ZETH'S EARTHBOUND GUIDE V2.0



**********
*CONTENTS*
**********

- About the Author
- Contents
- Introduction, comments, explanation, version, updates, etc.
- Random tips that, if followed, will make you a beatdown machine
- Zeth's Official Rules of EarthBound (ZOROE)
- Status ailments
- PSI Guide
- Item Guide
- The Rare Items
- Jeff's Neat Stuff
- FAQ Index
- The actual FAQ document itself
- Legal info, warranty, warnings, and other info
- Acknowledgements

******************
*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*
******************
<bookjacket>
JUSTIN ZETH is the Author of Zeth's EarthBound Guide.  Mr. Zeth,
24 years old as of this writing, is working in the exciting 
field of medical equipment (start your career today!) in central
Tennessee, where, just like in North Carolina, small dogs, cats
and children have been known to have been carried off by the
armored attack mosquitoes.  He is the world's premier expert on
EarthBound and finally, seven years after the game's release,
got around to writing a guide about it.

Zeth may be contacted via email at jzeth7@hotmail.com.  He is
lonely at work and likes to get emails that aren't spam or boring
viruses.  He really likes feedback about his guide.  He lives in
Tennessee.  He is married and does not have children.
</bookjacket>

*****************************************
*INTRODUCTION TO ZETH'S EARTHBOuND GUIDE*
*****************************************

Hello, and thank you for tuning in for Zeth's EarthBound Guide© 
v2.0.  The general idea behind this guide is to give you the 
important info about EarthBound, the stuff that people would 
actually look up a guide about (as opposed to looking up a list 
or chart.) I didn't bother with the basic stuff that either (a) 
everyonealready knows or (b) the game makes obvious, as I will 
repeat later.  I try to deal with stuff that people wonder about 
or with the things in the game that give people problems.

This guide is organized according to the locations in the game.
If you have a problem concerning Threed when the zombies have
taken it over, for instance, you would want to scroll the FAQ
Index until you find what you're looking for and then find it
in the FAQ itself, and see if your problem is addressed there.
Odds are that it is.  If it isn't, feel free to email me at
jzeth7@hotmail.com.

This guide, basically, includes:

- The stuff listed in the table of contents above
- Information of all the enemies and bosses in the game,
  organized according to where you fight them
- Detailed information on what items you should have, who
  should have what equipped, etc. for each part of the game.
  For instance, if you want to know what items you ought to
  have before you go into the Deep Darkness, just check the
  Deep Darkness section of the FAQ and it will tell you what
  items to take with you, what to buy and what to look for
- A short-short walkthrough
- A short list of Frequently Asked Questions for each area
  in the game, where a lot of useful information is contained,
  so you should read it if you want to be in the know

This FAQ does not include, and never will include:

- An item list with the cost, where you find the item, how
  much offense/defense/whatever it gives you and etc.  These
  lists are everywhere online, so there's no need for me to
  repeat them, and they're in the player's guide too, and in
  EarthBound such lists are just not very useful.
- Statistical information (HP, PP, Offense, etc.) for the
  enemies.  Again, these lists are all over the place so it's
  not necessary to rehash them here.  My information on
  enemies tells you how to fight them, which in my opinion is
  much more useful than knowing what their Speed rating is.
- Any other lists/charts of numbers.

Lots of walkthrough/FAQ writers produce documents with huge,
impressive filesizes that are mostly charts, lists, and other
such filler that serves more to increase the filesize than to
actually be useful to anybody. This is not the most raw
information packed guide out there.  But it IS the *best* guide
out there. Guaranteed or your money back.

If you have an idea for something that isn't in this FAQ and
isn't on the above list, feel free to email me (jzeth7@hotmail.com)
and let me know about it.  Direct any feedback (I do appreciate
feedback) to the above email address.  I'm sure there are
numerous problems with this FAQ, so if you find one, write in
and let me know about it so I can fix it. Actually, if you can
write in and tell me you READ the thing, it would make my day.
FAQ/walkthrough writers are a sensitive bunch, you know; we're
always wondering whether anyone appreciates our work.  But then,
if we had lives and/or brains, we would be out using our
writing and researching skills to make money or something.

This is the fourth version (v2.0) of this document.  Last updated
Friday, August 11, 2006.

Version 1.0 (11/30/02): Everything else.

Version 1.1 (12/4/02): 
- Item guide added.
- Tendakraut added to item list for Tenda Village.
- Unnecessary closing parenthesis ()) removed from the
  information about getting green swirls against Starmen in
  the Random Tips Section.
- Fixed spelling error in Plague Rat of Doom's name in his
  enemy description (I had originally typed "Plauge.")
- Version 1.0 claims the Skelpion leaves a Ketchup packet
  behind after battle sometimes.  This is not true; the Dread
  Skelpion does.  The Skelpion leaves the Vial of Serum.  This
  has been corrected, and the people responsible have been sacked.
- Various unnecessary/cynical/humorous things added in random
  places, especially in enemy descriptions.  Don't look at me
  like that.

(Versions 1.2 through 1.5 were done but not posted, so I lumped
 them together as Version 1.6.)

Version 1.6 (9/1/03):
- Removed the MISSINGNO. from the Deep Darkness enemies section.
- Changed "3/4" to "3-4" in the Thirsty Coil Snake's information.
- Upgraded Guardian General from one star to two in difficulty.
  On a scale of 1 to 10, he's a 3, probably...
- Jeff only needs an IQ of 55, not 65, to fix the Broken harmonica
  and trumpet.  The llamas are responsible.  This has been
  corrected, and the people responsible for sacking the people
  who sacked the people who hired the llamas have been sacked.
- Interestingly, I used the word "inputed" in the Tenda Village/
  Lumine Hall section, and on the very next line spelled it
  "inputted."  The correct spelling is "inputted."  The error
  has been corrected, and the people responsible have been
  taken outside and shot.
- There was one equal sign (=) too many in the title section
  to the Tunnel of the Past, on the bottom.  It has been
  removed, and those responsible have been sacked.
- Mind you, moos bites kan be pretty nasti...
- Under the Neutralizer's description in the Jeff's Neat Stuff
  section, I had written that the Neutralizer is more effective
  than the Neutralizer.  I meant to say more effective than
  the shield killer.  This has been corrected, and the people
  who hired the people responsible for overseeing those who
  hired the correction department have been sacked.
- Modified FAQ question #2 in the Magicant section to specify
  that you can only have one Flying Man with you at a time;
  you can't get all five to join at once.
- In the description of the Atomic Power Robot (see Winters II),
  I wrote "one most of its turns."  This has been corrected to
  read "on most of its turns."
- Fixed typo on FAQ II.6 (Twoson section), changing "eqipped"
  to "equipped."
- You never actually saw this, but four notes up from this one
  in this section, I accidentally typed "Neturalizer" instead of
  "Neutralizer."  This has been corrected.
- My previously listed email address, zeth@starmen.net, is now
  defunct.  I have changed all occurrances of it to the email
  address I plan to use for the rest of my life,
  jzeth7@hotmail.com.  If I missed any references to my old
  email, and you care, bring it to my attention.
- Added a note to the section on the "feeling strange" status
  ailment explaining that being hit with a physical attack can
  make it go away.
- In the status ailments section on paralysis, I misspelled it
  "paraylsis."  This has been corrected, and Johnnie Cochran
  has been sacked.
- Added a NEAT TRICK paragraph to the Desert Gold Mine section
  explaining how to use the Rock Candy trick with a Magic
  truffle and a Ketchup packet.  Thanks to Atma for pointing
  out that I missed this.
- Edited the legal info a little bit, to make it more clear
  that you aren't allowed to sell this document to anybody.

Version 2.0 (8/11/06):
- Made numerous changes to the text throughout the document.
- Added the Short-Short Walkthrough for each section, for those
  of you who just love walkthroughs.
- Added Zeth's Official Rules of EarthBound (ZOROE).
- Gave the Rock candy bug its own section.
- Added the "How to Suck at EarthBound" section.
- Added the Rules for More Balanced Gaming section.
- Corrected the description of the Nausea ailment.
- I'm ashamed of myself for this, but I missed one enemy
  description: The Shattered man. I was so ashamed I attempted
  to hang myself, but I don't know how to tie a noose (I mostly
  spaced out during Boy Scouts.) So I added the Shattered Man
  description.
- Adjusted the W in the "LOST UNDERWORLD" title heading.
- Eliminated the last stray reference to my defunct email address.

(P.S. I am an EarthBound expert.  I am not an ASCII artist :P)

*****************************************************************
*RANDOM TIPS THAT, IF FOLLOWED, WILL MAKE YOU A BEATDOWN MACHINE*
*****************************************************************

(If I ever update this guide, I'll toss some more of these in.  If
 you have a good one for me, feel free to email it to me at
 jzeth7@hotmail.com.)

  - PSI recovering food is always better than HP recovering food.
    This is my mantra of EarthBound.  PSI lifeup is much better than
    using food if you're carrying sufficient items to replenish
    your PP.  The ultimate food item is the Brain Food Lunch, sold
    only in Dalaam for $800.  As soon as you're able to reach
    Dalaam, stock up heavily on them.
  
  - If you lose in battle, and you choose to give it another shot,
    you will keep all the exp. you earned up to that point,
    although you still resume from the last point at which you
    saved and have to re-do any important things you did after
    that.  Also, your cash *on hand* will be cut in half, while
    your cash in your ATM account will remain the same.  This is
    why it's a good idea to deposit most of your money into the
    ATM before leaving on a long/dangerous journey.  Also, if you
    continue after dying, only Ness is alive, and all your
    characters will have 0 PP, so you'll have to make stops at
    the hospital and hotel.

  - Contrary to popular belief, calling Mom is completely useless
    if Ness is not homesick.  It does not prevent homesickness
    from occuring. Homesickness is completely random.

  - If you call Mach pizza, normally it takes three full minutes (not
    counting time spent in battle) for your pizza to be delivered.
    However, if you save your game and reset immediately after
    ordering your pizza, the pizza delivery guy will show up as soon
    as you re-load your game.
  
  - If you give Paula the Pencil eraser right before she gets
    kidnapped, Escargo express will wind up holding it for you, and
    will deliver it to you free of charge if you call them.  The same
    goes if you give the Hawk eye to Poo before you leave the Pyramid.

  - The Shield killer is useless.  It takes out one enemy's shield,
    and only works about 1/2 to 2/3 of the time.  The Neutralizer, on
    the other hand, takes out all enemies' shields, plus it works
    100% of the time.  The only drawback to the Neutralizer is that
    it also takes out your own shields, plus it neutralizes the
    effects of Sudden guts pills, offense up/defense down, defense
    spray/shower, etc. for both friends and foes.  Most of the time
    you won't have any such effects on yourself, so stick with the
    Neutralizer.  Note that it *does* make Poo revert to his
    original form if he had used Mirror. But if you used Mirror in
    the first place, there's a 99% chance you're just messing around,
    and a 1% chance you're doing drugs.

  - If you check the drawers in one of the upstairs rooms in the
    Threed hospital, you will find the Insignificant item.  Take it
    to the man in the Twoson hospital and give it to him.  He'll
    reward you well.

  - Once you learn PSI Teleport, whenever Jeff's ready to fix
    something, it's a good idea to teleport to Saturn Valley and use
    the free hotel services there, so that (a) you don't burn up
    money, and (b) you don't waste time, since you can sleep
    repeatedly at Saturn Valley without walking across three rooms
    each time.

  - It's possible to get a surprise opening attack against
    Starmen most of the time.  Stand just out of their teleport range;
    they'll teleport up near you.  The key is, to get a green swirl
    against Starmen, you need to attack them from the FRONT.  This
    is pretty easy since they stand still when they're not teleporting.

  - The Earth Pendant provides only partial protection from Fire,
    Freeze and Flash.  It will only protect you from Flash 50% of the
    time.  I don't recommend using it.  I recommend giving Ness the
    Sea pendant, Paula the Flame pendant, Jeff the Rain pendant or the
    Night pendant.  Especially be sure to have Ness take a Sea or Night
    pendant into Magicant with him.  If you don't, Ness's Nightmare
    will kill you with his Glorious light attack and make you very
    annoyed.

  - It takes three physical attacks to destroy a shield of light and
    three PSI attacks to destroy a psychic shield.  The exception to
    this is PSI Thunder, which destroys psychic shields in one shot.
    Casting a shield on someone who already has one will cause the
    counter of attacks it takes to destroy it to reset to 3; it will
    not make the shield more effective.  If you have a psychic shield,
    and you cast a shield of light on yourself, it will cause the
    psychic shield to disappear, and vice versa.  You can only have
    one kind of shield at a time.  The Neutralizer wipes out all
    shields, friend and foe alike, and so does the "pale green light"
    attack a few enemies have.

  - If Poo successfully Mirrors an enemy, he assumes that enemy's
    status; that is, if the enemy has a shield, Poo will gain the
    shield.  If the enemy is stricken with some status problem, like
    feeling strange or paralysis, Poo will get the same problem.  The
    problem with this is that once the battle ends, Poo will still
    have the problem if it's something that lasts beyond one battle.
    The reverse of this is also true, though: If Poo is paralyzed or
    poisoned or etc., and he Mirrors a healthy enemy, Poo will lose
    the status problem.

Let's condense all this information, shall we?  I present to you:

*********************************************
*ZETH'S OFFICIAL RULES OF EARTHBOUND (ZOROE)*
*********************************************

Learn them. MEMORIZE THEM. Abide by them. Or else.

1. PP-RECOVERING FOOD IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN HP-RECOVERING FOOD.
    There is no useful reason to carry HP recovery items at all once
    you're out of Onett.

2. AUTO FIGHT IS YOUR FRIEND.
    There seems to be this popular idea that Auto Fight is wimpy or
    unmanly or something, or even worse, that Auto Fight is a bad
    idea because it robs you of your strategy.  This is such a
    vicious lie that I weep for hours every time I read it on some
    message board.  Auto Fight is wonderful.  Anytime there's no
    immediate need to use PSI or items or to pick your target,
    use it.  It saves time. Lots of time. And trust me, when you're
    72 and dying of some bizarre brain disease because you didn't
    listen to me when I told you not to use drugs, you'll wish to
    God you could get back all the time you threw away in your youth
    because you wouldn't use Auto Fight. Consider yourself warned.

    Most boss battles after Titanic Ant can be won cleanly, and
    with virtually no risk, with Auto Fight.

3. STAY AWAY FROM THINGS THAT BLOW UP.
    Territorial Oak, Smilin' Sphere, Hostile Elder Oak: Stay the
    hell away from them.  They're not worth it.  You won't be able
    to do much to avoid Atomic Power Robots and Uncontrollable
    Spheres, but that leads us to...

3a. IF YOU HAVE TO FIGHT SOMETHING THAT BLOWS UP, ALWAYS
    *ALWAYS* DEFEAT IT LAST.
     Violate this rule and you are in for fourteen worlds of pain.

4. DON'T PANIC WHEN YOU GET CREAMED.
    Remember the rolling HP meter!  When you get mortal damage from
    a powerful enemy attack, you aren't dead yet.  Keep your head
    and you'll usually have time to Lifeup your way out of trouble.

5. DON'T WASTE PP.
    PP is valuable, especially on Ness and Poo.  You should save
    their PP for lifeup use in nearly all cases, and just rely on
    your physical attacks to dispatch most enemies.  Unlike other
    RPGs, EarthBound features extremely few enemies that are not
    susceptible to physical violence.

5a. ONCE YOU GAIN ACCESS TO BRAIN FOOD LUNCHES, FILL YOUR INVENTORY
    WITH THEM AND LET POO BLAST THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING WITH PSI.
     The exception to rule 5.  Brain food lunches refill Poo's PP
     *completely*.  So stock up and you'll never have to worry about
     Poo's PP again.

6. KEEP YOUR MONEY IN THE ATM.
    If you die, you lose half of your cash on hand, but you do *not*
    lose anything in your bank account.  ATMs are available anywhere
    where you need to spend money.

7. BOTTLE ROCKETS MURDER EVERYTHING.
    Keep Jeff stocked with the most modern bottle rocket at your
    disposal and you'll never have to worry about death again. See
    the "rules for more balanced gaming" below.

8. NEVER USE THE SHIELD KILLER.
    It's useless junk.  Don't do drugs.  Kids: Friends don't let
    friends use the Shield Killer.  The Neutralizer is your friend.

9. DON'T BUY THE CRAP THE FREAK IN MAGICANT SELLS.
    Earth pendant: Useless.  Magic pudding: Even more useless.


********************
*THE ROCK CANDY BUG*
********************

The most famous bug in EarthBound is commonly referred to as the
"Rock Candy Trick." I prefer calling it the Rock Candy Bug, since
that's what it is and some folks seem to have problems with
exploiting bugs.   Here's how it works (or fails to work, depending
on whether you're more gamer or programmer.)

Condiments have their own special few lines of code in the program.
Whenever you use a food item, the game searches the character's own
inventory (not other characters' inventories) for any items flagged
as condiments.  If it finds one, it uses it.

Each food item in the game has a byte that identifies which condiment
it agrees with. If the condiment used matches the "good condiment"
byte for that food item, the recovery rate is improved by about
20%.  If it doesn't match, the recovery rate is downgraded by about
the same.

When all this is done and the recovery is accounted for, both the
food item and the condiment are deleted from the character's inventory.

But ah, you're asking, what if the character in question has
multiple condiments? In that case, the game just uses whichever one
comes first in the character's inventory.

Outside of battle, everything works perfectly. But inside battle, the
programmers apparently got lazy and didn't include all of the same
code (probably because the code had to be modified to fit the battle
script's routines).

So what does this mean? After the game has assigned recovery to
whichever character received the food/condiment, it first deletes the
condiment used -- it does this by checking for the first condiment in
the character's inventory, just like it did when choosing what
condiment to apply to the recovery, and then deleting it -- and then
it tries to delete the food item used.

Tries, I said. But sometimes it fails.  The reason why is, for some
reason if the food item is listed in your inventory after any
condiments you have, the program misses it, and it doesn't get
deleted.  This means that, provided the food item comes last in your
inventory and you have some condiments around, you can use the food
item over and over and only lose the condiments, not the original
item.  If you use a compatible condiment, you also get the extra
recovery boost.

The most famous application of this bug, and its namesake, is Rock
candy. The reason for its fame is that the bug is mentioned in the
Nintendo Player's Guide (more on that in a moment). A rock candy
doesn't recover HP. Instead, it permanently boosts one of its user's
attributes, chosen at random (speed, vitality, IQ or guts) by 1.
With an added benefit, too: It's compatible with condiments, so if
you use a Sugar packet or Jar of delisauce with it, it will boost
the attribute by 2.  Obviously, this could have a huge effect if
used over and over, which is why you're only allowed access to
three of them in the game.

But with the Rock candy bug, you can pile up sugar packets, put the
Rock candy last in your inventory, use it in battle (and ONLY in
battle), get 2 permanently added to an attribute, and the Rock candy
is still there. So you can do it over and over, as long as you don't
run out of sugar packets.  You can do this for a long time and boost
your stats to insane levels (by pumping vitality and IQ without
leveling up, when you finally do level up, you can pump your HP and
PP over 1000, which breaks the HP/PP meter.)

Thanks to the erroneous/misleading blurb in the Player's Guide, most
players believe this is an easter egg in the game that works only
with Rock candy. But that isn't so; it's a bug that works with any
condiment-compatible item. Another excellent way to (ab)use this
bug is with a Magic Truffle and its compatible condiment, the
Ketchup packet: Get the Magic truffle from the guy in Twoson after
you whack Belch, by taking him the Insignificant item, and while
you're in Twoson, load up on Ketchup packets in Burglin Park.
Make sure the Magic truffle is last in the inventory of the character
keeping it, and that they have ketchup packets around. Now, when
that character uses the Magic truffle in battle, they will
recover a whopping 100 PP, and only a Ketchup packet will be burned.
This makes a large portion of the game far easier than it was
intended to be, as much of what little challenge exists in
EarthBound comes from areas of the game where your PP is strained.

Now to address the "bug or easter egg?" question. There is no doubt
that it is a bug. It exists in Mother 2 as well, and the basic
programming script for battles was not changed between the two games.
Nintendo apparently found it easier to proclaim the bug as an easter
egg in the Player's Guide than to fix the bug. So I guess that since
Nintendo was aware of it and chose not to fix it, you could say it
qualifies as an easter egg in the American game. Whatever floats your
boat is OK with me. The player's guide gets some of the details of
how it works wrong... well, actually, it gets almost all of it wrong,
but then, the Player's Guide gets an astonishing amount of information
wrong, which is why you're reading this, right? ;)


***************************
*HOW TO SUCK AT EARTHBOUND*
***************************

Just in case you've joined the craze (it's what all the kids are
doing!) of masochism and are trying to die hardcore, here are some
helpful tips that will help you achieve harmony with your nihilistic
tendencies.

1. Don't upgrade your equipment when you get the chance.  Especially
   don't upgrade your weapons.
2. Use yo-yos and slingshots.
3. Keep your inventory stuffed with HP recovery items.
4. Use Hypnosis, Offense up, Defense down, Magnet, Shield, and
   Brainshock. Use them often.
5. Use the Pray, Spy and Mirror commands.
6. When you're getting creamed and your HP is rolling down, take
   lots of time to decide what you want to do.
7. Don't use lifeup, hardly at all. Just let your HP go lower and
   lower. I'm sure you can recover it later.

If you have any additional tips for how to suck at EarthBound, send
them along and I'll add them if they cut the proverbial mustard.


********************************
*RULES FOR MORE BALANCED GAMING*
********************************

Let's be honest right up front here: EarthBound is an easy game.
Most of the challenge comes from weird things that you have to
try to figure out; there's very little danger of getting killed
because the enemies are too strong.  On average, you can expect
to beat the game around level 70, but it can be done as low as
40 with ease, and I've done it in the 20s.

There are various little rules you could impose upon yourself
to give the game a little extra challenge and make it more
interesting, if you're into that sort of thing.  These range
from minor tweaks ("no multi-bottle rockets") to self-inflicted
torture ("no spending money on anything").  Here I submit what
I believe to be a reasonably well-balanced list of rules to
give the game some little bit of spice.  If you out there in
Readerland have any commentary or additional suggestions for
this list, please do email me.

1.  No PP-recovering items are permitted.
2.  No equipping anything on your body (no charms or pendants).
3.  You may have only one of a particular item at a time. This
    means you can't carry more than one Hamburger, for instance,
    plus it means you can't buy Diamond bands for everyone; one
    character can have a Diamond band and the others have to
    make do with the Platinum band and Gold bracelet.
4.  Poo is not allowed to equip anything.
5.  Bottle rockets, bazookas and dragonite are outlawed.
6.  No teddy bears.
7.  When a character dies, you are not allowed to revive them
    with PSI or items. The only way to revive fallen characters is
    to visit a hospital or Sanctuary.
8.  PSI Healing is not allowed in-battle, and outside battle it is
    allowed only to heal sunstroke, cold, poison or nausea.
9.  PSI Shield sigma and omega are outlawed. You may only activate
    a psychic shield one character at a time.
10. While we're at it, no gamma or omega level PSI spells are
    permitted at all.

If you're looking for a new semi-challenge, give these rules a spin.


*****************
*STATUS AILMENTS*
*****************

(NOTE: Under "can be cured by," a condition can be cured by a named
 Healing spell, and any spell stronger than it.  i.e., if it says
 healing beta, then healing gamma or omega will work as well.)

(BONUS NOTE: The Refreshing herb item is identical to Healing beta.
 The Secret herb is identical to Healing gamma. The Cup of 
 lifenoodles and Horn of life items are
 identical to Healing omega.  They will heal any status ailment
 that the corresponding Healing spell can heal.)

(DOUBLE BONUS NOTE: Being knocked unconscious cures any status
 condition, including mashroomization and possession.  A
 diamondized person cannot be targeted and thus cannot be knocked
 unconscious.)

(TRIPLE BONUS NOTE: The hot springs in Saturn Valley and Tenda
 Village, as well as the red hot springs in the Lost Underworld,
 cure all status ailments.  In addition, at certain points in
 the game (like at "Your Sanctuary" locations) your characters
 will be automatically revitalized and all status conditions
 are removed.)

CRYING 

Drastically lowers your accuracy with bash and shoot
attacks.  When crying, a character will miss about
3/4 of the time.

Can be cured by: Healing beta, but it's not worth trying to cure
in-battle.  Just turn to your PSI attacks when you're crying.

FEELING STRANGE

The target of an attack becomes completely random.  Regardless of
which enemy you target, the attack will be directed at any randomly
chosen enemy or friend, including self.  If you try an attack that is
normally directed at all enemies, it will have a 1/2 chance of hitting
either all enemies or all friends.  This can be a devastating 
condition, especially late in the game when both your and the enemies' 
attacks are very strong.

Can be cured by: Healing alpha.  Also, being hit with a physical
attack sometimes makes the character return to normal.

ASLEEP

The character ceases attacking until he/she wakes up.  Being hit with
a physical attack will usually (but not *always*) wake up a sleeping
character.  Otherwise, it will take anywhere between 1 and 5 battle
turns for him/her to wake up on his/her own.

Can be cured by: Healing alpha

SNIFFLING/SICK

The character will lose 4 HP with each turn in battle; he/she will
also lose 2 HP at regular intervals (about every 5 seconds) out of
battle.

Can be cured by: Cold remedy, Healing alpha, doctors

SUNSTROKE

Identical to sniffling/sick (see above).

Can be cured by: Wet towel, Healing alpha, doctors

POISONED

Causes the character to lose about 20 HP per turn in battle, and
he/she will also lose 10 HP at roughly five second intervals.  It
is a devastating condition early in the game, before you learn
Healing beta.  Carry some serum until you learn the spell.

Can be cured by: Vial of serum, Healing beta, doctors

NAUSEOUS

Inflicted only by Master Belch, Master Barf and the Big pile of
puke.  Combines the effects of poison and crying.

Can be cured by: Healing beta, doctors

BODY SOLIDIFIED

Temporary condition inflicted by certain enemy attacks and by
PSI Freeze spells.  Cannot be cured by conventional means; it
simply wears off after a round or two.  Sometimes causes the
loss of the character's turn, or, if you're lucky, causes
temporary paralysis (meaning the character can still use PSI,
or, if it's Jeff, Spy.)

PARALYZED

Disables the "Bash," "Shoot," "Goods," and "Defend" commands.
PSI, "Pray," "Spy," and "Mirror" can still be used when
paralyzed.  It does not lower the character's speed in battle,
nor does it make running away more difficult.

Can be cured by: Healing gamma and Healers.  If Poo gets
paralyzed, he should try and Mirror an enemy.  If it works,
and the enemy isn't paralyzed, Poo will lose the paralysis.
This works for any other status condition, too.

MASHROOMIZED

In battle, causes the "feeling strange" ailment at random, on
about 1/3 or so of the affected character's attacks.  Out of
battle, it causes the control pad to go out of whack, so that
pressing up will make your character go right and etc.  The
weird walking only occurs if your lead character is
Mashroomized.  ("Mashroomized" is what the game says in the
status window; presumably it's a typo of "mushroomized.")

Can be cured by: Healers and the mushroom-collected girl in
                 Peaceful Rest Valley (they pay you $50 for
                 the mushroom!)

POSSESSED

Causes the "Tiny Lil' Ghost" to fight against you in battle
until you remove the possession.  It is more of a nuisance
than anything else.  Sometimes it attacks with a minor (1 HP
damage) attack, and sometimes it solidifies someone's body.
Note that if you use a Shield or PSI Shield on all allies,
the Tiny Lil' Ghost receives the shield as well.

Can be cured by: Healers.  Also, if an enemy uses a spell
that targets all characters, like Fire or Starstorm, it will
hit and kill the Tiny Lil' Ghost, unless you put a shield
on it.  You ninny.

DIAMONDIZED

Completely incapacitates its victim.  Basically the same
as unconsciousness, except the victim keeps his HP.
Diamondized characters cannot be targetted by anything
except Healing gamma or omega.


Can be cured by: Healing gamma and Healers.

UNCONSCIOUS

Inflicted when HP reaches 0.  Completely incapacitates the
affected character.  If Ness is diamondized or knocked out,
Paula leads the party, and so on.

Can be cured by: Healing gamma has about a 25% failure
rate, and if it works it gives the character back a small
amount of HP.  Healing omega always works and restores
full HP.  The receptionist (nurse) at the hospital also
cures unconsciousness.

HOMESICK

Inflicted pretty much at random, and causes Ness to skip
about half his turns.  Calling Mom does *NOT* help
prevent homesickness if Ness is not already homesick.
Ness does not get homesick in Onett or Magicant, but if
he is already homesick when he goes to Onett, he will
remain that way until he goes home and talks to Mom.

Can be cured by: Chicks (the baby bird, you sicko), and
                 calling or directly talking to Mom.

***********
*PSI GUIDE*
***********

NESS'S PSI

PSI (SPECIAL) ALPHA -- Named after your "favorite thing" that you
input at the beginning of the game.  It is PSI Rockin if you used
the default names.  This attack is a good one, doing about 70-90
HP of damage on the average for 10 PP.  It damages all enemies.

PSI (SPECIAL) BETA -- Ness's go-to PSI attack for most of the game.
Damages all enemies for about 150-250 HP for only 14 PP.

PSI (SPECIAL) GAMMA -- Completely useless, although it does look
and sound cool, so you may want to use it once just for that.  It
costs a whopping 40 PP and doesn't do much more damage than Beta.

