Earthbound No Healing Game
Version 7.0


Table of Contents

I.	Introduction
II.	No Healing Game: How it’s possible
III.	Rules of a No Healing Game
IV.	Walkthrough
V.	Credits

I.	Introduction

Welcome to the No Healing Game walkthrough.  This is the second FAQ I’ve 
written, the last being the speedrun walkthrough I submitted for Pokemon R/B 
when I was posting as Milcotti.  Upon reading this walkthrough I will assume 
that you have beaten the game already because I am not covering up any 
spoilers, so don’t take it out on me.  Anyways, the No Healing Game is a good 
challenge for a game that doesn’t allow for many challenges to be made, you’ll 
have to strategize and plan things out.  

NOTE: This walkthrough belongs to me and is my property.  If you wish to use 
it for money gain (Doubt that would happen but you never know), you must 
contact me first.  My E-Mail is PMPFTourney@aol.com.  Otherwise, just please 
give me proper credit, thanks

II.	No Healing Game: How it’s possible

The first thing that may spring to your mind upon reading this is “HOW ON 
EARTH IS THIS EVEN GOING TO BE POSSIBLE?!”  It is in fact, possible, I 
realized this when factoring in mandatory healing areas.  There are several 
points in the game where you will be healed no matter what you do (“Your 
sanctuary” spots).  Also, generally taking advantage of items like super 
bombs, bottle rockets and avoiding battles helps a lot too.

III.	Rules of a No Healing Game

Here are the rules that you must follow if you are going to attempt a No 
Healing Game:

-You can not use items that restore HP and/or PP (No Brain Food Lunch, no 
Magic Pudding, NOTHING).

-You can not use items that rid yourself of status effects (No Horn of Life, 
Cup of Lifenoodles, etc).

-PSI can not be used to heal HP or rid yourself of status effects, basically 
ignore your lifeup and healing spells.

-Magic butterflies are not allowed.

-You can not revive KOd party members.

-You can not rest at hotels or recover in healing spots (No visiting Frank in 
the arcade, no going back to Giant Step, no healing springs, etc).

That should cover it.  Keep in mind, I will allow homesickness to be healed 
and you may also use items like the Skip Sandwich as long as your HP is full.

One rule that I implemented for my no healing game was a level up cap.  I did 
this because primarily in the beginning of the game, you can easily 
overlevel.  Thus, I introduced a level up cap which will prevent you from 
overleveling.  Here are the limits:

Titanic Ant: Level 10

Carpainter: Level 20

Master Belch: Level 25

Clumsy Robot: Level 35

Kraken: Level 45

Deep Darkness: Level 50

Magicant: Level 60

Cave of the Past: Level 70

Therefore, if any of your characters exceed these levels before beating these 
parts of the game, it will not count.  Since it is a no healing game though, 
you won’t be able to level up that high in most cases, it was mostly designed 
to prevent over-leveling Ness, Paula and Jeff early in the game.  Note that if 
you’re say, level 10 when you fight Titanic Ant (Boss of Giant Step) and the 
exp elevates you to level 11, that’s ok.

NOTE: My walkthrough is based off the fact that you will not be disobeying the 
level up cap.

IV.	Walkthrough

					ONETT

Start game, go to meteorite, pick up bread roll, talk to Pokey and go back 
home.  Get interrupted by annoying knock (Who the hell knocks in the middle of 
the night making a pattern? Oh right Pokey), answer door and accept Pokey’s 
plight to save Picky before his mom and dad come home.  Pick up Cracked Bat, 
equip, talk to Tracey and get a cookie which can be sold for $3.  Talk to the 
dog and get yourself a capable party member.  Phone rings, answer, dad saves 
game and puts money in your account.  Head outside and see evil animals.

					Enemies

Spiteful crow: Ignore at all times, its peck does the most damage out of the 
enemies in this area, can steal items and has high evasion.

Coil Snake: Ignore, it only gives 1 exp.  However, if you’re level 4 and 
encounter these you’ll get an automatic win.

Runaway Dog: Look for these, they give 4 exp and are easy to kill.

I would get to at least level 3 before proceeding to the top of the meteorite 
and encountering Buzz Buzz, because when you do, all the enemies will 
disappear.  Don’t worry about dying in this area, you don’t need the PSI and 
you’re going to die when you start fighting the sharks anyway.  Meet Buzz Buzz 
and go back, now meet the strongest boss in the game.

Starman Junior (200 HP)
Enjoy your freebie and an easy 16 exp.

Head back to Pokey’s house, mom is angry, dad chases kids upstairs and gets 
the Garrison belt as well.  Pokey’s mom is trying on some of that new body 
spray, BUG, which attracts all the insects, so Buzz Buzz gets too close and 
meets his demise.  Get the Sound Stone and if you wish, you can check out the 
Mani Mani statue at Lier X. Agerates house.  From there, check out the 
trashcan by the hamburger shop to pick up a free hamburger (…), now go to the 
drug store and sell your cookie, bread roll and hamburger.  You should have 
enough money that you can buy the Tee Ball Bat, depending on your level you’ll 
either be able to afford the Cheap Bracelet as well or just miss it by a few 
dollars.  If you can’t afford it, you’ll be able to very soon so it doesn’t 
matter.  Now go the secret hideout, which can be found north of where you see 
the scruffy kid by the library.  Talk to one of the kids there to get the Mr. 
Baseball Cap and equip it.

Now go down to the hotel and call mom which will unlock the Escargo Express, I 
would also save here.  Next you’ll need to start leveling up, so go bully the 
bullies and fight some sharks.

 					Enemies

Skate Punk: The weakest of the three, these deal the least damage but they can 
call for help.  You can use it to your advantage if you want and isolate them 
as they keep calling for help so you can rack some exp.

Pogo Punk:  They drop hamburgers frequently, so you can make some quick cash 
with these guys.

Yes Man Junior: Nothing special about them.

With the Tee Ball Bat, you’ll be knocking these guys out in 2 hits all the 
time.  I would get to level 7 before fighting Frank, which will leave you with 
75-78 HP, plenty.  You also don’t want to pass the level up cap.  However, 
make sure before fighting Frank you get rid of the pogo punk and yes man 
junior blocking him, as you want to go in with full health.  When you’ve done 
all that, face Frank.

Frank (63 HP)
Easy.  He’ll go down in 3 hits.  Sometimes he’ll waste a turn when he “says 
something nasty” and his swinging attack will only hit for 9 HP of damage.  
His knifes power will also be significantly reduced since you have both the 
Mr. Baseball cap and cheap bracelet equipped.

Frankystein Mark II (90 HP)
Frankystein Mark II and Magnus Von Grapple should have a fight to the death 
where the loser officially has the goofiest name for a robot ever.  Anyways, 4 
hits will do this thing in and it only attacks every other turn.  It’s no big 
deal if you lose this one, because you won’t have to face Frank again, only 
his robot.

Frank admits defeat, and most of the sharks fall off the face of the Earth 
never to be seen again.  Get to the key to the shack from Pirkle and go to the 
travelers shack to unlock the door and equip the travel charm.  Into the Giant 
Step cave we go, you’ll want to get to level 10 before you go after the 
Titanic Ant who took the power of the place that was supposed to be for you.  
In addition to a cave to go through, you’ll have to go through its inhabitants 
as well, each influenced by the evil of Giygas.

  					Enemies

Rowdy Mouse:  It often gets SMMMAAASSSHHHH attacks on you, which won’t hurt 
that much but will definitely add up.  Dies in 2 hits.

Black Antoid: Avoid them when they come in pairs.  In addition to their 
regular attacks only being slightly weaker than the RMs SMMAASSSHHH, they can 
call for more black antoids and can cast PSI Lifeup on themselves or their 
allies.  Dies in 2 hits.

Attack Slug: On the lower level of the cave, they come in 4 but in the higher 
level they can come in 6.  Fight these things, they die in 1 hit, their 
attacks are weak, hitting for 1-2 HP of damage and often waste turns 
by “edging closer” and failing to cast PSI Hypnosis.  You’ll rack over 100 exp 
from each encounter.

A good technique to use for leveling up would be to enter the first room you 
see.  In this room, you’ll find a present that has a skip sandwich in it.  In 
addition, you’ll usually find a black antoid.  When you reach level 8, I would 
simply enter and leave the room over and over while encountering the black 
antoid, because at level 8 and above you get an automatic win.  It’s 37 exp a 
pop too.  Do this until you reach level 10.  You can also use the skip 
sandwich as long as you have full health to get around enemies.

At level 10, you should have around 94 HP or so.  However, you will not be 
able to use PSI Rockin due to dying and coming back so you’ll have to beat the 
Titanic Ant with just physical attacks.  I would really try to be at near full 
health for this battle, which is possible if you’re able to run away from 
encounters.  The skip sandwich might be able to help too.

Titanic Ant (235 HP)
Black Antoid (4x)

Luck definitely plays a role in this battle, so don’t be discouraged if it 
takes multiple tries to slay this thing.  The TA is being backed up by two 
black antoids, however the two black antoids will be casting PSI Lifeup every 
turn.  They have 20 PP, so after four casts they can no longer do anything.  
It’s your choice if you want to try and get rid of them, personally I’d just 
ignore them since there’s more of a chance that they won’t heal the Titanic 
Ant and that they’ll heal the other black antoid or themselves.  The TAs 
attacks consist of casting PSI Defense Down (Waste of a turn), PSI Magnet 
(Real waste of a turn), casting PSI Shield which will cut damage done by half 
and a biting attack that will hit anywhere from 19-55 damage.  Your attacks at 
this point should be averaging to about 27 HP, so it will take a lot of 
attacks.  Honestly, even using PSI Shield is a waste because it isn’t hitting 
you, every turn hope you don’t get hit.  By the way, if you do nail a 
SMMMAAASSSHHHH attack while it has a shield up, it’ll destroy the shield right 
there, it normally takes 3 attacks to destroy its shield.  Also, while you 
won’t be able to use PSI Rockin, you may be able to use PSI Hypnosis depending 
on when you last died, it CAN work but I wouldn’t recommend it because when 
you hit a sleeping opponent they usually wake up right there and it can also 
miss.

When you beat the Titanic Ant, approach Giant Step and you’ll encounter your 
first mandatory healing spot.  However, as I said before, you can not re-enter 
these places (duh).  So enjoy being at full health while you still can because 
it isn’t going to last very long.  Now you know the deal that you whenever you 
beat the boss of these places all the enemies will not engage you but in fact 
run away from you, so make sure you don’t get into any encounters.  Right 
before leaving the cave, I would enter the room with the one black antoid in 
it and get to level 12, this will leave you with 120-135 HP and 40 PP, which 
you’ll need to take on the Onett police force.

When you get out of Giant Step, the cop confronts you about ignoring 
the “DON’T ENTER” sign and for some reason knows that you want to go to 
Twoson.  Perhaps the police force can use PSI too?  Anyways, go to the police 
force and get ready for the last boss battle/s in Onett.  

Cop (4x)
They all go down in 2 hits, their regular attack is nothing to worry about but 
their “crushing chop” attack can do over 20 HP of damage, which will 
definitely add up.  I would recommend trying PSI Rockin here because there’s a 
chance that it’ll do enough damage that it will kill the cop in one hit but it 
isn’t guaranteed.  One notable thing about this fight is that for once, you’re 
faster than the enemies.  Anyways, save at least 20 PP for Captain Strong.

Captain Strong (140 HP)
There’s a decent chance that two doses of PSI Rockin will do him in, if it 
doesn’t then he’ll be one, MAYBE two attacks away from defeat.  In addition, 
50% of the time Strong will waste a turn by “losing his temper” which will 
raise his offense by 1 point or by being on guard which is also a waste of 
turn since you aren’t being hit.  His “coming out swinging attack” should do 
about 15-20 or so HP of damage but you don’t want to see his submission hold 
attack, which can do over 40 HP of damage.

You shouldn’t have much trouble beating these guys, you’d have to be pretty 
unlucky to have to reset.  Now that Onett is finished, it’s time to move on.

					TWOSON

Start by going to the hotel and talking to the guy in the suit over and over 
until he gives you $50.  Now go to Polestar Preschool and get the teddy bear 
in a present.  Now go to Burglin Park but watch out for some of the citizens 
who oddly enough, have blue faces (You’ll be seeing more blue in a bit as 
well).

					Enemies

Annoying Old Party Man: His attack “The annoying old party man grumbled about 
today’s youth!” always gives me a chuckle.  Goes down in 2 hits sadly.

Cranky Lady: She’ll take 3 hits, I’m glad EarthBound only has a cult following 
or else feminists would be all over this game. Can you imagine their reaction 
upon seeing a game where a kid has to smash a lady’s head in with a baseball 
bat?  On a serious note, her shopping bag attack can do upwards to 30 HP of 
damage so it’s probably best to avoid her.

