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#Post#: 32--------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with Her Ch
ildren
By: Birdie Date: June 7, 2018, 2:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Please read Chapter 2 and answer the below questions. If you
don't feel they apply to you right now it's okay to skip, but I
would love to hear your thoughts on the subject! I loved this
chapter and can't wait to read everyone's post!!
1. How has your relationship with your parents shaped the way
you parent your children? Or, how do you think it might in the
future?
2. Has being a Mother turned out the way you envisioned, if not,
please share one or two surprises you encountered. And, if you
don't have children right now, how do you envision motherhood to
be?
3. Do you pray for your children and/or ask your children to
pray for you? Do you and your children pray together?
4. Have you had to be the "Bad Guy" in raising your children?
Who is the disciplinarian you or your husband?
5. How are you involved in your children's life? How much
involvement do you think is important?
6. Do you build up your children, if so please share a story of
a time that you feel you made a difference in how your child
dealt with an issue or an emotion.
7. What do you feel is most important in helping children feel
accepted and loved in a blended family?
8. Did you and your husband discuss how you would parent your
children before you started your family? What would you do if
you disagreed with each other on something you felt was really
important to you?
If there is something else that stood out to you in this chapter
that I didn't catch in the above questions, please share!
Happy Reading and I can't wait to read everyone's post!
#Post#: 34--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: MommaAshley Date: June 8, 2018, 5:43 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
1. How has your relationship with your parents shaped the way
you parent your children? Or, how do you think it might in the
future?
There are a few things I'm sure I subconsciously do, that my
parents did. Things that stand out, reminding them to vigilant
about lights, doors, and hygiene. We do not spank our kids, just
not something that seems to work, in our opinion. There have
been times that our kids, as toddlers, have been popped. And
honestly, I think this is more of a quick reaction to a
dangerous behavior. With 5 kids, it's to be expected that they
will all behave differently. Sometimes reminding a child of what
they have done wrong works, other times it seems as though I
repeat the same thing over and over.
2. Has being a Mother turned out the way you envisioned, if not,
please share one or two surprises you encountered. And, if you
don't have children right now, how do you envision motherhood to
be?
I think this whole mom gig has turned out pretty much like I
expected. I have lots of sisters, babysit a lot as a teenager,
and have always felt comfortable around babies and kids. I
wanted to be a teacher at one point, then realized I don't like
other people's kids sometimes. Ha. I think the things that
surprised me most, having 5 kids and wanting more and then
having a child with a life threatening illness. I never thought
that could happen to me, but it did and I thrived through the
hardest season of my life.
3. Do you pray for your children and/or ask your children to
pray for you? Do you and your children pray together?
We do not pray. However, if you are a family that does pray, I
believe that praying for your children and teaching them to pray
for you is a good practice. Lisa discussed this in the chapter.
If you are praying for guidance and patience with your children,
they too, might need to pray for patience and understanding of
how you react to their behaviors.
4. Have you had to be the "Bad Guy" in raising your children?
Who is the disciplinarian you or your husband?
I think we share this role pretty equally. I can't think of
times when I felt Will was out of line to the point where I
needed to step in and calm him down. We are good about never
undermining each other in front of our children. They would
never know we differ in discipline. I tend to be more anxious
about our children, their well being. We are both very
protective of them when it comes to school and bullying or any
one being hateful. However, we are not quick to assume they do
no wrong either, we hear both sides.
5. How are you involved in your children's life? How much
involvement do you think is important?
I think I am pretty involved. They know we know what they are
doing and who they talk to, etc. Not so much that they do not
have privacy, but so they know we are aware of what's going on
in their lives. We try to be as welcoming and open-door as
possible. I never want my children to be afraid to tell me
anything, even if they know it will upset us. I want them to
trust and feel safe in their relationships with each of us. We
need to be there for them, but we need to let them grow as well.
Grow into their own best version.
6. Do you build up your children, if so please share a story of
a time that you feel you made a difference in how your child
dealt with an issue or an emotion.
"Thinking on this one."
7. What do you feel is most important in helping children feel
accepted and loved in a blended family?
I think loving children for who they are, no matter what, is so
important. Children are not asked to be here or who their
parents are or how their parents raise them. They are products
of two that decided to bring a child in this crazy place we call
the world. They have to grow and adapt to change just as we do,
however, they have no say in much until they are adults. We can
never truly know the impact our parenting has on our children,
how it changes them.
8. Did you and your husband discuss how you would parent your
children before you started your family? What would you do if
you disagreed with each other on something you felt was really
important to you?
We touched on this topic a little, but we became parents within
the first year. We have the same overall parenting techniques.