PSI (SPECIAL) OMEGA -- The ultimate PSI attack, it costs an
enormous amount of PP (98) and should be reserved for emergencies
or those times when you have a desperate need to see some really
sweet graphics.  Its damage varies wildly, from about 300 all the
way up to 900+; on average you can expect about 550-650 from it.

PSI FLASH ALPHA -- Useless.  Sometimes causes enemies to cry or
feel strange.

PSI FLASH BETA -- Can be pretty useful, especially against bosses
that are weak to flash.  It can cause crying, feeling strange, or,
if you're lucky, paralysis or it can even defeat an enemy (even some
bosses) with one blow.  Some of the bosses that are susceptible to
Flash include Mondo Mole, Master Belch, Shrooom!, Plague Rat of Doom,
Thunder and Storm, and Kraken, among others.

PSI FLASH GAMMA -- Even better than Flash beta, it has a pretty high
probability of causing paralysis or death to enemies that are
vulnerable to flash.  Note that many enemies, especially later in
the game, are invulnerable to flash and will never be affected by
it.  All metallic/robotic enemies are invulnerable to flash.

PSI FLASH OMEGA -- The ultimate Flash attack.  32 PP actually isn't
that much.  It will be late in the game by the time you get it, though,
and by then there aren't many enemies left that are weak to it.  Try
it on Carbon Dog.  Note that some enemies emit a glorious light; this
is equivalent to Flash omega, and will likely have devastating effects
on any party members not wearing a Night/Sea/Star pendant.

LIFEUP ALPHA -- Restores around 100 HP to one person.  Pretty useful
at only 5 PP a shot.

LIFEUP BETA -- Restores an awesome 300 HP to one person for only 8 PP.

LIFEUP GAMMA -- Completely refills one ally's HP for 18 PP.

LIFEUP OMEGA -- Restores 400 HP to all party members for 24 PP.

HEALING ALPHA -- Cures colds, sunstroke, or feeling strange 
in battle.  Costs 5 PP.

HEALING BETA -- Cures colds, sunstroke, feeling strange, poisoning,
nausea, and crying.  Costs 8 PP.

HEALING GAMMA -- Cures all status ailments except homesickness,
possession, and mashroomization; has about a 25% failure rate when
trying to revive an unconscious party member, and restores only a
small amount of HP if it revives them.  Costs 20 PP.

HEALING OMEGA -- Cures everything Healing gamma does.  Always revives
an unconscious party member, and restores full HP as well.  Costs 40 PP.

SHIELD ALPHA -- Covers one ally with the Shield of light, which cuts
received damage in half.  An abject waste of time.

SHIELD BETA -- Covers one ally with the Power shield, which cuts
received damage in half, plus reflects 25% of the received damage back
at the attacker.  That is, if an enemy used an attack that normally
caused 40 HP of damage, a Power shield would mean you would take 20 HP
of damage, and the enemy would take 10 HP of damage.  And if you think
the damage incurred by an enemy hitting your Power shiled matters:
Don't do drugs.

SHIELD SIGMA -- Covers all allies with the Shield of light, including
non-controllable ones, Teddy bears, and the Tiny Lil' Ghost.

SHIELD OMEGA -- Covers all allies with Power shields.  (Ness doesn't
learn this; Poo does.)

HYPNOSIS ALPHA -- Attempts to cause one enemy to fall asleep.  Works
a fair percentage of the time on most enemies.  Not really worth using.

HYPNOSIS OMEGA -- Attempts to cause all enemies to fall asleep.  Can
be moderately useful against groups of tough enemies.  However, later
in the game, almost no enemies are open to hypnosis.

PARALYSIS ALPHA -- Attempts to paralyze one enemy.  Works really only
on certain enemies.

PARALYSIS OMEGA -- Attempts to paralyze all enemies.  Like Hypnosis,
it can be useful when enemies are in groups and you, for some reason,
don't want to use PSI Special.  Also like Hypnosis, fewer and fewer
enemies are vulnerable to paralysis as the game goes on.

TELEPORT ALPHA -- Teleports you to a major town or location to which
you've already been.  It takes a lot of skill to pull off this kind
of teleport in a small space, but it can be done.  Note that you can
still change directions while teleporting (with the D-pad).

TELEPORT BETA -- Same as alpha, but Ness will run around in very small
circles, making it much easier to successfully use.

PAULA'S PSI

PSI FIRE ALPHA -- Hits a row of enemies for about 60-80 HP of damage.
Some enemies are not affected by PSI Fire.

PSI FIRE BETA -- Does about 120-160 HP of damage to enemies that are
weak against Fire.

PSI FIRE GAMMA -- About 230-270.

PSI FIRE OMEGA -- The last spell Paula learns.  About 360-400 HP damage.

PSI FREEZE ALPHA -- Freeze is Paula's go-to spell.  Some enemies,
however, are not affected by it.  For only 4 PP, this one does about
a cool 120-150 HP of damage, and even more if the enemy is vulnerable
to Freeze.

PSI FREEZE BETA -- Does about 270-320 HP of damage.

PSI FREEZE GAMMA -- Does about 350-420 HP damage.  It's useful to get
Paula to level 31, at which level she learns Freeze gamma, before
fighting the Guardian diggers.

PSI FREEZE OMEGA -- A sweet 450-650 HP of damage.  Enemies that are
weak against Freeze (try it on the Evil Eye!) can take upwards of
950 HP damage from this.

PSI THUNDER ALPHA -- Takes one attempt at hitting an enemy with
Thunder.  If it succeeds, it will do about 120-140 HP of damage.  If
the enemy has a psychic shield, it will destroy the shield instantly.
The odds of it striking an enemy are (number of enemies)/6.  If there
is only one enemy, it has only a 1/6 chance of working.  3 enemies,
a 1/2 chance; 6 enemies, it's guaranteed to hit.  That's what's
annoying about Thunder after you have all four party members; when
enemies use it, it almost always connects.  Costs only 3 PP.

PSI THUNDER BETA -- For 7 PP, it will make two attempts at striking
enemies with Thunder.  Enemies' "Crashing Boom Bang attack", 
"Electrical Shock attack" are equivalent to this.

PSI THUNDER GAMMA -- For 16 PP, it will attempt three times to hit
enemies with Thunder, plus it's more powerful Thunder, causing about
180-220 HP of damage on average.

PSI THUNDER OMEGA -- Gives you four shots at hitting an enemy.
(Actually, Paula does not learn this; Poo does.  But it makes more
 sense to list it here with the other PSI Thunder spells.)

PSI MAGNET ALPHA -- Drains 2-8 PP from an enemy.  Helpful if Paula
could use a little extra PP.

PSI MAGNET OMEGA -- Drains 2-8 PP per enemy from all enemies.  It
is not any more or less effective at draining PP; it's totally
random how much you get.

PSI SHIELD ALPHA -- Puts a psychic shield over one ally.  It protects
him/her from all PSI attacks except Hypnosis, Paralysis, and
Brainshock.

PSI SHIELD SIGMA -- Puts a psychic shield over all allies.

PSI SHIELD BETA -- Puts a psychic power shield over one ally.  It
both protects the ally and reflects the full brunt of the PSI attack
back at the attacker.

PSI SHIELD OMEGA -- Puts a psychic power shield on all allies.  It
is very effective against powerful enemies late in the game that like
to use Starstorm; it will destroy them, since the Starstorm will be
reflected back at them four individual times.

OFFENSE UP ALPHA -- Slightly raises an ally's offense.  Useless.

OFFENSE UP OMEGA -- Slightly raises all allies' offense.  Useless.

DEFENSE DOWN ALPHA -- Slightly decreases an enemy's defense.  Even
more useless than Offense up, since it doesn't work half the time.

DEFENSE DOWN OMEGA -- If you don't know what this does, please ask
your two-year-old child/sibling/cousin/dog/toaster oven.  Chances
are he/she/it will know.

POO'S PSI

PSI STARSTORM ALPHA -- Attacks all enemies for a sweet 350-450 HP
of damage, all for only 24 PP!  Plus the graphics and sound effects
for it are sweeeeeeeeet.

PSI STARSTORM OMEGA -- Hits all enemies for a whopping, brutal
600-750 HP of damage each, for 42 PP.  Plus the graphics and sound
effects are sweeeeeeeet to the phatest power.

PSI Freeze alpha, beta, gamma
PSI Thunder alpha, beta, gamma, omega

Lifeup alpha, beta, gamma
Healing alpha, beta, gamma, omega
Magnet alpha, omega

Shield alpha, sigma, beta, omega

PSI BRAINSHOCK ALPHA -- For 10 PP, will attempt to make an enemy
feel strange.  If it works, it's great; if it doesn't, it's a 
waste, and it will fail more often than it succeeds unless the
enemy is particularly susceptible to Brainshock.  The one time
you really should use it is against Giygas.

PSI BRAINSHOCK OMEGA -- Tries to Brainshock all enemies for
30 PP.  It does not work more often than alpha.  (It doesn't
work on me.  I don't have a brain to shock.)

PSI Teleport alpha, beta 



************
*ITEM GUIDE*
************
                                                                        
This section contains a (very) brief description of most of the items
in EarthBound.  If an item isn't on this list, it's so insignificant
that I didn't write anything about it.  Equippable items are not
included here.  Condiments are not listed, either; I may someday
make a condiment guide, but I don't really see the point, since
condiments aren't worth the inventory space they take up, except
for the Rock Candy Bug.

***NOTE*** Speaking of condiments: The "Rock Candy Bug" works on
all food items, not just Rock Candy.  If your food item comes after
the condiment on your item list, and you use the food item in battle
(it doesn't work out of battle), you'll get the full HP/PP recovery
of the food item, but the condiment will be spent rather than the
item.  This can be very useful, especially early in the game with
a PSI Caramel and a Sugar packet. However, it is clearly a bug, the
result of lazy programming. So if you're the sort that doesn't like
to exploit bugs in games for your own benefit, don't do this.  You
won't have much trouble beating EarthBound even without it. I promise.
We can do this together!

FOOD

BAG OF FRIES: Recovers 24 HP; useless. Get burgers instead.

BANANA: Recovers 25 HP.  A waste of space, especially considering you
can't even get them until you reach Twoson.  But it's just so hard to
resist buying them from that sweet old lady, isn't it?  Where the
hell can I go where I can sit out on a beach towel in a park and
sell bananas for $5 apiece?

BEAN CROQUETTE: Useless.  If you just really have a powerful craving
for Scaraban foods (this can happen if you're pregnant), go with
Kabobs.

BEEF JERKY: Fairly good food item.  You can buy a couple from Dr.
Andonuts' pet Cave Boy if you really want to.  Recovers about 150 HP,
if my memory serves. Funny how the Unfrozen Caveman Salesman will
share his beef jerky with Dr. Andonuts, but Dr. Andonuts will NOT
share it with his son.

BOILED EGG: Pretty useful for Jeff, useless elsewhere.  Recovers about
40 HP.

BOTTLE OF DXWATER: Recovers about 40 PP for Poo, so it's pretty
useful if you can't afford Brain food lunches before you plunge into
the Pyramid.  Useless for everyone else.

BOTTLE OF WATER: Recovers 10 PP for Poo, 1 or 2 PP for the others.
Useless.

BOWL OF RICE GRUEL: Recovers around 200 HP; worthless.  Buy Brain
food lunches and do your part to fight n00bitis everywhere.

BRAIN FOOD LUNCH: The ultimate food item.  For Ness, Paula and Jeff,
it recovers 300 HP and 50 PP.  For Poo, it completely recovers *all*
HP and PP.  Once you can get hold of these in Dalaam, there's no
reason to carry any other food item.

BREAD ROLL: Recovers 30 HP.  Can be useful in the early parts of
Onett, but I don't recommend buying them.

CALORIE STICK: Recovers about 80 HP.  Fairly useful in the
Twoson-Threed area of the game.

CAN OF FRUIT JUICE: Recovers about 6 HP.

CHEF'S SPECIAL: I don't remember how much HP, exactly, it recovers;
they're not worth buying.  I think it's around 200 or a little less.

COOKIE: Recovers 6 HP.  It is useful in the very beginning of the
game, and somewhat useful in the very beginning of Jeff's scenario
in Winters.  You'll get lots of them from Spiteful Crows.  Don't
waste time or money buying them.

CROISSANT: Identical to the Calorie stick.  Why these two separate
items are in the game that do the same thing is beyond me.

CUP OF COFFEE: Recovers about 12 HP.  Useless. And no, it doesn't
taste good to adults, either.  We only drink it because we
desperately need caffeine and that pesky FDA hasn't let syringes
full of caffeine hit the market yet.

CUP OF NOODLES: Only recovers 40 HP. This was the programmers'
idea of a cruel joke to play on you, the player. Don't buy
it, obviously. If you do, it will at least give you a moment's
pause to consider whether you really should spend ninety-eight
dollars on a cup of freaking noodles, and maybe then you will
re-evaluate your life and stop doing drugs.

DOUBLE BURGER: Recovers about 90 HP.  It's an OK item in the DDD/
Fourside part of the game.

FRESH EGG: Actually a very good food item; it recovers around 85
HP for a cheap price.  The problem is that if you carry it around
for about a minute, it hatches and becomes a Chick, which I
suppose is technically edible if you're really desperate, but
the game will not permit you to attempt this.

GELATO DE RESORT: Paco or whatever his name is sells it on the
beach in Summers.  Like most highly priced delicacies, it's
worthless as food.  Recovers 30-ish HP, I think.

HAMBURGER: Recovers about 50 HP.  It will be your staple food
item in Onett and the early part of Twoson.  Pogo punks leave
them behind; stock up heavily on them before going to Giant
Step, and again before fighting the cops in Onett.

HAND AID: It is not eaten (presumably), but it recovers full
HP for the person it's used on.  I don't know about you, but
I never want to use it because you only get one of them, and
so Paula ends up carrying it around all the way through the
end of the game...

KABOB: A pretty good food item.  I think it recovers 150-ish HP.
But by this point, you ought to be carrying Brain food lunches.

KRAKEN SOUP: Completely refills one person's HP.  Not as
useful as it sounds.  Stick with Brain food lunches.

LARGE PIZZA: Recovers about 240 HP for all party members.
Worth every penny.  I recommend carrying one around at all
times.  It can be very useful against bosses.

LUCKY SANDWICH: Expensive and about as lucky as a three leaf
clover.  Usually it will be worthless as food.

LUXURY JERKY: Pretty good item, recovers 300 or so HP I think,
but by now you definitely should be well-stocked on Brain food
lunches...

MAGIC PUDDING: Recovers 40 PP, and can be obtained only in
Magicant.  The Player's Guide makes this item sound like the
best thing since vanilla popsicles, but compare it to the Brain
food lunch and it's just not worth it.  Take some BFLs to
Magicant with you instead.

MAGIC TART: Identical to the PSI Caramel, recovers 20 PP, but
it can be bought in Summers.  Right after Poo joins, you may
not be able to afford Brain food lunches right away, so you
may want to buy one or two of these.  Considering that lifeup
alpha, which recovers 100 HP, costs 5 PP, an item that recovers
20 PP, like this one, is very valuable in terms of HP recovery.
PP-recovering food is always much better than HP-recovering food.

MAMMOTH BURGER: Recovers about 220 HP.  I carry one around just
because I love the concept of a "mammoth burger."  Obviously,
not really worth having aside from that...

MOLOKHEIYA SOUP: Cool name, so it gets a spot in Escargo for
me.  Not a useful item, though.

PASTA DI SUMMERS: Useless as food, but the "Help!" description
of it is classic.  Try it sometime.

PEANUT CHEESE BAR: Further proof that the more disgusting a food
is, the better it is for you.  Recovers 120 HP, and is the food
item of choice (if you like to carry around lots of food) once
you reach Saturn Valley.  Recovers as much HP as a Pizza for
one-third the cost.

PICNIC LUNCH: A pretty decent food item; recovers 80 HP.  If
you're willing to risk fighting the Cave Boys in Jeff's scenario,
they'll always leave one of these behind, and it'a good food
item to take back to Threed with you.

PIGGY JELLY: Only sold at the very end of the game, after you
finish Magicant.  Recovers about 300 HP.  Buy Brain food lunches,
fool.  I really don't want to ask what this stuff is...

PIZZA: Recovers a nice 120 HP, if you can afford the high cost.
Some enemies drop it, or you can have Mach Pizza deliver it.

PLAIN ROLL: Available only from the Tenda shop.  The worst food
item in the game, value-wise, considering that you have to trade
a Horn of life ($1780) for it, and it recovers only 40 HP.

PLAIN YOGURT: See Plain Roll.  Recovers around 80 HP, I think.

POPSICLE: Available only at the gold mine in the Dusty Dunes
Desert.  Worthless.  Recovers 15 or so HP.

PROTEIN DRINK: Recovers about 120 HP.  It's pretty nice if you
get one from an Annoying Old Party Man or etc.

PSI CARAMEL: Can't be bought; is only found in presents and from
enemies.  Recovers 20 PP.  An excellent food item, especially
in the desert gold mine.

ROCK CANDY: Don't eat it.  It's useful for the infamous Rock
candy bug (see http://starmen.net/mother2/tips/rockcandy.txt).
Ups a randomly selected attribute (speed, guts, vitality, IQ)
by 1, or by 2 if you combine it with a Sugar packet or Jar of
delisauce.

ROYAL ICED TEA: Useless item, but it has a cool description.
Check it out.

SKIP SANDWICH: Recovers only 6 HP, but allows you to sprint around
for 10 seconds.  Kind of fun, but not worth buying.

SKIP SANDWICH DX: See above.  Gives you 20 seconds of sprinting
fun.

SPICY JERKY: Available only by trading a Horn of Life and from
certain gift boxes.  A pretty good food item, actually. Recovers
about 220 HP.

TROUT YOGURT: Recovers only about 30 HP.  Since there's only one
in the game, I like to keep it in Escargo, but that's just me...



MEDICINE

CHICK: Cures homesickness.  Not really medicine, I realize, but
where else should I list it..?

COLD REMEDY: What do YOU think it does? Don't do drugs.

CUP OF LIFENOODLES: Same effect as PSI Healing omega.  See the
PSI Guide in this FAQ.  Always try and keep one handy for an
emergency.  Cannot be bought; can only be found in presents.

HORN OF LIFE: Identical to the Cup of Lifenoodles, except
that it can be bought in Saturn Valley and Deep Darkness.

REFRESHING HERB: Same effect as PSI Healing beta.  See the PSI
Guide in this FAQ.

SECRET HERB: Same effect as PSI Healing gamma.  See the PSI Guide
in this FAQ.

VIAL OF SERUM: Heals poisoning.

WET TOWEL: Heals sunstroke.



BATTLE AIDS  (Bottle rockets are addressed under Jeff's Neat Stuff.)

BAG OF DRAGONITE: Sweeeeeet.  Turns you into a gigantic,
fire-breathing dragon, and will deal a lot of damage (hundreds of
HP, up to and beyond 1000 is possible) to all enemies.  There are
five of them you can get in the game; save them for key battles.

BOMB: Causes 80-120 HP of damage to the target enemy, plus
40-80 HP of collateral damage to any enemies next to the target
enemy, on the same row.

BRAIN STONE: Carrying it prevents the character carrying it from
having their PSI disabled by enemies' "disrupted your senses"
attacks.  Not worth keeping.  Those attacks have a low success rate
anyway, only a handful of enemies use them, and even if they succeed,
do you really care?

FRANKLIN BADGE: Reflects any electrical (thunder) attacks back at the
attacker.  All you have to do is carry it on your person; it doesn't
have to be equipped or used.  Make sure somebody, preferably Paula,
is carrying this.

HANDBAG STRAP: Available only from the Cranky Lady and Extra Cranky
Lady.  Solidifies an enemy's body in battle and deals very minor
damage (doesn't always work.)

INSECTICIDE SPRAY: Causes about 100 HP damage to all bug-type
monsters.  Can only be used once.

JAR OF FLY HONEY: You need it to defeat Master Belch.  Useless
otherwise.

MONKEY'S LOVE: Can solidify an enemy's body; has an OK success rate.
I usually keep it on hand, just for fun more than anything else.
It can be used over and over.

MUMMY WRAP: Deals a fair amount of damage (around 150 HP) and
solidifies the enemy's body.  Pretty useful against bosses.  It
is obtained only from Shattered Men and Fierce Shattered Men.

PAIR OF DIRTY SOCKS: Identical to the Toothbrush in its effect.
This one DID work on the school bully.

PHARAOH'S CURSE: Poisons the enemy.  It usually works.

RUST PROMOTER: Deals some amount of damage (around 120 HP, I think)
to all metallic/robotic enemies.  Some enemies you *think* it would
work on, like Lil' UFOs, it doesn't; it's not nearly as useful as
it sounds.

RUST PROMOTER DX: Same as above, except it does around 240 HP
damage, if my memory is on target.

SNAKE: Poisons the enemy.  It fails a fair amount of the time, and
it also causes minor (1-4 HP) damage.

SNAKE BAG: An infinite supply of Snakes.  I recommend picking one
up and giving it to Poo while his offense is still very low.

STAG BEETLE: Same effect as the Toothbrush.

SUDDEN GUTS PILL: Doubles your Guts when eaten in battle.  The
effect lasts only for that particular battle.  Can't be used
outside of battle.  Not generally useful.

SUPER BOMB: Causes 250-420 HP of damage to the target enemy, plus
120-220 HP of collateral damage to any enemies next to the target
enemy, on the same row.

SUPER PLUSH BEAR: Same effect as the Teddy bear.  It has 400 HP and
higher defense than the Teddy bear.
 
TEDDY BEAR: Very, very useful in the Twoson/Peaceful Rest Valley area,
and in the Fourside Dept Store.  When you're carrying a Teddy bear,
enemies will attack the bear instead of you about 75% of the time.
It can absorb 100 HP of damage before it falls apart.  Also, it is
not affected by any status ailments, so it's effective at drawing
away those annoying attacks that cause colds, poison, etc.

TOOTHBRUSH: Solidifies an enemy's body in battle.  You can only use
it once.  It didn't work on the school bully, he still beat me up :(

VIPER: Poisons the enemy.  It always works.

XTERMINATOR SPRAY: Causes about 300 HP of damage to all bug-type
monsters, and can be used over and over.  It is available only from
the Mad Taxi, and you only have a 1/128 chance of getting it, so
it's not really worth the effort, except that it's so rare.

YOGURT DISPENSER: Well, most people don't know it, but you *can*
use this in battle... it causes 1-4 HP of damage, if you care.
Only Jeff can use it.


RANDOM STUFF

ATM CARD: You can't get rid of it.  Just live with it.

BACKSTAGE PASS: Use it to get into the Runaway Five show in
Twoson.  Then Escargo it.  It doesn't work in Fourside.

BAD KEY MACHINE: Use it to open the lockers, and to open the
locked door trapping Ness and Paula.  Then put it into Escargo.
You won't need it again.

BICYCLE: Pretty fun to ride around on.  Once Paula joins you
can't use it anymore, so Escargo it.  The guy at "Punk-Sure!"
refuses to take it back.  We think they planted a tracking
device on it or something.

CARROT KEY: Gets rid of the rabbits in Dalaam.

CHICKEN: I think using Chickens is unbelievably cool, although it
*is* throwing away 110 bucks.  You should sell them, generally.

CONTACT LENS: Give it to the guy on the second floor of the
Fourside bakery.

DIAMOND: Give it to the theater manager in Fourside.  It has
no other use.

ERASER ERASER: You need it to erase the eraser statue so you
can get into the Stonehenge base.

EXIT MOUSE: If you're stuck in a cave/dungeon and desperately
need to get out fast (like if you're about to die, or if it's
2 AM and you hear your mom getting up and you need to get your
game saved in a hurry), use this. Also note that, depending on
how technically skilled your mom is, it can also be very
effective to pull the video wire out of your SNES, so the TV
reactivates.  She will think the SNES is off, but it isn't.

FOR SALE SIGN: Use it if you're outdoors and want to sell
something.  Pretty useful for those times when you find a new
equippable item and would like to sell the old item, but aren't
near a shop.

HAWK EYE: Give it to Poo when you find it.  Then, when you
reach Deep Darkness, call Escargo and have them deliver it to
you.  Use it when you reach the black areas where you can't
see where you're going.  It's the last known artifact that
originates from the mysterious land known as "Iowa."

HEIROGLYPH COPY: Totally useless.  Escargo it.

INSIGNIFICANT ITEM: You can give it to the guy on the second
floor of the Twoson hospital, and he'll give you a Magic truffle.
I prefer to keep the Insignificant item.  Have you ever tried
to use it?

IQ/VITAL/GUTS/SPEED/LUCK CAPSULE: Raises the indicated attribute
by 1.

KEY TO THE CABIN: Duh.

KEY TO THE LOCKER: Duh.

KEY TO THE SHACK: Duh.

KEY TO THE TOWER: Duh.

KING BANANA: Give it to Man K. Man.  Probably delicious, but
the game won't let you eat it.

METEORITE PIECE: Dr. Andonuts needs it.

METEORNIUM: Useless, but can be sold for a cool $1000.

METEOTITE: Useless, but can be sold for a cool $2000.

PAK OF BUBBLE GUM: You need it in Jeff's scenario.  Use it at
the bottom of the rope you can't reach, and Bubble Monkey will
go and get it for you.  Useless otherwise.

PENCIL ERASER: Come on.  You know what it does.

PICTURE POSTCARD: The anti-prozac!

PIGGY NOSE: Helps you find Magic truffles in the Deep Darkness.
Just find a map online like everyone else, n00b.

PROTRACTOR: Useless.

RECEIVER PHONE: See ATM Card.  Actually, your dad can call
you before you even get the Receiver Phone.  Go figure.

RULER: Useless.

SHOW TICKET: Gets you into the Topolla theater in Fourside.
Note that you buy it for $30 but it sells for only $6.  It's
the only item in the game that doesn't sell for roughly half
its buying price.

SHYNESS BOOK: You need it to cure the Tenda's shyness.  Give it
to the Tenda chief.

SIGNED BANANA: Mr. Spoon (in the Fourside museum) wants it.

SOUND STONE: You just have to carry it around.  Actually, if you
load your inventory full of cookies before Buzz Buzz dies, he'll
put the Sound Stone in Escargo.  If you just never retrieve it,
you can finish the game as usual without it.

SUPORMA: Do you hear that melody?  It's the sound of $200, or
$50, flying out the window...

TENDAKRAUT: You just have to carry it around until you reach the
Lost Underworld, so you can get into the second Tenda Village.
Not useful for anything.

TINY RUBY: The security guard in the Summers museum really
likes gems like these.  You can't use it for anything else,
so...

TOWN MAP: Needlessly takes up inventory space.  If you got it
already, put it in Escargo.

WAD OF BILLS: Give it to the theater manager in Twoson.  You
can't spend it otherwise.

ZOMBIE PAPER: Go inside the big yellow tent and use it.  Then
go sleep at the hotel.

****************
*THE RARE ITEMS*
****************

Here is a list of the rare/valuable items that enemies carry.
There is a 1/128 chance of receiving the item listed from the
enemy listed.

Item                    Enemy
---------------------------------------------
XTerminator spray       Mad Taxi
Sword of kings          Starman Super*
Broken antenna          Uncontrollable Sphere
Magic fry pan           Chomposaur
Star pendant            Major Psychic Psycho
Goddess ribbon          Ghost of Starman
Gutsy bat               Bionic Kraken**

* Once you defeat Starman Deluxe, all Starman Supers disappear
  and you will not be able to obtain the Sword of kings.  You
  *must* get it BEFORE defeating Starman Deluxe.

** The Bionic Kraken is found only in the Tunnel of the Past
   (when you are robots) right before fighting Giygas, and it
   is a very rare enemy.  The effect is that the Gutsy bat is
   an *extremely* hard item to get, and you only get to use it
   for the last tiny fraction of the game.  It's not worth it,
   hi i'm a hidden message if you see me please notify the author
   unless you just want the satisfaction/bragging rights of
   being one of the very few people to have ever legitimately
   found it.

*******************
*JEFF'S NEAT STUFF*
*******************

(In parentheses is the broken item Jeff must fix to get the
 item being described and the IQ level needed to fix it.)

SLIME GENERATOR: It solidifies one enemy's body, which will
cause the enemy to lose one turn in battle.  It has a fairly
high success rate on most enemies (although not most bosses.)
You don't get to pick which enemy to target; it's chosen at
random.  This is one of the first Jeff items you get, and
it's a keeper.  (Broken iron; 10)

DEFENSE SPRAY: Will raise one ally's defense a small amount.
Not worth having or wasting a turn in battle using.  Sell it
and bag the $250. (Broken spray can; 1)

COUNTER-PSI UNIT: Disables an enemy's ability to use PSI,
which is useful if the enemy is reliant on PSI to attack,
as most enemies later in the game are.  However, it has a
poor success rate.  I don't use it; you can, if you want to.
(Broken machine; 1)

HP-SUCKER: Drains about 10% of an enemy's max HP and gives it
to Jeff.  It has a fair success rate on regular enemies and
can be a good way to recover lost HP without using food or
PSI.  It also can work on some bosses earlier in the game.
(Found in the Belch base; does not need repaired)

SHIELD KILLER: Kills an enemy's shield (duh).  Only works on
one enemy at a time; you can choose the target.  Has only a
so-so success rate.  Useless; see Neutralizer (below.)
(Broken pipe; 30)

NEUTRALIZER: Kills all shields (friend and foe) with a 100%
success rate.  Also nullifies any effects of Offense up,
Defense down or Sudden guts pills on all friends and foes,
and returns Poo to his original form if he had used Mirror.
A very, very useful item, much more so than the Shield Killer.
You'll never need to use shields on yourself, and if you do,
you can use the Neutralizer first, put up the shield second,
and stop doing drugs third. (Found in the Monkey cave; does 
not need repaired)

HUNGRY HP-SUCKER: Drains HP in the same manner as the
HP-Sucker, but from all enemies.  Does not drain any more or
less HP from each enemy than the HP-sucker. (Broken tube; 36)

BAZOOKA: It's just like having an infinite supply of Bombs.
It does about 80-120 HP damage to one foe and 50-80 HP of
collateral damage to any foes directly next to it.  It's
not very useful by the time you can get it, in Scaraba.
(Found in Scaraba; does not need repaired.)

