, but the idea of what I thought I
was getting into. I have learned a lot of the last 15 years and
I know that what matters is this...At the end of the day, who do
you want to be with? Who do you trust with your life, your
children, your family? Who is your person? So for me personally,
time has helped. Time and patience. I have given myself time to
grow up and to appreciate what a relationship truly is and what
is needed to be successful.
One of our main struggles is finding time to be husband and
wife. We were married and parents within a year. We've never had
time to be a married couple. I know that time will come after
our children are grown, but it would it be too late? Like Lisa
said, you can go through the motions and live your life schedule
to schedule and before you know it, time has passed and you live
with a stranger. We also struggled with communication. I would
shut down for days, or weeks. We would literally co-exist and
not speak to one another. I was a award winning grudge holder.
That never got me anywhere and only made Will feel unloved.
That's a horrible feeling, thinking or knowing that your partner
no longer holds you to that standard of spouse or life partner.
I'm not sure how to explain the balance question. I think at
different parts of my life I was good at one and not the other.
We've experienced more than most couples our age. Between
deployments and having a sick child, moving and being separated
and divorced. Our marriage is not conventional. I try to be the
best version of myself each day, if I'm being my best, I'll
reflect this when being a wife or mom.
My unspoken love:
Making sure that man has toothpaste and new toothbrushes
Underwear and socks without holes
White shirts with clean pits
Dry Cleaning
Having the house straightened up when he gets home
When he was in the Marines, I made sure his PT clothes were
always cleaned.
#Post#: 28--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 6, 2018, 8:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=MommaAshley link=topic=3.msg27#msg27
date=1528250669]
Well, interesting read, or in my case, listen. I am doing this
one on audio-book. I think for one that is involved in the
Catholic faith, Lisa had some great things to say. However, my
lifestyle doesn't follow, so I'll answer the questions the best
I can without sounding like I come across anti-religion, because
I'm not. I'm rambling. Apologies.
I believe marriage is a union of two that have agreed to conquer
life together. Each of you brings something unique to the
relationship, together you learn to do life. By doing life, I
mean to start your marriage, your career, your family. You make
roots and you grow. It's not just a piece a paper. It's the
commitment.
What has helped my marriage, lol, I have to chuckle. My story is
long and crazy and full of drama. But, long story short, I got
married very young. Not only was I young because I was 20, but I
was immature. I thought I knew what love was and what I wanted,
but I was wrong. And I don't mean this in a bad way, it wasn't
the marriage or the partner, but the idea of what I thought I
was getting into. I have learned a lot of the last 15 years and
I know that what matters is this...At the end of the day, who do
you want to be with? Who do you trust with your life, your
children, your family? Who is your person? So for me personally,
time has helped. Time and patience. I have given myself time to
grow up and to appreciate what a relationship truly is and what
is needed to be successful.
One of our main struggles is finding time to be husband and
wife. We were married and parents within a year. We've never had
time to be a married couple. I know that time will come after
our children are grown, but it would it be too late? Like Lisa
said, you can go through the motions and live your life schedule
to schedule and before you know it, time has passed and you live
with a stranger. We also struggled with communication. I would
shut down for days, or weeks. We would literally co-exist and
not speak to one another. I was a award winning grudge holder.
That never got me anywhere and only made Will feel unloved.
That's a horrible feeling, thinking or knowing that your partner
no longer holds you to that standard of spouse or life partner.
I'm not sure how to explain the balance question. I think at
different parts of my life I was good at one and not the other.
We've experienced more than most couples our age. Between
deployments and having a sick child, moving and being separated
and divorced. Our marriage is not conventional. I try to be the
best version of myself each day, if I'm being my best, I'll
reflect this when being a wife or mom.
My unspoken love:
Making sure that man has toothpaste and new toothbrushes
Underwear and socks without holes
White shirts with clean pits
Dry Cleaning
Having the house straightened up when he gets home
When he was in the Marines, I made sure his PT clothes were
always cleaned.
[/quote]
Ashley, loved your post! I think you are a great example of not
giving up on your husband and family! Even though you two have
gone through tremendous struggles, you have always made it back
to each other:) I can relate to not having time alone before
kids to work out our differences and plan how we want to raise
our family - we were "out the gate running" as soon as we said
"I do!" But if you keep that commitment to each other and learn
from your mistakes and love, love, love you will make it!
#Post#: 30--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 6, 2018, 8:11 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=mnlepage328 link=topic=3.msg15#msg15
date=1528155861]
I've read the chapter and looked over your questions. I'm
working on watching the videos! I will be posting my reply's
tomorrow :)
[/quote]
Molly, you are on your way to making an "F" in this class -
hahahaha!! Where is your post?
#Post#: 31--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: mnlepage328 Date: June 6, 2018, 8:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hello all! Finally have time to sit out and type my message out!
I loved this chapter because my obvious focus right now is
making sure my marriage is awesome before we bring little M&M's
into the world!!
Marriage to me is always having that one person there with you
taking on life together and supporting each other in everything
along the way. Matt is without a doubt my best friend, and I
love being able to do life with him even when times are tough!
Our biggest struggle in our marriage has just been time apart.
We haven't really had a chance to get into a real routine since
being married due to deployments and underway time. Just when we
get a routine it gets screwed up. I love the idea of being just
a stay at home wife/mom but that just isn't in the cards for us.