New Age Retro Hippie: Probably the most popular enemy in EarthBound, this 
hippie is both new age and retro.  Watch out for his deadly toothbrush attack 
in which he’ll brush his teeth and the shine will blind you, solidifying you 
for a turn!  Takes 2 hits to beat but you might not have the heart to do him 
in.

Unassuming Local Guy: lol.

Anyways, when you get to Burglin Park, talk to the African merchant and buy 
the Copper Bracelet, then go ahead and confront Everdred.

Everdred (170 HP)
Easy, more often than not he’ll waste a turn by “knitting his brow” and trying 
to steal items.  In the event that he uses his biting attack (Yes, biting 
attack, thieves are after all, desperate people), hopefully your teddy bear 
will take the hit instead.  If you have any PSI leftover from Onett, enough to 
cast another PSI Rockin, use it here.  

You get a massive 1412 exp for beating Everdred, which is a little 
unprecedented considering how easy he is.  Anyways, now you have to befriend 
Apple Kid.  Make sure you have something you can give him that he can eat, 
just buy a cookie or something from the baker in Burglin Park.  Also, make 
sure you have at least $200.  Ok, go to his house, give him food and money and 
his mouse will reward you with the Receiver Phone.  One thing that I found 
funny is that if you play the game for a really long time you’ll get a call 
from your dad urging you to take a break.  But you still get the call from 
your dad if you played for a really long time while you were in Onett fighting 
the sharks.

With that out of the way, it’s time to go to Peaceful Rest Valley.  Some 
enemies will be in your way.

					Enemies

Ramblin’ Evil Mushroom: IGNORE.  They die in 2 hits but if they scatter spores 
you’ll get mushroomized, don’t bother with these things.

Mobile Sprout: They can cast PSI Lifeup on themselves, sow seeds to produce 
more of themselves and can cast PSI Magnet but that’s kind of a waste.  Dies 
in 2 hits.

I would honestly just ignore any enemies you see, if you see any enemies walk 
back a bit, pause and go back.  Also, I would walk under the trees so enemies 
above can’t get to you.  When you have that settled, head into the cave.  
You’ll find nothing but mobile sprouts, I wouldn’t bother fighting anymore 
than 1.  Use the disappearing trick to eventually get rid of the enemies (Walk 
back as far as you can, pause and come back).  Then you’ll be in peaceful rest 
valley.  If you were unlucky and got mushroomized, talk to the girl by the 
entrance and she’ll buy the mushroom on your head for $50.

The object is to get as far as you can, where you’ll be stopped by a giant 
statue shaped as a pencil.  Nice.  Now you have to go back.  Remember, no 
enemies here are worth your time, especially the…..

Lil’ UFO: High evasion and they can “shoot a beam that causes nighttime 
stuffiness”.  Yes, in EarthBound the citizens have the immune system 
equivalent to somebody who has AIDS.  If you get a cold, it won’t be long 
until you make a guest appearance in Final Fantasy X’s Farplane since this is 
a no healing game.  

When you encounter the pencil-shaped statue, head back to Twoson.  The 
receiver phone will be used to answer Apple Kids call as soon as you get back 
from the cave, so head to Burglin Park and get the Pencil Eraser (How 
original….).   Now before you go back to Peaceful Rest Valley, I would 
recommend having at least 2 fresh teddy bears.  They can be purchased at the 
Twoson department store.  However, don’t buy the Slingshot, while slingshots 
raise attack they lower your accuracy as well, keep the bat.

Back to Peaceful Rest Valley, use the Pencil Eraser and the pencil-shaped 
statue will disappear in an instant.  Now as you go deeper into the valley, 
you’ll encounter two more enemies that you should avoid.

Spinning Robo: They don’t have the Lil’ UFOs evasion but they can take more 
hits, also comes with the cold-inducing laser of doom. 

Territorial Oak: They can take a series of hits, their regular attack can hit 
you pretty hard and when they die, they explode which is the main reason why 
you want to avoid them.

It’s not that long of a path and it’s not that hard to avoid the enemies 
here.  Remember to pick up and equip the Hard Hat which can be found in an 
upper left corner after crossing the last bridge at the very end of the 
valley.  One thing though, don’t be concerned about your level.  You’ll be 
leveling up soon enough, I was only level 13 when I got to Happy Happy Village.

					HAPPY HAPPY VILLAGE

If you’re entering this place with a cold, the first thing you want to do is 
make a mad dash to the drug store and save your game before the alarm on your 
death clock goes off.  Otherwise you’ll wind up back in Twoson and have to go 
through PVR again.  But either way, head to the drug store and buy a Sand Lot 
Bat.  Also, sell the Mr. Baseball Cap, you get $99 for it.  Now enter the cave 
that leads to Paula’s chamber, but this is where I would level up as in here 
you’ll find an endless supply of an enemy that gives 353 exp a pop and is easy 
as hell.

Insane Cultist: Their paint attack will do 4-5 HP of damage, that’s it.  They 
go down in 2 hits.  If they call for help, it’s only to your advantage as 
you’ll rack in more exp.  

I would get to level 18 before advancing to Paula’s cabin.  You might want to 
avoid the cultists when you get that high so that you don’t pass the level up 
cap.  Anyways, you can’t save Paula, you need the key so she gives you the 
valuable Franklin Badge.  Now as you proceed to go back, it looks like Pokey 
somehow managed to escape his prison sentence back in Onett but Picky isn’t 
tagging along with him.  Looks like he’s managed to amount to something in 
life; being an important figure in helping make the world a better place by 
making everything blue.  He’s not going to fight you, but these guys will, 
later potater.

Insane Cultist (2x): 94 HP
Spiteful Crow: 24 HP
The spiteful crow has moved up in life, it’s now part of an unavoidable 
battle!  Too bad its 15 seconds of fame are up.  Ignore the crow and focus 
your punishment on the blue man group.

After that, Pokey runs for the hills.  What I find really odd about this area 
is that it’s full of spiteful crows but they aren’t running away from you, 
they WANT to fight you.  Pretty weird considering at this point in the game 
you hit them for 80-85 damage.  Anyways, get back to Happy Happy Village and 
enter Carpainters “holy” church.  It looks like all these guys took a little 
whiff of their own paint.  Only certain HHCs will move out of your way.  
There’s only one HHC that you’ll have to fight no matter what if you know 
where you have to go.

From there, head into the next room where you’ll meet Carpainter’s loyal 
secretary who hopes you fend you off by screaming.  He didn’t know what else 
to do!  Up the stairs we go and you meet Carpainter himself, hey that’s the 
Mani Mani statue isn’t it?  Everything is starting to make sense, but you’ll 
have to knock some sense into Carpainter as well.

Carpainter: 262 HP
For somebody who is supposed to be an ordinary man he’s actually quite 
capable, too bad he can’t join your party.  He’ll always start the battle by 
using a crash, boom, bang attack which is equivalent to PSI Thunder Beta but 
since you have the Franklin Badge it won’t work on you and will hit him 
instead.  However, for some reason his is more inaccurate than some others 
that you’ll encounter later in the game.  But if one connects, he’ll lose 
somewhere between 100-150 HP.  If you get really lucky and both of them 
connect, you’ll win in one turn.  Anyways, he follows the same pattern 
throughout battle:
-Crash Boom Bang
-PSI Lifeup Alpha
-Paint attack (25-35 HP damage)
-Crash Boom Bang
-PSI Lifeup Alpha/PSI Shield Alpha
-Paint attack (25-35 HP damage)
-Lather, rinse, repeat
His paint attack does formidable damage considering your equipment.  He can 
actually be troublesome if he doesn’t hit himself with lightning since he can 
heal the damage he’ll be receiving from you.  But if he uses PSI Shield Alpha 
(Blocks PSI attacks) that’s a waste of a turn since you can only attack.  You 
may have to reset once or twice.  I highly recommend entering this fight at 
full health (Intentionally die beforehand if you have to).  Don’t get hit more 
than once, if you do, I would reset.  You’ll want some HP for Threed.

Eventually, Carpainter will fall with the result that you want.  It was in 
fact, the Mani Mani statue that influenced Carpainter into thinking that the 
world would be a better place by being blue, it’s a good thing he wasn’t 
influenced into thinking that the world would be a better place by being 
nude.  Get the key, rescue Paula and now you have a new party member, she even 
comes with a teddy bear.  When you get back to the village, go to the drug 
store and buy her a Fry Pan, a Copper Bracelet and Ribbon, she’ll already have 
32 defense at level 1.  One thing that I found a little ironic about the whole 
blue blue thing though was that human enemies have blue faces, maybe it was 
just a coincidence?

Now you should level up Paula. Get her to level 8 or so before going back to 
Twoson.  The best way to level her up would be to enter the Lilliput Steps 
cave and fight the Mole Playing Rough that always appears by the entrance.  
It’ll take 2 swings of Ness’ bat to do it in, always have Paula use the defend 
command as if it does hit her, she’ll take less damage.  I wouldn’t let Paula 
get hit more than twice though, she needs some HP for Threed.  Remember your 
teddy bear will help too and the MPR will sometimes waste a turn by “being 
absentminded” or by “sizzling up the situation” which makes it feel strange 
and it may attack itself next turn.

When you’ve leveled Paula up enough, it’s time to head back to Twoson.  No, 
don’t go trying to beat Mondo Mole (You need at least 8 PP to do so which you 
probably don’t have anyway).  You want to save the mandatory healing spot for 
after you beat Belch.  Anyways, avoid all the enemies here again.  Don’t 
worry, you won’t have to take the long path, one of the former Carpainter 
activists who helped kidnap Paula makes amends by fixing the broken bridge.  
When you’re back in Twoson, go back to Polester Preschool.  After seeing 
Paula’s parents and getting the useless Hand-Aid (It can be sold for 
$9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), go back to Burglin Park and see Everdred.  For 
some strange reason, he’ll give you the wad of bills which is $10,000 
dollars.  Why he does this, we’ll never know, but he did want Ness to be his 
partner in crime so maybe that had something to do with it.

Instead of spending it on yourself, it’s time to show your generosity and use 
the money to help out the blues group that have been doomed to playing in a 
shoddy theater for all of eternity thanks to Mr. Poochyfud, the corrupt 
manager of the Chaos Theater (Poochyfud?), the Runaway Five. (The lead singers 
are a parody of Mario and Luigi, it seems).  Talk to Luigi (The skinny green 
one for you morons out there) and he’ll give you the Backstage Pass as a way 
of thanks since he’s always wanted to meet Paula.  Now enter the theater and 
use your pass to get in.  Some of the people have some….interesting things to 
say (The guy in orange, for one).  One of the people in there is a girl that 
stands out among the rest due to her rapid movement, so talk to her and she’ll 
persuade you into getting her to follow you into the Runaway Five’s locker 
room (Backstage Pass FTW).  But before you go, I would recommend you head back 
to the department store and buy 2 or 3 more teddy bears.

In the locker room where you’ll find the Runaway Five (Singers, bongo, 
sax….acoustic guitar?), you can get some funny responses if you use wad of 
bills next to them.  Anyways, now you have to watch them perform.  After 
that’s over with, head into Poochyfud’s office and use the wad of bills RIGHT 
NEXT TO HIM (It won’t work if you’re across).  He’ll accept the money and the 
Runaway Five are free.  As thanks, you’ll get a free ride to Threed, the 
ghosts can’t affect their van thanks to their loud music, so I guess ghosts 
dislike music (Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd didn’t know that).

The Runaway Five drop you off in Threed, which looks like it was the victim of 
the Happy Happy Cultists….oh it’s just infested with zombies, ghosts, flies 
with a disdain for mankind, evil trash and taken over by an enormous pile of 
puke, PHEW.  

					THREED

Kind of wish they could have taken us to Fourside with them.  Your first 
meaning of business will be to head to the drug store.  Buy Ness a Minor 
League Bat and buy Paula a Thick Fry Pan and a Hard Hat.  If you want you can 
also go to the hospital and pick up the Insignificant Item in a drawer in a 
room on the second floor. When you’re done, go to the graveyard and avoid any 
enemies you see, approach the two zombies and go back to the Hotel.  Save your 
game, now I would do a bit of leveling up before you advance any further, and 
you also know why I told you to stay as healthy as possible before coming 
here.  The enemies here give some nice exp.  On the streets of Threed you’ll 
run into some of the friendly townsfolk who want to greet you the way they 
greet everyone.

					Enemies

Trick or Trick Kid: I don’t think he does anything other than attack. Goes 
down in 2 hits, Paula can kill him with one dose of PSI Freeze Alpha.

Smilin’ Sam: Is somewhat resistant to PSI Freeze and can cast Lifeup on 
itself.  I would have Ness hit it and Paula cast PSI Freeze Alpha, it’ll still 
take 78-80 damage from it.

Handsome Tom: Palette swap of Smilin’ Sam, it trades colors and i’s PSI 
attack.  The tom can cast PSI Hypnosis which will put somebody to sleep, can 
be dangerous if it’s paired with a Smilin’ Sam, which happens a lot.  It isn’t 
resistant to PSI Freeze in any shape or form though so use that.