HEAVY BAZOOKA: Ohhhhhh yeah.  This is serious power.  It's
like having an infinite supply of Super bombs.  It does
250-400 HP of damage to the targeted enemy, plus 120-180 HP
of damage to any enemies next to it.  Very useful, even
all the way to the end of the game.  Until Jeff's levels
get very high and/or he finds the Gaia beam, it is more
powerful than his Shoot attack, plus it never misses, even
if he is crying like a schoolgirl.  (Broken bazooka; 45)

DEFENSE SHOWER: Has the effect of the Defense spray, but on
all party members.  It can actually be fairly useful,
especially against bosses, so I keep it, although truthfully
I don't use it much.  (Broken trumpet; 55)

BOTTLE ROCKET: Does about 100-150 HP of damage to the
selected foe.  Very cheap and very effective.  It can fail
to work on some bosses and, if you're very unlucky, on some
regular enemies.

BIG BOTTLE ROCKET: Does 350-800 HP of damage to one enemy.
Also cheap and effective.  Keep a supply of these handy at
all times.

MULTI-BOTTLE ROCKET: Does an astounding 1200-2200 HP of
damage to one enemy.  It will wipe out a lot of bosses in one
or two hits, to say nothing of what it will do to a regular
enemy.  Fairly expensive, but worth every penny.

****************************
*FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS*
****************************

This FAQ is organized according to the game's storyline.  If
you have a question or problem with the game, find where you
are in the game and look at the list of things I address here.
I try to cover most of the problematic things in EarthBound
without covering the things that everybody knows or that the
game makes obvious.

For the item lists, I don't include any non-vital items (food,
Lifenoodles, pills, etc.) unless I believe it's a necessity for
you to have them.

For bosses, I have rated each one's general difficulty from one star
(for bosses that you basically can't lose to no matter how hard you
try) to three stars (the toughest bosses.)  Most of them get two.

I. ONETT
  1. What am I supposed to DO after the meteorite hits, anyway?
  2. Why won't that tub of lard Pokey let me out the door?
  3. ARGH!  These @#%(@#% crows!
  4. OK, the bee got whacked and I got the Sound Stone.  Now what?
  5. Hey, these Punks are kicking my butt!  This ain't cool!
  6. Ouch, Frank just beat me to death.
  7. Is this "Travel Charm" I got useful for anything?
  8. Do you have any useful tips for getting through the Giant Step cave?
  9. How can I beat Titanic Ant?  Do I have to find a can of Raid or 
     something?
 10. YIKES! These cops are brutal!
 11. OK, Captain Strong was a cream puff.  Anything else I should do in 
      Onett before I go to Twoson?

II. TWOSON
  1. Whoa, I have this mushroom on my head and now the controller's all 
     screwed up! I can't walk straight!
  2. OK, so what in the world am I supposed to do in this town?
  3. Oh geez, that weird dude jumped off his roof and attacked me.
  4. Hey, what's this teddy bear following me around for?  What's it do?
  5. Orange Kid and Apple Kid?  What the heck?  They want me to give
     them $200 apiece?  Are they insane?
  6. Man, I'm just about out of money.  How can I get rich quick?
  7. So I went to Peaceful Rest Valley, and this stupid metal statue of
     a PENCIL, of all things, is blocking me.  Now what?
  8. Ugh.  I can't stand this.  My inventory's clogged full of stuff.
     What should I get rid of?
  9. ACK!  That Territorial Oak just burst into flames and killed me!
 10. You know, that PSI Magnet attack those mobile sprouts do is really
     getting on my nerves.  I don't have any PP left.  Heeeeelp!
 11. Dude, I'm hopelessly lost in Peaceful Rest Valley and the Town Map
     doesn't work.  How do I get outta here?

III. HAPPY HAPPY VILLAGE
  1. What happens if I don't pay at the food stand?
  2. Which cave am I supposed to go in first?
  3. Hey, all these weirdo Happy Happyists are swaying around and they
     won't even talk to me.  How am I supposed to get past them?
  4. @#()@*!!  I made it all the way past those guys, and Carpainter
     just zapped me outside with lightning!
  5. OK, I finally rescued Paula.  Now what?
  6. Ugh, Paula's so weak she keeps getting killed as soon as she gets
     in a fight.  What can I do?
  7. What DOES this "Pray" thing do, anyway?
  8. O_O Mondo Mole is IMPOSSIBLE.  He just wipes out Paula with one
     hit and Ness in two.  What, do I need to be at level 496?
  9. Now what?

IV. TWOSON PART TWO
  1. OK, I'm back in Twoson.  What should I do now?
  2. Hey, the manager won't take my money! What gives?
  3. Anything I should do before I hop on the bus and go to Threed?

V. THREED
  1. OK, I went to the drugstore and upgraded my weapons.  Now what
     am I supposed to do?
  2. OUCH! I just got whacked by a bunch of zombies!

VI. WINTERS
  1. Hey! This stupid key doesn't work!
  2. How come that little creep Tony won't let me leave?
  3. Do I REALLY have to take that silly monkey with me?
  4. Why doesn't the ATM machine work?  Is there any way to get
     enough money to buy those cool weapons?
  5. *^&$%^ GRUFF GOATS!
  6. I'm stuck at that place where the "Tessie Watchers Club" is.
     What should I do next?
  7. I'm stuck in the cave.  The dumb rope is tied up at the top
     of a ledge and I can't reach it!  Where am I supposed to go?
  8. Those Cave Boys are nasty tough.

VII. THREED II: THREED, SATURN VALLEY AND THE BELCH BASE
  1. Well, okay, Jeff joined, but I'm still stuck in this room
     because the door's locked. What should I do?
  2. I'm out of the prison, finally.  Now what?
  3. Okay, I beat the tent.  Now what?
  4. How can I get rid of this possession?
  5. Yikes!  Those Zombie dogs are nasty!
  6. How am I supposed to beat these Armored frogs?
  7. I'm stuck at the waterfall.  What do I need to do to get in?
     How do I say the password?
  8. Foppies?  WTF?
  9. OK, I've been fighting Belch for 53 straight hours, and I've
     dealt at least 97 million HP of damage to him, and he STILL
     won't die.  Is he invincible or what?
 10. Ouch.  Trillionage Sprout just lit me up like a Christmas tree.  

VIII. DUSTY DUNES DESERT
  1. How do I make the traffic jam go away?
  2. What am I supposed to DO here, anyway?
  3. Where's the contact lens that sign said about?
  4. Is it possible to win that casino with the weird Mexican guys?
     Is it worth the time and money?

IX. FOURSIDE PART ONE
  1. OK, I'm done exploring.  Nice city.  But what am I supposed to
     do here?  I'm lost...
  2. I went back to the desert, but there's no gold mine!  What did
     I do wrong?

X. DESERT GOLD MINE
  (See below.)

XI. FOURSIDE PART 2
  1. Why won't the theater manager take the Diamond?
  2. Now I'm stuck.  I paid off the Runaway Five's debt, and they
     jumped town.  Now what can I do?
  3. YIKES!  These enemies in the Department store are taking me
     out like yesterday's trash!
  4. o_O Dept. Store Spook annihilated me.
  5. Alright, I FINALLY got through that vicious department store.
     So what's next?
  6. What can I give that scuzzy guy so I can get to Everdred?
  7. What does he mean, "Check behind the counter?" I can't find
     anything there.

XII. MOO MOO MOO NSI NSI NSI IIIIIDDDDDEEEEEEEE
  1. WTF?
  2. ACK! I just got killed by an Enraged fire plug!
  3. I'm completely lost.  There are invisible walls everywhere.
     This town is screwed up.  Where should I go?
  4. OK.  Can you PLEASE give me a nice, simple description of
     how to get out of Moonside, from the beginning?
  5. Hey, thanks.  You rule. 

XIII. FOURSIDE/DDD PART III
  1. Hey, I got a problem.  One of my guys is paralyzed.  How
     can I fix this?
  2. ARGH, this monkey cave is hard.
  3. What good stuff is there in the monkey cave?
  4. $#@(^&#$^&%!! THERE'S A #^&#$( PENCIL STATUE AND I DON'T
     HAVE THE PENCIL ERASER#@%&(#$!!
  5. Hey, is there any way to say the password those sentry
     robots want?  Like, a button combination or something?
  6. X_X <-- That's me after Clumsy Robot crushed me like
     a grape.

XIV. THREED PART III
  1. The Runaway Five dumped me in Threed and now I have no
     idea what I'm supposed to do.  So help!
  2. Is there anything I need to do in Winters besides knock off
     Shrooom!?

XV. SUMMERS
  1. So, uh... I crashed on the beach, but survived.  What
     should I do?
  2. Is there anything worth seeing or doing in the museum?
  3. How can I get into the Stoic club?
  4. What does that creep Tony mean, my name?  What should
     I put in here?  Or should I hang up and call the police?
  5. That weird woman took off and said to find her at a
     little cart out on the beach.  So where is she?
  6. O_o  WTF!
  7. Hey, what happened?  I can't get Poo's trial to work.
  8. Right, Poo joined the party now.  So where should I go next?

XVI. FOURSIDE PART IV
  1. Is there anything new to do in Fourside, besides get Venus's
     autograph for Mr. Spoon?
  2. Anything I should know about the sewer?
  3. What on earth is this "carrot key" for?

XVII. DALAAM
  1. Anything I should do before I go into the cave?
  2. What's the quickest way to the boss?  This cave is annoying...
  3. Okay, I got the Pink cloud melody.  Now where do I go?

XVIII. SCARABA
  1. Is this DXWater worth it?  What does it do?
  2. Hey, isn't there some neat trick you can do with Rock candy?
  3. How do I get into the @#&@(%%^ Pyramid?!
  4. Oy, I'm just about dead and there's no end in sight in the
     Pyramid.  Is there anything I can do?

XIX. SCARABA PART II
  1. HEY! You told me to give Poo the Hawk eye, and now he's gone!
     NOW what am I gonna do, genius?!
  2. So where is this "Dungeon Man" guy, anyhow?
  3. I can't get into Dungeon Man.  It says it's locked.  I even
     tried the Bad Key Machine, but it didn't work either.  Is
     there a key somewhere?

XX. DEEP DARKNESS/TENDA VILLAGE
  1. So what DOES this Monkey's love do, anyway?
  2. Eep! Why's my screen flashing red?
  3. Is there any way to fix the crashed helicopter?
  4. OK, Poo's back and I made it to Tenda Village.  Sooo...
     now what?

XXI. WINTERS PART II
  1. Is there anything important to get before I sail south?
  2. Any tips on getting the Sword of kings?

XXII. TENDA VILLAGE/LUMINE HALL
  1. I beat Starman Deluxe and Apple Kid said he returned the
     Shyness Book to the Onett Library.  I went there, but I can't
     find it...
  2. How do I get the Tenda to read the stupid book?!

XXIII. LOST UNDERWORLD
  1. Um... I'm totally lost.  Where should I go?
  2. Where are the hot springs around here?
  3. WTF is that weird cave with the messed up music where I get
     big again?  Is there anything I'm supposed to do there?

XXIV. MAGICANT
  1. Should I buy an Earth pendant?  Is it good?
  2. Hey, these Flying men are pretty cool.  Except they always
     die.
  3. Is there anything special about the colors in Magicant?

XXV. ONETT PART II
  1. Is there ANYTHING I can do in Onett besides fetch the
     Meteorite piece?
  2. Oh man, I just barely survived the last battle and I'm
     about to die.  This is tough.  I don't think I can make it
     back to Ness's house.  What can I do?

XXVI. TUNNEL OF THE PAST
  1. Is there any way to go back to Saturn Valley, or anywhere
     else, after I've become a robot?
  2. Is there ANY way to sleep or anything to get my HP and PP
     refilled here?
  3. I'm having trouble with these enemies.  What level should
     I be at by now?

=============================
 OOO  N   N EEEEE TTTTT TTTTT
O   O NN  N E       T     T                 *******
O   O N N N EEE     T     T                 *ONETT*
O   O N  NN E       T     T                 *******
 OOO  N   N EEEEE   T     T
=============================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU FIGHT FRANK:

ATM Card            Sound stone
Tee ball bat        Mr. baseball cap
Cheap bracelet      Hamburger
Hamburger           Hamburger

ITEMS TO BUY: Tee ball bat, Cheap bracelet
ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Mr. baseball cap (in the clubhouse in the woods just
                   to the left of the library.)

ENEMIES IN NORTHERN ONETT

COIL SNAKE: Takes out 4 HP per biting attack.  Bash it.

SPITEFUL CROW: Very dangerous.  It is very fast and will frequently
dodge your attacks, and it also steals items regularly.  Its pecking
attack does 6-7 HP damage, so keep your HP above 7.  It always leaves
a Cookie behind when defeated.  Unless you're Traceh.  

<Traceh> One time a Spiteful Crow left me a power drill, and all I 
could think was "where have all the cookies gone?"

RUNAWAY DOG: Biting attack does 6-7 HP damage, but it doesn't use it
all that often.  Not overly dangerous, but worth more exp. than the
Spiteful Crow.

BOSS: STARMAN JUNIOR (*)

You can't lose.  Just do whatever and Buzz Buzz will take care of things.

ENEMIES IN ONETT TOWN

SKATE PUNK: Has the least HP of the Sharks; by the time you hit level 6
or so, you should be able to defeat it with one blow sometimes.  It
calls for other Sharks to join the battle, which is bad news at these
low levels.  Defeat it first when Sharks fight you in groups.

YES MAN JUNIOR: Nasty hula hoop attack does 9-10 HP damage (What's that
hula hoop made of, anyway?  Steel?)  The toughest of the Sharks.  Defeat
it second when they fight in groups.

POGO PUNK: Its "charge forward" attack does 9-10 HP damage, but it
doesn't use it as often as the Yes Man does.  It falls down a lot...
defeat it last when they fight in groups.  It usually drops a Hamburger
when defeated.

BOSS: FRANK (**)

He can be pretty tough if you're not careful.  The easiest thing to do
is level up to level 8 before you fight him.  If you do that, you can
wipe out both him and Frankystein Mark II with one shot of your PSI
Special.  If your level isn't that high... well, keep your HP
over 25 or so because his knife attack REALLY hurts, and bash away.

FRANKYSTEIN MARK II (*)

Not particularly dangerous, since it only attacks you every other turn.
Keep your HP over 40, since it does have one powerful attack, and bash
away patiently.

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU ENTER THE GIANT STEP CAVE

ATM Card            Sound stone
Tee ball bat        Mr. baseball cap
Cheap bracelet      Hamburger
Hamburger           Hamburger
Hamburger

ENEMIES IN THE GIANT STEP CAVE

ROWDY MOUSE: Its biting attack will miss 1/4 of the time, will hit you
for minor damage 1/4 of the time, and will SMAAAAASH you for 11-13 HP
damage about 1/2 of the time.  It takes two hits to defeat it.

ATTACK SLUG: They like to attack in huge groups, but don't freak out.
They're harmless.  Use Auto Fight.  They *very* rarely (1/128 chance)
will drop a Bomb after battle.  They remind me of the clerks at
McDonald's somehow...

BLACK ANTOID: These little buggers are nasty.  Their biting attack
takes out 11-13 HP a pop.  If you fight two at once, hope you get
lucky.  Sometimes they'll call for help; other times they'll use
PSI lifeup.  Either is preferable to the biting attack.  If you fight
3 or more at a time, use PSI Special to kill them all at once.  They
drop Cookies pretty often.

BOSS: TITANIC ANT (***)

This can be one of the toughest fights in the game, if you're not lucky.
You'll want to be at full power, or very near full power, before this
fight; see FAQ #8 to see how to get your HP and PP refilled just before
the fight. You'll have to get your level up to at least 10 or so.  Fire 
off PSI Special until you don't have enough PP to do it anymore; this
will take care of the Antoids and get Titanic Ant's HP down.  Then 
you have to bash away and stay over 40 HP or so.  (Since Titanic Ant
steals your PP, you'll need some hamburgers to keep your HP up.)

ENEMIES IN THE POLICE STATION

COP: His "crushing chop" attack is pretty nasty, doing 20-30 HP of
damage a pop.  Use lifeup and/or Hamburgers to keep your HP fairly
high, and bash away; 'tis all you can do, really...

BOSS: CAPTAIN STRONG (**)

He's not really tough at all.  He has one good attack, his submission
hold.  It can do up to 60 HP damage, so keep your HP over that 60
mark.  A shot of PSI Special will make this a short battle.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Get out of bed. Get Cracked bat in sister's room (equip it). Go find
meteorite (left, down, follow path). Talk to Pokey (looks like a pig).
Go home, talk to mom, sleep. Get out of bed again. Open door. Say yes.
Talk to dog, dog joins you. Go back to top of mountain (enemies can be
dangerous). Get Picky and Buzz Buzz. Go home. Whack Starman Junior.
Go to Pokey's house, talk to father. Try to leave, Buzz Buzz gets
splattered. Get Sound Stone.

Get Mr. baseball cap from secret shack in woods behind library. Fight
animals for money, buy Tee ball bat, Cheap bracelet. Fight Sharks
until you like your level (6 is enough, 8 is overkill). Whack Frank
and his stupid robot. Get key from mayor. Get lots of hamburgers! Rest!
Open shack. Proceed through cave; watch out for Antoids. Find Magic
Butterfly in outdoors area; it respawns when you exit/enter the area.
Refill HP/PP there. Whack Titanic Ant (he's tough; see above).

Return to Onett. Rest up; restock hamburgers if necessary. Go to
Police station. Whack Cops (keep HP up!) Whack Strong (PSI Special =
win). Go to Twoson.

FAQ
                                                                          
1. What am I supposed to DO after the meteorite hits, anyway?           
   - You can wander around outside and talk to everyone, but the one
     thing you have to do there is talk to Pokey (the fat kid at the top
     of the hill), and then return home, and your mother will be waiting
     at the door, and she'll send you to bed.

2. Why won't that tub of lard Pokey let me out the door?
   - You have to get the Cracked bat from Tracy's room (upstairs) and
     equip it.  (Press A, go to Equip, Weapon, Cracked bat.)  Then he'll
     join you and you'll be able to leave.  Don't forget to have the dog
     join you, too.

3. ARGH!  These @#%(@#% crows!
   - Yeah, they're tough early on.  If you're having a lot of trouble
     with them, you may want to hang around your house and fight until
     you get to level 3 or 4.  Anytime your HP gets low, you can go back
     and talk to mom for a fill-up.

4. OK, the bee got whacked and I got the Sound Stone.  Now what?
   - Now you're free to wander around to Onett, see the sights, and talk
     to everyone.  Your next particular objective is to defeat Frank,
     who is in the back yard of the arcade.  You'll want to be at least
     at level 6 before you fight him; I recommend level 8, but let's face
     it, you probably think you have better things to do than fight Sharks
     for an hour to get all the way to 8.
                                                                          
5. Hey, these Punks are kicking my butt!  This ain't cool!
   - Heh heh.  A few tips: First, don't fight the Sharks unless you're at
     level 4.  Fight crows and dogs until you get to that level if you're
     not there yet.  Second, make certain you buy the Tee ball bat and
     Cheap bracelet (heh, yeah, right; it costs $98) at the drugstore.  If
     you don't have enough money yet, you'll need to fight crows and dogs
     to earn it.  Also, get the Mr. Baseball cap from the secret clubhouse
     in the woods just to the left of the library.  This will get your
     defense high enough to stand a chance.  When your level is low (below
     level 6), try your best not to fight Sharks in groups of 2 or 3.  The
     damage can pile up.  Don't hesitate to use PSI lifeup when your HP
     gets low. When you run out of PP, you can return home for a free rest.

6. Ouch, Frank just beat me to death.
   - You need to lifeup whenever you dip below 30 HP, because his knife
     attack is nasty.  I strongly recommend having the patience to fight
     Sharks until you get to level 8; you learn your PSI special attack at
     that level, and it will make quick work of both Frank and Frankystein
     Mark II.

7. Is this "Travel Charm" I got useful for anything?
   - No. Sell it.
                                                                          
8. Do you have any useful tips for getting through the Giant Step cave?
   - One.  There's a place about 2/3 of the way through the cave where you
     go outside and then back inside.  On that little ledge outside the 
     cave, you can get Magic Butterflies to appear by entering and exiting
     the cave through the entrance to the right.  Cast lifeup on yourself 
     and then use the butterflies to restore your PP to full.  Oh yeah, 
     also, it helps to take a healthy supply of hamburgers with you and 
     save them for the boss battle.

9. How can I beat Titanic Ant?  Do I have to find a can of Raid or 
   something?
   - See the boss strategy section just before this FAQ section.

10. YIKES! These cops are brutal!
    - Not really.  You just, again, should take a few burgers with you,
      bash away, and use lifeup or a burger when your HP goes below 30.
      Their crushing chop attack deals pretty serious damage.  You have
      to beat four of them before you fight Captain Strong.
                                                                          
11. OK, Captain Strong was a cream puff.  Anything else I should do in 
    Onett before I go to Twoson?
    - Not really.  Don't bother with the exit mouse; if you got one
      already, dump it in Escargo, along with the Town map if you have 
      that too.


===================================
TTTTT W   W  OOO  SSSSS  OOO  N   N
  T   W   W O   O S     O   O NN  N                ********
  T   W W W O   O  SSS  O   O N N N                *TWOSON*
  T   W W W O   O     S O   O N  NN                ********
  T    W W   OOO  SSSSS  OOO  N   N
===================================
                                                     
WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU ENTER PEACEFUL REST VALLEY:

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Tee ball bat        Mr. baseball cap    
Copper bracelet     Teddy bear          
Teddy bear          Teddy bear

ITEMS TO BUY: Copper bracelet (From the Jamaican d00d in Burglin park),
A few Teddy bears, and load up on Fresh eggs at least a time or two
(see FAQ #6).  Also pick up the For sale sign from the scuzzy guy.

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Be sure to grab the Teddy bear from Paula's room
upstairs at the Polestar preschool.  In Peaceful rest valley, don't
miss the valuable Hard hat (see FAQ #11).                     

ENEMIES IN TWOSON

RAMBLIN' EVIL MUSHROOM: Not dangerous, except that it can Mashroomize
you with its spores.  Get to the nearest hospital and talk to the Healer
if you get Mashroomized.  The plus side to this is you'll make $50 off
the mushroom.  That rocks!

MOBILE SPROUT: The one very irritating thing about the Mobile Sprout is
its PSI Magnet attack, which will leech you dry of much-needed PP in
Peaceful Rest Valley.  Teddy bears are invaluable here, as they will
usually harmlessly absorb the PSI Magnet.  Mobile Sprouts can also
bring other Mobile Sprouts into battle, and the damage can pile up
if you let them get out of hand.  Bash them.  It will occasionally
leave a Croissant as a present.

UNASSUMING LOCAL GUY: Very rare enemy, but you'll see a few of them
here and there.  He is, well... pretty unassuming.  Just bash him.

CRANKY LADY: She must be carrying bricks in her shopping bag, because
that bugger HURTS.  Beware her shopping bag attack.  Just bash her.
She will occasionally leave a Handbag strap, which can be used in
battle to make an enemy's body solidify.  She's worth the most exp.
of the four Twoson enemies.  I have to deal with these all the time at
the local public library, but I don't get any exp. from fighting them...

NEW AGE RETRO HIPPIE: One of the poster enemies in EarthBound, and the
only one (besides Frank) that has its retro battle music.  He's not
dangerous at all.  Just whack him.

ANNOYING OLD PARTY MAN: I love fighting these guys... they're always
reeling and wobbly and stuff.  They do take three attacks to defeat,
though, and they have pretty good offense, so be careful.  Occasionally
they'll drop a Protein drink.

BOSS: EVERDRED (**)

He's not *that* dangerous, but you need to be careful, as he can
SMAAAAASH you occasionally for a lot of damage.  Keep your HP close to
max and bash away, or use a shot of PSI Special to put him in his
place.

ENEMIES IN PEACEFUL REST VALLEY

LIL' UFO: Very irritating enemy before you get the Hard hat.  It's very,
very fast and will dodge at least half your attacks.  Plus, its beam
weapon is powerful, tacking on 15 HP damage or so (they're brutal on
Teddy bears.)  Plus, it can fire a beam that makes you catch a cold,
which will cost you 5 PP to heal.  Again, Teddy bears sometimes absorb
the cold-causing attack for you, which is one more reason to keep a
few around.  they like to fight with Spinning Robos or with up to three
Mobile Sprouts at a time.  Sometimes they'll drop a Skip sandwich.

SPINNING ROBO: Reportedly is ticked off after being fired from its job
operating the Tilt A Whirl at the local Six Flags in Threed.
Not quite as annoying as the Lil' UFO, but just as
dangerous.  Its attack is even more powerful (about 20 HP a pop before
you get the Hard hat.)  It doesn't dodge attacks too often, but it can
cast a Shield of light on itself or an ally, which halves the amount
of damage you can do to that enemy.  They like to fight with Lil' UFOs.
If you're very, very lucky, you could get a Meteornium from it.  It is
a useless item, but it sells for a cool $1000.

TERRITORIAL OAK: Don't fight them.  You'll be very, very sorry if you
do.  Try your best to stay out of battle with them.  If you get into
a battle with one, run away.  If you defeat a Territorial Oak, it
bursts into flames, causing 300+ HP of mortal damage.  (If you have
a Teddy bear, you can kiss it goodbye.)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Enter Twoson. Talk to Paula's parents. Beat up Everdred. Farm chickens
if you want to make money (buy Fresh eggs, wander around until they
become chickens, sell chickens for big profit).  Give food (condiment
packets work) and $200 cash to Apple Kid. Receive Receiver phone. Go
east into Peaceful Rest Valley; look at pencil statue; return to
Twoson; receive phone call; go to Burglin Park; get Pencil Eraser from
Apple Kid.  Rest up; buy at least 2 Teddy bears. Return to Peaceful
Rest Valley. Erase statue. Go right, down, right, up to bridge, over
bridge, up, left (get hard hat), right, down. Don't fight moving trees.
Cave leads to Happy Happy Village.

FAQ

1. Whoa, I have this mushroom on my head and now the controller's all
   screwed up! I can't walk straight!
   - Sounds like you got Mashroomized by a Ramblin' Evil Mushroom.  You
     need to get to a hospital and talk to a healer.  (If you're in Twoson
     now, the hospital is in the far northeast of the town.)  Here's a tip:
     If you turn your controller around, you can make it easier to walk.
     For instance, if when you push right you move up, turn your controller
     so the right button is facing up, and then you'll be able to walk more
     easily.  As an added bonus, the Healer will not only take the mushroom
     away, but he'll even pay you a sweet $50 for it!
                                                                          
2. OK, so what in the world am I supposed to do in this town?
   - Start off by going to the Dept. Store and pulling about $700 from your
     account.  There's nothing you really need to buy here, so after that
     you'll want to rest in the hotel and then go to Burglin Park.  Talk to
     the Jamaican dude and buy a Copper Bracelet from him and equip it.
     Also, you'll want to buy the "For Sale" sign from the scuzzy guy.  Go
     over near the guy standing on the roof of his house at your own risk.

3. Oh geez, that weird dude jumped off his roof and attacked me.
   - Yep.  He's not too tough.  A shot or two of PSI Rockin will dispatch
     him.  He will steal your items if you don't beat him quickly, though.