We when are the "bad guy," the "good guy," tends to feel sorry
for the kids. It's funny. We know the punishment is justified,
but we still feel for them. Will used to be the really patient
parent and I was on edge all the time, we have switched roles,
so that's been interesting to see.
#Post#: 35--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: Birdie Date: June 10, 2018, 11:04 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=MommaAshley link=topic=4.msg34#msg34
date=1528497802]
1. How has your relationship with your parents shaped the way
you parent your children? Or, how do you think it might in the
future?
There are a few things I'm sure I subconsciously do, that my
parents did. Things that stand out, reminding them to vigilant
about lights, doors, and hygiene. We do not spank our kids, just
not something that seems to work, in our opinion. There have
been times that our kids, as toddlers, have been popped. And
honestly, I think this is more of a quick reaction to a
dangerous behavior. With 5 kids, it's to be expected that they
will all behave differently. Sometimes reminding a child of what
they have done wrong works, other times it seems as though I
repeat the same thing over and over.
2. Has being a Mother turned out the way you envisioned, if not,
please share one or two surprises you encountered. And, if you
don't have children right now, how do you envision motherhood to
be?
I think this whole mom gig has turned out pretty much like I
expected. I have lots of sisters, babysit a lot as a teenager,
and have always felt comfortable around babies and kids. I
wanted to be a teacher at one point, then realized I don't like
other people's kids sometimes. Ha. I think the things that
surprised me most, having 5 kids and wanting more and then
having a child with a life threatening illness. I never thought
that could happen to me, but it did and I thrived through the
hardest season of my life.
3. Do you pray for your children and/or ask your children to
pray for you? Do you and your children pray together?
We do not pray. However, if you are a family that does pray, I
believe that praying for your children and teaching them to pray
for you is a good practice. Lisa discussed this in the chapter.
If you are praying for guidance and patience with your children,
they too, might need to pray for patience and understanding of
how you react to their behaviors.
4. Have you had to be the "Bad Guy" in raising your children?
Who is the disciplinarian you or your husband?
I think we share this role pretty equally. I can't think of
times when I felt Will was out of line to the point where I
needed to step in and calm him down. We are good about never
undermining each other in front of our children. They would
never know we differ in discipline. I tend to be more anxious
about our children, their well being. We are both very
protective of them when it comes to school and bullying or any
one being hateful. However, we are not quick to assume they do
no wrong either, we hear both sides.
5. How are you involved in your children's life? How much
involvement do you think is important?
I think I am pretty involved. They know we know what they are
doing and who they talk to, etc. Not so much that they do not
have privacy, but so they know we are aware of what's going on
in their lives. We try to be as welcoming and open-door as
possible. I never want my children to be afraid to tell me
anything, even if they know it will upset us. I want them to
trust and feel safe in their relationships with each of us. We
need to be there for them, but we need to let them grow as well.
Grow into their own best version.
6. Do you build up your children, if so please share a story of
a time that you feel you made a difference in how your child
dealt with an issue or an emotion.
"Thinking on this one."
7. What do you feel is most important in helping children feel
accepted and loved in a blended family?
I think loving children for who they are, no matter what, is so
important. Children are not asked to be here or who their
parents are or how their parents raise them. They are products
of two that decided to bring a child in this crazy place we call
the world. They have to grow and adapt to change just as we do,
however, they have no say in much until they are adults. We can
never truly know the impact our parenting has on our children,
how it changes them.
8. Did you and your husband discuss how you would parent your
children before you started your family? What would you do if
you disagreed with each other on something you felt was really
important to you?
We touched on this topic a little, but we became parents within
the first year. We have the same overall parenting techniques.
We when are the "bad guy," the "good guy," tends to feel sorry
for the kids. It's funny. We know the punishment is justified,
but we still feel for them. Will used to be the really patient
parent and I was on edge all the time, we have switched roles,
so that's been interesting to see.
Ashley - loved your post! I think you and Will do an awesome
job at parenting! I don't think anybody is really ready when
they become parents, it's a learning process that you hope gets
easier with each child, but sometimes it doesn't because each
one is unique and brings different challenges!
[/quote]
#Post#: 36--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: Jday1106 Date: June 10, 2018, 12:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Alright guys, sorry for the late response but I've been working
plus Andrew is home for the weekend so I've been busy doing his
laundry and hanging out with him before he leaves again. So, I
enjoyed this chapter. One of the things that stuck out to me in
this chapter is how the author, what I felt like, is very strict
with her children, and I was thinking goodness, but at the same
time, I was agreeing that the world today is a different place
and if I was a mother I think I probably would be just as
strict. So, of course I have no children, but I will answer
these questions in the way that I think I would answer them if I
had children.