To be honest the enemies in the streets aren’t worth your time, the ones in 
the graveyard give a lot more exp, albeit they are bit a more dangerous but 
it’s worth it.

Zombie Possessor: There’s no Poltergeist 3000 to save the day but these things 
are pretty frail.  Ness’ attack and PSI Freeze Alpha from Paula send this 
thing back to the spectral realm, they can be dangerous in groups because 
they’re “the zombie possessor reached out with its icy hand” will solidify 
somebody and they can possess you as well.  The ghost that possesses you also 
uses that same icy hand maneuver, which can get annoying.

No Good Fly: Ness and Paula’s regular attack kill it; all they can do is 
attack which is only a concern for Paula considering her low HP.

Zombie Dog: Avoid.  If it uses its poison bite attack, Ness or Paula will join 
these guys.  Goes down in 2 hits, one being Ness’ attack and the other being 
Paula’s PSI Freeze Alpha.  

Putrid Moldyman: All it does is attack, but it’s going to hit for 35-40 damage 
which can really hurt, can be fatal if Paula is the victim.  Ness’ attack and 
PSI Freeze alpha kill it, in fact it’s weak to PSI Freeze so if your facing 
one of these and another enemy, I would have Ness attack and Paula hit the 
moldyman with PSI Freeze since it might be killed instantly from it.

Smelly Ghost: The worst enemy out of all the ones here.  They have high 
defense, Paula will be hitting these for a whopping 1 damage AND they resist 
PSI Freeze.  Ness’ attack can still hit it for some damage and you’ll have to 
rely on PSI Fire, but they can cast Lifeup on themselves.  

I would recommend that after each battle, you save your game.  Something can 
go wrong before you know it fighting these things, but you should make it out 
ok enough to gain a few levels, the teddy bears you brought will help out a 
lot.  I would get Ness to level 20 and Paula to at least level 11 before 
advancing into the room where the seductive pawn of the zombies/pawn of 
Belch/pawn of Giygas/pawn of playboy/whatever will be waiting for you.  She 
brought some friends over, it’s gonna be a sleepover.  Before you get a chance 
to play footsies with the undead, they all gang up on you and knock you out.  
It looked pretty weird though, it literally looked like they were going inside 
you or something……

Since Ness and Paula are knocked out and are lying in an isolated room 
somewhere in Threed, a narrator questions “What is the fate of Ness and his 
friend?”  After coming to your senses, it’s time to get out.  Oh the door is 
locked, that’s ok Paula has The Shining.  It’s time to contact the third of 
the chosen four, Jeff, so he can join Ness and Paula’s suffering ASAP.

					WINTERS

Paula’s telepathy reaches to Jeff, kind of creepy to have a complete stranger 
beg you for help while you’re sound asleep.  Jeff doesn’t hesitate to think 
and runs off but Tony, Jeff’s best “friend” in the whole wide world (Seems 
like Tony has bigger affections for Jeff than one would think) decides to help 
him out.  In the room next to Jeff there are a bunch of cookies in presents, 
since this is a no healing game, they’re of no use to you unless you want to 
be insane and try to get the T-Rex Bat, then you should take all of them and 
sell them.

Head downstairs into Maxwell’s room.  Maxwell is the twin brother of the 
dreaded Unassuming Local Guy we ran into back in Twoson, though don’t worry he 
won’t attack.  Maxwell gives you the Bad Key Machine which will help you open 
the lockers that Tony insists you open as they contain helpful items.  Head 
into the next room and try to use it on a locker but the key will not fit into 
the keyhole.  See Maxwell again and he’ll give an upgraded version of it 
immediately (The dialogue is pretty funny).  Now you can open the lockers.  
Only three of them have items inside; you’ll receive s Pop Gun, a Holmes Hat 
and Broken Air Gun.  Equip the PG and HH, the Broken Air Gun will be repaired 
later on.

Now head outside, Tony has no idea where Jeff is going or why, but he lets 
Jeff use him as a ledge to help him jump over the gate-door of the Snowood 
Boarding House.  Tony probably enjoyed it.  Now that you’re alone, head to the 
drug store and buy the bubble gum from the woman.  Now talk to the monkey 
standing near the entry and he’ll chew a piece, blow it and the elusive bubble 
monkey will join you in your journey.  Now, remember when I mentioned the T-
Rex Bat before?  It IS possible to get this weapon before you head back to 
Threed but I obviously don’t recommend it as it is incredibly time consuming 
and unnecessary.  But if for some reason, you want to try this, the only way 
you can get it is by fighting run away dogs and spiteful crows that show up in 
the area and sell the items they drop (Bread rolls from the dogs, cookies from 
the crows).  Eventually, you’ll have enough.

But for most of us, we’ll be heading down south immediately.  Fight any 
enemies you run into, as unlike Ness, Jeff already has a good defense stat to 
start with so the spiteful crows peck will only do 1 hp of damage, same for 
the runaway dog’s bite attack.  I would get to level 3 before heading down to 
the Tessie-watchers area.  When you do reach this area, go in one of the tents 
and take up the offer of having some stew.  Paula will once again plead to 
Jeff, telling him to head South.  During the night Jeff will repair the Broken 
Spray Can you have in his inventory and it will become the Defense Spray.  I 
would hold on to this and sell it when you get back to Threed as it isn’t very 
useful in battle.

It’s now dawn in winters and the wind is blowing.  Head to where the last 
piece of land is and the bubble monkey will blow another bubble and ride on 
top of Tessie’s head.  Tessie will take you along for the ride and now you’ll 
end up in a new area.  In this area, you’ll almost always have no choice but 
to battle a foe you haven’t seen yet.

Gruff Goat: It’ll take Jeff around 4 or 5 hits to tame this thing.  
Its “rammed and tramples you” attack will only do 4 damage, but if uses 
the “tore into you” attack, you’ll lose around 13 HP.  Basically if you have 
bad luck you’ll lose this battle.

The goat will give you some decent exp, around 17 or so, so Jeff will likely 
level up unless you over-leveled back in the starting area.  Now Its time to 
head into a homemade dungeon.  This dungeon, Brick Road, is a very simple 
place.  There are some enemies that have made this place their home and aren’t 
leaving without a fight.  I would fight every enemy here, because if you die 
you’ll just end up back at the area before the gruff goat, which you can beat 
again.  The rowdy mouse is back for an encore, because of Jeff’s low HP it’s 
SSMMMAAASSSHHH attack will be more of a threat here.  However, you also kill 
it in 2 hits.  You’ll also find two more foes to deal with:

Mad Duck: It’ll take you around 4-6 hits, it’s peck attack can do some hefty 
damage but it usually wastes a turn by “falling down” and “disrupting your 
senses” which prevents you from using PSI, OH NO!  In real life, you would 
never want to deal with a mad duck though.

Worthless Protoplasm: Their regular attack is nothing dangerous, around 7-9 
damage.  They can however, call for help and get another one of their….unique 
species to help them out which if your HP is low enough, can lead to your 
demise.  They also waste a turn by “sizzling up the situation”.  Goes down in 
2 hits.

You might have noticed at this point that you haven’t gotten any 
SSMMMMAASSSHHH attacks.  Jeff, along with being the only character not being 
able to use PSI, is the only character not able to get SMMMAAAASSSHHH 
attacks.  But he makes up for it with better accuracy, he doesn’t miss that 
much unless he’s under the crying condition.  Anyways, before you leave you 
should open a present containing the Zip Gun, so equip that.  Now as you leave 
and continue on, you’ll encounter Dungeon Man.  Dungeon Man speaks of him 
joining forces with Jeff’s father, Dr. Andonuts to help create the ultimate 
dungeon, the first combination of human and dungeon in history!  He’ll also 
offer you the chance to rest (Yeah, you’re gonna sleep in that ugly place with 
all those rocks and mad duck feathers all over the place) but you sadly have 
to decline the tempting offer as this after all, is a no healing game.

Remember to save your game in brick road before going on to the next cave, 
because if you die you’ll end up back in brick road.  Now it’s time to head to 
the Rainy Circle cavern.  The rowdy mouse is here as well as the lovable 
attack slug who is just as pathetic as ever.  At the end of the cave you’ll 
run into a seemingly similar foe that you ran into at the end of Onett and 
Twoson.

Struttin’ Evil Mushroom: It’s like the Ramblin’ Evil Mushroom, but with a 
different name!  Also, they can’t mushroomize you which is a huge relief.  
However, the damage of their regular attack will add up (Around 9-12) if 
they’re with another enemy.

Make sure before leaving that you pick up the Cheap Bracelet and a Bottle 
Rocket.  At the end you’ll also find a shiny spot, but only Ness can absorb 
the power of the place (You’d get your ass kicked anyway if you tried).  So 
leave the cave and the bubble monkey will find a mate and without a thought, 
will dump you for the dame.  Now head to Dr. Andonuts lab, DON’T go into the 
Stonehenge base because when you return, you’ll most likely get into a fight 
with a Cave Boy.  Save your game before hunting them down because if you die, 
you’ll return at the lab.

Now I would do some leveling up.  If you’re at least level 11, I would start 
killing some Cave Boy’s, if not go back into the Rainy Circle cave and beat up 
on the enemies there until you are.  At level 11, get ready to fight the……

Cave Boy: Constantly denies being the missing link, in its spare time it walks 
around aimlessly and takes advantage of people stupid enough to engage it.  
Yes, we are that stupid.  The cave boy has horrible accuracy but when it 
connects, you’ll take 20-21 a hit.  The cave boy can also take many, many 
hits, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to use the bottle rocket you found back at 
the cave (Don’t worry, the shady salesman at Threed sells these for $29, a 
steal), which will hit it for 100-130 damage.  The reason you want to be at 
least level 11 is because Jeff will have around 75-78 HP, enough to withstand 
a few attacks.  One more thing; DO NOT WASTE THE BIG BOTTLE ROCKET ON IT.

I would get to level 16 before moving on with the game.  That will Jeff with 
around 105 HP which he’ll need.  Also note, the Cave Boy’s almost always drop 
Picnic Lunches, if you want you can sell them for $12 when you get back to 
Threed.  And of course, make sure Jeff is at full health before proceeding.  
Anyways, at the doc’s lab, I wouldn’t bother picking up the Broken Pipe.  Now 
talk to Dr. Andonuts, seems he’s aware of Paula also.  Andonuts mentions the 
Phase Distorter, a device capable of traveling to a different area instantly 
but he’s having trouble with it.  He can still help you, willingly giving you 
the Sky Runner which is shaped like a flying saucer.  Remember, after he tells 
you that you can use it, you have to talk to him again.  Otherwise you won’t 
trigger the sequence where Jeff enters the thing.

When you’ve done that, take off and enjoy some scenes of Fourside and Dusty 
Dunes Desert before Jeff heads into Threed and crashes underground.

					THREED REVISITED  

Now that Jeff is in the group, you can use the bad key machine to unlock the 
door.  From here I wouldn’t get into a fight.  Just head to the Hotel and 
save, all of your characters are at full health which you’ll want for the 
Boogie Tent.  From there, go to the drug store and purchase Jeff a Hard Hat 
and a Copper Bracelet.  Now go to the shady saleman (Right below the yellow 
tent) and buy two Bombs and a bottle rocket, buy two bottle rockets if you 
used one in Winters.  Give a bomb to Ness and Paula and make sure Jeff has the 
bottle rockets.  Now head south and you’ll find a purple tent………

Boogie Tent (500 HP)
Have Ness and Paula use a Bomb and Jeff use a bottle rocket.  Now have Ness 
use PSI Rockin and Paula use PSI Fire while Jeff fires another bottle rocket 
which should end the greatest show on Earth.  The Boogie Tents regular attack 
will hit you hard, around 45-55 damage.  Hope it wastes a turn by using the 
jar of fly honey which will make every character start crying (Your PSI, bombs 
and bottle rockets won’t miss anyway) or uses “a pale green light” which will 
neutralize effects of PSI (For instance, if you casted PSI Shield, that will 
get rid of it) which is a waste since you’re going out all attack.  If you get 
unlucky, as in, the Boogie Tent kills Paula or nearly kills Jeff, reset.  

After that, make sure you obtain the Jar of Fly Honey from the trash can.  
From here I would level up a bit, since the party was at full health before 
the battle you can still easily take advantage of it.  I would have Ness at 
level 21 or 22, Paula at least level 14 and Jeff at level 17 or 18.  Apple Kid 
will call you will have the Mach Pizza man deliver you the Zombie Paper which 
will attracts and traps zombies.  The pizza man will come out of nowhere soon 
enough and hand you it, even though he only gives it you because he wants to 
go home or whatever.  Now place the Zombie Paper in the tent and guess what?  
You get a mandatory healing segment.  But make sure all characters all alive 
and nobody is possessed, because overnight sleeping won’t cure any of that.