4. Hey, what's this teddy bear following me around for?  What's it do?
   - It's an *extremely* useful item.  In battle, about 75% of the time,
     an enemy's attack will be directed toward the Teddy bear and not
     toward you.  The $178 cost is a bargain; you should take two or three
     of them with you into Peaceful Rest Valley.  Note that you can also
     get a Teddy bear in Paula's room upstairs at the Polestar preschool.
                                                                          
5. Orange Kid and Apple Kid?  What the heck?  They want me to give
   them $200 apiece?  Are they insane?
   - Well, not only that, but Apple Kid wants you to feed him.  You can
     go buy something like a ketchup packet and give that to him, and he'll
     accept it.  Give Apple Kid the $200; it'll be worth it.  Don't give
     a dime to Orange Kid unless you're the kind of person who believes
     wasting money on pointless junk helps drive the global economy, in
     which case you should give $200 to Orange Kid, and he'll give you a
     helpful lesson on how capitalism works.
                                                                          
6. Man, I'm just about out of money.  How can I get rich quick?
   - Fortunately, Twoson is a good place to build up money.  There are 
     three good ways to do this:
     (1) You can sell mushrooms to the Healer for $50 a pop.
     (2) In the hotel, there's a guy at a table that goes "What?" If you
         talk to him repeatedly, 15 or so times, he'll give you $50 and 
         tell you to go buy a juice or something.  This only works once :P
     (3) And ah, yes, the big one.  Clear your inventory of all non-vital
         items (equipped stuff, ATM Card, Sound stone, Receiver phone) and 
         then fill it full of Fresh eggs at Burglin Park.  Now go wander 
         around the long road in the south, fighting easy enemies and 
         picking up exp. After a few minutes, the eggs will begin to hatch 
         into chicks, and after a few more minutes, they'll become 
         Chickens.  Now whip out the For Sale sign or go to Burglin to sell 
         them -- the Chickens sell for $110 apiece!  (They must be magical 
         or something.)  That's a tidy $98 profit per egg, so you can build 
         up cash in a hurry. Note that if you use a Chicken, it runs away 
         and you lose it, plus you have to live with the shame of knowing 
         you used a chicken.  How could you.
                                                                          
7. So I went to Peaceful Rest Valley, and this stupid metal statue of
   a PENCIL, of all things, is blocking me.  Now what?
   - I hope you gave Apple Kid $200, cause if you didn't you're about to 
     get very irritated.  Anyway, if you did show him the money, check the 
     pencil statue out, and then turn around and go back to Twoson.
     As soon as you emerge from the cave your new Receiver phone will 
     ring.  Apple Kid is in Burglin Park with the Pencil eraser.
                                                                          
8. Ugh.  I can't stand this.  My inventory's clogged full of stuff.
   What should I get rid of?
   - You have to keep the ATM Card, Receiver phone and Sound stone.  If you
     still have the Town map, dump it into Escargo Express.  Likewise if you
     have an Exit mouse.  Aside from that, Teddy bears are far more valuable
     than food items; take a couple of them.  The Pencil eraser will have to
     go with you for now, but you can put it in Escargo as soon as you reach
     Happy Happy Village.  So with the four essential items plus two or 
     three Teddy bears, plus your three eqipped items, that should leave you 
     with four or five open spaces.  You can take a Hamburger or two if you 
     want; I recommend taking the For Sale sign too.  Always try to keep a 
     space or two open so you can collect stuff you find in gift boxes.  
     P.S. if you still have the Travel Charm, sell or dump it.

9. ACK!  That Territorial Oak just burst into flames and killed me!
   - Yep.  It sure did.  Don't fight Territorial Oaks; when you defeat them,
     they burst into flames and deal hundreds of HP of (mortal) damage.
     If it's the end of the battle, you'll survive it, but you'll still take
     30-50 HP of damage; it's not worth it.  What's worse, if you have a
     Teddy bear, it'll get annihilated with one blow.  If you see a
     Territorial Oak coming, turn around and try to scroll it off the 
     screen, and then approach again.  If you have to get in a fight with 
     one, run away, and then make like Brave Sir Robin and confuse it by 
     running away more.

10. You know, that PSI Magnet attack those mobile sprouts do is really
    getting on my nerves.  I don't have any PP left.  Heeeeelp!
    - Well, first off, you should have taken some Teddy bears.  The bears 
      will usually absorb the PSI magnet attack harmlessly.  If you don't 
      have any bears, you just have to live with it.  Look around for magic 
      butterflies. If you run completely out of PP, you need to either 
      a) Turn around and try to make it back to Twoson (if you get killed, 
      you still get to keep the exp. you earned), or b) avoid fights at all 
      costs and look for magic butterflies.

11. Dude, I'm hopelessly lost in Peaceful Rest Valley and the Town Map
    doesn't work.  How do I get outta here?
    - Here's the basic course you need to follow.  Go over the bridge after
      erasing the pencil statue, then work your way down, right, and over 
      the next bridge.  Go upward after crossing it.  (Magic butterflies 
      often appear in the area just north of the second bridge; if you need 
      PP, try walking back and forth across it a few times.  Be warned, 
      Territorial Oaks appear a lot in this area too.)  At the fork of the 
      road, go left first and get the Hard hat (don't forget to equip it.)  
      Then retrace your steps and go right and then down, and from there 
      work your way to the right and you should find Happy Happy Village.

==============================================================
H   H   A   PPPP  PPPP  Y   Y    H   H   A   PPPP  PPPP  Y   Y
H   H  A A  P   P P   P  Y Y     H   H  A A  P   P P   P  Y Y
HHHHH AAAAA PPPP  PPPP    Y      HHHHH AAAAA PPPP  PPPP    Y
H   H A   A P     P       Y      H   H A   A P     P       Y
H   H A   A P     P       Y      H   H A   A P     P       Y

           V   V I L     L       A    GGGG EEEEE
           V   V I L     L      A A  G     E
           V   V I L     L     AAAAA G  GG EEE
            V V  I L     L     A   A G   G E
             V   I LLLLL LLLLL A   A  GGG  EEEEE
==============================================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU GET TO HAPPY HAPPY VILLAGE:

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Tee ball bat        Hard hat    
Copper bracelet     

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE GOING BACK TO TWOSON:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Sand lot bat        Hard hat    
Copper bracelet

Paula

Franklin badge      Fry pan
Great charm         Copper bracelet
Ribbon

(I recommend giving the Franklin badge to Paula after she joins,
 as she is the weakest character HP-wise and therefore is in
 most need of its protection.)

ITEMS TO BUY: Sand lot bat, (after you rescue Paula) Fry pan,
              Copper bracelet, Ribbon
ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Franklin badge (From Paula, through the cave
                   to the north), Great charm (in the Lilliput
                   steps cave, in the far southwest)

ENEMIES

INSANE CULTIST: Very weak foe, but it's worth a pretty sizable
amount of exp.  You may want to take a few opportunities to gain
some levels by fighting them before you whack Carpainter.  They
occasionally call other Insane Cultists into battle, but hey,
the more the merrier in this case.  Sometimes I just Defend and
wait for them to call in help.  Their paint attack is laughable
as long as you have the Hard hat.

BOSS: MR. CARPAINTER (*)

Nothing to worry about; just bash away.  His paint attack, which
he rarely uses and which is his only attack that hurts you, does
30 or so HP of damage.  He'll likely kill himself when he uses
his Crashing Boom Bang attack.

ENEMIES IN THE LILLIPUT STEPS CAVE

MOLE PLAYING ROUGH: Not much of a threat.  His basic attack does
around 10 HP of damage; his sharp nails will do 30-35.  Two
bashes from Ness will do the job.  They'll leave a Croissant on
occasion.

MR. BATTY: These guys are pretty dangerous.  If you're at a decent
level, Ness can usually kill them with one blow.  Have Paula
defend against them; they have pretty damaging attacks, and they
are known to SMAAAAASH now and then.  If you fight a group of 3 or
more, you might want to consider PSI Fire with Paula.

MIGHTY BEAR: Beware the bear.  It's a nasty foe.  It's capable
of killing Paula with one blow unless you've done some serious
levelbuilding with her already; its attacks range from about 25 to
70 HP damage.  Use PSI Freeze against it to kill it quickly.  If
you're lucky, you might get a Teddy bear from one of these.

BOSS: MONDO MOLE (***)

Mondo Mole can either be the hardest or easiest boss in the game;
your call.  If you use Paralysis, it will render him helpless and
you'll cruise to an easy victory.  If you choose to do it the more
honorable way, you're in for a brutal fight.  He will wipe Paula
out with one hit unless she's all the way to level 20 or so.  Have
her use PSI Fire right off the bat and try to damage him a bit
before she goes under.  Also use Special.  If you're lucky, he
won't put up a psychic shield immediately.  Once he gets the
shield up, you can try to use Thunder if Paula's still alive (if
you're lucky and it connects, it will take out the shield in one
hit), but Ness will just have to bash and try to stay alive.  Good
luck.  (Note that the psychic shield does not block Paralysis.  No,
I don't know why.)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Enter Happy Happy Village. Get Sand lot bat at drugstore. Fight
Cultists for levels if you like to collect levels. Go through cave
to north (not cave to east), find cabin. Talk to Paula, get Franklin
Badge (she will chew you out if you're on drugs and your inventory
is full). Outside, Pokey taunts you and you whack some sissies.
Go back to Happy Happy; enter cult HQ in center of town. Lots of
Cultists! Watch them closely; a few move faster than the rest. You
can talk to the fast-moving ones and they'll move. Some will fight
you: easy exp.! Work your way left, go upstairs; whack Carpainter,
get key, note presence of Mani-Mani statue. Go back to cabin, get
Paula. Go to drugstore, buy Fry Pan, Copper bracelet, Ribbon. Rest.
Give Franklin Badge to Paula.

Go into east cave now. Always choose Defend for Paula; her attacks
are useless anyway right now. Get Great charm in lower-left corner
just after entering. Give it to Paula. Now follow path through
cave. Beware of Mighty Bears and groups of Mr. Battys. Whack
Mondo Mole (easy with paralysis; good luck without).  Get second
melody. Return to Twoson via Peaceful Rest Valley (don't worry, 
it's a breeze on the return trip).

FAQ

1. What happens if I don't pay at the food stand?
   - Nothing, except that the Unassuming Local Guy guarding it will
     attack you if you talk to him.  But really.  You can't spare
     five bucks for a banana?  And if you're gonna sell a chicken
     for $110, is it really that much to ask for $12 for the egg?
     These kids these days, they have no morals...

2. Which cave am I supposed to go in first?
   - I recommend saving Paula before getting the second melody (so
     you can build her exp.), so go in the north one first and find
     Paula.  If you want to, you can defeat Mondo Mole in the east
     cave first, without Paula.  Some people prefer to do this first
     because Paula gets killed a lot while building her exp, and that
     dark red, Virtual-Boy background you see when somebody's dead
     hurts their eyes.

3. Hey, all these weirdo Happy Happyists are swaying around and they
   won't even talk to me.  How am I supposed to get past them?
   - Keep a close eye on them -- a few of them sway faster than the
     rest.  The ones who are swaying fast will talk to you (and some
     will attack you.)  Talk to these guys and you'll eventually find
     your way through the maze.

4. @#()@*!!  I made it all the way past those guys, and Carpainter
   just zapped me outside with lightning!
   - Fool!  You have to go talk to Paula and get the Franklin Badge
     from her before you can fight Carpainter.  Go through the north
     cave now.  I'll wait...

5. OK, I finally whacked Carpainter and rescued Paula.  Now what?
   - Now you should go into the east cave and get the Lilliput steps
     melody.  If you already have, skip ahead to #7 and #9.  Note
     that, if you really *want* to, you can skip this altogether and
     return at much higher levels and blast through it with ease
     later in the game.  I recommend playing it through now.
     Challenge yourself!  Plus, you should get the Great charm
     just south of the beginning of the cave.

6. Ugh, Paula's so weak she keeps getting killed as soon as she gets
   in a fight.  What can I do?
   - Well, I certainly hope you took her to the drugstore and bought
     her a Fry pan, Copper bracelet and Ribbon.  If you didn't, go
     back and do that.  I recommend you have her "defend" until she
     gets up to level 8 or so.  If a bunch of Mr. Battys gang up on
     you or something, she can use her PSI to help out.  (I recommend
     using Freeze on the Mighty bears; it's best to try and defeat
     them before they have a chance to attack you, because their
     attacks are brutal.)

7. What DOES this "Pray" thing do, anyway?
   - Well, lots of random things... sometimes good and sometimes not.
     It's a roll of the dice.  Take a look at
     http://www.starmen.net/mother2/tips/ebpray.txt for a
     detailed description of the Pray command and its results.

8. O_O Mondo Mole is IMPOSSIBLE.  He just wipes out Paula with one
   hit and Ness in two.  What, do I need to be at level 496?
   - Go read the enemy guide for this section (above), n00b.

9. Now what?
   - After you have rescued Paula and recorded the second melody,
     you should rest up at the Meager Livin' Farm and then head
     back to Twoson.  At this point, the enemies in Peaceful
     Rest Valley will be very easy to defeat, except for the
     Territorial Oak, which you should avoid like the plague.


===================================
TTTTT W   W  OOO  SSSSS  OOO  N   N
  T   W   W O   O S     O   O NN  N                *****************
  T   W W W O   O  SSS  O   O N N N                *TWOSON PART TWO*
  T   W W W O   O     S O   O N  NN                *****************
  T    W W   OOO  SSSSS  OOO  N   N
===================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO TO THREED:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Sand lot bat        Hard hat    
Copper bracelet

Paula

Franklin badge      Fry pan
Great charm         Copper bracelet
Ribbon              Hand aid
Teddy bear          Teddy bear
Teddy bear

ITEMS TO BUY: Pick up a few Teddy bears.  I would, anyway.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Arrive in Twoson. Visit Paula's parents if you're so disposed.
Go see Everdred; get cold, hard cash. Talk to Gojasu (fat Runaway
Five guy), get Backstage pass. Watch concert, go backstage,
show the Wad of bills around and see how impressed this supposedly
world-famous blues band is by $10,000, which is what Axl Rose
spends just on getting his hair worked on each morning. Go show
the money to the theater manager, Mr. Poochyfud (you have to be
standing next to him, not across his desk). Hitch ride to Threed
on Runaway Five tour bus.

FAQ

1. OK, I'm back in Twoson.  What should I do now?
   - Take Paula home to the Polestar preschool.  Don't you think her
     parents are worried?  Also, before you leave town, make sure
     to rest up, and if you want more money stock up on fresh eggs,
     because this is the last place you'll be able to get them for
     awhile.

2. Hey, the manager won't take my money! What gives?
   - He won't even talk about it until you've seen the show and
     talked to the band members backstage.  After that, he's likely
     to go "What's that you got there?  Let me take a reeeeeeeal
     close look." This is your signal to go behind the counter, stand
     next to him, and then show him the Wad of Bills.

3. Anything I should do before I hop on the bus and go to Threed?
   - Make sure you're at full strength and have all the supplies you
     want before you go.  You won't be able to return to Twoson once
     you've gone to Threed.


===================================
TTTTT H   H RRRR  EEEEE EEEEE DDD
  T   H   H R   R E     E     D  D                  ********
  T   HHHHH RRRR  EEE   EEE   D   D                 *THREED*
  T   H   H R  R  E     E     D  D                  ********
  T   H   H R   R EEEEE EEEEE DDD 
===================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU HEAD INTO THE GRAVEYARD:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Minor league bat    Hard hat    
Copper bracelet

Paula

Franklin badge      Thick fry pan
Great charm         Copper bracelet
Ribbon

ITEMS TO BUY: Minor league bat, Thick fry pan

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: There is a Teddy bear in a trash can in the far
northeast, next to "Hint Shop Realization."

ENEMIES

URBAN ZOMBIE: Not dangerous.  Bash it.  It can give you a cold,
however, which is irritating.

HANDSOME TOM: Not a threat, just bash it.

SMILIN' SAM: This one *is* a threat, since it has much better
offense and defense, plus it will use lifeup occasionally.  Take
him out first.  (Smilin' Sams almost always fight with Handsome
Toms; almost never by themselves.  Handsome Toms will fight
alone sometimes and with a Smilin' Sam or a Trick or Trick Kid
sometimes.)

TRICK OR TRICK KID: See Handsome Tom.  Freeze is very effective
on him, not that it matters.  The name of this enemy is NOT
"Trick or Treat Kid."  Get it right.

ZOMBIE POSSESSOR: Ugh.  If you don't want to be possessed, you
better hit it with Freeze right away.  I just bash them and live
with the possession they give you.  Besides the possession, they
aren't overly dangerous.

SMELLY GHOST: Sky-high defense; physical attacks are all but
worthless.  Use PSI Freeze.  If you have Jeff, try the Slime
generator.  Ness can do a little bit of damage with his physical
attack; if there are other enemies in the battle you should
probably use PSI Special.  It also is a pretty potent attacker,
so beware.

PUTRID MOLDYMAN: Seems like Oscar the Grouch has fallen on hard
times.  Defense is high but not *quite* as high as the
Stinky Ghost's.  You can use physical attacks with Ness and
Jeff.  Again, Freeze is recommended with Paula.  Be careful: it
has very high offense.

NO GOOD FLY: Not usually dangerous, but they can be because
they're known to hit you with a deadly SMAAAAASH from time to
time (it's lights out if they tag Paula with one.)  One bash
from Ness will usually take them out.  If you're worried about
getting ganged up on by them, take some Insecticide spray with
you or use PSI Fire.  I would stick with bashing, though.

ZOMBIE DOG: Ouch.  This sick puppy is brutal.  It's the first
enemy in the game that can poison you, and you may not know
Healing beta yet, so fight it at your own risk.  Use Freeze on
it to help defeat it as quickly as possible.  Don't let them
live any longer than you have to.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Arrive in Threed. Hit drugstore, upgrade equippables. Wander
around and talk to folks and kill stuff, if you want. Get rested
up. Go into graveyard in northwest, left, up, right; get checked
out by zombies. Go back into town, go to hotel, follow bikini
girl. Get whacked.

FAQ

1. OK, I went to the drugstore and upgraded my weapons.  Now what
   am I supposed to do?
   - I recommend you build your exp. a little bit for a while (the
     graveyards are the best place to do this; don't be afraid to
     burn your PP on the tough enemies, as you can rest at the hotel
     when you get weakened.)  Anyway, what you eventually need to do
     is work your way through the graveyard to the upper left, where
     you'll find two zombies who will "stare into your soul" and "look
     you over."  Then return to the Threed hotel.
                                                                          
2. OUCH! I just got whacked by a bunch of zombies!
   - That's what you get for following a woman like that around.  Relax.
     Paula will do something.

"I mean, the girl can create fire for God's sake, and they're trapped
 by a locked door." -- diospadre


=====================================
W   W I N   N TTTTT EEEEE RRRR   SSSS
W   W I NN  N   T   E     R   R S                   *********
W W W I N N N   T   EEE   RRRR   SSS                *WINTERS*
W W W I N  NN   T   E     R  R      S               *********
 W W  I N   N   T   EEEEE R   R SSSS 
=====================================

WHAT JEFF SHOULD HAVE WHEN HE GOES TO THE SOUTHERN CONTINENT:

Pop gun             Holmes hat
Big bottle rocket   Broken air gun
Pak of bubble gum   Bad key machine
Bread roll          Bread roll
Bread roll          Bread roll

WHAT JEFF SHOULD HAVE BEFORE HE LEAVES WINTERS:

Stun gun            Holmes hat
Big bottle rocket   Broken air gun
Pak of bubble gum   Bad key machine
Broken iron

(Hang onto the Big bottle rocket; don't use it.  You'll need it later.
 Fight Runaway dogs to build up a healthy supply of Bread rolls;
 remember that he doesn't have PSI lifeup, so he has to keep a good
 supply of food.  Unlike the ones in Onett, these Runaway dogs will
 drop Bread rolls about 1/2 of the time.)

ITEMS TO BUY: Pak of bubble gum (You have to.)

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Broken iron, Stun gun (In the dungeon maze make
certain you get these two items), Cheap bracelet (in the cave.)

ENEMIES IN NORTHERN WINTERS

Spiteful Crow
Runaway Dog

GRUFF GOAT: Watch out.  These goats are on the warpath.  Their
regular attack does about 4-6 HP damage, but their "tore into you"
attack will do about 13 HP damage, and Jeff can't take too many of
those.  Keeping your HP up is imperative.  It's worth it early on
to hang around the tent where you can drink tea and recover your
HP and fight a few of these to build your levels up.

ENEMIES IN BRICK ROAD'S DUNGEON MAZE

Rowdy Mouse

WORTHLESS PROTOPLASM: Despite its name (and what the player's
guide says,) this is a dangerous enemy, becuase it (a) does 7 HP
damage per attack, (b) attacks often, and (c) can also call
other Worthless Protoplasms into the battle.  That can spell
serious trouble, since Jeff doesn't have the option of using
PSI Special and blowing them all away at once if he gets into
trouble.  Shoot away and keep your fingers crossed.
               
MAD DUCK: Worth a lot more exp. than the Worthless Protoplasm, but
it's a much weaker foe.  Granted, its attack is considerably stronger,
but it rarely uses it.  It will sometimes drop a Fresh egg.  Reports
are still sketchy on whether it is related to the deadly "Disco Duck."

ENEMIES IN THE POND CAVE

Attack Slug
Rowdy Mouse

STRUTTIN' EVIL MUSHROOM: Don't worry.  They don't mashroomize
you, thankfully.  But they do have a nasty attack (13 HP or more)
and they will take two hits to defeat until you get to higher
levels.  Pop them off one at a time.  No relation to Kobe Bryant.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

As Jeff, wake up. Raid cookies in room next door. Go downstairs, talk
to Maxwell, try key and fail, get Bad key machine from Maxwell, open
lockers, get Holmes hat, Pop gun and Broken air gun. Go outside, jump
fence, go to drugstore. Can't buy anything, but get Pak of bubble gum
and silly monkey. Follow Paula's instructions: Head south! Hang around
and gain some levels; at least get to level 6. Sleep in far left Tessie
Watchers tent. Stand on dirt patch on lake. Ride Tessie south.
Navigate Brick Road maze (careful of Worthless Protoplasms), pick up
Broken iron, Stun gun. Talk to Brick Road and rest. Go through cave
(Struttin' Evil Mushrooms are nasty), get Cheap bracelet. Stand under
broken rope and use Pak of bubble gum. Avoid Cave Boys unless you're
really ready to fight one, they're very dangerous. Go south around
Stonehenge to Dr. Andonuts lab. Talk to doctor; fly to Threed.

FAQ

1. Hey! This stupid key doesn't work!
   - It sure doesn't.  Go back and talk to Maxwell again.

2. How come that little creep Tony won't let me leave?
   - He won't let you go until you've collected the Pop gun, Holmes hat
     and Broken air gun from the lockers.

3. Do I REALLY have to take that silly monkey with me?
   - Yep.  You need him to cross the lake, and you'll need him again
     later on.  (Note: If you didn't pick the monkey up, go back to
     the drugstore and get him.)

4. Why doesn't the ATM machine work?  Is there any way to get
   enough money to buy those cool weapons?
   - Jeff doesn't have an ATM card, fool.  It *is* possible to get
     enough money to buy one of the expensive items by collecting and
     selling the Cookies and Bread rolls the crows and dogs leave
     behind.  This takes an exceptionally long time, and if you think
     it's worth five hours of your life just to get a weapon you're
     not supposed to get until later: don't do drugs.

5. *^&$%^ GRUFF GOATS!
   - Yeah, they're nasty.  They are, however, worth a lot of exp.  Try
     to stick around the tent where you can drink tea and re-energize
     while you fight Gruff Goats. That way, after you fight a goat, you 
     can go back and refill your HP.

6. I'm stuck at that place where the "Tessie Watchers Club" is.
   What should I do next?
   - First, you have to have some stew in the far left tent.  (Try it!
     It's good stew!) You'll then go to sleep, Paula will talk to you
     some more, and then you'll get up.  Now, when you go outside, leaves
     will be swirling around.  Take Bubble Monkey to the little circle on
     the ground on the peninsula that juts out onto the lake.

7. I'm stuck in the cave.  The dumb rope is tied up at the top
   of a ledge and I can't reach it!  Where am I supposed to go?
   - Stand right under the rope and then give the Bubble Monkey some gum.

8. Those Cave Boys are nasty tough.
   - Sure are.  Nice thing is that they can't hit the broad side of 
     Rush Limbaugh.  They usually will miss, but when they hit it deals
     heavy damage.  Have lots of food handy if you want to fight one.
     You get a ton of exp. for defeating one, plus a Picnic lunch, which
     is a very handy food item to have back in Threed, where you'll be
     going soon.

And now submitted for your enjoyment:

<SLing> I will not be matched up with a male.
<SLing> Except for Xander but I'm married to him.
<Luna`> lol!
<Luna`> what a wonderful union. did you guys have a lovly honeymoon, sling?
* Luna` coughs and snickers
<SLing> Yes we went to McDonalds but his parents wanted him home by 10
<Gauntlet> rofl

==========================================
TTTTT H   H RRRR  EEEEE EEEEE DDD    IIIII
  T   H   H R   R E     E     D  D    I I             *****************
  T   HHHHH RRRR  EEE   EEE   D   D   I I             *THREED PART TWO*
  T   H   H R  R  E     E     D  D    I I             *****************
  T   H   H R   R EEEEE EEEEE DDD    IIIII
==========================================

(This includes all the way from Threed to the Belch base and back.)

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE AFTER JEFF JOINS*:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Minor league bat    Hard hat    
Copper bracelet

Paula

Franklin badge      Thick fry pan
Great charm         Copper bracelet
Ribbon              Jar of fly honey

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Magnum air gun
Copper bracelet     Hard hat
Slime generator     Bottle rocket
Bottle rocket       Bottle rocket
Bottle rocket       Bottle rocket

* You need to go straight to the drugstore and buy Jeff a Copper
  bracelet and a Hard hat.  Then, dump the Pak of bubble gum and the
  Bad key machine into Escargo.  Then check Jeff's IQ level (check his
  status; his IQ is off to the lower right.)  It should be 12.  If it
  isn't, go outside and levelbuild until it is.  Then go to the hotel,
  save the game, and sleep repeatedly until you fix the Broken air
  gun and Broken iron.

ITEMS TO BUY: Copper bracelet & Hard hat (for Jeff), Bottle rockets
(also for Jeff, from the arms dealer behind the pizza shop)

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Silver bracelet (in the sub-graveyard cave; give
it to Paula and sell the Copper bracelet with the For sale sign.)

BOSS: BOOGEY TENT (**)

I recommend that you go and get the Teddy bear out of the trash can next
to the hint shop before you fight Boogey tent.  The reason for this is
that Boogey Tent has a powerful poison attack, but if you have a Teddy
bear, it will absorb it harmlessly.  He uses an annoying PSI Flash
attack, but otherwise isn't dangerous.  Unleash PSI Special beta and
Fire (Freeze is ineffective), and a few bottle rockets, on him.

BOSS: MINI BARF (**)

Ugh, this little creep is annoying.  Use physical attacks with everyone
in the first round of this fight.  There's about an 80% chance he will
use his "released a blast of stinky breath" attack, which will make
everyone start crying and render your physical attacks useless.  The
good news is that he will use this attack over and over, rather than
attacking you.  If he does attack you, it *is* a powerful attack.
Jeff is a lost cause once he's crying; Bottle rockets usually don't
work on Mini barf, so just Shoot and hope for the best, or try the
Slime generator.  Paula should use PSI Fire and Ness should use PSI
Special.  Don't be afraid to use your PP.  After you defeat Mini Barf,
just outside the cave, just north of where you appear, should be
a magic butterfly.  If there isn't, go back into and then out of the
cave again.  You can do this repeatedly to make magic butterflies
appear.  Take advantage of this to refill your HP (with lifeup) and
PP (with the butterflies.)

ENEMIES IN GRAPEFRUIT FALLS

ARMORED FROG: Inpenetrable defense means you'll have to use either
PSI Freeze or a well-placed bottle rocket to knock it off.  It also
has high offense, and it can make you lose PP with one of its weird
attacks.  Sometimes it will leave behind a Broken spray can.  You
can sell it immediately for $94, or wait for Jeff to fix it and
rake in $250 for the Defense spray.

RED ANTOID: Nasty little buggers that like to attack in packs.  If
they do, you'll want to use some PSI Special beta.  If it's just
one or two of them, just bash them.  Their biting attack is pretty
powerful.

FARM ZOMBIE: If reidman became undead, this is what he would become.
Nothing to worry about, except it can make you catch
a cold.  Not much different from the Urban Zombie.  Bash it.  In
the Belch base, they will sometimes attack in teams of 3 or 4,
in which case it's tempting to unleash PSI Special or PSI Fire.
Personally, I just bash them and heal when necessary.

PLAIN CROCODILE: Now we're getting serious.  You'll want to
hit these guys with Freeze beta or be prepared for a very quick
lifeup, because their attacks are *very* powerful.  They also
like to fight alongside other enemies, making things even more
precarious.  This is a tough area.  Thankfully, there are no
frogs or crocs in the Belch base.

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU LEAVE SATURN VALLEY

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Minor league bat    Hard hat    
Silver bracelet

Paula

Franklin badge      Thick fry pan*
Great charm         Silver bracelet
Ribbon              Jar of fly honey**

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Magnum air gun
Silver bracelet     Hard hat
Slime generator     Bottle rocket
Bottle rocket       Bottle rocket

* Actually, I give Paula a Bionic Slingshot instead, but that's
  just me; most people prefer the Thick fry pan.  The Slingshot
  gives Paula a lot more offense, but (a) It misses 3/16 of the
  time, compared to 1/16 for the Thick fry pan, and (b) You
  cannot SMAAAAASH an enemy (since it's a 'shoot' attack rather
  than a 'bash' attack.)  I go with the offense; that's just
  me.  You may want to stick with the accuracy and SMAAAAASHes.
  Whatever you do, don't buy a Bionic Slingshot for Ness.  It's
  definitely not worth it for him, despite that pretty flashing
  HP window you see in the item shop.

** You MUST have this before you go into the Belch base.

STUFF TO BUY IN SATURN VALLEY: Silver bracelets for everyone.  I
already discussed the Bionic slingshot, and I recommend not
worrying about Great charms right now.  If you have some money
to burn, you might as well buy them, I guess... as a general
rule, as explained earlier, I don't carry much food around; I
rely on PSI lifeup.  If you like food, get some Peanut cheese
bars.

STUFF TO LOOK FOR IN THE BELCH BASE: Broken laser, HP-Sucker
(*Don't* leave without both of these items.)

STUFF TO LOOK FOR IN THE MILKY WELL CAVE: Coin of slumber

STUFF TO GET FROM THE MR. SATURN IN THE CAVE JUST BELOW THE
ITEM SHOP AFTER YOU POP OFF BELCH: Cup of lifenoodles, Mr. 
Saturn coin (give it to Ness), Stag beetle

ENEMIES IN THE BELCH BASE:

SLIMY LITTLE PILE: Just like the Mini-barf, except is has much
less HP and a little bit less offense.  It takes patience to
fight these guys, since you can't burn too much PP on them and
you're always crying.  They can call for other SLPs to join
them; if you get teamed up on by 3 of them (or more), then
it's time to bust out the PSI on them.