I think mom and dad did a graet job as parents. I think at
different times I perceived mom as the bad guy and dad as the
good guy and vice versus. I know when we were little and at the
spanking age, dad was the bad guy because he was the one who
came home and did the spanking. I remember thinking at numberous
times how our parents were so strict, mean, and unreasonable.
They would always say when we were older we would understand and
thank them and I always thought that was a bunch of crap lol.
But to my suprise, as an adult I agree and I think if I become a
parent one day I'm going to be even more strict. Atleast for my
first child. I think I will be the caring, nurturing parent, but
I also see myself being very strict and the "bad guy". I see
Andrew being the laid back and patient "good guy" parent. I'll
be the one who cooks healthy and Andrew will be the one who
takes our kids for McDonalds. I think when it comes to
discipling Andrew and I will be very similar. Although, I think
Andrew will have a hard time being the enforcer of a punishment
and I'll probably be the one who has to make sure we keep to our
word. I think it's very important for both parents to be on the
same page when it comes to discipling children. Andrew and I
have had numerous discussions and we seem to have the same views
which I think is important otherwise we will be butting heads
down the road. We both agree that when a child is misbehaving
you have to discipline them and give them a punishment and most
importantly, you have to stick to the punishment. We have seen
so many spoiled little brats and it's because the children are
out of control because their parents just threaten them with
punishments but never actually enforce them. This is Andrew and
my biggest complaint with parents that we see today.
So I never had plans to be a mother. I wasn't a little girl
dreaming of the day to get married and have children. I always
said I didn't want kids. I always couldn't stand them. And
honestly, most I still can't stand, but the thought of my own
children is different because I'll get to raise them in what I
view as the right way. It wasn't until my early twenties that I
decided I wanted a family. Andrew and I discussed and envisioned
ourselves with atleast three children. I wanted to have one and
just take if from there. I envy other moms. I think it's a
wonderful experience that the majority of people take for
granted. Struggling with not being able to have my own children
has made me see this. I wanted so badly to get married and start
having kids and get to a place where I could just be a stay at
home mom/housewife. For some this thought is horrible but to me
it sounds amazing. I felt a true calling that that was what I
was meant to do in life. This has definitly been a struggle in
my faith that I had to deal with, and still am. Why would God
have me go from not wanting any children to having such a desire
to want children just to then have me be unable to have
children. It makes me question what my purpose in life is. I'm a
married women taking care of my husband but is that all I'm
called to do. I have a job but is that it. I feel like Andrew
and I have so much to offer if we had a family. We have both
been so blessed. I think the two of us would make amazing
parents. I know if God wanted me to have a baby he could make it
happen with the snap of his fingers. There are so many women out
there who, let's be honest, are pieces of crap who sleep around
and get pregnant and either don't even want the baby and get rid
of it or have the baby but are the worse parent possible. To me
it's not fair and it's a struggle I just have to accept as not
being able to understand. I do know that if the day does ever
come that Andrew and I get to welcome a little baby into the
world it will be the most wonderful blessing, and that baby will
receive so much love because we've had so much time to see how
much being parents means to us and how it's such a wondering
blessing that should never be taken for granted. It truly is a
gift from God that should be treasured. It's one thing that not
everyone gets to experience.
If I have kids one day yes I will pray for them and I will teach
them to pray and I would plan on us praying together. As small
kids I think it's important to teach prayer. I think family
prayer before meals is a great example for your children. I
think having prayer time before bed is an excellent part of a
routine for kids to learn. Either doing a set prayer each night
or just teaching children to thank God for the day and picking
three things to tell him you are grateful for. There is a cute
lamb stuffed animal you can buy that has a childrens night
prayer that the animal says, this can be a fun way to get
children interested.
I think being involed in your children's life is extremely
important. You have to know what your kids are doing and who
they are hanging out with. The author talked about being a
parent to a child not their friend. I 100% agree with this. So
many parents just want to be their kids friends and want them to
like them but no you are their parent. There are going to be
times that your kids hate you but that's okay. Children have to
be guided and disciplined, they are learning what's right and
wrong and they need a parent to teach them that, not a friend.
Once a child is grown and mature that's the time that a parent
usually steps into a friend role and you will be such a more
respected and trusted friend if you took the time to be a good
parent first.
In a blended family I think to make a child feel accepted you
have to love them and treat them like they are your own
biological child. And, you have to have a discussion with your
other children (if you have any) and teach them the importance
of treating the child like their own biological brother or
sister.