On dawn, all the zombies headed to the tent and are now comically stuck to the 
floor (The zombie dog that went in must have melted or something), including 
the zombies guarding the entrance to the underground graveyard.  Before 
heading to the graveyard I would buy two bombs, give one to Ness and one to 
Paula.  Now head to the graveyard but avoid getting into any battles.  Even 
when you’re underground, avoid getting into any battles.  If you enter a room 
and it’s filled with enemies, leave and re-enter.  Do this until there are no 
enemies there or maybe just one.  But beware of the new enemy waiting for you:

Urban Zombie: Their arctic breath attack will give somebody a cold, so either 
avoid these guys altogether or hope it doesn’t use that attack.  They’re 
regular attack isn’t that threatening (About 20 damage) and they may waste a 
turn by “laughing hysterically”.  If Ness, Paula and Jeff attack this thing 
dies, but remember it’s resistant to PSI Freeze so you’ll have to use PSI Fire 
if you want to use a PSI attack here, which you should only use if there’s 
more than one enemy here.

Try to conserve some PP, you’ll need it for Belch’s hideout.  You can get 
through this area without using PP though because the enemies fall in 1 turn.  
Remember to equip the Silver Bracelet that’s found in the second casket 
(Doesn’t matter who you give it to, you can buy 2 more soon enough).  The 
entrance to the end is blocked off by one of Belch’s patsy’s.

Mini Barf (550 HP)
This thing is really slow, all three of your characters will usually go before 
he/she/it/whatever the hell it is goes.  Have Ness and Paula use a bomb and 
Jeff fire that Big Bottle Rocket you’ve been saving and this thing dies in 1 
turn.  That’s it.

The mini barf was hoping to kill you and eat your jar of fly honey.  If anyone 
is wondering how fly honey is explained in this game, fly honey is the honey 
that flies make.  Bees make bee honey and flies make fly honey (Yeah……..).  
After you’ve washed your hands of that dirty work (Hardy har har), it’s time 
to head up to Grapefruit Falls.  There’s a salesman who thinks that he’ll get 
enough money from you to feed his family, but you can’t use anything he sells 
(Food = bad).  But being the gentlemen he is he’ll still you tell you about 
Saturn Valley and that’s it’s located up North.  But you’ve got some company 
waiting for you up above.

					Enemies

Armored Frog: It lives up to its name by laughing at your physical attacks, it 
however is weak to PSI Freeze.  One dose of PSI Freeze Alpha will teach this 
Frogger reject a lesson.

Farm Zombie: Pretty much the same as the Urban Zombie, but yellow…ish.  Oh, it 
uses this weird attack where “it says something mysterious”.  I don’t know 
what it does, it never seems to work.  Just attack it.
Red Antoid: Black Antoids on steroids (I MADE A FUNNY).  Attack it, it can 
call for help and cast Lifeup but comes equipped with a bite attack that can 
actually hit for 40 or so damage.  A nasty enemy in groups.

Plain Crocodile: A. V.  O.  I.  D.  They are VERY powerful and can possibly 
kill Paula or Jeff in one shot with its tail attack.  Use PSI Freeze Beta and 
have Ness use PSI Rockin Alpha if you have no choice but to fight it.

I would honestly just avoid every enemy here; you really want to conserve your 
strength for Belch’s hideout.  You know the method to avoid enemies, so use it 
until you reach a cavern that has one enemy in it that will pester you.

Violent Roach: Sometimes wastes a turn by “knitting it’s brow”, it can also 
solidify a character.  Dies in 1 turn but you don’t want to take unnecessary 
damage in case it does attack.

If you see any of these, make them disappear, don’t waste time fighting 
these.  Enter the room along the way and pick up the bottle rocket and then 
enter…..

					SaTURn VAlLeY

Occasionally you’ll find a Mad Duck in an unreachable area in this place, 
which is a little odd.  Anyways, your first order of business should be to 
head to one of the caverns and talk to the Saturn that will reveal the 
password to get into Belch’s hideout (Would have been nice if you just had to 
input a command instead).  Keep in mind that you must talk to the Saturn even 
if you know the password, otherwise you can stand there for 33 minutes and you 
still won’t get in.  Turns out Belch has enslaved some of the Saturns and took 
them to his hideout and the rest live in fear of Belch.  Somebody has to put 
him in his place.  Prepare for this bad smelling battle by heading to the shop 
and buy 2 more Silver Bracelets and a Red Ribbon for Paula.  When you’ve got 
everything in order, head to Belch’s hideout which is at the very end of 
Grapefruit Falls and “say” the password.

After the most boring 3 minutes of your life have passed, you’ll find yourself 
in Belch’s hideout, puke and all.  You’ll run into a slimy little pile who 
thinks you’re the fly honey delivery boy (The real one is some scruffy haired 
kid/guy in Threed who reveals that Belch gets his strength by eating peanut 
butter and fly honey sandwiches).  Answer yes to his question and he’ll let 
you move on, though he’ll follow you around anyway.  Reply with “No” to get 
into an unnecessary battle.  Anyways, I may as well introduce you to some of 
the wonderful….things here who are determined to make your visit at Belch 
Enterprises an educational and wonderful one.

					Enemies

Foppy:  Distant relatives of the attack slugs, they usually come in groups and 
are easy to kill.  They won’t hit you for much damage (10-15) and can waste a 
turn by “being absentminded”.  I would only avoid these if you see like, 4-6 
of them.

Mostly Bad Fly: So I guess there’s still a little good left in them.  Don’t 
tell them that though.  All they do is attack, only dangerous if they’re 
paired up with a slimy little pile.
Slimy Little Pile: Poor man’s Mini Barf.  Have Ness and Jeff attack while 
Paula casts PSI Freeze Alpha, that will kill it.  They can cause trouble by 
calling for help and adding another of them to the battle and by making 
attacks miss when they put everyone in crying status.  One dose of PSI Freeze 
Beta kills it in one shot too.

I wouldn’t enter the rooms as all the enemies will disappear after you kill 
Belch and most of the items aren’t worth getting anyway.  If you insist, 
you’ll find that they’ve been occupied with zombies (I forget which ones).  I 
would also not get into too many fights here, you want to conserve at least 
some health for Mondo Mole a little later on.  At the end of the trail, a 
slimy little pile wants you to say the password but gets suspicious when you 
don’t say anything (Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?  Not say anything) 
and you get into a fight.  When that’s over with, enter into the next room 
when you’ll meet Belch himself (When I look at his not in battle sprite it 
looks like a guy got covered in slime, what’s supposed to be his fangs and 
mouth look like eyes and a nose to me).  Anyways……

Master Belch (650 HP)
He will ALWAYS go first, I repeat, he will ALWAYS go first.  And guess what?  
He will ALWAYS use his attack that induces nausea on a character.  So, 
somebody is guaranteed to die UNLESS you have a teddy bear.  If he tries the 
attack on the teddy bear, nobody will die to the agonizing feeling of feeling 
like throwing up.  If not, somebody will die.  If you don’t have a teddy bear, 
I would reset the game if Paula is the one struck with nausea as she needs to 
level up as much as possible for the desert tunnel.  If you do have a teddy 
bear, reset the game if he doesn’t use his nausea attack on the teddy bear.  
It’s not the end of the world if somebody does die, I didn’t have a teddy bear 
for this fight, just make sure Paula doesn’t die.

Oh, the strategy for this difficult battle?  Just use the jar of fly honey and 
every turn will be met with “Belch lost his mind wolfing down fly honey!”  
From there, just keep attacking until he dies.  Don’t waste any PP on him 
unless you feel you can spare it so you can speed up the process.  Keep in 
mind, you MUST use the jar of fly honey otherwise you can hit him for 
345467564768768 HP of damage and he still wont die.  So don’t go thinking to 
yourself “I WANT TO KILL HIM THE HONORABLE WAY1111111!!!!!”.  Anyways, when he 
does die, your levels should be something like….

Ness: Level 23
Paula: Level 19
Jeff: Level 20

These were my levels; yours should be around or maybe a little higher.  Before 
Belch fades off he tells you that Giygas managed to move the Mani Mani statue 
into Fourside and that the city will soon be in worse condition than living in 
your own puke (It can’t be THAT bad *Thinks of Moonside*…..well ok).  Anyways, 
the Saturns are saved and one of them promises that someday they’ll return the 
favor by helping you.  Don’t forget to talk to one of the Saturns in the 
cavern as you’ll get a Mr. Saturn Coin, a great piece of equipment.  Equip it 
on Paula as she needs the defense boost (She has the worst HP of the group).  
Now it’s time to head back to Threed.  Avoid the stupid roaches and especially 
the enemies in Grapefruit Valley (You’re in pretty crappy shape to be fighting 
enemies you don’t have to right now).  Enter the underground tunnel and go 
back to Threed, but where are the zombies?  Since Belch was the one that gave 
the zombies life in exchange for the zombies working for Belch, Threed is now 
zombie free!  When you get back to Threed, embrace the new color of the town 
and the new happy music.

What you want to do now is get your party back in full health, so head back to 
Twoson via bus or walking (Wish all the traffic would magically vanish if I 
tried that, or maybe nobody likes Twoson).

					TWOSON REVISITED

If you have the insignificant item, go to the Twoson hospital and give it to a 
man on the second floor.  For some reason, next to his life this is the second 
most important thing to him (Must not live a very significant life, I MADE 
ANOTHER FUNNY).  He’ll show his gratitude by giving you a Magic Truffle, which 
would be nice in a normal game but is completely useless here.  However, it 
CAN be sold for $149 which isn’t that bad.  Anyways, now head to the 
Department Store and purchase no more than 3 teddy bears (For Mondo Mole, 
though I cleared the place without using any).  From there, go back to 
Peaceful Rest Valley, though this time it’s only a short walk back to Happy 
Happy Village thanks to the bridge.  I would still avoid Territorial Oaks as 
their explosion will still hurt you badly and will kill any teddy bear you 
have with you.  You might want to try and avoid the Lil’ UFOs and Spinning 
Robo’s as well since they can still give you a cold.

When you get back to Happy Happy Village, you’ll find Carpainter standing 
outside his church (Also conveniently blocking you from getting in) who is now 
living an NIBG lifestyle (NotInfluencedByGiygas).  This fad went way out of 
style and is right up there with bell bottoms, yo yo’s (Don’t tell Ness and 
Paula that!), religion and drinking milk one day past the expiration date 
(What a fad THAT was, thanks Kurt).   Anyways, head back into the Liliput 
Steps cavern, except this time your objective isn’t to slaughter a small mole, 
it’s to slaughter a giant mole.  You don’t need to heed any of the cavern’s 
inhabitants anymore, which include……

					Enemies

Mole Playing Rough: Helped you level up Paula, this thing will be hitting you 
for 1 HP of damage every time now.  Just attack it.

Mr. Batty: This thing would have to be pretty batty to actually try and engage 
in a fight with you, so it lives up to it’s name.  Just attack it.

Mighty Bear: This bear isn’t so mighty anymore, if it attacks Paula it’ll do 1 
HP of damage even with its claw attack (The other character will lose a bit of 
health).  Just attack it.

Mondo Mole must have given his minions some pep talk or something, because 
they still go after you despite standing no chance at all.  Anyways, at the 
end of this place you’ll run into Homer Simpson himself (Sorry, its Mondo 
Mole).

Mondo Mole (498 HP)
D’oh!  Mondo Mole doesn’t stand a chance in hell now.  If Ness is the one that 
died to nausea, Paula should be throwing casting PSI Fire Beta or throwing 
bombs while Jeff uses bottle rockets.  If Jeff is the one that died, Ness 
should be using PSI Rockin Beta while Paula uses PSI Fire Beta or throwing 
bombs.  The Mondo Mole’s claw attack will hit Paula for a massive 3-4 damage, 
the other character should be able to easily withstand it too.  It may waste a 
turn by using PSI Lifeup Alpha (It won’t be able to heal enough to compensate 
the damage it’ll be taking every turn) and can cast a PSI Shield.  If it does, 
it won’t affect what Jeff will be doing and Paula can just throw bombs.  Or 
you can simply cast PSI Paralysis at the start and turn Mondo Mole into a one 
legged man (Errrr, mole) in an ass kicking contest, though he’s pretty 
helpless anyway.

If you have trouble beating this boss at this stage of the game, I’m wondering 
how you made it this far in the challenge.  Anyways, enjoy as your party is 
now in full health, which you’ll be needing for Trillionage Sprout.  But 
before we do that, leave Happy Happy Village for good and head out to…..