FOPPY: The more the merrier.  Not dangerous at all; a great
way to build exp.  Just set Auto fight and let the exp. roll.
They'll occasionally leave a PSI Caramel behind.

MOSTLY BAD FLY: Just a slightly stronger version of the No
Good Fly.  Nothing special about it.

BOSS: MASTER BELCH (*)

If you don't use the Fly Honey, he is invincible.  Once you do
use the Fly Honey, he's helpless and will never attack you.  His
first attack in battle is always to burp and blow his nauseating
breath at you, so take a moment and use Healing beta to recover
from it.

ENEMIES IN THE MILKY WELL CAVE

STRUTTIN' EVIL MUSHROOM: This is a different enemy from the one
you fought in Winters.  It almost always scatters spores as its
first attack and Mashroomizes somebody, which is extremely
annoying.  If there is only one in the battle, hit it with PSI
Freeze beta.  If there are two or more, use Fire beta.  You want
to kill them on the first turn.  They'll occasionally leave
behind a useless Rust promoter.

TOUGH MOBILE SPROUT: Hah, tough... yeah, right.  No threat.

RANBOOB: Now this one *is* pretty tough.  There's nothing
special about it; it just has a pretty good offensive attack,
and it casts Shields of light on itself or its allies.  Also,
it can make someone in your party fall asleep, which is
annoying because sometimes it takes them forever to wake up.

BOSS: TRILLIONAGE SPROUT (***)

Used to hang out with Bob Dole and Dick Clark back when the
earth was without form and void.
This is a pretty tough boss.  I really hope you listened to me
awhile back and saved your Big bottle rocket, because now you
could *really* use it.  Use it at your own risk if Jeff is
Mashroomized.  Otherwise, fire it off on the first round, and
it will knock out about 2/3 of T-Sprout's HP right away.  Hit
him with the best attacks you have (do *not* use PSI with
anyone who is Mashroomized), meaning PSI Freeze beta for Paula
and PSI Special beta for Ness (unless you've done some insane
levelbuilding and have better spells than that.)  He has a
potent regular attack, plus he can diamondize you, plus he
can use PSI flash.  So... yeah.  Take him out as quickly as
you can.  Note: If you're desperate and/or Jeff is crying and
you're out of bottle rockets, the HP-sucker has been known
to work from time to time.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Bust out of jail, highball it to drugstore, update Jeff's
equipment, buy Bottle rockets from Ahmet behind the pizza shop.
Go south, whack Boogey Tent, get Fly Honey. Walk north until
Apple Kid calls. Receive Zombie paper, use it inside tent,
sleep at hotel. Go into northwest graveyard; zombies are gone!
Use underground path. You will get possessed; don't sweat it.
Kill stuff. Get Silver bracelet, equip on Paula. Whack
Mini-Barf. Use respawning magic butterfly outside to recoup
lost HP/PP. Follow path (use freeze on frogs and crocs) until
you reach cave. Follow cave to Saturn Valley. Rest and shop.
Get password from Mr. Saturn inside cave. Ready?

Go back out of Saturn Valley; continue north to Grapefruit
falls. After photo, go under waterfall, as far left as you
can, push up. Touch NOTHING on your controller for 3 minutes.
Enter Belch base. Kill everything you see. Enter all rooms;
good stuff in them. Empty room has a respawning Magic
butterfly; take advantage. Don't miss ladder near said empty
room.  Whack Belch (MUST use fly honey.) Follow path, appear
in Saturn Valley. Talk to Mr. Saturn in cave, get Mr. Saturn
coin; equip on Ness. Rest. Go back up the longer ladder, go
through cave (kill Struttin' Evil Mushrooms with extreme
prejudice; use PSI Fire beta), whack Trillionage Sprout, get
third melody. Return to Threed (enemies are gone, no worries.)


FAQ

1. Well, okay, Jeff joined, but I'm still stuck in this room
   because the door's locked. What should I do?
   - Use the Bad Key Machine Jeff has to open the door.

2. I'm out of the prison, finally.  Now what?
   - Well, you have to go to the far south, where a strange purple
     tent will have been erected.  Approach the tent and it will
     fight you, and after you whack it, get the Jar of Fly Honey,
     which you'll want to keep on your person.  Also, you should
     call Escargo and dump the Bad Key Machine, Pak of Bubble gum,
     and Backstage pass if you haven't already.  (Keep the Franklin
     Badge, preferably on Paula.)
                                                                          
3. Okay, I beat the tent.  Now what?
   - Head north for awhile.  Eventually your receiver phone will ring;
     it will be Apple Kid, telling you about his new invention, "Zombie
     Paper."  Wander around for a few more minutes and the Mach Pizza
     delivery guy will show up and give you the paper.  Take it into the
     circus tent and use it inside, then go to the hotel and rest.
     Next, get Jeff to a high enough level that his IQ is 12 or
     higher.  Then get to the hotel, take out a bunch of money, and
     sleep a few times until he fixes the Broken iron and Broken air gun.
     (Hint: You might want to save the game before trying to fix stuff,
     and if he doesn't fix it within a few tries you can reset the game
     and avoid wasting a ton of money.  Tedious, but effective.)  Anyway,
     stock up on food, and buy Jeff a bunch of Bottle rockets, and make
     sure you're at full strength.  Now you can go through the path to
     the northwest that the zombies had been blocking.  It's a hard
     journey, so be prepared.  Also, make certain someone has the Jar
     of Fly Honey.  You'll need it.

4. How can I get rid of this ghost possession?
   - You have to pay a healer in a hospital to remove it.  (Choose
     "purify" from the menu.)  If you're a good way into, or beyond,
     the graveyard path, it's better just to live with the Tiny Lil'
     Ghost.  It's more of a nuisance than anything else.

5. Yikes!  Those Zombie dogs are nasty!
   - I sure hope you either know Healing beta or have a Vial of serum so
     you can heal the poison they inflict.  Don't trifle with Zombie dogs.
     Hit them with a freeze spell immediately.

6. How am I supposed to beat these Armored frogs?
   - Freeze does the job well.  So do bottle rockets.  Physical attacks
     are useless against them.  Basically the same goes for the Plain
     Crocodiles, which you should also beware because they have some
     *very* powerful attacks.

7. I'm stuck at the waterfall.  What do I need to do to get in?
   How do I say the password?
   - If you haven't been to Saturn Valley yet, turn around and go there
     (the cave off to the right).  In Saturn Valley, make sure you've
     talked to all the Mr. Saturns in the cave that leads to the item
     shop.  One of them will tell you to "sTaNd StIlL, wAiT fOr ThReE
     mInUtEs."  Now.  Rest up and return to the waterfall.  Get in
     underneath it, walk as far left as you can, and then push up.
     You'll get a message that says "Say the password!"  Now put the
     controller down and don't touch ANY buttons.  After awhile (it will
     be three full minutes, so if you need to get a snack or go to the
     bathroom or anything, now's the time), you'll get a message that
     says "Okay... you may enter."

8. Foppies?  WTF?
   - Fun, aren't they?  Also a great way to build exp., since they're
     so weak and attack in large groups.

9. OK, I've been fighting Belch for 53 straight hours, and I've
   dealt at least 97 million HP of damage to him, and he STILL
   won't die.  Is he invincible or what?
   - You MUST use the Jar of Fly Honey on him.  He is invincible unless
     and until you use the Fly Honey.  After you open up the Fly Honey,
     he stops attacking you and you can beat him silly.

10. Ouch.  Trillionage Sprout just lit me up like a Christmas tree.  
    - Yeah, this stuff happens.  A few tips on this: (1) If someone is
      Mashroomized before you fight him, don't use PSI or bottle rockets
      with that person.  You may even want to go back and rest in the hot
      springs, which will get rid of the mushroom.  (2) If Jeff still has
      his Big bottle rocket, this is a great time to use it.  (3) Make
      sure you've talked to the Mr. Saturn in the cave leading to the item
      shop; he'll give you a valuable Mr. Saturn Coin and a Cup of
      lifenoodles.  These are very helpful in this battle.  (4) If you
      really don't want to, or can't, defeat him, you can skip this
      sanctuary and come back later when you're at level 65 or something
      and can really show him who's boss.  You pansy.

=============================================================
DDD   U   U  SSSS TTTTT Y   Y   DDD   U   U N   N EEEEE  SSSS
D  D  U   U S       T    Y Y    D  D  U   U NN  N E     S
D   D U   U  SSS    T     Y     D   D U   U N N N EEE    SSS
D  D  U   U     S   T     Y     D  D  U   U N  NN E         S
DDD   UUUUU SSSS    T     Y     DDD   UUUUU N   N EEEEE SSSS

              DDD   EEEEE  SSSS EEEEE RRRR  TTTTT
              D  D  E     S     E     R   R   T
              D   D EEE    SSS  EEE   RRRR    T
              D  D  E         S E     R  R    T
              DDD   EEEEE SSSS  EEEEE R   R   T
==============================================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO TO FOURSIDE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Mr. baseball bat    Mr. Saturn coin    
Silver bracelet     (Some food item)

Paula

Franklin badge      Deluxe fry pan
Great charm         Silver bracelet
Coin of slumber     

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Laser gun
Silver bracelet     Coin of slumber
Slime generator     Bottle rocket
Bottle rocket       Bottle rocket
HP-sucker

Get Jeff to IQ 24 and fix the Broken laser to get the laser gun.
Dump the Fly Honey in Escargo; you won't need it again.  Make sure
you buy Coins of slumber for Paula and Jeff and upgrade weapons for
them too.  You'll need to have some edible item to give to the gold
miner.  If you don't have one, go around the perimeter of the desert
(at the shore) until you find a Double burger.

STUFF TO BUY: Mr. baseball bat, Deluxe fry pan, 2 Coins of slumber

STUFF TO LOOK FOR IN THE DESERT: Cup of lifenoodles, Contact lens

ENEMIES

SKELPION: One hit from Ness should be enough to kill it.  Beware,
though, as it uses a powerful PSI Thunder attack and can also poison
you.  PSI Freeze will also take it down fast.  Sometimes it'll
leave a Vial of serum behind.  Woohoo!

CRESTED BOOKA: Weird thing... pretty standard enemy, it doesn't do
anything special, but its attack is pretty powerful.  Bash/shoot it.
This would be a poor enemy name to commit a Spoonerism with.

CUTE LIL' UFO: Like its cousin, it's very annoying... it can give
you a cold, like the Lil' UFO, and it dodges a lot of attacks.  It
leaves a random food item when defeated.  If you're lucky, you'll
get a Pizza.

SMILIN' SPHERE: Don't fight it.  See the *** WARNING *** after #2 in
the FAQ in this section.

DESERT WOLF: Irritating little bugger, it will poison you regularly,
so be ready with Healing beta or serum/herbs.  PSI freeze does a
number on it.

BAD BUFFALO: *Extremely* powerful offensive attacks, it can kill
Paula in one shot if you're unlucky.  I recommend paralyzing it (it
is one of the few enemies on which Paralysis almost always works.)
You can't afford to get anybody killed in the desert if you can
avoid it, because you really don't want to waste your Lifenoodles
and there are no hospitals around.  The plural of "buffalo" is
"buffalo."  Yet, the University of Colorado's team mascot is the
"Buffaloes."  Isn't that a pretty embarrassing mascot for what's
supposed to be an institute of higher education?  Don't even get
me started on Stanford's mascot (the "Cardinal", in the singular),
either...

CRIMINAL CATERPILLAR: It is a little green worm that you may
occasionally see; it's very rare.  It is very fast and will run away
from you.  If you see one, CATCH IT!  It is worth a ton of exp., and
you won't even have to fight it.  There is a way to make them
appear, and you can use this trick to build your levels very fast.
See below. Note that if you somehow actually have to fight it (like 
if you just came out ofa battle and are flashing, and you stop flashing 
over top of it, producing a black or red swirl), it means certain death 
for you, as it uses extremely powerful fire attacks, has speed 255 so 
you can't run away, and is not bothered by PSI Freeze.  No word yet on 
whether it trained for combat under Colin Powell.

WHERE TO FIND CRIMINAL CATERPILLARS (Or: The Best Chance to Gain Crazy
Levels You Will Ever See)

There is one particular place in the Dusty Dunes Desert where Criminal
Caterpillars spawn with regularity. It is along the bottom of the desert
(not the roard), along the boulders, just a bit short of halfway across
the desert when you start from the left.  It is where the boulders move
north a little bit. Go up there and, there's a cactus, right? Off to
your right, you see a few more cacti.  This is the spot.  Exit the
screen by walking a screen's length to the left, then return, and keep
returning. Each time you do this (refreshing the screen), you produce
something like a 20% chance of spawning a Criminal Caterpillar.  You
can level up well into the 40s in an hour doing this.  There's no real
point in it, but I know some of you are just hard-core level-building
junkies. Here's your chance to feed your habit.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Get punted off the bus at the end of the traffic jam. Shop at drugstore
and head into the desert. Presents are located along the edges of the
desert. Wander around in desert awhile if you want to build levels, but
it's dangerous. NEVER fight Smilin' Spheres! Run like a bitch whenever
you see them! If you want the Contact lens, find the sign and the lens
is near it.

Find Miner's shack on east side of desert, along rocks at bottom. Give
miner food (if you have none, order a pizza using the phone in the
shack; the miner even hints at this idea if you offer him non-food.)
Traffic jam is now clear. Proceed east to Fourside.

FAQ
                                                                          
1. How do I make the traffic jam go away?
   - You have to give food to the miner.  The mining shack is located
     near the bottom and near the east side of the desert.

2. What am I supposed to DO here, anyway?
   - Find Gerardo Montague, the gold miner (see #1) and give him a food
     item.  Then you'll be able to move on eastward to Fourside either by
     bus or on foot.  If you want to build exp and explore a bit, there are
     gift boxes scattered around the outer edges of the desert.  If you
     wander around, bring some food and serum with you just in case; the
     enemies are tough.

*** WARNING *** Avoid the Smilin' Sphere at all costs!  It uses PSI Fire,
                which is lethal at this stage in the game.  Also, it will
                blow up in your face when you defeat it, dealing 
                heavy/mortal damage to everyone.  So don't get in a fight 
                with it, and if you mess up and do get in a fight with 
                it, run away.

3. Where's the contact lens that sign said about?
   - Walk up and to the right from the sign.  The lens is only a screen 
     and a half or so away from it.  Take it to the second floor of the 
     Fourside bakery for... a reward...

4. Is it possible to win that casino with the weird Mexican guys?
   Is it worth the time and money?
   - It's possible; it's not worth it, unless you enjoy watching them spin
     around over and over (I do!)  There are four possible prizes: Chick,
     Skip Sandwich, Can of fruit juice, and PSI Caramel(the only good one).
     My experience is that you'll generally win once every 30-40 attempts
     on average.

===========================================
FFFFF  OOO  U   U RRRR   SSSS I DDD   EEEEE
F     O   O U   U R   R S     I D  D  E                 **********
FFF   O   O U   U RRRR   SSS  I D   D EEE               *FOURSIDE*
F     O   O U   U R  R      S I D  D  E                 **********
F      OOO   UUU  R   R SSSS  I DDD   EEEEE
===========================================

(There are no new items to get at the moment.  For a list of the items
 you should have, see the list under the Dusty Dunes Desert section
 above.)

ENEMIES

EXTRA CRANKY LADY: If the Cranky Lady was carrying bricks in her purse,
this one must be carrying a huge chunk of platinum, because it *really*
hurts.  Otherwise, nothing to worry about; just bash/shoot her.

ANNOYING REVELER: All right!  I dunno why but these guys are so much
fun to fight... just bash/shoot them, they're harmless...

CRAZED SIGN: These guys are pretty nasty, so don't trifle with them.
You may want to hit them with PSI Freeze beta and try to defeat them
fast.  They have a very powerful attack, plus they can Paralyze you,
which would necessitate a trip to the hospital and $100 or so.

MAD TAXI: Very powerful attack.  Use strong Freeze spells.  Once it
sees you, you likely won't be able to avoid fighting it, as it is
*very* fast on the non-battle screen.  Note that you have a 1/128
chance from getting a nifty XTerminator spray from this foe.  The
XTerminator spray does about 300 HP of damage to all bug-type monsters,
plus you can use it infinite times.  (I didn't realize that Fourside
was modeled after New York until I saw taxis doing 180 MPH on the
sidewalk and trying to run down pedestrians.  Then I knew.)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Arrive in Fourside. Try to enter Dept. Store and fail. Climb Monotoli
building and see Pokey if you want. See Runaway Five show, talk to
band backstage. They are not shrewd businesspersons. Return to Dusty
Dunes Desert via bus or foot.

FAQ
                                                                          
1. OK, I'm done exploring.  Nice city.  But what am I supposed to
   do here?  I'm lost...
   - There are 2 things you need to do here: (1) Go to the Topolla theater
     and watch the Runaway Five show, and then talk to them backstage.
     (2) Go and try to go into the Department store, and talk to the two
     people standing outside of it.  Do whatever else you want to do in the
     city, but after you've completed those two things, you should return 
     to the desert and go to where the miner was.  Now there ought to be a 
     huge mining operation going on.

2. I went back to the desert, but there's no gold mine!  What did
   I do wrong?
   - Make sure you did everything listed in the question above.  For some
     weird reason, it doesn't work sometimes and you have to go back to
     Fourside and do it again...


******************
*DESERT GOLD MINE*
******************

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Platinum band (give it to Ness), Coin of defense
(Give it to Jeff).

ENEMIES

THIRSTY COIL SNAKE: Constantly poisons you.  Have Jeff use the Slime
generator to try and keep it from attacking you, and have Ness and Paula
bash away.  It will take 3-4 hits.  Be prepared to fight lots of these.
They're everywhere in this mine.  Strong resemblance to Al Gore is
probably just coincidental.

GIGANTIC ANT: They also like to poison you.  The toughest part about
the gold mine is getting your PP to last, because you're constantly
having to heal poison and Paula needs to reserve hers for the Guardian
Diggers.  If you get two of these at once, it's probably best to hit
one of them with PSI Freeze beta, and then Slime generator/bash the
other one.  They can call for help, too, and they use Paralysis.

NOOSE MAN: Not dangerous in and of itself, but they like to attack
in huge groups, and when they do, they are dangerous.  If you have
to fight more than three of them at once, PSI Fire or PSI Special is
probably in order.  Their attacks will tack on 25-35 HP of damage
apiece, which piles up fast when three or four of them are attacking
you.

(Also making a guest appearance: Mad Duck.)

BOSS: GUARDIAN DIGGER (**)

There are five Guardian Diggers to defeat, and they're pretty tough if
you let them live for any length of time.  I strongly recommend getting
Paula to level 31 before you fight any of these guys, because then
she'll learn PSI Freeze gamma, which will defeat them in one hit, or
come very close to doing so.  Ness and Jeff should bash/shoot and Paula
should use Freeze gamma.  Note that these guys have Power shields, too.
They have *very* powerful attacks, so you want to defeat them as fast
as possible.  If you don't have Freeze gamma, you'll have to rely on
Freeze beta, Ness's bash, and maybe a Bottle rocket, providing you're
willing to sustain the 50 HP of damage or so Jeff will sustain from
the Power shield.  There is no known way, unfortunately, to recruit
the help of Dig Dug.

NEAT TRICK FOR THOSE WHO DON'T MIND MERCILESSLY EXPLOITING BUGS:
Get the Magic Truffle from Twoson by getting the Insignificant
Item from the drawers in the Threed hospital and then giving it to the
mustachioed bald man in the Twoson hospital.  Then stock up on Ketchup
packets in Burglin Park.  Give all the packets to one person, and then
give the Magic Truffle to that person too.  (The truffle MUST be the last
item in the inventory.)  Now, whenever you use the truffle IN BATTLE ONLY,
whoever you use it on will gain around 100 PP, and a ketchup packet will
be spent, but the Truffle will not!  This is a modified form of the Rock
Candy bug, which works with any food item and any condiment.  This
can be used to keep replenishing PP, which you will find yourself running
out of in this gold mine.  Very useful trick here.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Rest up at miner's shack. Go into mine. Go straight up along the right.
Fight Guardian Digger. Continue left, down, follow path until you reach
up/left fork, go left to find a clearing, the center of the maze. Get
Exit mouse. Go up, whack Guardian Digger, return to center. Go left then
up, follow path, whack Guardian Digger, path loops back to center. Go
left then down, follow path, whack Guardian Digger, return to center.
Go down, follow path, whack Guardian Digger. Use Exit mouse to return
to entrance. Go to Fourside. Receive Diamond along the way.

Conserve PP for lifeup and PSI Freeze to use against the Guardian
Diggers. If you run out of PP along the way, use the Exit mouse to
escape, rest, and re-enter.

*****************
*FOURSIDE PART 2*
*****************

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU TRY TO LEAVE THE DEPARTMENT STORE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Mr. baseball bat    Mr. Saturn coin    
Platinum band       Franklin badge
Teddy bear          Teddy bear
Teddy bear

Paula

Deluxe fry pan      Great charm         
Silver bracelet     Coin of slumber   

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Hyper beam
Gold bracelet       Coin of defense
Slime generator     Big bottle rocket
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket
HP-sucker
         
(Make sure you get gold bracelets on the third floor, stock up on
 Teddy bears on the fourth floor -- you'll want them, believe me --
 and visit the arms dealer on the far left of the second floor to
 get the Hyper beam and load up on Big bottle rockets.  Don't buy
 anything for Paula.  She isn't going to be around much longer.
 Once you go to the second floor of the department store, do NOT
 return to the first floor until you're fully loaded.  Also, make
 sure you give the Franklin badge to Ness, not Paula.  Ness's
 defense should be sky-high now.)

ENEMIES IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE

MYSTICAL RECORD: Look out.  When this thing charges forward, it's
an upwards of 130, 140 HP of damage.  This is why it's very wise
to take a healthy supply of Teddy bears.  If you get ganged up on
by two Mystical Records and a Musica, or something similar to that,
then it's time to break out the PSI Special beta.  Be liberal with
Ness's PSI; you just have to make it to the fourth floor.  Also,
if you get in real trouble, don't hesitate to fire off a Big bottle
rocket.

MUSICA: It uses an electrical shock attack (thunder beta); just hope
it doesn't tag Jeff.  If it does, get the Lifeup going quickly.  Also,
you'll want to defeat this thing fast, because it can make Ness and
Jeff fall asleep simultaneously, which is the kiss of death if a
Mystical Record is involved, not even to mention the Scalding Coffee
Cup...

SCALDING COFFEE CUP: Every turn, this little freak show spills
scalding hot espresso, which causes about 80 HP of damage to both
Ness and Jeff.  You want to eliminate it fast.  Use Special beta or
a Big bottle rocket to toast it.  Hopefully, you won't have to
fight more than one or two of them on the way up.

BOSS: DEPT. STORE SPOOK (**)

Make sure to keep a Big bottle rocket in reserve for this battle.
Use it and PSI Special beta, and that should be enough for him.
Be warned -- if you didn't bring a Big bottle rocket, he very well
may just architect a world of pain all over your candy ass.
Keep pounding away with the best attacks you have, and try your 
best to stay alive.  It uses a deadly Freeze spell, plus Brainshock, 
plus it can diamondize you.


SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Go to Topolla Theater. Give Diamond to manager (must be standing
beside her). Watch show.

Go to Department Store. Give Franklin badge to Ness. Buy Gold
bracelet for Jeff, buy nothing for Paula. In back room on second
floor, buy Hyper beam and a bunch of Big bottle rockets. On fourth
floor, buy at least three Teddy bears (trust me). Try to exit store;
Paula is kidnapped. Go to fourth floor. Enemies are very, very
strong! Use PSI Rockin like it's going out of style. Whack Dept.
Store Spook (use Big bottle rocket or prepare for pain). Exit store.

Go to the Cafe (northwest), talk to drunk folks, stand behind counter,
out of Jackie's range, face up, press L. Weeeeelllllcome come to
moo moo moo nsi nsi iiiide.


FAQ
                                                                
1. Why won't the theater manager take the Diamond?
   - You have to take it behind the counter, foolio.

2. Now I'm stuck.  I paid off the Runaway Five's debt, and they
   jumped town.  Now what can I do?
   - I heard the department store finally re-opened.  They don't have
     any boffo sales, but make sure you buy Gold bracelets for Ness and
     Jeff, and visit the room on the far left of the second floor and buy
     Jeff a Hyper beam and some Big bottle rockets.  (DON'T buy anything 
     for Paula.)  Also, dump any unnecessary items from Escargo, and get 
     the Pencil Eraser out of Escargo and give it to Paula.  If Paula has 
     the Franklin Badge, give it to Ness.  It may also be helpful to buy 
     two or three Teddy bears at the toy shop on the 4th floor.  You must 
     do all of this BEFORE you leave the department store.  Once you try 
     to go back across where the phone and ATM machine are on the ground 
     floor, the lights will go out and Paula will be kidnapped.

3. YIKES!  These enemies in the Department store are taking me
   out like yesterday's trash!
   - They're mad tough.  That's why I recommended above that you take 
     some Teddy bears and a healthy supply of Big bottle rockets.  Use 
     Ness's PSI special beta liberally if you get ganged up on by enemies, 
     ESPECIALLY if a Scalding coffee cup is involved.  You can't let that 
     thing attack you; it's lethal.  If you get in real trouble, use a Big 
     bottle rocket to wipe out a Scalding coffee cup or a Mystical record.  
     Just make sure you save at least one BBR for the boss.  I don't 
     recommend trying to run away. The enemies' attacks are so powerful 
     that if you fail you're in deep trouble.

4. o_O Dept. Store Spook annihilated me.
   - Hopefully you saved a Big bottle rocket to use on him; it will help 
     greatly. If you didn't, pound away with Ness's best PSI and hope that 
     you get lucky. Its PSI attacks are extremely powerful.  There's not 
     much else I can say about strategy with Dept. store spook...

5. Alright, I FINALLY got through that vicious department store.
   So what's next?
   - Well, I recommend restocking on Big bottle rockets, and definitely 
     going to the hotel to rest.  Then head for Jackie's cafe and talk 
     to everyone there.

6. What can I give that scuzzy guy so I can get to Everdred?
   - You can give him anything that you can normally sell or drop.  If 
     you don't have anything to give him, the quickest thing to do is 
     go to the theater and buy a Show ticket, and give that to him.

7. What does he mean, "Check behind the counter?" I can't find 
   anything there.
   - Get behind the counter, about Ness's width away from Jackie, then 
     face up and press L (or whatever your action key is.)  If Jackie 
     talks to you, then open the menu and choose "Check."

===========================================
M   M  OOO   OOO  N   N  SSSS I DDD   EEEEE
MM MM O   O O   O NN  N S     I D  D  E       *****************************
M M M O   O O   O N N N  SSS  I D   D EEE     *MOO MOO NSI NSI NSI IIDDEEE*
M   M O   O O   O N  NN     S I D  D  E       *****************************
M   M  OOO   OOO  N   N SSSS  I DDD   EEEEE
===========================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU ARRIVE IN MOONSIDE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Mr. baseball bat    Mr. Saturn coin    
Platinum band       Franklin badge

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Hyper beam
Gold bracelet       Coin of defense
Slime generator     Big bottle rocket
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket
HP-sucker

(Reload on Big bottle rockets after you pop off Dept. Store Spook.)

STUFF TO BUY: None

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Night pendant (DON'T leave Moonside without it.
                   Give it to Ness, and give Ness's Great charm
                   to Jeff, if Ness has one.)

ENEMIES:

ROBO-PUMP: It will count down from three.  On its fourth attack, it
will throw a Bomb, which will cause about 80-130 HP of damage to
one person and about 40-60 to the other.  So bash/shoot at it and
hope you don't miss more than once.  You should be able to defeat
it before it throws the Bomb.  After it throws the Bomb, you get
two more rounds to defeat it.  If you don't, it completely refills
its HP and you start back at the beginning.  

ENRAGED FIRE PLUG: Do *not* let this thing live for very long.  Its
"gigantic blast of water" attack is just like the Scalding Coffee
Cup's attack: 80 HP damage or so to both Ness and Jeff.  It uses
this attack on most of its turns.  If it's by itself, you should
be okay with bash/shoot.  If it's with a Robo-pump, you may want
to unleash some PSI Special beta.

DALI'S CLOCK: Its "froze you in time" attack allows it to attack
you 2, 3, or even 4 times in a row, and the damage can pile up
fast.  Bash/shoot it and hope you're lucky.

ABSTRACT ART: No threat.  Bash/shoot it.  It uses Hypnosis, but
that's not a big deal since it almost always fights by itself.

BOSS: EVIL MANI-MANI (**)

A Big bottle rocket will take care of it with little problem.
You should know the drill by now; PSI Special beta and whatever
Jeff's best mode of attack is.  It can put a psychic shield over
itself, though.  I *really* hope you have the Night pendant.  If
you don't, it can defeat you with one "glorious light" attack
if you aren't lucky.  In any case, the glorious light is likely
to paralyze or kill Jeff, and it also uses Paralysis, which is
why you should give Jeff the Great charm when Ness gets the Night
pendant.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Arrive in Moonside, exit cafe.  Walk along road until you reach
Monotoli building, talk to sailor guy, walk back north-northeast.
Find bodyguard guy near hospital, talk to him, get warped to
hospital. Exit hospital, talk to warp guy outside, get warped;
talk to next warp guy you see, get warped again. Open gifts and
warp around a few more times (say "no" when asked "Shall I..?")
In doorless room, talk to shadow guy (say "no") then talk to
Mr. T. Reappear in hotel. Leave hotel and go find sailor again.
Sailor leaves. Whack Evil Mani-Mani. Reappear in cafe in Fourside.