Andrew and I have discussed how we would parent, we actually did
this before we got married. I think it's important to have this
discussion before you get married because it's one of the big
things you want to make sure you are going to be on the same
page with. Because the next question, what would you do if you
disagreed on someting that you felt was really impotant. Well,
I'll tell you right now, if Andrew and I had a child and we
disagreed on something that I thought was really important I
would tell Andrew get over it we're doing "whatever". This would
definitly cause huge issues in our marriage and it's why I think
it's extremely important to make sure you and your husband are
on the same page with all the big stuff, and the only way to
make sure of that is duscuss it before mariage beacuse then you
have the opportunity to go opposite ways. I can give you and
example of this. Before Andrew and I were even engaged and when
I decided I wanted children, I knew I would want to bring our
children up in the Catholic faith. Andrew and I had a long
discussion one night and finally agreed that he would be okay
with me raising our kids in the Catholic faith as long as I was
okay with being open to them choosing a different path if they
wanted when they were old enough. Now I know you can't discuss
every possible issue before having kids to make sure you are on
the same page, but it's definitly important to discuss all the
major stuff. Little stuff you can work out along the way.
#Post#: 37--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: Birdie Date: June 10, 2018, 3:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jday1106 link=topic=4.msg36#msg36 date=1528651701]
Alright guys, sorry for the late response but I've been working
plus Andrew is home for the weekend so I've been busy doing his
laundry and hanging out with him before he leaves again. So, I
enjoyed this chapter. One of the things that stuck out to me in
this chapter is how the author, what I felt like, is very strict
with her children, and I was thinking goodness, but at the same
time, I was agreeing that the world today is a different place
and if I was a mother I think I probably would be just as
strict. So, of course I have no children, but I will answer
these questions in the way that I think I would answer them if I
had children.
I think mom and dad did a graet job as parents. I think at
different times I perceived mom as the bad guy and dad as the
good guy and vice versus. I know when we were little and at the
spanking age, dad was the bad guy because he was the one who
came home and did the spanking. I remember thinking at numberous
times how our parents were so strict, mean, and unreasonable.
They would always say when we were older we would understand and
thank them and I always thought that was a bunch of crap lol.
But to my suprise, as an adult I agree and I think if I become a
parent one day I'm going to be even more strict. Atleast for my
first child. I think I will be the caring, nurturing parent, but
I also see myself being very strict and the "bad guy". I see
Andrew being the laid back and patient "good guy" parent. I'll
be the one who cooks healthy and Andrew will be the one who
takes our kids for McDonalds. I think when it comes to
discipling Andrew and I will be very similar. Although, I think
Andrew will have a hard time being the enforcer of a punishment
and I'll probably be the one who has to make sure we keep to our
word. I think it's very important for both parents to be on the
same page when it comes to discipling children. Andrew and I
have had numerous discussions and we seem to have the same views
which I think is important otherwise we will be butting heads
down the road. We both agree that when a child is misbehaving
you have to discipline them and give them a punishment and most
importantly, you have to stick to the punishment. We have seen
so many spoiled little brats and it's because the children are
out of control because their parents just threaten them with
punishments but never actually enforce them. This is Andrew and
my biggest complaint with parents that we see today.
So I never had plans to be a mother. I wasn't a little girl
dreaming of the day to get married and have children. I always
said I didn't want kids. I always couldn't stand them. And
honestly, most I still can't stand, but the thought of my own
children is different because I'll get to raise them in what I
view as the right way. It wasn't until my early twenties that I
decided I wanted a family. Andrew and I discussed and envisioned
ourselves with atleast three children. I wanted to have one and
just take if from there. I envy other moms. I think it's a
wonderful experience that the majority of people take for
granted. Struggling with not being able to have my own children
has made me see this. I wanted so badly to get married and start
having kids and get to a place where I could just be a stay at
home mom/housewife. For some this thought is horrible but to me
it sounds amazing. I felt a true calling that that was what I
was meant to do in life. This has definitly been a struggle in
my faith that I had to deal with, and still am. Why would God
have me go from not wanting any children to having such a desire
to want children just to then have me be unable to have
children. It makes me question what my purpose in life is. I'm a
married women taking care of my husband but is that all I'm
called to do. I have a job but is that it. I feel like Andrew
and I have so much to offer if we had a family. We have both
been so blessed. I think the two of us would make amazing
parents. I know if God wanted me to have a baby he could make it
happen with the snap of his fingers. There are so many women out
there who, let's be honest, are pieces of crap who sleep around
and get pregnant and either don't even want the baby and get rid
of it or have the baby but are the worse parent possible. To me
it's not fair and it's a struggle I just have to accept as not
being able to understand. I do know that if the day does ever
come that Andrew and I get to welcome a little baby into the
world it will be the most wonderful blessing, and that baby will
receive so much love because we've had so much time to see how
much being parents means to us and how it's such a wondering
blessing that should never be taken for granted. It truly is a
gift from God that should be treasured. It's one thing that not
everyone gets to experience.