				DUSTY DUNES DESERT

In a no healing game, this should be your least favorite place along with 
Scaraba due to the fact that by walking around in the desert you may get 
inflicted with sunstroke, which is the equivalent to getting a cold.  It won’t 
be long until the chronic heat of the sun sends a character or characters to 
their grave (More believable than dying of a cold) so unless you’re very 
lucky, you’ll be getting some much needed exercise by getting out of your 
seat, pressing the reset button, getting of your seat, pressing the reset 
button, getting out of your seat AHHHHH HAMSTRING PULL OH THE 
PAIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thing you’ll notice here if you took the bus is that it gets stopped 
due to a massive traffic jam which was caused by a herd of buffalo running 
across the road.  These buffalo must have magic powers, because if I recall 
they can’t run through backgrounds.  Well, you might as well make the best of 
things so head to the conveniently placed drug store and save.  While you’re 
here, buy a Mr. Baseball Bat, a Deluxe Fry Pan and a Coin of Defense, equip it 
on Jeff.  Now talk to the old guy with the chef hat or whatever and buy a food 
item, you’ll need it.  From here you must get inside the shack of the Montague 
brothers without anyone getting inflicted sunstroke.  Sunstroke is inflicted 
randomly, there’s no method you can use to avoid it and there’s no guarantee 
that you’ll be inflicted it, it’s completely random.  Along the way you’ll 
find a present, please open it because in it will contain a Big Bottle Rocket, 
a lifesaver against the Trillionage Sprout.

Along the way, you’ll find the inhabitants of the desert who aren’t exactly 
thrilled to have you over at their house.  They also come equipped with anti 
no-healing game freeloaders, like poisonous attacks and fire.

					Enemies

Skelpion: Very fast, will always go first.  It can poison a character which 
will give you a free trip to reset land if it chooses to do so.  If it isn’t 
going to do that it may cast PSI Thunder Alpha, do a regular attack which can 
do upwards of 50 damage if Paula isn’t the recipient.  One dose of PSI Freeze 
Alpha kills it but 3 regular attacks also get the job done if you don’t want 
to consume 4 PP.

Cute Lil’ UFO: The Lil’ UFOs twisted and demented sister, we’ve all seen these 
types; Ed’s sister Sara, Stan’s sister Shelley, Marge’s sisters Patty and 
Selma, you get the idea.  The Cute Lil’ UFO also has high evasion.  I don’t 
think it can inflict a cold on a character but it can cast PSI Lifeup Alpha, 
making it really annoying in groups.  Have Paula use PSI Freeze Alpha (Beta if 
you’re desperate to kill it) or Jeff can use a bottle rocket here while Ness 
throws a bomb or something.

Crested Booka: Weird giraffe camel…..thing.  Its attacks hurt.  Paula should 
use PSI Freeze while the others attack, may waste a turn by “having a big grin 
on its face” or by shrieking a war cry which lowers one characters offense and 
defense by a couple of points.

Smilin’ Sphere: It’s highly debated if black death was caused by an outbreak 
of the bubonic plague or by an outbreak of Smilin’ Spheres.  These will most 
likely wipe out your entire party since they come equipped with PSI Fire Alpha 
which will hit everybody for 70-100 damage a pop.  If you’re stupid enough to 
not have reset by now and happen to kill it, it will explode and kill off 1 or 
2 of your characters.  Unlike a normal game, you can’t heal off the damage 
you’ll be taking from these things.

Desert Wolf: What?  The runaway dog is evolving!  CONGRATULATIONS!  YOUR 
RUNAWAY DOG EVOLVED INTO A DESERT WOLF!  At least that’s the perception I 
first got when I encountered its out-of-battle sprite.  The desert wolf can 
also poison a character and will always go first.  Not fun.  Its regular 
attack does over 50 damage as well.  Choo choo!  Oh, the train heading to 
reset land is here.

Bad Buffalo: Can potentially kill off a character with its attacks, which hurt 
like hell, even Paula with her defense (Gets compensated by her crappy HP).  
PSI Freeze Beta kills it in one hit if you happen to stumble upon one.  I 
actually don’t know how fast or slow this thing is, I was lucky enough not to 
encounter it.

Criminal Caterpillar: If you find this, it may run North into the desert, 
which would basically be feeding you to the wolves (Man, my puns are really 
on).  If you can corner it somewhere and get the green swirl, you’ll have won 
some nice 5-digit experience points.  If you get a blue or red swirl, the 
train to reset land will be here earlier than expected as it enters battle 
with 255 speed, PSI Fire Alpha and Beta.  255 speed means that you have very 
little chance of connecting with physical attacks, so you must use PSI, bottle 
rockets or bombs but don’t worry, you’ll be killed off before then.

Now you’re beginning to see how much more lethal enemies are becoming in a no 
healing game.  You’ll be resetting a lot thanks to sunstroke, powerful enemy 
attacks and poison.  Eventually you’ll get lucky enough though.  The best way 
to get to the shack would be to start around the area where the pawn man is 
(Buy a Zip Gun for Jeff from him as well).  Now walk straight as low as you 
can (But above the area that leads to a dead end).  Stay as low as you can, if 
you see enemies, walk up.  Keep walking straight to the West and eventually a 
present will become visible (Unless you walked up a lot to avoid enemies).  
Inside will be the big bottle rocket and this also means the shack is just a 
few inches away.  Make a mad dash to the shack, get inside and check your 
status.  If somebody got inflicted with sunstroke, reset, if not, SAVE YOUR 
GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Remember not to talk to the guy inside as he’ll 
insist you take a rest (You can’t refuse) unless of course, you’re at full 
health already so it wouldn’t matter.  From here, get back out and talk to 
Gerardo Montague, the guy is busting his ass off digging for buried gold and 
is starving, so give him the food item you purchased back at the drug store 
and I suppose he’ll be overwhelmed by your kindness and will give you the 
treasure when he finds it.

Now get back on the road where you can’t get sunstroke and the traffic jam is 
over.  Instead of heading to Fourside though, head all the way back to Twoson 
and buy 4 or so teddy bears at the department store.  Now head back to Threed 
and buy a few bottle rockets and if you want, a few bombs.  Now head back to……

					SaTURn VAlLeY rEVIsIteD

Just head straight to the Milky Well cavern, it’s the only reason why you came 
back here.  It’s time to take down the Trillionage Sprout (Who my brother 
thought looked like a rooster when he saw him, seriously, A ROOSTER?).  Giygas 
isn’t going to cut you any slack anytime soon, so he influences some sprouts, 
mushrooms and weird flower plant things to do his bidding here.  The worst 
part about this cavern is that most of the enemies here travel in groups.

					Enemies

Struttin’ Evil Mushroom: It can’t take much damage but compensates for that 
for scattering spores most of the time which will mushroomize somebody.  Very 
devastating, kill them immediately and/or pray that if they scatter spores, 
they try it on the teddy bear.  If it does just attack, consider it a break as 
it’s attack does crappy damage.  Dies in 2 regular attacks.

Tough Mobile Sprout: Not a big threat, basically mobile sprouts with more HP.  
Their regular attack does puny damage, the only annoying thing they can do is 
cast PSI Magnet, so hope it hits Jeff or a teddy bear.  2 physical attacks 
kill it.
Ranboob: The only non-palette swapped enemy you’ll find, the Ranboobs regular 
attack isn’t a big deal.  It can make a character fall asleep and can cast PSI 
Shield Alpha to reduce damage done by physical attacks.

If you’re fighting three or four enemies, have Paula use PSI Fire Beta while 
Ness uses PSI Rockin Alpha.  If you’re only fighting one or two enemies, just 
attack.  The second area of the cavern is an outsideish area and you’ll find 
that you can actually make enemies disappear here.  The third area has a 
present that contains the Coin of Slumber, give it to Ness.  Now get ready to 
attack the rooster, I mean the…..

Trillionage Sprout (1,048 HP)
Tough Mobile Sprout (2x)

The first boss in the game with over 1,000 HP, the Trillionage Sprout has two 
of its minions accompanying it.  The TMS’s can cast Lifeup and attempt to make 
clones of themselves so start the battle by having Ness use PSI Rockin Beta, 
Paula use PSI Fire Beta and Jeff fire that BBR you found back at the desert.  
That will kill his minions as well deplete at least 60% of his HP right 
there.  From there, Ness should be casting PSI Rockin Beta but this time, have 
Paula use PSI Freeze Beta (Less PP, around the same damage and it might 
solidify it) while Jeff uses bottle rockets.  The Trillionage Sprout can 
create a PSI Shield that blocks PSI attacks which will reduce Ness and Paula 
to attacking (Or use bombs if you bought some), use a regular attack that 
actually isn’t too bad (It hit Ness for around 55-60 who had 59 defense, Paula 
should have at least 70) and of course, diamondize a character which is why 
you got some teddy bears.  You might want to reset if a character gets 
diamondized (Especially Paula).  BUT, if Jeff gets diamondized and you don’t 
feel like resetting, it’s not the end of the world if you deal with it.  

When you get through that nonsense, enjoy your characters being in full health 
because you’ll wish they were soon enough.  Now head to……………….

					FOURSIDE

Supposedly Fourside was modeled after New York (Would explain the corruption, 
taxi’s and bums).  The bridge that leads to Fourside looks like the Verrazano 
bridge (The fuzzy pickle photographer guy takes your picture here too, good 
thing you used PSI Goawaytaffic Omega)!  Anyways, Giygas, like Belch said, 
managed to get the Mani Mani statue into Fourside and a man named Geldegarde 
Monotoli now has it.  With the Mani Mani statue, he made a pact that he’ll do 
whatever Giygas wants in exchange for power.  Now Monotoli rules over Fourside 
with an iron fist and hopes to surpass his boyhood hero, Fidel Castro, as the 
world’s most recognizable dictator.  There isn’t much you can do here right 
now besides do some sight seeing like a typical tourist entering a big city 
would.

First off, you MUST visit the Topolla theatre to visit everybody’s favorite 
band, the Runaway Five.  Once again, the Runaway Five are involved in a shoddy 
contract and now owe the manager one million dollars.  Seriously, let this be 
a lesson to all you young aspiring musicians, read a contract before you sign 
it.  Before you leave, you have to watch them perform.  Oh yeah, look at those 
sprites go!  Hey, that weird keyboard guy is there again even though he isn’t 
part of the band.  By the way, if you don’t visit the Runaway Five, you won’t 
trigger Gerardo Montague managing to dig that giant tunnel that you must 
navigate (I wish you didn’t have to trigger that sequence but that’s life).  

When you’re done with that, you can visit Jackie’s Café.  Supposedly Monotoli 
quietly enters this place from time to time, though nobody else seems to think 
so.  Inside you’ll also find a chubby guy who was actually the owner of the 
now Monotoli building, Enrich Flavor (Nice name).  Monotoli used to work for 
Flavor but one day, Monotoli got his power and kicked out Flavor, now Flavor 
is homeless.  Supposedly, Monotoli gets his power from the café so Flavor 
spends his time drinking some booze and exchanging jokes with the bum on the 
left, hoping that Monotoli enters the building so he can see what exactly he’s 
doing.

You can also visit the Museum.  It’ll cost you a whopping 15 bucks, but you 
can get your picture taken inside (That photographer sure does seem to enjoy 
following kids on their journey to save the Universe from complete and total 
obliteration…..you think he’s a….you know….THAT….).  You’ll also run into Mr. 
Spoon, the academic researcher.  He reveals that it’s been rumored that 
dinosaurs do indeed exist somewhere out there in southern Scaraba (A little 
farther than that my friend).  He also hopes that if you do intend to check 
that out, that you bring back pictures because “he doesn’t like being alone” 
(Ick, this place is just swarming with pe *coughcoughPEDROS* got I hated that 
stupid movie, no I won’t vote for Pedro).  

Fourside also has a department store but for some odd reason, it’s closed 
(Gwaahhhhh!).  Why is it closed?  (Gwaaarrrggghhhh!!)  Well nobody knows 
(Gwaaaarrrgggghhhhh!)  So for now you’ll have to ignore this place 
(Gwaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!)

Another thing that you MUST do, if I recall, is visit the Monotoli building 
(Formerly the Enrich Flavor building).  You’ll find that Pokey’s dad is now 
living off of his son, Pokey’s success.  As for Pokey, he now gives Monotoli 
economic and political advice (Which also may help explain some of Monotolis 
decisions, though the townspeople seem to think Fourside couldn’t be better).  
Pokey continues to be a thorn on Ness’s side.  Ever notice how Pokey acts evil 
yet doesn’t have that blue face that the other evil townsfolk do?  Hmmmmmmmm.  
Anyways, he’ll have his bodyguards throw you out after taunting you a bit.

Upon walking around this oddly shaped city, you’ll also stumble upon a sign 
that says “Planning meeting for Earthbound 2” (Up until last year or so, that 
failed about as miserably as planning Claymates 2 and Greendog 2 did).  Your 
sightseeing may be interrupted by some people or rather, things.

					Enemies

Annoying Reveler: The annoying old party man is out for revenge in his new red 
suit!  Still grumbles about today’s youth, still gets a laugh out of me.

Mad Taxi: Their regular attacks can HURT.  Can also force you to use PSI or 
items if it spews out exhaust fumes, making everybody cry.