FAQ
                                          
1. WTF?
   - LoL n00b.  Wellllllll come come to moooooooooon nsi nsi iiideeee.  
     Two key things to remember about this place: (1) "Yes" and "No" 
     are reversed, meaning that if you want to say "Yes" to a question 
     someone asks you, you have to say "no," and vice versa.  (2) The 
     beach bum guys are "teleport men." When you speak to them, they say 
     "Hello! And... goodbye!" and warp you off to another point in 
     Moonside.

2. ACK! I just got killed by an Enraged fire plug!
   - Happens to all of us.  That thing, as you can see, is nasty.  The 
     Robo-pump is nothing to worry about; the Bomb it throws isn't *that* 
     bad, compared to the devastating water attack that the EFP uses on 
     most of its turns. Concentrate your attacks on the EFP and be ready 
     to recover your HP somehow.

3. I'm completely lost.  There are invisible walls everywhere.
   This town is screwed up.  Where should I go?
   - Basically, your goal is to get rid of the sailor blocking the way to 
     the Mani-Mani statue.  To do this, you need to find the guy he's 
     looking for. But read on to question (4) and pay attention... you may 
     want to take notes.

4. OK.  Can you PLEASE give me a nice, simple description of
   how to get out of Moonside, from the beginning?
   - Here goes.  First place you ought to go, from the Cafe, is southeast.
     Follow the road up, right, and back down, and then all the way to 
     where the sailor is.  Talk to him, and then retrace your steps.  Look 
     for a black-suited guy that looks like a bodyguard.  He'll send you to 
     the hospital. When you leave the hospital, talk to the first warp guy 
     you see.  He'll send you off to the road to the left of the hotel.  
     Talk to one of the warp men near you (probably just above you or to 
     your right), and you'll begin a brief circuit of small areas with a 
     present and a warp man.  Make sure to get the Night pendant and equip 
     it on Ness.  (If you don't, Evil Mani-Mani is likely to slaughter
     you.) Finally, make sure to answer "No" when the guy in the suit says
     "Shall I..?" He'll then send you to a weird, doorless room with Mr. T
     and a shadowy figure you can just barely see moving around (if you
     study him carefully, you'll see it's actually a blacked-out version of
     Ness...)  Anyway, talk to Mr. T, talk to the shadowy guy (make sure to 
     answer "No"), then talk to Mr. T again.  He'll send you to the hotel. 
     Now you can exit (you might want to take the opportunity to rest up 
     now if you need it) and follow the road again southward to the sailor.
     This time the sailor will take off with the invisible guy, clearing 
     the way to Evil Mani-Mani.  The boss fight isn't overly tough; keep 
     your HP up and pound away.

5. Hey, thanks.  You rule. 
   - Thank you, thank you, no applause necessary, just send money...


===========================================
FFFFF  OOO  U   U RRRR   SSSS I DDD   EEEEE
F     O   O U   U R   R S     I D  D  E                 *******************
FFF   O   O U   U RRRR   SSS  I D   D EEE               *FOURSIDE PART III*
F     O   O U   U R  R      S I D  D  E                 *******************
F      OOO   UUU  R   R SSSS  I DDD   EEEEE
===========================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU ENTER THE MONKEY CAVE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      Mr. baseball bat    
Mr. Saturn coin     Platinum band
Night pendant       Skip sandwich       
Picnic lunch

Jeff

Big bottle rocket   Hyper beam
Gold bracelet       Coin of defense
Slime generator     Franklin Badge
HP-sucker           For sale sign
Pencil eraser

(You must take a Skip sandwich and Picnic lunch with you, as you'll
 soon find out.  The desert drugstore sells both items.  Also, make
 certain you get the Pencil eraser from Escargo.  You *MUST* have
 this item.  Sell off Jeff's Big bottle rockets; you can buy a new
 supply when you return to Fourside.  You'll need to clear out as
 much inventory space as you can for this area.  It's easier to give
 Ness's non-essential items to Jeff for now, since all the stuff you
 take out of chests will automatically be added to Ness's inventory.)

STUFF TO BUY: Skip sandwich, Picnic lunch

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Neutralizer, Flame pendant, Bag of dragonite,
                   Broken tube (see FAQ #3 in this section.)

ENEMIES IN THE MONKEY CAVE: Struttin' Evil Mushroom, Tough Mobile Sprout

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE MONOTOLI BUILDING:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
T-Rex's bat         Mr. Saturn coin    
Platinum band       Night pendant
Franklin badge      Bag of dragonite

Jeff

Hyper beam          Gold bracelet       
Coin of silence     Slime generator     
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket   
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket   
Big bottle rocket   HP-sucker
Neutralizer         Broken tube
Flame pendant       Non-stick fry pan

(Give the Franklin badge and For sale sign back to Ness.  Let Jeff
 equip the Flame pendant, and give him the Neutralizer and
 HP-sucker.  Also, visit the Department Store and restock on Big
 Bottle rockets.  Then go to Winters and visit the Drug store there,
 where you can buy the T-Rex's bat, a Coin of silence for Jeff, and
 a Non-stick fry pan for Paula.  Give the fry pan to Jeff, and
 answer yes when the clerk asks if you want it even though Jeff
 can't equip it.  You'll be getting Paula back soon.  Jeff needs
 an IQ level of 36 to fix the Broken tube.  It's unlikely that he's
 there yet unless you've been doing some serious levelbuilding.  If
 he is there, go ahead and go to Saturn valley and fix it.  It
 becomes the Hungry HP-sucker, which drains HP from all enemies.
 Sell the HP-sucker once you get the Hungry HP-sucker.)

ENEMIES IN THE MONOTOLI BUILDING

SENTRY ROBOT: It can be a tough little bugger.  It'll take 4 or so
bash/shoot attacks to defeat it.  Its beam weapon is nothing to
worry about, but it can fire Bottle rockets, which can cause 100+
HP of damage.  So just be careful.  They only fight you one at a
time, but they can call other Sentry robots into battle with them.

BOSS: CLUMSY ROBOT (**)

Clumsy robot will waste most of its attacks.  Don't freak out
over his bologne sandwich.  It doesn't really recover any of his
HP.  That being said, he has only one attack, but it's a doozy --
a powerful missile that is actually a Super bomb attack, 300+ HP
damage to one character (it will probably be mortal, even on Ness)
and 150+ to the other.  If he fires a missile, be prepared to life
up quickly.  Big bottle rockets don't work on him, and neither does
PSI Special or the HP-sucker.  You just have to bash/shoot, keep
healthy, and be patient.  If you get very unlucky and he fires his
missile three times in a row (it's happened to me), you're going
to die, and there's very little you can do.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Exit cafe. Take phone call, talk to Neglected Class guy, then
monkey. Go to Dusty Dunes Desert drugstore. Sell all remaining
Big bottle rockets and all food you may be carrying.  Call Escargo,
get Pencil Eraser. Enter Monkey cave. Trade items around to proceed.
Don't leave the cave until you have the following: Neutralizer,
broken tube, Flame pendant, Bag of dragonite. Your goal is to find
the King banana and give it to Man K. Man. Do that; erase pencil
statue; get Yogurt Dispenser from Talah Rama. Get stuff listed above,
leave cave, learn PSI Teleport. Teleport to Winters, buy T-Rex's
bat and Non-stick fry pan (let Jeff carry around fry pan for now,
we'll give it to Paula as a way of saying "Paula, I'm truly sorry
I stood around and did nothing while a tentacled space alien
kidnapped you." It's important to give a gift when you're trying to
reconcile yourself to that special someone you hurt, guys.)

Go to Fourside, climb Monotoli building. Get Trout Yogurt if you
want it. Whack Clumsy Robot with Runaway Five's help. Say "boo!"
to Monotoli and get Paula back. Attempt to escape via helicopter;
fail. Leave building; get kidnapped by very insistent Runaway Five,
who will haul you off to Threed.

There is no possible way to give you a text walkthrough on how
to get through this blasted monkey cave, which is definitely my
least favorite part of EarthBound. 

FAQ
                                                                          
1. Hey, I got a problem.  One of my guys is paralyzed.  How
   can I fix this?
   - Go to the hospital and have the Healer "restore feeling."

2. ARGH, this monkey cave is hard.
   - It sure is.  Make sure you take along a skip sandwich and a picnic 
     lunch. I also recommend calling Mach Pizza and waiting for them to 
     deliver you a small pizza, too.  Also, make sure you call Escargo 
     Express and get the Pencil eraser!  You're going to need it!

3. What good stuff is there in the monkey cave?
   - Before you leave the monkey cave, you should have the following 
     stuff: Neutralizer, Flame pendant (*must have!*), Broken tube, Bag of 
     dragonite. If you didn't get all of these items after you finish the 
     cave, go back and find them.  Also, after you learn PSI teleport, you 
     should teleport to Winters.  Remember all those good weapons they sell
     in the Winters drugstore?  Go and buy them before you return to 
     Fourside.

4. $#@(^&#$^&%!! THERE'S A #^&#$( PENCIL STATUE AND I DON'T
   HAVE THE PENCIL ERASER#@%&(#$!!
   - Yeah, that was my reaction too, the first time that happened to me.
     You have to go back out of the cave and get Escargo to deliver it to 
     you, and then go back in.

5. Hey, is there any way to say the password those sentry
   robots want?  Like, a button combination or something?
   - Nope.

6. X_X <-- That's me after Clumsy Robot crushed me like
   a grape.
   - His dizzy missile attack is really powerful, so be ready to lifeup 
     quickly if he uses it.  It's his only attack.  Also, the bologne 
     sandwich doesn't really max out his HP, despite what the message says.
     So keep plugging away until some help arrives...

============================================
TTTTT H   H RRRR  EEEEE EEEEE DDD    IIIIIII
  T   H   H R   R E     E     D  D    I I I            *****************
  T   HHHHH RRRR  EEE   EEE   D   D   I I I            *THREED PART III*
  T   H   H R  R  E     E     D  D    I I I            *****************
  T   H   H R   R EEEEE EEEEE DDD    IIIIIII
============================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THREED:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
T-Rex's bat         Mr. Saturn coin    
Platinum band       Night pendant
Franklin badge      

Paula

Non-stick fry pan   Flame pendant         
Silver bracelet     Coin of slumber
Bag of dragonite    Franklin badge
  
Jeff

Hyper beam          Gold bracelet       
Coin of silence     Slime generator     
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket   
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket   
Big bottle rocket   HP-sucker
Neutralizer         Broken tube

(I wouldn't worry about getting a Gold bracelet and/or Defense ribbon
 for Paula.  She only has to last for one boss battle.  If you're
 paranoid about it, though, you can drop by Fourside and pick those
 two items up for her.  Give her the Flame pendant, the Franklin
 badge and the Bag of dragonite.  Do *not* waste the Dragonite.  Hold
 onto it.)

ENEMIES IN THE RAINY CIRCLE CAVE:

(You should be able to walk right in, fight Shrooom!, and walk right
 back out, if you want to.  You only have to fight these enemies if
 you want to build up some exp.  If you choose to do so, defeat
 Shrooom! first, so the enemies will run away from you, letting you
 have a green swirl for every battle.)

ELDER BATTY: I was wondering where my piano teacher went...
Less dangerous at this stage of the game than the Mr. Batty was 
earlier.  Bash it.  It has a nasty biting attack, though,
and like its cousin it can SMAAAAASH you.

ARACHNID!: Not dangerous.  Bash/shoot it.  It can poison you in its
futile effort to attain relevance, if not long life.

TOUGH CROCODILE: Like the Plain Crocodile, it has some very vicious
attacks, so be careful.  Freeze beta will dispatch it.  These three
enemies like to gang up on you, sometimes in large groups.  If so,
take out the croc with some powerful PSI attack first. (Hint: That
means PSI Freeze.)

BOSS: SHROOOM! (**)

Don't do drugs.

If you don't know what to do and/or are unlucky, this can be a very
tough boss.  However, if you saved the Dragonite he'll be a cakewalk.
Your first round should be: Flash beta with Ness (Shrooom! is weak
against Flash and could be paralyzed or killed), Bag of dragonite
with Paula, and Big bottle rocket with Jeff.  Even if the Flash
doesn't work, the Dragonite and Big bottle rocket will probably
be enough to kill him, and if they aren't, he'll be close.  Second
round should be your best PSI attacks and/or another Big bottle
rocket.  (Don't use any powerful attack with someone who gets
Mashroomized.)

FAQ

1. The Runaway Five dumped me in Threed and now I have no
   idea what I'm supposed to do.  So help!
   - First, go rest at the hotel.  Then go to the graveyard where Jeff
     originally crashed the Sky Runner.  You might find something neat
     there...

2. Is there anything I need to do in Winters besides knock off
   Shrooom!?
   - Nope, that's it.  If you want to build exp. in the Rainy Circle
     cave, feel free.  When you're ready to go, just go back to the
     lab and speak to Dr. Andonuts.

=========================================
 SSSS U   U M   M M   M EEEEE RRRR   SSSS
S     U   U MM MM MM MM E     R   R S                   *********
 SSS  U   U M M M M M M EEE   RRRR   SSS                *SUMMERS*
    S U   U M   M M   M E     R  R      S               *********
SSSS   UUU  M   M M   M EEEEE R   R SSSS
=========================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE STOIC CLUB:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Big league bat      Lucky coin    
Diamond band        Night pendant
Franklin badge      

Paula

Non-stick fry pan   Flame pendant         
Diamond band        Lucky coin    
Franklin badge
  
Jeff

Hyper beam          Platinum band       
Lucky coin          Slime generator     
Big bottle rocket   Big bottle rocket   
Big bottle rocket   HP-sucker
Neutralizer         Broken tube

(When you get to the shop in Summers, completely clean out your bank
 account.  This is actually the last place in the game where you'll
 need a significant amount of money for shopping; from here on out
 you'll get most of your new weapons and armor from gifts/chests and
 enemies.  Get Diamond bands for everyone.  If you can't afford three
 Lucky coins, keep the Mr. Saturn coin on Ness for now.  If you
 can afford all that and have a little left over, a couple of Super
 plush bears may come in handy.  Note that the Chef's fry pan is
 inferior to the Non-stick fry pan, which Paula should already have.
 If she doesn't, go back to Winters and get one.  Upgrade Ness's
 weapon, too, of course.)

STUFF TO BUY: Big league bat, 3 Diamond bands, 3 Lucky coins. Some
people say you shouldn't buy Lucky coins, because they're expensive
and you can get the identical Charm coin much cheaper, later in the
game. These people should stop doing drugs. You need that defense
boost now, not later.

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: None

ENEMIES

OVER ZEALOUS COP: Same as Captain Strong was, has basically the
same attacks.  Not dangerous; bash/shoot.

TOUGH GUY: Actually has exactly the same stats as the Over
Zealous Cop, except that the Tough Guy has slightly more HP.  Not
dangerous.

SHATTERED MAN: Not really a threat to kill you dead, but he can
inflict quite a lot of pain with his violence. PSI Freeze will
do a nice job of inflicting death upon him. You will fight two
of these (one at a time), and hopefully get at least one valuable
Mummy wrap as a parting gift for your troubles.

Crazed Sign, Mad Taxi, Mole Playing Rough (In case you care.)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Crash in Summers, but don't burn. The people on the beach are all
on drugs, so talk to them and amuse yourself. Wander around and see
the sights and all that. Go east to Toto, help yourself to people's
houses; find the Jamaican dude and get the number to the Stoic Club.
Go find a phone (use your sleuthing skills) and call that number.
Go to Stoic Club, listen to more people on drugs ramble. Talk to
lady in bottom right; scroll through text until the 8-ball wears
off. When she leaves, go find her along the beach, to the left of
the Club. Do drugs, trip out, possess body of young Dalaamese prince.
Wander around and open chests. Go southeast, undertake trial (do
not press any buttons besides using A to answer "yes" to the
questions.) Pass trial, return to Palace. Teleport to Ness and
submit yourself to his whims. Go to Museum, go upstairs, whack
Shattered Men, get Heiroglyph copy, immediately dump Heiroglyph copy
in Escargo, because it's about as useful as a waterproof sponge.
Take phone call on the way out. Go to Fourside.

FAQ

1. So, uh... I crashed on the beach, but survived.  What
   should I do?
   - Head all the way to the west, then go up onto the road, and then
     start making your way eastward.  Stop at the item shop, and take
     all the money you have out of your account.  You won't need a
     significant amount of money for anything else again in the game,
     so spend everything you have.  Get the Big League bat for Ness
     (Paula should already have the Non-stick fry pan from Winters, 
     which is better than the one sold in Summers) and try and get
     Diamond Bands and Lucky coins for everyone.  If you have any
     money left, buy a couple Super plush bears.  After you finish,
     save the game and continue heading eastward...

2. Is there anything worth seeing or doing in the museum?
   - Not yet.  There will be after Poo joins you.

3. How can I get into the Stoic club?
   - You have to call a secret number to get in.  Fortunately, 
     there's a Jamaican mon living in a house in Toto who will share 
     the number with you.  Poke around in Toto (to the east of
     Summers, the port town) until you find him.  After you do, go
     find a phone and call the Stoic club.
 
4. What does that creep Tony mean, my name?  What should
   I put in here?  Or should I hang up and call the police?
   - He wants you to put in your actual name, the one that's on
     your birth certificate.  Of course, you can put anything you
     want in there, but that's what he wants... for a kick, I
     like to put in "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch".  It's very
     fun when the name is used much later in the game.  Actually,
     that name doesn't quite fit, but you can shorten it somewhat.
     Be creative, is my point.

5. That weird woman took off and said to find her at a
   little cart out on the beach.  So where is she?
   - Well, I just called Sherlock Holmes, and he told me that she
     most likely is at a little cart out on the beach.  Go down
     to the sidewalk just outside the stoic club, near where the
     stairs leading down to the beach are, and then walk westward
     until you find her.

6. O_o  Magic cake! WTF!
   - Yeah, it's pretty trippy stuff.  Now you'll get to possess
     Poo, the prince of Dalaam, who happens to be very popular
     with the ladies.  Score! (Don't do drugs.)

7. Hey, what happened?  I can't get Poo's trial to work.
   - Once Poo kneels down, you cannot touch *any* buttons on your
     controller, not even R or X or Y or Start or the control pad.
     The only exception is that you can press A or B to scroll
     through text when it appears.  Also, you must always answer
     "yes" to the spirit's inquiries as to whether it's OK to
     dismember Poo, gouge his eyes out, subject him to Richard
     Simmons videos, etc.

8. Right, Poo joined the party now.  So where should I go next?
   - Head for the dinosaur museum now and talk to the guard, who
     will be happy to see Poo (and the gem Poo is carrying.)
     Go and read the heiroglyphs, pop off the Shattered men (be
     careful, they're pretty dangerous), and leave.  The guard
     will make you take a useless Heiroglyph copy.  Dump it into
     Escargo.  When you go downstairs, you'll get an interesting
     phone call...

===========================================
FFFFF  OOO  U   U RRRR   SSSS I DDD   EEEEE
F     O   O U   U R   R S     I D  D  E            *******************
FFF   O   O U   U RRRR   SSS  I D   D EEE          *FOURSIDE PART IV*
F     O   O U   U R  R      S I D  D  E            *******************
F      OOO   UUU  R   R SSSS  I DDD   EEEEE
===========================================

(Note: I don't recommend it, for exp. and storyline reasons, but it
 *is* possible to skip this and Dalaam entirely and come back to it
 later.)

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU RETURN TO FOURSIDE:

Ness

ATM Card           Sound stone
Receiver phone     For sale sign
Big league bat     Night pendant      
Diamond band       Lucky coin

Paula

Franklin badge     Non-stick fry pan
Flame pendant      Diamond band
Lucky coin

Jeff

Slime generator    Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker   Double beam
Diamond band       Lucky coin
Big bottle rocket  Big bottle rocket

Poo

Super plush bear   Super plush bear
Super plush bear   Super plush bear
                                                                           
(Poo should have any Mummy wraps you got from the Shattered men.)

(You should have the necessary IQ by now to fix the Hungry HP-sucker,
 so do so.  Also, buy a Broken gadget from the punk guy in the northeast
 corner of Fourside and fix it, too, and you'll get the Double beam.
 I strongly recommend taking three or four Super plush bears with
 you, as well.)

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Broken bazooka (in the sewer)

ENEMIES IN THE SEWER:

FILTHY ATTACK ROACH: Pretty annoying little pest.  Its continuous
attack can deal pretty heavy damage.  Usually fights alone or with
another Filthy Attack roach.  Just bash them.  Anyone from Florida
is already familiar with hand-to-hand combat with five-feet-tall
attack roaches, so congratulations, Floridians, you're ahead of the
game.

DEADLY MOUSE: Unlike the rowdy mouse, these mice like to fight in large
teams; like the rowdy mouse, they unleash SMAAAAASH attacks often, which
makes them dangerous.  If you're fighting four or more, you may want to
use Fire beta. This is not a long dungeon, so it's not like your PP is
redeemable for valuable prizes; you might as well use it.

STINKY GHOST: Like the Smelly ghost, it has sky-high defense.  Use PSI
Freeze; Ness's physical attack can do decent damage.  Jeff's slime
generator is pretty effective.  It can possess you, which is very
annoying, so try to defeat it quickly. PSI Freeze gamma makes it very
dead.

BOSS: PLAGUE RAT OF DOOM (**)

Not too much to worry about.  It uses poison attacks often.  If you
have a Super plush bear, the poison will hit it harmlessly.  Otherwise,
just keep your HP up as necessary and use PSI Freeze.  A Big bottle
rocket or two will make this a short fight.  PSI flash beta is very
effective on him; it can paralyze or defeat him in one blow, saving
a valuable twenty or thirty seconds that you can more profitably invest
in online dating sites.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Go to museum, talk to Mr. Spoon, learn about his unhealthy obsession.
Go to Topolla, watch excrutiatingly boring concert (3 out of 5 kids
prefer a root canal), enter Venus's dressing room, get Signed banana.
Decide for yourself (apply your critical thinking skills) whether the
"smack!" you receive is a kiss on the cheek or a slap in the face,
then note that nobody cares anyway. Go back to museum and give banana
to Mr. Spoon. Enter sewers. Slog your way through sewers; backtrack
to each door you see and get good stuff. DEFINITELY get the Broken
bazooka. Trust me on this one. Keep going right, whack Plague Rat
of Doom, get fifth melody and Carrot key. Slog your way back through
the sewers, get out of museum, go to Dalaam.

FAQ

1. Is there anything new to do in Fourside, beside get Venus's
   autograph for Mr. Spoon?
   - Just one thing.  If you haven't done this previously, go buy a
     Broken gadget from the punk salesman in the far northeast of the
     city, and take it to Saturn Valley to have Jeff fix it and make
     it the Double beam.  Then get the autograph.

2. Anything I should know about the sewer?
   - Make sure you find your way into all the doors.  Especially make
     sure you find the Broken bazooka.  Jeff probably doesn't have the
     necessary IQ (45) to fix it now, but hold onto it.  The empty
     room is actually a Magic butterfly room, where the butterflies
     will repeatedly re-appear if you exit and re-enter the room.  Take
     advantage of this to refill your HP and PP.
   
3. What on earth is this "carrot key" for?
   - Remember those weird black rabbit statues in Dalaam?

===================================
DDD     A   L       A     A   M   M
D  D   A A  L      A A   A A  MM MM                ********
D   D AAAAA L     AAAAA AAAAA M M M                *DALAAM*
D  D  A   A L     A   A A   A M   M                ********
DDD   A   A LLLLL A   A A   A M   M
===================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU GET TO DALAAM:

Ness

ATM Card           Sound stone
Receiver phone     For sale sign
Big league bat     Night pendant      
Diamond band       Lucky coin         
Carrot key

Paula

Franklin badge     Non-stick fry pan
Flame pendant      Diamond band
Lucky coin

Jeff

Slime generator    Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker   Double beam
Diamond band       Lucky coin
Big bottle rocket  Big bottle rocket
Broken bazooka

Poo
                                                                          O 
(Poo should have any Mummy wraps you got from the Shattered men.  Also,
 buy him as many Brain food lunches as you can afford, preferably five
 or six of them.)

Other stuff

Again, having some Super plush bears along is helpful if you can
afford it.

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Rock candy (DON'T use it!), Bracer of kings

ENEMIES:

THUNDER MITE: Always uses PSI Thunder alpha or beta.  Just whack it.

TANGOO: Can poison you or put you to sleep.  Bash/shoot it.

KISS OF DEATH: Rumored to be the disembodied spirit of Martha Stewart.
Can poison you.  Use violence.

CONDUCTING MENACE: This is a pretty dangerous enemy, as it can use
PSI thunder beta, and it can also use PSI flash beta, which is deadly
and will often paralyze or knock out one or more of your party members.
Defeat it quickly.  If it's in a group, use Freeze beta from Paula or
Poo.

BOSS: THUNDER AND STORM (**)

If you pop them off fast, they're nothing to worry about.  They take
three turns before they use their two powerful attacks.  You do NOT want
them lasting five turns, as on the fifth turn they unleash their nasty
"summon a storm" attack, which is like PSI Flash omega and will probably
paralyze or kill everyone but Ness (or whoever has the Night pendant.)
Point is, use your best PSI (Freeze gamma and flash beta) to take them
out fast.  A Big bottle rocket will hit the spot, too, as always.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Congratulations: You now have access to Brain food lunches. Buy lots
of them; always return to Dalaam and re-stock them after depleting them
in dungeons. Poo now has infinite PP, so he can destroy everything that
moves with extreme prejudice. Use PSI Freeze to kill stuff with death
whenever you decide something doesn't deserve to live.

Go to Dalaam, buy numerous BFLs (henceforth I will refer to Brain food
lunches as BFLs). Go to southwest, use Carrot key to delete rabbit 
statues from the Matrix. Go in cave, up rope, through door, down hole,
skip the hole you see and go left, go in that hole, don't go in next
hole; walk left to boss. Whack Thunder and Storm, get sixth melody.
Enter every hole you see, find Bracer of kings in present; head right
and up the looooong ropes to exit cave. Go to Summers (teleport from
in front of palace where there's room.)

FAQ

1. Anything I should do before I go into the cave?
   - You should get some money out of your ATM before coming here,
     and fill Poo up with a bunch of Brain food lunches.  They
     completely refill his HP and PP, so he should from this point
     take over for Ness as designated healer.  If you're well
     stocked on Brain food lunches, you can use Poo's PSI liberally.

2. What's the quickest way to the boss?  This cave is annoying...
   - First, make sure you retrieve the Rock candy and the Bracer of
     kings.  You do *not* want to miss either of these.  After that,
     from the beginning, the quickest route is this: Go up the rope
     and into the side door.  Then jump down the hole, then down the
     hole off to the left.  Don't jump down the next hole; go to the
     left from here, and you will find Thunder and Storm.

3. Okay, I got the Pink cloud melody.  Now where do I go?
   - Teleport back to Summers and go to Toto, and find the boat
     captain.  Then you're off for Scaraba...


=========================================
 SSSS  CCCC   A   RRRR    A   BBBB    A
S     C      A A  R   R  A A  B   B  A A                 *********
 SSS  C     AAAAA RRRR  AAAAA BBBB  AAAAA                *SCARABA*
    S C     A   A R  R  A   A B   B A   A                *********
SSSS   CCCC A   A R   R A   A BBBB  A   A
=========================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU GO INTO THE PYRAMID:

Ness

ATM Card           Sound stone
Receiver phone     For sale sign
Big league bat     Night pendant      
Diamond band       Lucky coin         

Paula

Franklin badge     Non-stick fry pan
Flame pendant      Diamond band
Lucky coin         Exit mouse

Jeff (Buy the Broken cannon at the bazaar and fix it,
      and you will get the Spectrum beam.)

Slime generator    Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker   Spectrum beam
Diamond band       Lucky coin
Big bottle rocket  Big bottle rocket
Broken bazooka

Poo

Bracer of kings    Rock candy
Brain food lunch   Brain food lunch
Brain food lunch   Brain food lunch
Snake bag

(NOTE: Give Poo the Hawk eye when you find it.)

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR IN THE BAZAAR: Broken cannon, Snake bag
ITEMS TO LOOK FOR IN THE PYRAMID: Rain pendant

BOSS: KRAKEN (**)

Try your best to murder Kraken within the first two turns. He
has *extremely* powerful attacks that hit everybody at once,
so it's a bad idea to leave him alive for long.  I recommend
your first round go like this: Paralysis with Ness (it works
pretty often and will render him helpless if it works), PSI
Freeze gamma with Paula, a Big bottle rocket with Jeff, and
a Mummy wrap with Poo (if he doesn't have a Mummy wrap, Freeze
gamma.)  Second round, just use your best attacks.  He only has
around 1000 HP, so it shouldn't be too tough.

ENEMIES IN THE NORTHERN DESERT:

DREAD SKELPION: Can poison you and can also use PSI Thunder alpha
or beta. Use violence.

GREAT CRESTED BOOKA: Its "charge forward" attack deals serious
damage.  It will waste its attacks a lot of the time.  Bash/shoot
it.

HIGH CLASS UFO: Very fast, will dodge your attacks a lot of the
time.  It also has a shield of light, and it casts psychic shields.
PSI isn't very effective, so you'll just have to bash it...

BEAUTIFUL UFO: Much less dangerous than the High Class UFO.
Casts Lifeup on its allies, so it's a good idea to defeat it
first when it teams up with the HCUFO.  Leaves a random
drinkable present when defeated; every now and then you'll get
a useful Kraken soup from it.