If I have kids one day yes I will pray for them and I will teach
them to pray and I would plan on us praying together. As small
kids I think it's important to teach prayer. I think family
prayer before meals is a great example for your children. I
think having prayer time before bed is an excellent part of a
routine for kids to learn. Either doing a set prayer each night
or just teaching children to thank God for the day and picking
three things to tell him you are grateful for. There is a cute
lamb stuffed animal you can buy that has a childrens night
prayer that the animal says, this can be a fun way to get
children interested.
I think being involed in your children's life is extremely
important. You have to know what your kids are doing and who
they are hanging out with. The author talked about being a
parent to a child not their friend. I 100% agree with this. So
many parents just want to be their kids friends and want them to
like them but no you are their parent. There are going to be
times that your kids hate you but that's okay. Children have to
be guided and disciplined, they are learning what's right and
wrong and they need a parent to teach them that, not a friend.
Once a child is grown and mature that's the time that a parent
usually steps into a friend role and you will be such a more
respected and trusted friend if you took the time to be a good
parent first.
In a blended family I think to make a child feel accepted you
have to love them and treat them like they are your own
biological child. And, you have to have a discussion with your
other children (if you have any) and teach them the importance
of treating the child like their own biological brother or
sister.
Andrew and I have discussed how we would parent, we actually did
this before we got married. I think it's important to have this
discussion before you get married because it's one of the big
things you want to make sure you are going to be on the same
page with. Because the next question, what would you do if you
disagreed on someting that you felt was really impotant. Well,
I'll tell you right now, if Andrew and I had a child and we
disagreed on something that I thought was really important I
would tell Andrew get over it we're doing "whatever". This would
definitly cause huge issues in our marriage and it's why I think
it's extremely important to make sure you and your husband are
on the same page with all the big stuff, and the only way to
make sure of that is duscuss it before mariage beacuse then you
have the opportunity to go opposite ways. I can give you and
example of this. Before Andrew and I were even engaged and when
I decided I wanted children, I knew I would want to bring our
children up in the Catholic faith. Andrew and I had a long
discussion one night and finally agreed that he would be okay
with me raising our kids in the Catholic faith as long as I was
okay with being open to them choosing a different path if they
wanted when they were old enough. Now I know you can't discuss
every possible issue before having kids to make sure you are on
the same page, but it's definitly important to discuss all the
major stuff. Little stuff you can work out along the way.
[/quote]
Jen, loved your post! I think you and Andrew are going to be
great parents one day! It will happen, I know God will bless
you with children because he knows you will be amazing parents.
Sometimes our timing is not God's timing. Sounds like you and
Andrew have done a good job a planning out how you want to be as
parents which is an important!
#Post#: 38--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: MommaAshley Date: June 10, 2018, 3:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jday1106 link=topic=4.msg36#msg36 date=1528651701]
Great post Jenny!
It makes me sad that you have struggled with getting pregnant. I
know you are still young and your time will come.You will be a
mother one day, I just know it. I can't wait to see you and
Andrew with little Tavella babies running around. I hope they
are wild and loud and jump from the couches. I kid. In all
seriousness, parenting is one of the hardest journeys we face as
adults. It's important to remember there is no amount of
planning that can truly prepare you. Each child is unique and
will have his or her own set of strengths and weaknesses. As
parents, we have to remember to always lift them up, even
through the hard days. Sending baby dust your way.
#Post#: 39--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: Jday1106 Date: June 10, 2018, 9:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Aw mom and Ashley, yall's replies were sweet. Emily and Molly
yall are hardcore LATE on your replies. Tomorrow we move on to
chapter three. Mom you are off the hook since you somehow
deleted all your work.
#Post#: 40--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 2 - Somebody's Mom - A Mother's Relationship with He
r Children
By: MommaAshley Date: June 10, 2018, 9:19 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jday1106 link=topic=4.msg39#msg39 date=1528683213]
Aw mom and Ashley, yall's replies were sweet. Emily and Molly
yall are hardcore LATE on your replies. Tomorrow we move on to
chapter three. Mom you are off the hook since you somehow
deleted all your work.
[/quote]
For real!!! What gives girls?!?! And mom, how many excuses did
you think of before you landed on, “I deleted it all!” Kidding!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
*****************************************************