Crazed Sign: This thing came all the way from Ohio just to get a chance to 
make your life a living hell.  If it uses PSI Paralysis and it hits somebody 
not wearing a Travel or a Great Charm, it did its job in doing so.

Extra Cranky Lady: She has a formidable regular attack.  Will sometimes 
also “say something scary” which isn’t as funny as grumbling about today’s 
youth, in my opinion.

Try to avoid the enemies, as you’ll want to stay in full health for your big 
return in the desert.  When you’re done fooling around, head back to…..

			DUSTY DUNES DESERT REVISITED

Ok, the first thing I would is check your levels.  Here are my levels before I 
attempt the tunnel:

Ness: 29
Paula: 26
Jeff: 25

I did a little bit of leveling up before I approached the desert tunnel.  The 
best way to level up, well you’re going to kill for me this, but go all the 
way back to the Liliput Steps cavern.  Now remember the mole playing rough 
that almost appears near the entrance?  You get 152 exp a pop each time you 
encounter it, so I would fight it over and over.  You’ll get some nice money 
too which always helps.  Also, you obviously won’t have to worry about taking 
damage either.  When you’re done with that, head back to the department store 
and buy AT LEAST 6 teddy bears (You will need these BADLY).

Now go back to the Montague brothers’ shack.  But this time you won’t have to 
walk as far, just remember to walk up from the intersection that leads to 
Fourside.  This time, a bunch of people (Including a healer) will be there 
looking at the tunnel Gerardo created.  Obviously, save your game here as 
well.  Inside the tunnel (There’s always the chance of getting sunstroke 
before you get inside) Gerardo will tell you that a bunch of monsters appeared 
in the cave and that there are 5 huge moles.  However, due to getting an ulcer 
from worrying too much it’s up to you to do the dirty work.

You really need to try your best and avoid as many encounters as you can 
here.  The enemies here can make you press reset faster than you can say “OH 
MAN I GOT POISONED AGAIN THAT STUPID %$#!? SNAKE ARRGGHHHH ##&%!@@$?!$ TOO 
MANY NOOSE MEN!!!!!”.  That should give you a hint on who some of the enemies 
here are…..

					Enemies

Thirsty Coil Snake: Only annoying if it poisons a character, Paula will 
heavily damage it with PSI Freeze Alpha and will kill it in one shot with PSI 
Freeze Beta, your choice if you want to use 9 PP or risk getting poisoned.  
Paula more often than not outspeeds this.  Fun fact: If it uses it’s poison 
fang attack and tries it on a teddy bear, the teddy bear won’t take any damage!

Gigantic Ant: Palette swap of the Titanic Ant, these have more HP and can 
poison a character.  PSI Freeze Beta kills it in one shot and Paula will 
almost always go first.

Noose Man: VERY annoying, you will almost never find one alone, they’re 
usually accompanied by other noose men, gigantic ants, snakes and….mad ducks?  
Yes, the mad ducks found their way from Winters to an underground tunnel in 
the desert, that’s what you get for pissing them off.  They can prevent a 
character from attacking and their regular attack will add up.

I’m not going to give you any details on the cave or whatever, you should have 
beaten the game already, you know where to go.  Just make sure you pick up the 
big bottle rocket and Platinum Band here (Equip it on Jeff).  It isn’t the end 
of the world if you get into an encounter, Paula will have enough PP to spare 
and your teddy bears are there for a reason.  But you want to save some 
strength for the moles, each of them claiming to be the 3rd strongest for some 
reason (Who knows what Itoi was thinking, this is the same guy who came up 
with magic cake).  A little info on your 5 boss battles…..

Guardian Digger (386 HP)
Palette swap of the Mondo Mole, you’ll see a big “No 3” in the background 
which gets a chuckle out of me.  Anyways, sometimes Paula will go first, 
sometimes she won’t.  She should ALWAYS use PSI Freeze Beta first turn, which 
will hit for around 220-250 damage, pray it gets solidified as well.  Jeff 
should always use defend and Ness should use PSI Rockin Beta.  PSI Rockin Beta 
and PSI Freeze Beta MIGHT kill the Guardian Digger, if it lives and you didn’t 
solidify it, it’ll most likely attack.  Your teddy bear will be destroyed 
whether it uses its normal attack or claw attack.  Its claw attack will HURT 
if he hits one of your party members with it (Around 100 to Ness and Jeff, 
around 80-90 to Paula).  If you get lucky he’ll waste his turn by using PSI 
Shield Beta (Power shield for physical attacks).  Paula should use PSI Freeze 
Alpha which will finish them off while Ness and Jeff defend.  ALWAYS make sure 
you have a teddy bear before fighting them, even if you have to go back to 
Twoson to get another, it’s worth it (You find one in the tunnel though).

For the record, I would reset if the mole badly damages somebody (If you’re on 
the last mole and Paula gets hit for mortal damage it doesn’t matter as long 
as you can kill the mole after).  Also, make sure you obtain the exit mouse.  
After you kill a mole, use the exit mouse and make a mad dash to the cabin, 
pray nobody gets sunstroke.  Save your game, re-enter tunnel, get exit mouse, 
kill another mole, use exit mouse, make mad dash for cabin and save, repeat 
until all 5 are dead.  By the way, if you’re at the very end of this 
expedition (As in you killed all 5 moles) and Paula got sunstroke and/or is 
near death, I wouldn’t worry about it since you won’t be able to use her for 
battle purposes very soon anyway.

You want to keep Ness and Jeff healthy since you’ll need them with as much 
health as possible for the department store and Monotoli Building (Clumsy 
Robots missile = Ouch).  Honestly, this isn’t THAT hard to overcome, you just 
have to be patient and try to conserve PP for the moles.  Another tip, NEVER 
have Ness use PP on any of the regular enemies, all his PP should be saved for 
the moles.  Also, don’t worry if Ness loses all his PP either, you won’t need 
to rely on PSI Rockin Beta as you’ll soon have access to Super Bombs.

When all 5 are slayed, the music changes to the desert theme and all the 
enemies fall off the face of Earth.  Get out of the desert, good riddance I 
say, and head off to Fourside.  On the bridge you’ll be stopped by George 
Montague (Gerardo’s brother) and he’ll give you the treasure they found which 
was only a Diamond (Seriously, all that for a diamond?).  There is one person 
who happens to love diamonds however……..

					FOURSIDE REVISITED

First things first, drop the Mr. Saturn Coin that Paula has equipped and give 
it to Jeff, which will give Jeff a defensive stat over 100 (My Jeff had 104 
defense here) and give Ness the Coin of Defense that you found in the tunnel.  
You want to Jeff to have as much protection as possible to help compensate for 
his mediocre HP stat.  Now head to the Topolla theater and give the manager 
the Diamond (Remember she has 1/20 vision like Poochyfud so it has to be right 
next to her) and although she says the Diamond is worth maybe only $50, she 
frees the Runaway Five (Though talking to her after the Runaway Five come 
marching through the door suggests otherwise……).  You’ll have to sit through 
one last show in which the Runaway Five manage to get their van on stage and 
take off into parts unknown.

Though helping the Runaway Five is nice and all, it hasn’t really managed to 
solve anything here.  However, the once closed department store 
(Gwaarrrrggggghhhhh!) is now open again (Gwaarrrrggggghhhhhhh!) so head inside 
(Gwaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!)  In the department store, if you go to the back 
warehouse on the second floor you’ll find that thrifty guy who now sells Super 
Bombs and big bottle rockets!  Buy at least four super bombs (Make Ness hold 
two and Jeff hold two) and two big bottle rockets.  While you’re at it, buy 
Jeff a Hyper Beam as well.  I would also buy a Gold Bracelet for Ness.  This 
place also sells teddy bears.  Have 6 or so with you.  Just when you’re about 
to leave, an alien comes out of nowhere and steals Paula!  And the lights go 
out too (The mouse saw it coming, stupid mice and their sixth sense…..)

Now you must venture into the office you found into the 4th floor but in 
addition to dealing with yet another one of my and that aliens 
Gwwwaarrrrggghhhhsss, you’ll have these enemies to deal with (Who are infamous 
in helping make this section of the game one of the more difficult ones).

					Enemies

Scalding Cup of Coffee: Reset time!  They’ll always spill hot coffee on you, 
which will hit both Ness, Jeff and your teddy bear.  Not fun at all.  Super 
Bomb kills it.

Mystical Record: If they charge forward, someone will take over 100 damage 
(Ness will take near 150) so pray they focus their attacks on a teddy bear.  
Super Bomb it.

Musica: Teddy bear can withstand its regular attack, may also use a crash, 
boom bang attack.  Super Bomb it.

Super bombs kick ass, they hit an enemy from anywhere between 250-380 and will 
deal a fraction of that damage to enemies next to the targeted one.  Keep in 
mind that you need at least two super bombs and two big bottle rockets for the 
boss (You can win with just one of each, but if it uses PSI Lifeup Beta the 
additional ones will be your insurance policy).  Also, I would try to not get 
into more than 2 encounters, because you’ll want at least 2 teddy bears too 
for the boss (Gwwwaarrrggghhhhh!)

Department Store Spook (800 HP)

Wow.  This thing used to give me hell back in the day.  But before that, can I 
say it?  Please?  Thanks!  GWWWWWWWAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!  The spooks before 
battle speech is pretty amusing as well (Can you say new sig on Gamefaqs?  The 
spook must have been aware that if he said “that” word, soccer moms would be 
all over him)  Anyways…..the dept. store spook is capable of casting PSI 
Freeze Alpha and Beta, PSI Fire Alpha and Beta, PSI Lifeup Alpha and Beta and 
PSI Magnet Omega.  Needless to say, if it uses PSI Fire at all it may force 
you to reset.  Remember how I told you to have at least two super bombs and 
two big bottle rockets?  Well, have Ness throw a super bomb and Jeff use a big 
bottle rocket, it might kill the department store spook in one turn.  If not, 
throw another super bomb for the kill.  If it uses PSI Lifeup Beta first turn, 
use another super bomb and big bottle rocket.  It usually attacks first turn, 
which brings me to some good news; if it uses PSI Freeze on your teddy bear, 
it will do 0 damage.  Nice huh?  Needless to say though, it’s attacks can be 
very devastating which is why you have a teddy bear (Though if uses PSI Fire, 
you can’t block that no matter what).

Overall, thanks to your destructive items you have for this fight, it isn’t 
that hard, it’s just a matter of escaping with taking no damage.  You don’t 
have to be perfect, just don’t have a character in critical health and 
especially dead.  If Ness has say, 270 HP and he walks out with 170, that’s no 
big deal.  If Jeff has say, 140 HP and he walks out with around 80, that’s 
alright as well.  When you get the result you want, the spook says something a 
little weird (Paula will become Monotoli?  What, is she going inside him or 
something?)  The lights will go back on and the photographer guy will take 
your picture despite this rather dark time for Ness and Jeff on their 
adventure.  Before you leave, stock up on more teddy bears (At least 4), more 
super bombs (4 would be good) and buy at least one big bottle rocket.

What to do next?  How about going to where every depressed and miserable 
person would go to?  JACKIE’S CAFÉ!  Head inside, you must talk to the women 
beside the host to trigger a new scene.  Listen to what she says and head 
outside….a bunch of people are staring at what appears to be a corpse (Looks 
like kind of familiar).  One of them, a scruffy haired kid or guy or whatever 
will let you take his spot if you give him something, so do so (It can be 
almost anything, would be nice if you had the dirty pair of socks because 
that’s all he deserves).  Upon walking to the corpse, you’ll notice that he’s 
breathing and that stench!  It’s Everdred!

Everdred explains that he stole the Mani Mani statue from Carpainter and 
planned to sell it in Fourside, but Monotoli tricked him and took it for 
himself.  Everdred, however, knows Monotoli’s secret and that he gets his 
power from the Mani Mani statue.  Monotoli tried to “get rid” of Everdred as a 
response which explains him laying down in the street and in pain for the 
duration of his speech.  Before Everdred leaves off into parts unknown, he 
says a haiku that you should try for yourself.  No I don’t mean try and say 
it, try to do what the message is saying.

So go back into the café and use the check command on that small square to the 
right of the host, ???.............

					Moon nsi ns ide dem

Welcome to Moonside, the alternate universe to Fourside.  (Looks like Itoi 
modeled this place after Manhattan at night, explaining all the neon lights, 
weirdo’s and this place being generally difficult to get around).  The first 
thing you should know is that yes is no and no is yes.  Ok?  
Moooonnnnsssssiiiiiiidddddeeeeee.  Everyone here has something….interesting to 
say.  (Ness’s HP falls to 0!  Jeff’s HP falls to 0!  If you stay here too 
long, you’ll end up frying your brain.  Yes you will.  No you won’t.  Yesno 
you willwont).  In addition to all the interesting people, there are 
interesting uh, things that have an interesting non battle sprite as flames....
(Tork110 summed it up best, Itoi should just say no).