MASTER CRIMINAL WORM: A bright red worm that always runs away from
you.  If you see one, catch it at all costs!  You won't have to
fight it, and it will give you a TON of exp.

WHERE TO FIND MASTER CRIMINAL WORMS!

It's actually quite easy to find Master Criminal Worms, provided you
have lots of spare time. See that gate that divides the bazaar from
the open desert (where the music changes)? MCWs hang out in the palm
tree area just south of that gate, about a screen's length south of
it.  So walk up through the gate and back down a screen and look for
an MCW. About 1/4 of the time you'll find one. If you don't, just
walk back up and back down again.

If you invest a few hours in this, you can pump your levels WAY up,
well above what you need to finish the game. It's not really
necessary, but again, if it gives you a rush to pound the hell out
of laughably helpless enemies, be my guest and pump your levels.
It's your world, (wo)man; I just live here.

ENEMIES IN THE PYRAMID:
                                 
GUARDIAN HEIROGLYPH: The most common enemy in the Pyramid.  It
can make you catch a cold, and it can use an annoying PSI Flash alpha
spell. I don't think there's any conceivable way it could possibly
kill you, unless it somehow got hold of a gun. Beat it down.

LETHAL ASP HEIROGLYPH: Doesn't affect your status, but it does have
some pretty nasty physical attacks.  Bash/shoot it, or use PSI Freeze.

FIERCE SHATTERED MAN: Pretty tough enemy, it can deal heavy damage,
and it also can solidify someone's body with a great big hug.  (Just
like aunt Susie!) Use PSI Freeze and physical attacks.  You have a 
1/2 chance of getting a Mummy wrap from it.

PETRIFIED ROYAL GUARD: VERY damaging physical attacks and high defense.
You'll want to use Freeze on it early and often, especially if it
teams up with a Fierce Shattered Man or Lethal Asp Heiroglyph, as it
often does.

ARACHNID!!!: Can poison you; nothing to worry about otherwise. Bash
or shoot it.

BOSS: GUARDIAN GENERAL (**)

Not much of a boss; a slightly souped-up version of the Petrified
Royal Guard.  Freeze and a Big bottle rocket will make quick work of him.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Go to Toto, pay $80 to get on ship, sail south. Whack Kraken along the
way, because, hey, he asked for it; you were just minding your own
business. Arrive in Scaraba, shop at bazaar (make sure to get the
Broken cannon and fix it; piggy noses are useless silly things). Rest
up. Head south to pyramid, open it, enter it. If you get lost in the
Pyramid, email me and let me know, because I don't think it's possible.
Make sure to nab the Rain pendant and equip it on whoever doesn't have
a pendant yet (should be Jeff if you've been paying attention to me;
do not equip it on Poo). When you get the Hawk eye, give it to Poo.
You'll have to kill lots of stuff, as if you were in a Steven Seagal
movie or something. Keep killing everything that moves -- kill first,
ask questions later, and if you have a problem with that kind of
philosophy, this just isn't the kind of game for such a namby-pamby
as yourself -- as you follow the extremely linear path. Eventually
you'll make it out. I promise.

FAQ

1. Is this DXWater worth it?  What does it do?
   - It recovers 40 PP for Poo; it's worthless for everyone else.  If
     you don't have any Brain food lunches... well, I recommend
     teleporting to Dalaam and buying some.  But if you really don't
     feel like it, you can buy some DXWater instead... don't say I
     didn't warn you...

2. Hey, isn't there some neat trick you can do with Rock candy?
   - Sure is. Read all about it in its own section near the beginning of
     this very document you're reading right now.

3. How do I get into the @#&@(%%^ Pyramid?!
   - Step on the top tile.  Let the Sphinx blabber about being a warrior
     or thief or something.  Then step on the tiles in this order:

                                  1/6

                               4       3


                                2     5

   (Here I am assuming that you know how to count.)

4. Oy, I'm just about dead and there's no end in sight in the
   Pyramid.  Is there anything I can do?
   - This is why I recommended that you take an Exit mouse in with
     you.  If you didn't, though... well, if you haven't dropped down
     through any holes yet, you can try and turn around and go back.  If
     you have, you'll have to keep plunging onward and try to run away
     from battles. But really, if you're in that much trouble, it means
     you didn't pack BFLs like I told you to 147 times, and if you suck
     at life that much, I somehow suspect you might have more important
     issues to deal with than the fact that your virtual alter-egos are
     about to be killed by mummies and heiroglyphs.


*****************
*SCARABA PART II*
*****************

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE AFTER YOU LEAVE THE PYRAMID AND BUY STUFF FROM
THE MERCHANT:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Big league bat      Night pendant      
Diamond band        Lucky coin         

Paula

Franklin badge      French fry pan
Flame pendant       Diamond band
Lucky coin         

Jeff (Jeff should be around IQ 45 by now, at which level he can
      repair the Broken bazooka if you sleep inside Dungeon Man.  It
      becomes the Heavy bazooka, which is like having an infinite
      supply of Super bombs.)

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Spectrum beam
Diamond band        Lucky coin
Rain pendant        Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Heavy bazooka

Poo (He will leave the party immediately after you leave the Pyramid.)

Bracer of kings    Rock candy
Brain food lunch   Brain food lunch
Brain food lunch   Brain food lunch
Snake bag          Hawk eye

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: French fry pan, Multi bottle rockets*, both sold
by the merchant near the Pyramid exit.  Also, there is a Talisman
Ribbon inside Dungeon man just before you leave Scaraba.  Don't
miss it.

* This is by far the most powerful item in the game.  It deals about
1200-2000 HP of damage -- in one blow.  It's enough to wipe out most
bosses.  Buy two or three of them for now; you can really stockpile
them in Deep darkness.

ENEMIES IN SOUTHERN SCARABA

MARAUDER OCTOBOT: Pretty potent beam attack.  Also can steal items,
particularly Rock candy, so don't carry your Rock candy with you.  Put
it in Escargo if Poo doesn't have it.

High Class UFO, Beautiful UFO, Master Criminal Worm.

ENEMIES IN DUNGEON MAN

LESSER MOOK: Uses powerful PSI Freeze spells.  Freeze alpha causes
150-300 HP damage; beta will cause mortal damage.  Freeze does not
affect teddy bears, if you happen to have one along.  The Rain pendant
protects from it.  It can also diamondize you, so don't trifle with
these things.

Mystical Record, Worthless Protoplasm, Scalding
Coffee Cup.  Also, on rare occasions, Dali's Clock and Cute Lil' UFO.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Exit pyramid, Poo will bail, Escargo will call you if you were smart
and gave him the Hawk eye. Shop. Talk to Noble Warrior just north of
pyramid exit, get the Key to the tower. Head northwest through the
desert until you find Dungeon man. Use said key to enter tower.
Go left; rest, use phone to call Escargo and dump Rock candy if you
still have it and want to use it to boost your stats later.
Continue through Dungeon man. Brick Road tries to trick you here
and there, but I'm confident you can find your way through the
thing on your own. None of the various presents are particularly
useful, so just grab whatever. It's a fun dungeon, really, it is.

Sooner or later, get to the fourth floor and talk to Brick Road,
then hop down the Return hole and make your way out. Now Dungeon
Man is part of your party! That rocks! He kills everything that
moves with uber-violence, which is kind of fun, at least for ten
minutes or so, so feel free to fight whatever random unfortunate
critters approach you, just to amuse yourself watching Dungeon Man
do his thing. (This is your only chance; he's only in your party
for as long as it takes you to walk three screen-lengths south).

When you're done, head south and walk past the trees. Dungeon
Man will get stuck there (boo hoo and etc.) Talk to the Noble
Warrior, who explains to you that you are, no offense, an idiot
if you want to try to cross the swamp. You'd need a freakin'
submarine to do that, and just where exactly the hell do you
expect to find a freakin' submarine here in the middle of God-
forsaken nowhere? Exactly. So just turn off the SNES and go to
bed, and when you wake up in the morning, do something useful with
your life. And remember: In life, the joke is always on you.

Or, I suppose you could pop back inside Dungeon man, go back to
the fourth floor, talk to Brick Road again, hop down the now-
unblocked Goodbye Exit, and get yourself a submarine down there
(not to mention the Talisman ribbon). Personally, I think anybody
who is going that far out of their way just to travel into a huge
swamp where you can't even see is either on drugs or trying to
save the world, or maybe both.

FAQ

1. HEY! You told me to give Poo the Hawk eye, and now he's gone!
   NOW what am I gonna do, genius?!
   - Relax, relax, don't go slitting your wrists just yet.  The
     beauty thing is that Escargo Express will wind up with the Hawk
     eye, so it won't take up inventory space, plus they'll deliver
     it free when you need it later.

2. So where is this "Dungeon Man" guy, anyhow?
   - Go northwest, young (wo)man, go northwest.

3. I can't get into Dungeon Man.  It says it's locked.  I even
   tried the Bad Key Machine, but it didn't work either.  Is
   there a key somewhere?
   - Yep.  Go back and talk to the Noble Warrior (the dude with the
     spear near the Pyramid exit.)

==============================================
DDD   EEEEE EEEEE PPPP
D  D  E     E     P   P
D   D EEE   EEE   PPPP
D  D  E     E     P
DDD   EEEEE EEEEE P                             ***************
                                                *DEEP DARKNESS*
DDD     A   RRRR  K  K N   N EEEEE  SSSS  SSSS  ***************
D  D   A A  R   R K K  NN  N E     S     S
D   D AAAAA RRRR  KK   N N N EEE    SSS   SSS
D  D  A   A R  R  K K  N  NN E         S     S
DDD   A   A R   R K  K N   N EEEEE SSSS  SSSS
==============================================

ITEMS YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU SET OUT INTO THE SWAMP:

Ness (Call Escargo now and get the Hawk eye delivered.)

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Big league bat      Night pendant      
Diamond band        Lucky coin
Hawk eye         

Paula

Franklin badge      French fry pan
Flame pendant       Diamond band
Talisman ribbon                   

Jeff (You should be using the Heavy bazooka on most turns with
      Jeff, as it is much more effective than his standard
      Shoot attack.  With minor enemies, it can be faster to
      just Shoot or use Auto fight.)

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Spectrum beam
Diamond band        Lucky coin
Rain pendant        Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi Bottle rocket

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Rock candy, Souvenir coin, Magic truffles*
ITEMS TO LOOK FOR IN TENDA VILLAGE: Death ray

* There are five Magic truffles in the Deep darkness.  It's too
complicated to explain where they all are; the easiest one to find
is at the base of the tree near the arms dealer.  There are plenty
of FAQs out there that detail where they are located.  As soon as
I find one, I'll provide a link to it in a future version.  I
recommend just taking one or two of them.  They restore a nice 80
PP, but in my opinion you're better off with Brain food lunches,
even for the non-Poo characters.

ENEMIES

(I guess that, in the interest of being as comprehensive as
possible, I should mention that Moles Playing Rough hang around 
the monkey village.  If you care, please double your medication
dosage and call me in the morning.)

ZAP EEL: Uses an electrical shock attack (Thunder beta) on every
turn.  More of a nuisance than anything else at this stage of the
game.  Bash/shoot them, or use Freeze beta if you get ganged up on.

EVEN SLIMIER LITTLE PILE: A major nuisance, since most of the time
it uses that blasted stinky breath attack that makes everyone cry.
Take them out first if they fight with another enemy or two.  Not
dangerous in and of themselves.  (Incidentally, this enemy has the
longest name in EarthBound, using the limit of 24 characters.)

PIKACHAN: If you want to find a PikaChan, you have to fight 16,384
Pit Bull Slugs and then get in a fight with a Demonic Petunia.  She
will kill you immediately with her "cooler than you" attack, so I
don't know why you would want to do this.*

BIG PILE OF PUKE: Pretty much the same as Belch was (not susceptible
to Fly Honey, though.)  Pretty potent physical attacks as well as
the oft-used nausea attack.  Freeze works well; Bash/shoot should
usually do the job.  Usually fights alone, sometimes with an
Even Slimier Little Pile.

PIT BULL SLUG: Like the Attack Slug (remember those?), they like
to attack in large swarms, and like the Attack Slug, they're
completely harmless.  Just turn on Auto Fight and rack up the exp.

HARD CROCODILE: Brutally strong physical attacks.  If you get
ganged up on, don't hesitate to unleash Freeze gamma on it.
They like to fight with Zap Eels.

DEMONIC PETUNIA: This thing is more dangerous than most bosses...
Its "extinguishing blast" attack is really a powerful Fire gamma
attack (the Flame pendant provides protection from it, which when
you think about it is kind of silly, considering it's a water
attack; the Rain pendant provides no protection...)  Anyway,
knock it out fast.  Freeze gamma will do the trick.  Don't let
it attack, unless you're mesmerized by all those rapidly scrolling
HP meters.

HOSTILE ELDER OAK: Not dangerous in and of itself, but it will
burst into flames when defeated.  Not worth fighting; avoid it
or run away from it.  (NOTE: If you fight a Hostile Elder Oak and
Demonic Petunia together, do not try to Run Away.  If you fail, the
Petunia will likely nail you with its fire gamma attack.  Take out
the Petunia first, then run.)

MANLY FISH: Harmless. Bash/shoot.

MANLY FISH'S BROTHER: All the good genes must have gone to big
bro... very potent PSI attacker; it uses Freeze and paralysis.
Knock him out fast.  Freeze doesn't work.  Use the Heavy bazooka
and physical attacks, but just make sure it's all concentrated on
him, not the Manly Fish.  Note that the Manly Fish's Brother
almost always fights with the Manly Fish; it's *extremely* rare
to fight one on its own, similar to the Handsome Tom/Smilin' Sam
relationship.

* I made this up. Please don't actually try to do this, and please
  don't do drugs.

BOSS: MASTER BARF (*)

The Fly Honey won't work anymore, but he's a cream puff anyway.
He'll make you nauseous early and often; use Healing beta as
necessary.  He has a powerful continuous attack, so lifeup as
needed as well.  A single Multi bottle rocket will put a very
quick end to this fight.  Otherwise, just Bash/Shoot/PSI Freeze
away.  After his HP runs out, Poo will swoop down from the sky
and finish him off with the super-cool PSI Starstorm.  Throw
away the Casey bat; it's worthless, as it misses 75% of the time
and sells for only $19.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Talk to all the monkeys, get Monkey's love, shop if you need to
(give Jeff all the Multi-bottle rockets he can carry). You can
trigger an extra scene at the end of the game by using the great
doctor's services but not paying for them (choose "let him pay".)
Pick up the Magic truffle at the base of the tree just as you
leave the monkey village; hey, it's there.

Head into the swamp. When you reach the dark part, use the Hawk
eye. Keep going. It's not really a maze, it's just long. Move
toward the southeast corner, find the Talisman coin there, equip
on Ness.  Then go north and east. Whack Master Barf (don't need
Fly Honey this time), welcome Poo back, cast useless Casey bat
into swamp. Proceed to Tenda village. Talk to village elder,
get Death ray from trash can, sleep in cave, leave village. Take
phone calls, highball it to Winters.

FAQ

1. So what DOES this Monkey's love do, anyway?
   - It has the same effect as the Slime generator: It can make
     an enemy's body solidify, making the enemy lose a turn.  It
     can be useful now and then.  I recommend giving it to Paula.

2. Eep! Why's my screen flashing red?
   - When you walk in the deep swamp (it's darker green, you move
     very slowly, and you can only see Ness's hat) you lose health
     as if you had a cold or sunstroke, 2 HP per red flash.  It's
     really nothing to worry that much about, as long as you don't
     stay in there forever.  Just check on your HP now and then
     and lifeup as needed.

3. Is there any way to fix the crashed helicopter?
   - Nope.  It's completely broken.  I thought I could fix it,
     but upon re-examination... I noticed there's no engine. Hmmm.
     (Sounds like my skull!)

4. OK, Poo's back and I made it to Tenda Village.  Sooo...
   now what?
   - Sleep at the comfy Tenda inn.  Then go back outside, n00b.
     There's a phone call waiting for you...

=====================================
W   W I N   N TTTTT EEEEE RRRR   SSSS
W   W I NN  N   T   E     R   R S                   *****************
W W W I N N N   T   EEE   RRRR   SSS                *WINTERS PART II*
W W W I N  NN   T   E     R  R      S               *****************
 W W  I N   N   T   EEEEE R   R SSSS 
=====================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE WHEN YOU ENTER THE STONEHENGE BASE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Big league bat      Night pendant      
Diamond band        Souvenir coin
Eraser eraser         

Paula

Franklin badge      French fry pan
Flame pendant       Diamond band
Talisman ribbon     Monkey's love
Large pizza

(Have Mach pizza deliver you a large before you go into
 Stonehenge base.  You might need it when you fight the boss.)

Jeff 

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Death ray
Diamond band        Lucky coin
Rain pendant        Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi Bottle rocket

Poo

Bracer of kings     Snake bag
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch

(It is highly recommended that you put your Rock candies in
 Escargo before coming here.  There are enemies here that
 can steal them.)

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Eraser eraser*, Broken trumpet, Broken harmonica, 
                   Sword of kings**, Saturn ribbon***, Pixie's
                   bracelet (give it to Jeff)

* Make sure to get this from the mouse in Dr. Andonuts' lab.  You
  need it to get into the Stonehenge base.

**You have a 1/128 chance of receiving the Sword of kings when you
  defeat a Starman Super.  Starman Supers are only present here in
  the Stonehenge base, and they will all disappear when you defeat
  Starman Deluxe.  Therefore, if you want it, you must continually
  fight Starman Supers until you find the Sword, and then you can
  go ahead and defeat Starman Deluxe.  Be warned, it will take a long
  time.  It's worth it, if you have the patience, plus you'll gain
  a ton of exp. and money from all the fighting.

***Make sure you talk to Mr. Saturn after you rescue him.  He'll
   give you the powerful Saturn ribbon.

ENEMIES IN WINTERS

WHIRLING ROBO: Not dangerous. Bash it.

WOOLY SHAMBLER: Very dangerous, as it can use PSI Flash.  Take it
down in the first round. PSI Flash beta will not improve the
quality of your life.

Also starring: Lesser Mook.

ENEMIES IN THE STONEHENGE BASE

MOOK SENIOR: Uses PSI Fire attacks, and it can diamondize you too.
You'll want to take it out fast.  Freeze doesn't work; if you fight
two of them at a time, use PSI Fire on them.

ATOMIC POWER ROBOT: Very annoying enemy, for two reasons.  On most
of its turns, it will "replenish a fuel supply", maximizing its own
HP or one of its allies' HP.  Also, it will explode when you defeat
it, causing heavy damage.  Actually, there's one more annoying
thing... they leave Super bombs behind fairly often, which is very
irritating when you fight them with Starman Supers and are trying
to get the Sword of kings.  I strongly recommend running from them.
If you do fight one, it *must* be the last enemy you defeat, or
you will be sorry... Also note that Poo can Mirror the Atomic Power
Robot, and then he'll be able to refill his friends' HP for free.

STARMAN: Beam attack does decent damage, and it has a PSI Magnet.
Other than that, no threat.  Bash it.

(Note that it's possible to get a surprise opening attack against
 Starmen most of the time.  Stand just out of their teleport range;
 they'll teleport up near you.  The key is, to get a green swirl
 against Starmen, you need to attack them from the FRONT.  This
 is pretty easy since they stand still when they're not teleporting.)

STARMAN SUPER: Better beam attack than the Starman; it also can
call other Starmen into battle, and it can use Healing omega to
revive any fallen allies.  It's really not as tough as it sounds.
Just bash it.

MILITARY OCTOBOT: Pretty powerful beam attack; it also can steal
items, most notably Rock candy.  Bash it.

BOSS: STARMAN DELUXE (**)

You can plug it with a Multi bottle rocket to win easily if you
want.  If you'd rather fight fair, note that he has a psychic power
shield, so you won't want to use PSI attacks.  You can use Jeff's
Neutralizer to take out the shield on the first turn, but I recommend
not doing so and having Paula put up a psychic shield on everyone
(PSI Shield sigma), because Starman Deluxe uses PSI Starstorm, and
it will deal mortal damage to everyone with the possible exception
of Ness (if you did some serious levelbuilding.)  If you do get
hit with Starstorm, use lifeup omega if you have it.  If you don't,
get Ness and Poo working fast and hard on lifeup gamma.  You should
be able to life everyone up in two turns before anyone dies, if you're
quick enough.  Note that if Paula knows PSI Shield omega, and you
put a psychic power shield on everyone, Starman Deluxe will kill
itself with Starstorm since it will deflect at him four times.  He
also will call in Starman Supers to help out; ignore them, as they
will die automatically when he dies.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Arrive in Winters, head south to Dr. Andonuts' lab (same way you
did with Jeff many moons ago.) Get Eraser eraser from mouse, head
into Stonehenge base, erase eraser. Proceed. Path is easy. When
you arrive in the metallic hallways, go right first, get presents,
then backtrack and go down ladder. Proceed, gathering presents
along the way. Get Sword of kings now if you want it; it will take
a long time. Try your best to fight Starman Supers alone.

When you're ready, whack Starman Deluxe. Talk to everyone, get
Saturn ribbon and learn Shyness book is in Onett. Leave base
(enemies are gone now, so you can go back for any missed presents)
and go to Onett. Go to library, search left-most bookshelf in
left room on first floor, find Shyness book. Teleport to Tenda
village, give book to Elder. After inputting your name, talk to
Elder again to receive sweet Bag of dragonite. Drink drugged tea,
trip out. Talk to Tendas; Tenda at bottom left will get rid of
rock. Proceed into Lumine hall cave.

FAQ

1. Is there anything important to get before I sail south?
   - Nope, not really.  Just head for Dr. Andonuts' lab.

2. Any tips on getting the Sword of kings?
   - Well, read what I wrote above first.  Some other things: It
     helps to fight the Starman Supers alone when possible,
     especially when your levels get high enough that you don't
     have to fight them if you get a green swirl.  I've found
     that the best way to look for them is by going to the door
     between the defective-lights hall and the Exit mouse room,
     and entering and exiting that door.  Starman Supers will
     often appear when you re-enter the hall (of course, so will
     Atomic Power Robots and Military Octobots.)  The best
     benefit of this is that there are no Starmen in this area,
     just Starman Supers.  Having Jeff Spy will help you break
     the suspense of knowing whether you're about to get the
     Sword, but it won't actually increase your odds.

***************************
*TENDA VILLAGE/LUMINE HALL*
***************************

(NOTE: Many people refer to the seventh Sanctuary as "Lumine Hole,"
 as the game makes an error and refers to it as such in the Lost
 Underworld.  It is "Lumine Hall.")  </rant>

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE LUMINE HALL CAVE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Big league bat      Night pendant      
Diamond band        Souvenir coin
Tendakraut         

Paula

Franklin badge      French fry pan
Flame pendant       Diamond band
Saturn ribbon       Monkey's love
Bag of dragonite

Jeff 

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Baddest beam
Pixie's bracelet    Lucky coin
Rain pendant        Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi Bottle rocket
Defense shower

Poo

Sword of kings      Bracer of kings     
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch

(You don't really need the Snake bag anymore.  Keep a healthy
 supply of Brain food lunches going.  Jeff should have enough
 IQ -- 55 -- to fix the Broken harmonica and trumpet, which
 become the Baddest beam and Defense shower, respectively.  If
 you really want to, you can go to Saturn valley and buy seven
 Horns of life and trade them one-by-one until you get the
 Talisman coin and Hall of fame bat.  It really isn't worth it.
 Also, make sure to stay stocked on Multi-bottle rockets.)

ITEMS TO BUY: None

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR: Diadem of kings (in the Lumine Hall cave),
Bag of dragonite*

* After you give the Shyness book to the Tenda chief, and after
  he has you check to make sure you inputted your name (or
  whatever you inputted in Summers) right, talk to him again
  and he will give you a Bag of dragonite.  Save it for now.

ENEMIES IN THE LUMINE HALL CAVE

FOBBY: Same as the Foppy, basically.  You know what to do with
'em.  Great for levelbuilding.  Someone really ought to start
an "Adopt a Fobby" web site.  I would sign up.

HYPER SPINNING ROBO: Not dangerous.  Bash/shoot it.  If you're
lucky it will leave a Meteotite, which is useless but can be
sold for $2000, which frankly is equally useless at this point.

CONDUCTING SPIRIT: *Very* dangerous, as it uses Flash beta
(which is lethal to any non-Flash-protected party members), as
well as Thunder gamma.  If you get two fighting together, or a
Conducting Spirit and Uncontrollable Sphere, don't hesitate to
use PSI Freeze spells on the Conducting Spirit and take care
of it quickly.

UNCONTROLLABLE SPHERE: It's not so deadly that you have to
avoid it altogether, like the Smilin' Sphere was, but it is
a very annoying enemy.  It uses PSI Fire often, and you know
by now what that means, damage-wise.  Also, it will explode in
your face when defeated, dealing Super Bomb-type damage
(300-150-150 to three characters.)  If you choose to fight it,
ALWAYS make it the last thing you defeat, so the damage you
take from it exploding can be minimized.  Normally, you'd want
to just avoid fighting these things.  However, they carry the
rare Broken antenna, which Jeff can make into the Gaia beam at
IQ level 65.  There's only a 1/128 chance of getting it (same
as there was with the Sword of kings and the Starman Super),
so it will take awhile.  I recommend defeating the boss first,
and then coming back to try and get the Antenna if you want
it, because after you defeat the boss enemies will run from
you, as in all Sanctuary areas.

BOSS: ELECTRO SPECTER (*)

Probably the easiest boss in the game, aside from Starman
Junior and Carpainter.  It fiddles around with a lot of Jeff's
gadgets, like the Neutralizer and the Shield killer (why you'd
want to put a shield on yourself is beyond me, since E.S.
doesn't use any attacks that a shield can block.)  The only
actual attack it uses is an electrical shock (Thunder beta)
attack, which does negligible damage at this stage in the game.
Auto Fight will do just fine here, honestly.  If you don't
want to waste time, you can plug it with a Multi-bottle rocket
and then bash/shoot the rest of the way.  It does have a
Psychic power shield (at least until it uses the Neutralizer),
so beware of that.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Enter Lumine Hall cave. The cave is something of a maze, but
it's not especially confusing and there are interesting presents
at most of the dead ends, so I'm going to leave it to you
instead of typing up a convoluted, headache-inducing block of
text explaining how to do something that, judging from the
fact that you've come this far, I'm confident you can just as
easily do for yourself. One present contains a vital item, the
Diadem of kings. You can't really miss that one, though, so
no worries. Equip it on Poo, of course. 

So: Proceed through cave. Kill Conducting Spirits with PSI Freeze;
avoid Uncontrollable Spheres unless you're going for the Broken
antenna. Whack Electro Specter, get seventh melody, drop down in
hole, somehow survive enormous freefall, welcome to the Lost
Underworld.

FAQ

1. I beat Starman Deluxe and Apple Kid said he returned the
   Shyness Book to the Onett Library.  I went there, but I can't
   find it...
   - It's on the far left bookshelf in one of the two rooms
     downstairs.  (The left one, I think.)  Face the bookshelf
     and press L or open the menu and choose "Check."

2. How do I get the Tenda to read the stupid book?!
   - Open the item menu and use the Shyness book when you're
     next to the Tenda chief.

============================================================
L       OOO   SSSS TTTTT
L      O   O S       T
L      O   O  SSS    T
L      O   O     S   T
LLLLL   OOO  SSSS    T

U   U  N   N DDD   EEEEE RRRR  W  W  W  OOO  RRRR  L     DDD
U   U  NN  N D  D  E     R   R W  W  W O   O R   R L     D  D
U   U  N N N D   D EEE   RRRR  W  W  W O   O RRRR  L     D   D
U   U  N  NN D  D  E     R  R  W  W  W O   O R  R  L     D  D
 UUU   N   N DDD   EEEEE R   R  WW WW   OOO  R   R LLLLL DDD
============================================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE FIRE SPRING CAVE:

Ness

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      For sale sign
Ultimate bat        Sea pendant      
Diamond band        Souvenir coin         

Paula

Franklin badge      Holy fry pan
Flame pendant       Diamond band
Saturn ribbon       Monkey's love
Bag of dragonite

Jeff 

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Baddest beam
Pixie's bracelet    Shiny coin
Night pendant       Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi Bottle rocket
Defense shower

Poo

Sword of kings      Bracer of kings
Diadem of kings     Cloak of kings     
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch

(At the Tenda Village, buy the Ultimate bat, Holy fry pan,
 and a Shiny coin for Jeff.  Make sure you find the Cloak
 of kings just northeast of the Fire Spring cave in the far
 southwest, and make sure you find the Sea pendant in the
 northeast area of the Lost Underworld.  After you get the
 Sea pendant, give Jeff the Night pendant and put his Rain
 pendant into Escargo for now.)

ITEMS TO BUY: Ultimate bat, Holy fry pan, Shiny coin

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR IN THE LOST UNDERWORLD: Cloak of kings,
Sea pendant

ITEMS TO LOOK FOR IN THE FIRE SPRING CAVE: Cherub's band
(Give it to Paula), Bag of dragonite, Moon beam gun

WHAT NESS SHOULD HAVE *BEFORE* YOU GET THE FIRE SPRING MELODY:

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      Franklin badge
Ultimate bat        Sea pendant      
Diamond band        Souvenir coin 

(Make certain that you give Ness the Franklin badge; he'll
 need it.  Also, give him a couple Brain food lunches or
 Magic truffles to recover his PP with.  You can ditch the
 For Sale sign at this point.)

