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#Post#: 4357--------------------------------------------------
A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION] [Denied]
By: SelfishSnake Date: January 21, 2013, 11:44 am
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This is a story about a dragon named Sir Torren, and how he
became a hero.
Torren woke up in his usual dark cave, and though he heard a
yelp from the
tiny "human" inhabidits, he flew out and saw a damsel drowning
in his pond.
"Might as well save 'er!" he says. He shouldn't though, the
knights hate him
because they think dragons are evil beasts with no purpose in
life but to destroy crops, and eat majesties.
He goes out to catch her, he sees that a group of jesters are
drowning her.
She sees you and yells "Help! The jesters are killing me!","Get
the king
and say the princess is drowning." You think not to but you do.
When you
fly over there they shoot at you, but you break through. You
tell the king,
and he doesn't believe you. You go again and he promises he'll
look,
and it satisfies you. He doesn't though. Later that day, he
calls for the princess
"Amadea! Where are you! It is time for lunch!" and a guard says
that the
princess was taken away by jesters. He thinks about you and
calls you over.
You get her and bring her to the king. The king gives you a
palace, many
chests of gold, and a life of your own. The princess gives you a
smooch.
The End.[center][/center]
#Post#: 4358--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a dragon.
By: SelfishSnake Date: January 21, 2013, 11:44 am
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hope u like it!!! :)
#Post#: 4373--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a dragon.
By: daflowergirl Date: January 22, 2013, 8:24 am
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Lol, i just found out who you are. Why didn't you tell me?
But good job.
#Post#: 4376--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: bob123f Date: January 22, 2013, 9:34 am
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This is a nice story. A little too quick-paced, though. I like
it how you use more descriptive words in the place of drab
words.
#Post#: 4381--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: SelfishSnake Date: January 22, 2013, 9:52 am
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its sir torren or he or the hero he is listed evrywhere
#Post#: 4424--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: supercool08 Date: January 23, 2013, 9:46 pm
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I like it. Nice humor, but I'm going to have to deny it.
I was well written, however there were a few problems. There was
one spelling error, "inhabitants," that however didn't hurt you.
What really stuck out was, in the story you changed the point of
view from Sir Torren to us. You were saying "he" and then
swapped to "you."
Besides that, I picked out a few sentences that were
fragments like, "He doesn't though." Try combining that into
another sentence to create a compound sentence. Other than those
problems, the story was great. I think you have a very good
chance of being accepted in 2 weeks. ;)
#Post#: 4555--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: whtever Date: January 27, 2013, 12:08 pm
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Supercool your a lieutenant?? You were an EAL like 10 seconds
ago :o
#Post#: 4556--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: supercool08 Date: January 27, 2013, 12:11 pm
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[quote author=whtever link=topic=379.msg4555#msg4555
date=1359310111]
Supercool your a lieutenant?? You were an EAL like 10 seconds
ago :o
[/quote]
I didn't even notice till you said that. :D
#Post#: 4557--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: bob123f Date: January 27, 2013, 12:13 pm
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[quote author=whtever link=topic=379.msg4555#msg4555
date=1359310111]
Supercool your a lieutenant?? You were an EAL like 10 seconds
ago :o
[/quote] The reason he's a Lt. is because he's a moderator of
this board. His primary membergroup is still EAL.
#Post#: 4563--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Princess, and a Dragon. [APPLICATION]
By: whtever Date: January 27, 2013, 12:19 pm
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Oh so every time he posts on THIS board he's a LT. I get it.
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