Robo Pump: Counts down to three and then uses a bomb.  After that it restores 
its health to max, counts down to 3 and if you still can’t use it, uses a 
super bomb.  Not that dangerous, just attack it.  It isn’t that bad because a 
teddy bear can survive the bomb if it gets targeted.

Enraged Fire Plug: These are very dangerous in a no healing.  They will spray 
gigantic blasts of water, which will hit everything for around 90 damage 
(Including teddy bears).  These will probably force you to reset.

Dali’s Clock: Teddy bear terminators, these freeze you in time and then attack 
multiple times.  Consider yourself lucky if only two teddy bears get 
destroyed.  

Abstract Art: Attacks and occasionally uses PSI Hypnosis.

Super bombs work here as usual, but save at least two for the boss.  Try to 
avoid encounters here as much as you can though (Pretty much impossible to 
avoid the robo pump in the café though).  Talk to any one of those guys with 
the aloha shirt and sunglasses and he’ll teleport you to that area where that 
captain guy is and look, the Mani Mani statue as well.  The captain guy won’t 
let you pass since you aren’t with a guy who has connected eyebrows and a gold 
tooth (May be forgetting one of his ordinary traits that every person has).  
So now talk to the aloha t-shirt guy with sunglasses outside of the hospital 
(Hello and…goodbye!) and you’ll be teleported to an area you couldn’t reach 
before.  Keep on doing this and you’ll reach the back of the hotel, you’ll see 
a dark looking character.  Talk to him and then talk to the Moonside Mr. T 
(Scary) and you’ll be sent to the bedroom of the hotel.  Turns out the dark 
guy wants to follow you around but he’ll stay out of your epic battles with 
evil gas pumps and fire hydrants.

Now talk to the captain again and he’ll finally get out of your way.  You’ll 
see an old man in front of the statue, it’s gotta be Monotoli, oh he says he 
isn’t ok sorry.  He teleports away, leaving you with that damned statue (You 
don’t have a hammer, but you have bombs and bottle rockets).

Evil Mani Mani (860 HP)

Easy for the most part.  Have Ness throw a super bomb while Jeff uses a big 
bottle rocket.  If it isn’t dead by then, use another super bomb and it will 
be.  It might use PSI Paralysis, which the teddy bear can absorb.  Seriously, 
this battle should be a cakewalk.

Now that you’ve destroyed the Mani Mani statue, you’ll find yourself in the 
warehouse of the Café.  Turns out the Mani Mani statue was actually a device 
that created illusions (Explains why Carpainter believed that making 
everything blue would benefit the world).  Now that it’s destroyed, Monotoli 
has lost his power as well.  As soon as you get out of the warehouse (Where a 
mouse will also tell you that all this time you were wandering around the 
warehouse with a “vacant far away look in your eyes”, Apple Kid calls and he’s 
having a yogurt making machine delivered but it can only make trout flavored 
yogurt (Mmmmmm……I think).  Since Apple Kid is only intelligent, not wealthy 
(Must be pretty damn poor actually to not afford a cost of $18), he’s having 
it delivered to you through Escargo Expresses neglected class.  

Upon leaving the Café, a monkey will come out of nowhere and tell you about a 
cave with a lot of monkeys in the desert, some guy named Talah Rama wants to 
see you (Might be a spoof of the Dalai Lamas), before you can move though, 
Escargo Expresses neglected class delivery guy comes by.  As well as doing a 
crappy imitation of the monkey’s crash, he also FORGOT to give you your 
machine and insists that you go get it because it’s your package.  Then after 
that, Pokey’s maid Electra comes by, overhearing talk about trout flavored 
yogurt, she needs some for her guests.  So yes, you have to go back to desert 
again.

				DUSTY DUNES DESERT AGAIN

Head to the drug store and buy a picnic lunch and a skip sandwich and go 
through the process of the cave.  I’m not going to tell you where each item is 
and whatnot, just make sure you pick up the Flame Pendant, Bag of Dragonite 
and the Neutralizer.  Also remember that you need the pencil eraser here as 
well (Annoying place to require it).  In Talah Rama’s room, open the chests 
since you can sell the items for about $500, which isn’t bad.  Rama will heal 
your characters and seems like he knows that Ness and Jeff are destined to 
great fates, he even knows Paula despite her not being here and Poo despite 
not even Ness and co. knowing who he is!  Rama will also give you the yogurt 
dispenser that the idiot from Escargo left.  Then he’ll offer you to have a 
monkey teach you to teleport (Aftermath of Itoi’s experiment with angel dust), 
you can’t pass up that opportunity, so head outside and before you know it, 
you can teleport to any place you’ve been previously!

Take up this opportunity to teleport to Winters and buy Ness a T-Rex bat.  Now 
teleport back to Fourside.

					FOURSIDE AGAIN

If you have at least two teddy bears and six super bombs, go on to the 
Monotoli building, if not (You most likely don’t have that many super bombs), 
head to the department store and have that amount.  You’ll see Electra, so 
talk to her and she’ll take your yogurt dispenser (Funny how you can use it in 
battle, it’s “help” description is funny too).  She’ll also invite you to her 
room so now you can take the elevator that was previously blocked.  However, 
security is very tight near Monotoli’s quarters, you’ll have to go through at 
least 1 battle with…..

Sentry Bot: Have Ness or Jeff use a super bomb while the other attacks.  Then 
finish it off with a regular attack (Ness can also use PSI Rockin Beta).  
It’ll kill off a teddy bear when it fires a beam or uses a bottle rocket 
(Giving you a dose of your own medicine), can also call for help which can be 
a nuisiance.

You can’t avoid the first one you see.  You can avoid the one in the room with 
the four desks (Go under the last two then squeeze your way through).  The one 
before Electra’s room can be avoided if you don’t have a teddy bear I think 
but I’m not sure (You might be able to avoid it if you use a skip sandwich, 
not sure).  Anyways, at the end you’ll see a door in which you’ll find 
Electra, she’ll give you the crappy yogurt and tell you something that I found 
pretty amusing (This is fit for a maid).  Through the other door you’ll find 
another robot…..

Clumsy Robot (960 HP)

This will be either really easy or a raging pain in the ass.  It starts with a 
psychic shield that nullifies PSI attacks and is also immune to bottle 
rockets.  Basically have Ness and Jeff use super bombs, after two turns the 
battle will be over if it didn’t heal itself (By eating a bologna sandwich……
lol).  Can also fire a missile which will do DEVASTATING damage to Ness and 
Jeff (Say bye bye to a teddy bear as well).  If it heals after the first turn, 
I don’t know if you’ll have enough super bombs left or not.  If you can’t 
deplete all of its HP, you’ll have to last a prolonged amount of turns.  I got 
off easy and had this won in 2 turns, besides, what’s a reset or two?  Also, 
it also has a lot of useless attacks (Cleaning the floor, losing a gear and 
some bolts).

In the midst of the fight, the Runaway Five enter the room, duck behind the 
robot and flip its switch, turning it off.  They call it a “loser robot” (I 
wonder if they’d still be saying that after taking its missile attack?)  With 
that hunk of junk out of the way, proceed to Monotoli’s office.  You’d expect 
a fight but Monotoli is quick to give up and hides behind Paula.  With the 
Mani Mani statue destroyed, Monotoli is back to his original state (A withered 
old man).  When Monotoli obtained the Mani Mani statue, he was so afraid of 
the power he was given that he hid statue in Jackie’s Café, a place that he 
often went to pray in (Explaining him quietly going in and out).  Monotoli 
explains that the Mani Mani was the device that attracted evil spirits and 
weakened their hearts (Explaining why Monotoli sought the Mani Mani statue in 
the first place, as he was power hungry).  The Mani Mani statue also told 
Monotoli to stop Ness by his own hand and stop him from going to Summers or 
knowing anything about the Pyramid.  Monotoli also mentioned Giygas, so when 
you begin to connect the dots, the Mani Mani statue was in fact, the physical 
manifestation of Giygas’ evil influence.

Since it’s revealed that Giygas doesn’t want to Ness to go to Summers, 
Monotoli thinks it’s a wonderful idea for Ness and co to go to Summers so he 
gives away his private helicopter.  But before you can take off, Pokey gets 
there first and takes off (Perhaps Pokey was afflicted by the Mani Mani statue 
as well, or maybe he’s just a big Cartman fan).  With no way to get to 
Summers, all hope is lost for Ness, Paula and Jeff and you have no choice but 
to give up and let Giygas accomplish his goal of destroying the universe.  If 
you aren’t an idiot, you’ll ignore that and try to leave, where Paula’s 
psychic abilities will kick in, revealing that Threed is to place to be at.  
(Note: When Paula comes back to the group, here HP and PP were what they were 
before she got kidnapped, damn)

The Runaway Five will give you a lift there (Kind of sucks considering that 
you need to go back to the department store).  As soon as you get to Threed, 
redo your equipment and give Paula the best stuff possible (Again, to 
compensate for her low HP) and Jeff the second best stuff possible (My Paula 
had a Flame Pendant, Platinum Band and a Mr. Saturn Coin, Jeff had a Night 
Pendant, Gold Bracelet and a Coin of Defense).  Go to the department store and 
buy a Gold Bracelet for Ness, at least two super bombs (Give one to Ness, one 
to Paula) and two big bottle rockets.  

Now go back to Threed and head to the place where Ness and Paula were locked 
in before Jeff saved the day.  The two guys from the tent have repaired the 
Sky Runner so you can head back to…..

					WINTERS REVISITED

Welcome back to Winters.  Dr. Andonuts is happy to see Jeff even though he 
still wets the bed sometimes(Who doesn’t?).  Andonuts has also befriended a 
cave boy named Big Foot (Original).  Andonuts will repair the Sky Runner 
further, enabling you to go to Summers but it’ll take a while so he suggests 
you kill some time by checking out Rainy Circle.  Upon walking outside, you’ll 
find a new enemy along the way……

Mighty Bear Seven: Beefed up version of the mighty bear.  Honestly, just avoid 
these, they’re out of battle sprite is slow so you should have no problems.

When you reach Rainy Circle, you’ll notice that you don’t have to fight hordes 
of enemies.  The boss is right there (Easy pickings!).  But here are the 
enemies anyway (I’m so nice).

					Enemies

Elder Batty: Just attack it, not a threat at all.

Arachnid!: Can poison a character, dies to one dose of PSI Freeze Beta and 
attacks work well too.

Strong Crocodile: These can hurt you, say bye bye to a teddy bear and if it 
happens to attack you, you’ll regret it (Especially if it uses its tail 
attack).

And I can’t come up with anything remotely witty or satirical so here’s the 
boss.

Shrooom (1,700 HP)
Have Ness and Paula throw a super bomb while Jeff uses a big bottle rocket.  
The next turn have Ness use PSI Rockin Beta, Paula attack or use PSI Freeze if 
she has enough PP and Jeff use another big bottle rocket which will end this 
battle in 2 turns (Which means you’ll have to decline the new age retro 
hippie’s offer to join your party for this battle, damn).  The ONLY reason 
that you should have any trouble with this battle is if its spore attack hits 
a character (The first time I fought it, it used it on Paula and she used her 
super bomb on Jeff, killing him and the blast also hit Paula, killing her).  
If this happens, it could be game over with a capital G (Ho ho, I’m so witty 
and satirical!).  

When that’s over, your party should get around 32,000 exp (Yes, awesome 
indeed).  If anybody is on the verge of leveling up, level them up before 
entering the healing spot.  When you have that out of the way, enter the 
healing spot and now your quest to find the 8 “your sanctuary” spots is 
halfway complete (And so is your own world….I mean haha I love EarthBound it’s 
a great game you ever play it?).  Now head back to the lab and Andonuts will 
see you off to…….

					SUMMERS

Summers is the first place in the game not located in the country of Eagleland 
(What country this is, I don’t know, maybe Summers is a separate country?).  
Anyways, the Sky Runner will crash in the beach and undergo a massive 
explosion, you’ll survive the impact unscathed (Too bad Vince McMahon couldn’t 
survive at all…) but the Sky Runner is now gone forever.  Summers is a posh 
resort town meant for rich people and some of locals are a little irritated to 
see three kids separated by mere inches wandering around and to them, ruining 
the relaxed atmosphere.  Here you’ll find a store, so go in and at least buy a 
Big League Bat and a Chef’s Fry Pan.  You’ll also find the Stoic Club, which 
is a club meant for pseudo-intellectuals.  

The enemies here see the return of the mad taxi and the crazed sign, along 
with two new foes.

					Enemies

Tough Guy: Nothing significant, I think he can lose his temper.  Also “comes 
out swinging”.  PSI Freeze Beta = ggnore.

Oversealous Cop: Palette swap of Captain Strong, he does everything Strong 
does.  PSI Freeze Beta = ggnore.