ENEMIES IN THE LOST UNDERWORLD

WETNOSAUR: Pretty powerful attacks, but you can handle them
by now.  Not really a threat, but it takes two full rounds
of attacks to defeat it.

CHOMPOSAUR: Very annoying enemy, since it uses PSI Fire
often and can go all the way to Fire gamma, which is a nasty
attack.  Also, it has a power shield, meaning the first
three times you attack it physically, the attack will be
reflected back at you.  PSI Freeze works wonders on it; I
also recommend using the Neutralizer on the first round to
get rid of the shield.  Just remember that there are the
two blue hot springs where you can refill both HP and PP.
You have a 1/128 chance of getting the Magic fry pan from
the Chomposaur.  It takes a loooooong time unless you're
very lucky and get it early.

EGO ORB: Not dangerous.  Freeze is very effective, but
you can just bash/shoot it and recover HP as needed.

ENEMIES IN THE FIRE SPRING CAVE

SOUL CONSUMING FLAME: It has *very* lethal fire attacks,
one of which is equivalent to PSI Fire omega.  The good
news is that it has truly pathetic defense, and if your
level is fairly high you can take it out in two attacks
(not two rounds; just two attacks.)  Make sure you kill
it in the first round of a battle, before it has a chance
to attack you.  You have a 1/64 chance of getting a
Meteotite from it.

<Gerbil> It means that Martha Stewart will consume your
soul tomorrow at noon.

EVIL ELEMENTAL: Not dangerous at all, except that it can,
and eventually will, possess you.  Just live with the 
possession and keep going.

PSYCHIC PSYCHO: Will use PSI Fire alpha or beta on every
turn, so beware.  Defeat it first, even before the Major
Psychic Psycho, with whom it usually will fight.  It is
really not that weak to Freeze.

MAJOR PSYCHIC PSYCHO: My own alter ego, although I gave
away my Star pendant four years ago.  It can use 
Fire gamma, plus PSI Shield omega (which puts a Psychic 
power shield on all enemies.)  It has a Psychic power 
shield to begin with, though, so you'll have to stick to 
physical attacks. When you fight the Psychic Psycho/Major 
Psychic Psycho combo, it may be a decent idea to use PSI 
Shield sigma to protect from their fire attacks. You get
a 1/128 chance of getting a Star pendant from the Major
Psychic Psycho. The Star pendant protects you from everything:
Fire, Freeze, Flash AND Paralysis. Grab it if you can.

BOSS: CARBON DOG (**)

Like the Soul Consuming Flame, it has very powerful fire
attacks, so keep Jeff and Poo healthy.  Freeze works
well, of course.  Use PSI Flash omega; it can paralyze 
or kill him if you're lucky.  Do *NOT* use a Multi
bottle rocket on him, unless you would like for Jeff
to die a brutal, bloody death.

DIAMOND DOG (**)

Not as difficult as the player's guide, and most people,
make him out to be.  If the attack that kills Carbon Dog
is a physical one, Diamond Dog's Power shield will
reflect it back at you, which is why you *really* don't
want to use a Multi bottle rocket on Carbon Dog.  Flash
does not bother Diamond Dog, and Fire and Freeze aren't
all that effective either, although Freeze omega is
still Paula's best bet.  First things first -- use the
Neutralizer and take out his shield.  Then you can
pound at him with a Bag of dragonite and a Multi-bottle
rocket.  Be aware that he can put his Power shield back
up, though, and usually goes before Jeff in battle, so
there's a chance he'll get that Multi-bottle rocket
back in his face.  If he does, try and get him lifed up
before he dies.  Two multi-bottle rockets will be enough
to get Diamond Dog down to his last couple hundred HP.
Starstorm works wonders, as does Special beta (or omega,
if you prefer; omega will do great).  His bite can
diamondize you, although it's not all that common an
occurance.  (Something fun to do if you feel like it is
put power shields on all your own characters.  It's
possible for Diamond dog to bite you hard, have the
attack reflected back at him, and get diamondized, which
gives you an instant victory!  Why?  Isn't his head
already made of diamond..?)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

OK, you're in the Lost Underworld. First head northeast,
where you'll find a box containing the uber-sweet Sea pendant.
Ness needs this pendant something bad, you know?

Now, from the Sea pendant box, head west. You'll come across
a little Tenda village contained within a cage (but don't tell
the Tendas; they think everything else is in a cage and they're
free. Remember, in life, the joke is always on you.) Here
you can shop, rest, and talk to the giant talking rock. You
must talk to the rock; the entrance to Fire Spring doesn't
appear until you do.

OK, ready? Go south. Along the way, nab the Cloak of kings
in the box you see. The first cave you see goes nowhere
important; your reward for entering it is some bizarre music.
Keep going south. You'll find a blue spring (use it) and the
entrance to the Fire Spring cave. Go in.

Go through the first little cave, back out, and go all the way
to the right. Grab the Cherub's band, equip it on Paula. Now
go in the cave to the left, first one you see as you walk back.
Navigate the little cave maze -- it isn't hard -- and make sure
to nab the Bag of dragonite and Moon beam gun that are both just
lying around this area. I don't think anyone's using them.

Pretty soon, you'll find Carbon Dog. Whack him and Diamond Dog
both, because hey, they won't move out of your way. Now adjust
Ness's inventory -- he needs the Sea pendant, Franklin badge, a
couple Brain food lunches and the Bag of dragonite if you have
one -- and then get the eighth melody.


FAQ

1. Um... I'm totally lost.  Where should I go?
   - You'll want to work your way as far northeast as you
     can.  When you reach the northern border of the Lost
     Underworld, start going westward and you'll come
     across the second Tenda Village.  Talk to everyone
     there.  When you're ready to go to Fire Spring, head
     as far southwest as you can go.

2. Where are the hot springs around here?
   - There is a blue spring in the center/east area of the
     Lost Underworld, fairly close to the spot where you
     start after you jump down the hole in Lumine hall.
     The second blue spring is near the entrance to the
     Fire Spring cave in the far southwest.  The red spring
     is just north of the Tenda village.

3. WTF is that weird cave with the messed up music where I get
   big again?  Is there anything I'm supposed to do there?
   - It's the Cave of the Past.  You can't do anything there
     for now.  You'll have to return later.

===========================================
M   M   A    GGGG I  CCCC   A   N   N TTTTT
MM MM  A A  G     I C      A A  NN  N   T      **********
M M M AAAAA G GG  I C     AAAAA N N N   T      *MAGICANT*
M   M A   A G   G I C     A   A N  NN   T      **********
M   M A   A GGGG  I  CCCC A   A N   N   T
===========================================

WHAT NESS SHOULD HAVE BEFORE FIGHTING NESS'S NIGHTMARE:

ATM Card            Sound stone
Receiver phone      Franklin badge
Magicant bat        Sea pendant      
Goddess band        Souvenir coin
Bag of dragonite

(Just throw away the Diamond band when you get the Goddess
 band.  Likewise the Ultimate bat when you get the Magicant
 bat.  There's nothing special about the Baseball cap that
 Ness gives himself.  I like to keep it for sentimental
 value.  You can just throw it away if you don't care.)

STUFF TO BUY: None (Don't let the player's guide fool you
about Magic pudding.  It's worthless.  It restores 40 PP,
whereas the Brain food lunch restores 50 PP *and* 300 HP,
even for Ness.)

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Goddess band, Magicant bat

***IMPORTANT NOTE*** It is possible to level Ness up to
level 99 before you fight Ness's Nightmare.  However, you
really, really REALLY do NOT want to do this.  There is
a serious level-up you get after you defeat Ness's
Nightmare -- we're talking about gaining 300 HP and 600
PP.  You don't want to miss that level-up.

ENEMIES:

LOADED DICE: This enemy, not unlike France, always calls 
for help when it gets into fights, and it can
call in an assortment of enemies.  Kill it as quickly as
you can.  If you get the rainbow-colored background in
battle, then the Loaded Dice will tend to call in deadly
Care Free Bombs, which you do not want happening.  If it's
the dark blue background, it will start calling in
Uncontrollable Spheres, which are death to Flying Men.
Two bashes will usually do it for the Loaded Dice.

ELECTRO SWOOSH©®™: It always attacks in this order: Sends a
greeting (wasted turn), electrical shock attack, electrical
shock attack, charge forward, repeat from beginning.  It
shouldn't get any further than its third attack.  Note that
if you have the Franklin badge, apparently the Flying Man
gets one too, as he won't get hit with the electrical
attacks.  Apparently Nike®©™ hadn't yet copyrighted the
word "swoosh"®©™ when the game was made...

CARE FREE BOMB: One of the nastiest regular enemies in the
game.  3/4 of the time it will throw a Bomb, which isn't
that bad, around 100 HP damage, but 1/4 of the time it
will throw a Super bomb, which is 300+ HP damage.  You
can heal yourself with Lifeup gamma, of course, but you
can't heal the Flying man, so CFBs are death to Flying Men.
If you get two (or more) at once, you may want to start
breaking out the PSI Special, unless your Flying Man is
already dead.  I doubt I need to tell you what it
leaves as a present...

FRENCH KISS OF DEATH: It will always give the kiss of
death (poison; it doesn't affect the Flying Man.)  More
of a nuisance than anything else.  Sometimes it will
drop a Horn of life.

MR. MOLECULE: Laughable enemy.  Just Auto Fight against
them.  Of course, if they last four rounds, then they
gain the ability to use their PSI spells, and then it's
a bit tougher...

KRAKEN: As long as you have the Sea Pendant, you'll be
fine against Kraken, so don't freak out.  Bashing does
the job just fine.  If you don't have the Sea Pendant
(or Flame pendant), you're in trouble because their
fire attack will do serious damage.  Contrary to what
the Player's Guide and many people say, the Kraken does
*NOT* have the Gutsy bat.  If you have a Flying Man by
the time you reach the Sea of Eden, the Krakens there
will wipe him out fast.

BOSS: NESS'S NIGHTMARE (**)

According to most sources, this is the toughest boss in
the game; that's only true if you don't have a Sea, Star
or Night pendant.  If you don't have protection against
Flash, you're in deep, deep trouble and will need to get
very lucky.  If you don't have any protection at all
from Flash, it's best to turn around and go all the way
back to the beginning of Magicant and buy an Earth
pendant, which will at least protect you 50% of the time.

Anyway, provided you have flash protection, this isn't
that hard of a fight.  Yes, it uses PSI Special omega,
which is almost always mortal, but it takes so long for
Ness's HP to roll all the way off that it's an easy
matter to use lifeup gamma before it runs out.  Don't
use PSI anything against it.  It can put a power shield
on itself, but don't worry about that; just bash away
until you win.  I promise, if you just set Auto Fight,
you'll win this battle.  It's a long battle, but not an
overly hard one.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Nothing much to this place. Enjoy yourself however you
choose. Path is perfectly linear. Get a Flying Man, go to
Sea of Eden, whack Ness's Nightmare.

FAQ

1. Should I buy an Earth pendant?  Is it good?
   - No, not really.  It provides 50% protection from Fire,
     Freeze and Flash.  You're better off getting full
     protection from one thing or another.  Especially now,
     Ness is best off with a Sea pendant (this is like the
     9th time I've told you this!) or a Night pendant.

2. Hey, these Flying men are pretty cool.  Except they always
   die.  Any tips on keeping them alive?
   - Care Free Bombs and Uncontrollable Spheres (which
     Loaded Dice can summon) are particularly rough on them.
     Try not to let those enemies attack you too much.  You
     can get up to five Flying Men (one at a time, that is,)
     if you feel like backtracking.

3. Is there anything special about the colors in Magicant?
   - Nope.

***************
*SATURN VALLEY*
***************

(Dr. Andonuts will send you off to Onett to fetch a piece of
 the meteorite there.  I recommend equipping the Rain pendant
 on Jeff at this point.  There's nothing else important to do
 in Saturn Valley.)

=============================
 OOO  N   N EEEEE TTTTT TTTTT
O   O NN  N E       T     T                 ***************
O   O N N N EEE     T     T                 *ONETT PART II*
O   O N  NN E       T     T                 ***************
 OOO  N   N EEEEE   T     T
=============================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GO TO ONETT:

Ness

ATM Card            Receiver phone      
Ultimate bat        Sea pendant      
Goddess band        Souvenir coin         

Paula

Franklin badge      Holy fry pan
Flame pendant       Cherub's band
Saturn ribbon       Monkey's love

Jeff 

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Moon beam gun
Pixie's bracelet    Shiny coin
Rain pendant        Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Defense shower      Multi bottle rocket

Poo

Sword of kings      Bracer of kings
Diadem of kings     Cloak of kings     
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch

(As always, you should fill Jeff full of Multi bottle rockets.
 These are my personal preferences for which items to equip on
 which characters.  If you think you know a better way than
 what I have here, go for it.)

STUFF TO BUY: None

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Ness's house, which is the only building in
Onett you can enter at this point.  You can get your HP and PP
refilled here.  It is a difficult journey to the meteorite, so
you may have to return there a time or two.  No items besides
the Meteorite piece that you came for.

ENEMIES

GHOST OF STARMAN: It will always use PSI Starstorm on its first
attack.  As you can imagine, this is extremely irritating.  It
usually gets its attack in after Paula and Poo get theirs and
before Ness and Jeff get theirs.  So you have two basic
courses of action to follow: (1) Use PSI Shield sigma with
Paula's first turn, or (2) Let the starstorm hit and use
Lifeup omega on Ness's second turn.  I usually go with the
lifeup, since it costs less PP and Ness has more PP available.
After the Starstorm, it will count down from 3 before unleashing
Starstorm omega; you need to kill it before this happens.  It
should be the first enemy to die when you get ganged up on.
Freeze works OK, not great.  Feel free to use Starstorm if
two or three enemies attack you at once; the Brain food lunches
give Poo an almost infinite supply of PP, and none of these
three enemies in Onett have a psychic power shield.  The Ghost
of Starman will very rarely (1/128; you know that drill) drop
the Goddess ribbon.  Don't waste time looking for the Goddess
ribbon unless you just want to brag about finding it.

EVIL EYE: Annoying little pest.  It uses Paralysis omega, which
will paralyze everyone, and Brainshock omega, which doesn't work
all that well, thankfully.  It can also diamondize you, which
it enjoys doing frequently.  PSI Freeze is *very* effective
on it.  It will rarely (1/128) leave a Meteotite behind.

MECHANICAL OCTOBOT: Not dangerous.  Save it for last in groups
and bash/shoot it.

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Go to Ness's house, talk to everyone, rest. Go to meteorite --
you know where it is -- and get the Meteorite piece. Try to stay
alive (PSI Shield is your friend.) You can teleport the hell out
of there from the hilltop if you're good.

FAQ

1. Is there ANYTHING I can do in Onett besides fetch the
   Meteorite piece?
   - You can't go into any buildings in Onett besides Ness's
     home.  Even if you bought that seaside shack, you can't
     get into it, which is odd, if you ask me, inasmuch as
     one side of the building is missing...

2. Oh man, I just barely survived the last battle and I'm
   about to die.  This is tough.  I don't think I can make it
   back to Ness's house.  What can I do?
   - You can try to use Teleport beta to get out of there and
     to safety.  If you don't have enough room for that, you're
     just gonna have to try to make it to an area where you do
     have enough room, or back to Ness's house.  Try to run
     away from battles while you're doing this, and good luck.
     These enemies are not to be trifled with.  As soon as you
     get the Meteorite piece, you should teleport out of there.

=================================================
TTTTT U   U N   N N   N EEEEE L        OOO  FFFFF
  T   U   U NN  N NN  N E     L       O   O F
  T   U   U N N N N N N EEE   L       O   O FFF
  T   U   U N  NN N  NN E     L       O   O F
  T    UUU  N   N N   N EEEEE LLLLL    OOO  F

TTTTT H   H EEEEE    PPPP    A    SSSS TTTTT
  T   H   H E        P   P  A A  S       T
  T   HHHHH EEE      PPPP  AAAAA  SSS    T
  T   H   H E        P     A   A     S   T
  T   H   H EEEEE    P     A   A SSSS    T
=================================================

WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU GET IN THE PHASE DISTORTER:

Ness

ATM Card            Receiver phone      
Ultimate bat        Sea pendant      
Goddess band        Souvenir coin
Super plush bear    Super plush bear
Super plush bear    Super plush bear
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch         

Paula

Franklin badge      Holy fry pan
Night pendant       Cherub's band
Saturn ribbon       Monkey's love
Super plush bear    Super plush bear
Super plush bear    Super plush bear
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch

Jeff 

Slime generator     Neutralizer
Hungry HP-sucker    Moon beam gun
Pixie's bracelet    Shiny coin
Rain pendant        Heavy Bazooka
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Multi bottle rocket Multi bottle rocket
Defense shower      Multi bottle rocket

Poo

Sword of kings      Bracer of kings
Diadem of kings     Cloak of kings     
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch    Brain food lunch    
Brain food lunch    Super plush bear
Super plush bear    Super plush bear
Super plush bear    Night pendant

(Once you get into the Phase Distorter, there's no going
 back.  This is why Dr. Andonuts is so insistent in making
 sure you're ready to go.  As you can see, I strongly
 recommend that you first go to Summers and majorly load
 up on Super plush bears.  The enemies here will mow down
 the bears like they're going out of style, so you'll want
 to have plenty on hand; you should have more money than
 you know what to do with by this point.  Once you do that,
 go to Dalaam and fill yourself up on Brain food lunches,
 as many as you can carry.  You should save a couple, three
 or four, inventory spaces for stuff you'll find on this
 last trek, but fill it up otherwise.  Lastly, go to Deep
 Darkness and fill Jeff full of Multi bottle rockets.  Jeff
 should be carrying no food or bears or anything else
 unnecessary, so that he can carry as many Multi bottle rockets
 as possible.  Also, get Paula a Night pendant, either from
 Escargo or from the shop in Saturn Valley. Also give Poo a
 Rain pendant, but don't equip it. Just carry it with you.
 It will be useful in the final battle. No more enemies
 use PSI Fire, but some do use Flash. Once you have all of this, 
 go ahead and get in the Phase Distorter.)

STUFF TO BUY: See above paragraph.

STUFF TO LOOK FOR: Horn of life (In the broken phase distorter
in the first step back, the green Cave of the Past,) Legendary
bat (in the Tunnel of the Past, near to Giygas.)

ENEMIES IN THE TUNNEL OF THE PAST:

Co-starring: Ghost of Starman, Mechanical Octobot

ULTIMATE OCTOBOT: Basically the same as the Mechanical Octobot.
No threat.

WILD N' WOOLY SHAMBLER: Knock this thing off quick.  If you
don't, it'll unleash a nasty PSI Flash attack.  It sometimes
leaves a nice Multi bottle rocket behind.

NUCLEAR REACTOR ROBOT: Remember the Atomic Power Robot?  Same
thing, only stronger.  If it's alone or combined with an
Octobot or Shambler, I recommend just running away rather than
having it blow up in your face.  Like its cousin, it uses
most of its turns to completely refill an enemy's HP, which is
irritating.  But the worst thing is when it teams up with a
Ghost of Starman and/or Final Starman (see note below.)

SQUATTER DEMON: No threat.  Bash/shoot it. I have no jokes
concerning its name; if you really need one, ask a fifth-grader
near you.

BIONIC KRAKEN: Bash/shoot it.  It's more dangerous than the
Squatter Demon; it's basically the same as the Kraken, actually
a little weaker, but it uses the same attacks.  It's a rare
enemy, and you'll only see it once or twice if at all.  It
does carry the Gutsy bat.

FINAL STARMAN: The ultimate in the Starman series.  It uses
PSI Starstorm alpha *and* omega, plus it can cast psychic power
shields, plus it starts the battle with a psychic power shield
(so you can't attack it with PSI), plus it can revive defeated
allies.  It's major trouble, especially if it teams up with the 
Ghost of Starman and/or Nuclear Reactor Robot, which it often does.

*NOTE* The trio of Ghost of Starman, Final Starman and Nuclear
Reactor Robot makes for a very tough fight, tougher than most
bosses.  It's pretty much imperative when you fight them
together to have Paula put up a psychic shield on everyone; if
she has enough PP to burn, she can put up a psychic power
shield, which will make this an easy battle.  Take out the
Final Starman first, the Ghost of Starman second, and the
Nuclear Reactor Robot last.  It will take awhile, since that
blasted Reactor Robot will keep incessantly refilling HP.

BOSS: GIYGAS PHASE ONE/HEAVILY ARMED POKEY (**)

Note: Before engaging Giygas (when you enter the brainy area),
you should equip Poo with the Night pendant you brought along.
You might be worried about his plunging Defense, but you might be
a fool. He doesn't need Defense for anything in  this battle, but
he will REALLY need Flash protection.

Do *NOT* attack Giygas, and do not use PSI that hits all enemies.
Any attack on Giygas will be reflected back at a randomly chosen
character (not necessarily the attacker.)  Giygas will attack
with Ness's PSI Special alpha or beta.  Therefore, you will want
to have Paula cast PSI Shield sigma on her first turn (NOT omega;
if you reflect Giygas's PSI back at him, he will reflect it
back at you again.)  Heavily Armed Pokey has ridiculous defense
but no major attacks, just irritating ones.  I recommend using
Paralysis (Ness), Freeze omega (Paula), Multi bottle rockets
(Jeff; they will only do a few hundred HP damage to him but it's
the best Jeff has), and Freeze gamma (Poo).  After Pokey takes
enough punishment, he'll taunt you and turn off the devil's
machine, which brings us to...

GIYGAS PHASE TWO (***)

Now Giygas's protective shield is gone.  It's time to pull out
the heavy artillery.  Volley PSI Special omega at him, and don't
worry about Ness's PP; keep using special omega until he runs
down to 100 PP or so, at which point stop since he'll need to
be casting lifeup and healing regularly.  Sometimes Ness's
PSI Special attack fails to work on Giygas, but just keep using
it.  Have Paula use PSI Freeze omega, which is still her
best attack.  Multi bottle rockets don't work, so Jeff will
have to use the Heavy bazooka.  Have Poo use Brainshock on
the first turn; it always works on Giygas and will be a
big help.  After that, hit him with Starstorm omega repeatedly.

Giygas has three attacks that he uses.  The first is a PSI
Thunder beta attack, which will attempt twice to hit you with
thunder.  Nothing major there.  The second is a PSI Freeze
alpha attack, except against all four characters.  If you
have the pendants equipped that I listed above, Ness and Jeff
will be unharmed by this, while Paula and Poo will take
serious damage.  Also, it will randomly solidify the body of
our heroes (usually one or two characters will be affected by
this each time Giygas uses this attack.)  The third attack is
a powerful PSI Flash omega attack.  If you have the pendants
I recommended equipped, this will not bother Ness, Paula or Poo,
but it will seriously bother Jeff, probably causing him to feel
strange, get paralyzed, or collapse.  Have Ness heal whatever
maladies he incurs.

This phase of Giygas has 3600 HP.  You should be able to chip
that away in five or six rounds of battle.  Don't use straight
bash or shoot attacks, as they will cure his brainshock.  If
his brainshock goes away, just use PSI Brainshock alpha on him
again.  Sooner or later, Pokey will show up again and taunt
you some more, signaling the beginning of the end...

GIYGAS PHASE THREE (***)

Same as phase two, except that he now has infinite HP when
attacked by normal means.  The only way to defeat him is to
use Paula's Pray command nine times.  Thus, your chief aim is
to keep Paula alive and keep Praying.  It really doesn't
matter what the other three characters do; using Defend won't
help anything.  You can attack him just for the fun of it,
or Spy on him or whatever; just keep Ness and Poo on call to
heal Paula whenever necessary.  The ninth prayer will do him
in, thanks to the prayers of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
(at least that's what happened in *my* game.)

SHORT-SHORT WALKTHROUGH

Get yourself ready and your items together as I outlined above.
Go to the Cave of the Past; get the Horn of life if you want it.
Walk up to the tip of the green land thing you're on, past the
eerie tentacle, then head back. Dr. Andonuts and Apple Kid show
up and turn you into robots, and it's off for the main event,
fifteen rounds for the heavyweight championship of the universe.

No tricks in the Tunnel of the Past. Just go straight forward
and let loose all your heavy artillery on everything you see.
Right after coming across the Legendary bat, you'll find Giygas.
It's up to you, but I say we kill him with death.

FAQ

1. Is there any way to go back to Saturn Valley, or anywhere
   else, after I've become a robot?
   - Nope.  Once you're in the Tunnel of the Past, you're there
     for good.

2. Is there ANY way to sleep or anything to get my HP and PP
   refilled here?
   - Yep!  If you go back to the Phase Distorter and use it,
     you will be able to both replenish your HP/PP and call
     Dad to save the game.  (I don't recommend saving in the
     Tunnel of the Past, since you can't return from it.  You
     should save before you go there and make that the last
     save of the game.  That way, you can still go anywhere
     you want in the game if you ever feel like it later.

3. I'm having trouble with these enemies.  What level should
   I be at by now?
   - Your level doesn't matter a whole lot at this point.  I
     guess you'd want to be at least around level 70 or so by
     now.  I'm usually in the mid to high 70s when I finish
     the game, and some of that is only because of all the
     exp. I built up while waiting for the Sword of kings.
     Paula should know PSI Fire omega by now.

******************
*CONGRATULATIONS!*
******************

Congratulations on making it to the end of this document,
which is probably threefold harder than making it to the end
of EarthBound.  You should notify the authorities immediately.

*******************************************************
*LEGAL INFORMATION, WARRANTY, WARNINGS, AND OTHER INFO*
*******************************************************

This document is (C) 2002-2006 Justin Zeth.  All rights reserved.
This document may not be downloaded, uploaded, reloaded,
unloaded, overloaded, altered, mutilated, opened, closed,
or read without the express written consent of the
Commissioner of Major League Baseball, the Dalai Lama, and no
fewer than five (5) justices of the United States Supreme
Court.  Any violation of this will result in hordes of various 
lawyers holding hearings on the subject until everybody involved 
is dead. DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW.

This document is hereby warrantied against any defects, real
or imaginary, until such time as this sentence is read by the
consumer, at which point the warranty shall be void.

Possible side effects of reading this document include, but are
not limited to: Headache, upset stomach, dry mouth, fatigue,
nausea, abdominal pain, swollen extremities, diarrhea, vomiting,
chills, high fever, hives, flesh-eating strep infections,
temporary and/or permanent blindness, bone dislocations, stroke,
the condition known as "hot dog finger," liver damage, paralysis,
heart disease, kidney failure, death, and possession by the 
Prince of Darkness.  Similar side effects were experienced by
patients taking sugar pill.

If you wish to receive a printed copy of this document, please
send $50 to: 312 Ewing Hall, State College, PA 16802.  If you
do not wish to receive a printed copy of this document, just
send some money in a box to the above address, and I will see
to it that you do not receive the document.

This FAQ was written pretty much off the top of my head, which
is why (a) it is largely incoherent and (b) there are lots of
things missing.  Since it all came out of my rather twisted
mind, if you steal anything in here it will be pretty obvious.
So don't be a n00b and steal my stuff.  Obviously, you're not
allowed to claim this, or anything in it, is your own work,
and you definitely aren't allowed to sell it.  Although you
do deserve a gold star if you can find someone willing to
PAY for it.  I'll come by the slammer, where you'll be serving
8-10 years, and give you one, if you do that.  I'll have
"Big Bubba," as the prisoners call him, give it to you
personally.

By the way, the only websites that ought to have this FAQ
are http://www.starmen.net and http://www.gamefaqs.com.  If
you're reading this and you aren't at one of those two websites,
I will be your best friend if you will bring this to my
attention via email.

Don't do drugs.

******************
*ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS*
******************

KindarSpirit (kindarspirit@starmen.net) -- Staffer in charge
of the EarthBound section at www.starmen.net when this FAQ was
first posted.  I acknowledge her l33tness and give a thousand 
thanks for the speedy posting of this FAQ.  May you never find 
rocks in your sandals.  As long as you keep updating regularly.  
(NOTE: Since I wrote this, KindarSpirit has vanished without a 
trace.  She still is l33t, wherever she is.)  (NOTE 2: Picky
is now the EB section maintainer with his sidekick Colin, as of
this writing.)

CJayC -- Webmaster of gamefaqs.com, who, by acclamation, is
on the world leaderboard in l33t.

PikaChan (flyingpinkbunnies@attbi.com) -- The first to find 
the MISSINGNO., and probably the world record holder for boredom 
level since she actually took the time to read or skim through 
this document.  Unlike yourself.

A.L. Holby -- Also found MISSINGNO., and actually read this
whole thing, for which I would reward her with extra l33tness
points, except she already scores 100 out of 100 on the l33tness
scale.

Mr. Joshua -- The second to find the MISSINGNO., and one of
the few of us left remaining who have lots of spare time and
probably like EarthBound a little bit too much, the result being
that we undertake serious studies of things that maybe four
people on earth care about.

OTHERS IN THE MISSINGNO.* HALL OF FAME:
Mansion_Maniac
SimonBob

* In case you're wondering, I hid a "MISSINGNO." amongst the
  enemy descriptions, just to see who would actually read this
  document closely enough to find it.  It has been changed to
  PIKACHAN in honor of the first person to find it.

Atma (atmaweapon15@aol.com) -- Reminded me of the easy way to
survive the Desert Gold Mine thanks to magical Ketchup Packets
and lazy programming.

If you wish to have your name forever
enshrined in this section, email me (jzeth7@hotmail.com) and
point out something useful that I missed.

-- JUSTIN ZETH
   Ruler, the world