It would be perfect to me if all I had to worry about was making
sure Matt had all his meals cooked, laundry cleaned, and a nice
clean house when he got home from work, but it isn't that way
for us all the time. He appreciates those things so much when I
do them though, so I try my best to do it. While I love and
believe in tradition husband and wife roles, I was also raised
to be very independent and I love to fix things. So sometimes I
overstep Matt when it comes to doing the "man" things around the
house. I think it hurts his feelings sometimes when I just do
things instead of asking him. So that is something I try to work
on. We have also had differing opinions on money and our
financial situation (put it together or keep it separate) and
this has been something that sometimes hurts my feelings. No
surprise to any of you that I am not a super frugal person, and
I think it made him nervous. But after almost six years
together, we finally really talked it through and communicated
our feelings and now our money is together! I felt like that was
a big step in preparing for kiddos!!
Matt and I are not super religious. He was baptized in the
catholic church but never got confirmed and he prefers the
Methodist church. I am the same as him in that I got baptized in
the catholic church but did not get confirmed. I struggle
sometimes with believing in God, but I do try to follow
everything that he taught. And when I read bible verses and
reflect on them I feel better. Especially the verses about
marriage. I always try to keep them in mind when I'm trying to
get better at becoming a wife that serves my husband. I think in
the future when we move back home we will start going to church
more!
I don't have kids obviously, but what I have to balance right
now is being a wife and working. It's definitely hard because I
just want to sit and relax when I get home but I have a house to
care for! And like I said before, I went a whole year pretty
much without having a husband, so integrating myself back into
having to worry about his stuff as well has been fun ;)
I show unspoken love to Matt by doing stuff like picking him up
contact solution, getting up a couple of minutes early to put
his food in his lunchbox, and at the grocery store today I got
him Florida's Natural Some Pulp orange juice because I know that
is what he likes! Hopefully he will be excited when he gets
home! I also try to plan dates doing stuff that he likes, such
as hiking or going to baseball games, because I also enjoy those
things.
This post was all over the place! Hopefully I got my points
across ok! I loved reading yalls! I will be better with the next
posts! I had a lot of baseball games to attend this week!!
#Post#: 33--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 (A match made in heaven)
By: Birdie Date: June 7, 2018, 2:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=mnlepage328 link=topic=3.msg31#msg31
date=1528336090]
Hello all! Finally have time to sit out and type my message out!
I loved this chapter because my obvious focus right now is
making sure my marriage is awesome before we bring little M&M's
into the world!!
Marriage to me is always having that one person there with you
taking on life together and supporting each other in everything
along the way. Matt is without a doubt my best friend, and I
love being able to do life with him even when times are tough!
Our biggest struggle in our marriage has just been time apart.
We haven't really had a chance to get into a real routine since
being married due to deployments and underway time. Just when we
get a routine it gets screwed up. I love the idea of being just
a stay at home wife/mom but that just isn't in the cards for us.
It would be perfect to me if all I had to worry about was making
sure Matt had all his meals cooked, laundry cleaned, and a nice
clean house when he got home from work, but it isn't that way
for us all the time. He appreciates those things so much when I
do them though, so I try my best to do it. While I love and
believe in tradition husband and wife roles, I was also raised
to be very independent and I love to fix things. So sometimes I
overstep Matt when it comes to doing the "man" things around the
house. I think it hurts his feelings sometimes when I just do
things instead of asking him. So that is something I try to work
on. We have also had differing opinions on money and our
financial situation (put it together or keep it separate) and
this has been something that sometimes hurts my feelings. No
surprise to any of you that I am not a super frugal person, and
I think it made him nervous. But after almost six years
together, we finally really talked it through and communicated
our feelings and now our money is together! I felt like that was
a big step in preparing for kiddos!!
Matt and I are not super religious. He was baptized in the
catholic church but never got confirmed and he prefers the
Methodist church. I am the same as him in that I got baptized in
the catholic church but did not get confirmed. I struggle
sometimes with believing in God, but I do try to follow
everything that he taught. And when I read bible verses and
reflect on them I feel better. Especially the verses about
marriage. I always try to keep them in mind when I'm trying to
get better at becoming a wife that serves my husband. I think in
the future when we move back home we will start going to church
more!
I don't have kids obviously, but what I have to balance right
now is being a wife and working. It's definitely hard because I
just want to sit and relax when I get home but I have a house to
care for! And like I said before, I went a whole year pretty
much without having a husband, so integrating myself back into
having to worry about his stuff as well has been fun ;)
I show unspoken love to Matt by doing stuff like picking him up
contact solution, getting up a couple of minutes early to put
his food in his lunchbox, and at the grocery store today I got
him Florida's Natural Some Pulp orange juice because I know that
is what he likes! Hopefully he will be excited when he gets
home! I also try to plan dates doing stuff that he likes, such
as hiking or going to baseball games, because I also enjoy those
things.
This post was all over the place! Hopefully I got my points
across ok! I loved reading yalls! I will be better with the next
posts! I had a lot of baseball games to attend this week!!
[/quote]
Molly I loved your post! I can't wait for the little M&M's to
get here :) I'm excited that you and Matt resolved your issues
regarding separate vs together finances. That's one of the hard
things couple face when they get married is giving up financial
independence.
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