Both of these enemies are rare finds here though.  Anyways, remember, since 
Ness, Paula and Jeff are all students, you should try to get a little 
education out of your trip here.  Check out the Scaraba Cultural Museum, it 
hosts several historical artifacts (Toten Karmen’s lunch box, wow).  One of 
the people in the museum also mentions that Pokey came here and spent a lot of 
money.  You can’t check out the room with the Hieroglyphs as the man who owns 
the room claims that it’s being remodeled, he hints at a possible bribe but 
you don’t have what he’s hinting at (I’m looking for some bills.  Have you 
seen any bills today? *Wink wink*.  Dad, I think he wants you to…Not now son, 
daddy’s talking to a police officer).  Summers also has a port town called 
Toto to the East where ships set sail to Scaraba, so check that out.

You’ll want to visit the shop here (Stereotypical pirate talk = Win) and buy a 
Coin of Defense for Ness if you don’t have anything better on him.  Then check 
out the houses, you’ll find a Jamaican guy who will give you the number to the 
Stoic Club.  If you talk to all the people here you’ll run into the captain 
who doesn’t want to set sail, not because he’s afraid of the Kraken (Why would 
you fear a gigantic monster that destroys any ship that passes by?) but 
instead is worried about his wife who has given up her Magic Cake business 
(Magic….Cake?) and spends all her time in the Stoic Club, ruining their 
relationship as she hardly ever sees him.  

Now go to any phone and call the Stoic Club and then head in.  Inside you’ll 
find a bunch of people who are talking complete gibberish (You guys can’t 
envision the final collapse of capitalism?  Incredible!)  One guy is just 
throwing a bunch of odd words together (Didactically speaking of course).  You 
have to talk to the chubby red guy who brings up a lady who used to make magic 
cake and that she’s the lady by the entrance (The one with an individual 
sprite).  So talk to her, she’ll talk complete nonsense as well (She found the 
little girl within her and burned a hole in her psyche!) but be completely 
surprised to here that you came all this way just to eat her magic cake.  
She’ll leave the Stoic Club and go to some cart somewhere, so find it and 
she’ll “hook you up” (Cake + LSD + Marijuana = Magic cake, write that down 
kids and you can be a success too!)

The magic cake will screw up the screen and cause Ness to have a dream 
centered in….

					DALAAM

Dalaam is a land located in the far East, it’s where Poo, the Crown Prince 
resides.  You get to control Poo and your objective is complete the final 
stage of Mu Training (No relation to the Mus in Jumping Flash).  Unlike the 
other three characters, Poo is already quite capable and starts at level 15.  
Poo can already cast some good spells too.  Anyways, throughout Dalaam if you 
talk to all the citizens you’ll find that Poo is quite the ladies man and can 
recover PP by drinking water (A phenomenon that you won’t get to witness in 
this playthrough).  You’ll find various chests containing food which can later 
be sold.  At the end of Dalaam you’ll find the Place of Emptiness, your 
destination and the Star Master, somebody who will eventually be able to 
further Poo’s strength.  

When he flies off (I laughed a little) head to the top and Poo will begin to 
meditate.  A girl will tell Poo to stop, but ignore her (Don’t touch the 
controller) and Poo will be confronted by the spirit of his ancient lineage 
(The jealous spirit).  He’ll do a bunch of torturous things to Poo, you must 
accept all of them (The spiteful crows are hungry and can’t live on a diet of 
cookies alone you know).  When everything from Poo is taken from him, his 
training will be complete.  Head back to the palace and the “master” so to 
speak will inform Poo of the greatest evil preparing to destroy the universe 
and that he must find Ness, one of the only four people who can try and 
confront this evil.  Poo levels up to 18 and sets off using Teleport Beta.  
Poo will run into Ness soon enough…..

					SUMMERS REVISITED

Poo will show up out of nowhere and declare that now his life in Ness’s hands 
and joins the party (No questions?  No “who the hell are you”?  “Where did you 
come from?”  “Are you going to give us more of that scrumptou…bad magic 
cake?”)  With Poo in the group, the first place you’ll want to head to is the 
museum again, go to the room with the hieroglyphs.  Now that you have the item 
that this guy wants, give it to him (Poo’s tiny ruby) and you’ll see that 
bribing is what makes the world go round.  This guy does have some interesting 
stuff though, including actual hieroglyphs and two living artifacts (Note: 
Teleport back to Fourside and buy two super bombs and two big bottle rockets 
before fighting)…..

Shattered Man: Very slow, there’s a good chance all four characters will 
strike before he does.  Have Poo throw a super bomb and Jeff use a big bottle 
rocket while Ness and Paula attack (No need to use PSI).  If the super 
bomb+big bottle rocket doesn’t do him in, two regular attacks will.  While 
this guy might not get a chance to attack, if he does it can kill anyone 
except Ness in one hit if the teddy bear isn’t targeted (Super plush bear but 
I will still refer to them as teddy bears).  It also has a habit of getting 
SSMMMMAAASSSHHHH attacks as well.

You can avoid the other one after killing the first, but fight both of them 
because Poo needs the exp.  Your teddy bears are there for a reason anyway 
(400 HP now too).  Have Poo read the hieroglyphs and now you’ll now the secret 
of how to get into the pyramid.  When you try to leave, the owner of the room 
will stop you and give you a hieroglyph copy (He also speaks about Pokey 
coming here from helicopter and taking several pictures of the hieroglyphs, 
making the owner a lot of money via a bribe to get in).  When you try leaving 
the museum, you’ll notice the receptionist is gone and that the phone is 
ringing.  Being the good citizen you are, take this phone call and its Mr. 
Spoon from the Fourside museum.

Mr. Spoon thinks that he’s talking to Mr. Fork (The repeated sprite in the 
Summers museum that you might have talked to) and goes on about finding 
something “extraordinary”.  Teleport over to Fourside and give him a visit.  
He’ll let you know about what he’s talking about if you can get him Venus’s 
autograph (Singer at Topolla).  Head over there and endure the show (Wow look 
at that shining sprite go).  You’ll notice that Mr. Spoon is trying to get 
himself a piece of the action and actually climbs on the stage (Funny 
imagining that happening in real life) but gets stopped by security.  Now head 
to the back and she’ll give you a signed banana peel (Isn’t it hard to write 
on something like that?) so go back to the Museum and give Mr. Spoon what he 
wants (Uh, innuendo FTW?), he’ll be eccentric and tell you about finding a 
shining light far in a manhole and at the end of the trail saw a giant rat.  
He’ll let you see it for yourself and move out of the way.  But before you go, 
make sure you have at least one super bomb and two big bottle rockets for the 
boss.

This area is basically a sewer (You get to wander around in swampy water 
filled with floating garbage!).  I would avoid getting any items, the only one 
worth getting is the Broken Bazooka anyway.  Just go straight ahead, this 
place isn’t too long so you should be able to get by without having to fight 
too much.  Don’t be afraid to have Ness and Paula use PSI, though Poo 
shouldn’t use it very much since you want to save most of it for the boss.  
This place is unique in the fashion that every enemy here are palette swapped 
versions of enemies you’ve faced before…….

					Enemies

Smelly Ghost:  It can possess a character and has massive damage, Paula and 
Poo will hit for 1 HP of damage, Jeff should do something like 7 damage while 
Ness will do around 60-75.  Use PSI, though remember it’s resistant to PSI 
Freeze.  If you one to spare a super bomb works wonders here too.

Deadly Mouse: Evil version of the rowdy mouse.  PSI Freeze works, so have 
Paula use PSI Freeze Beta while the others attack.  It can poison a character 
and has a high SMMMAASSSSHHH rate like it’s counterpart.

Attack Roach: It can perform a “continuous attack” which means it gets two 
attacks in one turn.  Besides that, PSI Freeze it and have the others attack.

The enemies here aren’t that dangerous as long as you have teddy bears.  At 
the end you’ll run into…

Plague Rat of Doom (1,827 HP)
Almost all of its attacks are SSMMMMMAAASSSHHH attacks.  It can also poison a 
character, if it doesn’t target your teddy bears you might have to reset.  
Have Ness throw a super bomb, Paula use PSI Freeze Beta (Not Gamma, it only 
does about 30-40 more damage), Jeff fire a big bottle rocket and Poo use PSI 
Freeze Beta.  With two characters using PSI Freeze, hope you can solidify it.  
After Jeff fires the second big bottle rocket it’ll either be dead or almost 
dead.  Not tough really, it’s only hard if you have bad luck which means your 
teddy bears aren’t being targeted.

When you reach the spot with the shiny magnet (But why is it called magnet 
hill??????).  You’ll notice a chest which contains a Carrot Key (Not edible).  
Remember those rabbits that blocked the way to that cavern in Dalaam?  (Note, 
buy two or three big bottle rockets before leaving Fourside).

					DALAAM REVISITED

You can get your picture taken outside of the palace and inside of it.  
Besides that, there isn’t anything to do here besides use that carrot key on 
those rabbits.  Like magic they disappear all at once (How does Itoi think of 
this stuff?).  In this cave all the enemies are very hard to avoid and they 
seem to pop up more than in other “your sanctuary” places.  You’ll have to go 
through some interesting folks in this cave.

					Enemies

Tangoo: Can inflict poison and sleep.  Have Ness and Jeff attack it while 
Paula and Poo use PSI Freeze Alpha.  

Thunder Mite: Can cast PSI Thunder Gamma, one dose of PSI Freeze Beta kills it 
(No relation to the clouds in Mario’s universe).

Conducting Menace: Actually this….electric skeleton (Yeeeaaaahhhhh) can be 
pretty dangerous since it can cast PSI Flash.  Also casts PSI Thunder Beta.  
PSI Freeze Beta is your best option here.

Kiss of Death: It can poison a character with its kiss of death I believe.  It 
uses that most of the time and if it tries it on your teddy bear, it won’t do 
anything.  Use a mix of attacking and PSI Freeze Alpha.

You’ll probably have quite a bit of encounters.  Remember that the boss here 
is weak to PSI Freeze, so you don’t need super bombs.  With that in mind, 
don’t use too much PSI either.  Eventually you’ll make it to…..

Thunder and Storm (2,065 HP)
The first boss with at least 2,000 HP (Don’t play naked twister or this might 
happen to you).  Thunder and Storm are pretty easy, they’re weak to PSI Freeze 
and PSI Flash but you’d probably be better off just having Ness use PSI Rockin 
Beta instead.  With that said, have Ness use PSI Rockin Beta, Paula use PSI 
Freeze Gamma which will hit for over 400 damage, Jeff use a big bottle rocket 
and Poo use PSI Freeze Beta (Or Gamma if you have it).  Thunder and Storm will 
use a crash, boom, bang attack and when they “take a deep breath for the next 
assault”, their next attack will kill anyone but Ness.  Not a hard battle at 
all, you should have it won in no more than 3 turns.

With that over with, now you just need to find the last 2 “your sanctuary” 
spots.  On the way out of the cave, you’ll obtain the Bracer of Kings for Poo 
which will increase his defense by 30 points and increase his luck stat as 
well.  Now teleport back to Fourside and buy at least two super bombs and at 
least one big bottle rocket, then teleport back to……

					SUMMERS AGAIN

Head back to Toto and confront the captain.  Now that his wife is back to her 
business (She can’t sell anymore magic cakes though, someone probably filed a 
lawsuit on her) his marriage is back to normal and he can take you to 
Scaraba.  The Kraken is still prowling in the seas though but the captain 
doesn’t seem to care (The captain’s response to the Kraken was pretty funny to 
me, “it’ll only cost you your life and you got that for free!”)  When you’re 
ready, the captain will set sail.  During the voyage, the captain will get 
seasick right in the middle of the sea (Some captain…..), eventually he’ll 
feel better and the voyage will continue.  Though he’ll probably have wished 
his seasickness would have made him turn back, because here it 
ccoommmeeeesssss!

Kraken (1,097 HP)
Reset if anyone gets hit.  You need all your strength for the pyramid.  With 
that said, you can beat this guy in one turn.  Have Ness use a super bomb, 
Paula use PSI Freeze Gamma, Jeff use a big bottle rocket and Poo use a super 
bomb.  Pray the Kraken doesn’t breathe fire; three out of four of your 
characters will take over 200 damage which translates to a reset.  If it uses 
a crash, boom, bang attack, hope it hits Ness (Franklin Badge) or one of your 
teddy bears.  It can also emit a “pale, green light” which is basically the 
equivalent to using the Neutralizer, pray it uses this attack.

When you do manage to win this battle unscathed, the captain will note that 
while you hit the Kraken hard, it was his him throwing his trusty pair of 
slippers at the Kraken that delivered the climactic final blow.  The ship will 
continue its course to…..

					SCARABA

Welcome to Scaraba, the number one place for adventurers (Disney didn’t win 
the court case in which they claimed this was a complete rip-off of Agrabah).  
Scaraba is your stereotypical desert town, full of turban wearing folks, stone-
made houses and a mysterious pyramid (And take away the “a” from Scaraba…).  
Here I would buy a Platinum Band for Ness and Jeff, they’re half price from 
what they were in Summers.  The thrifty guy also made it here; he’s in the 
Hotel.  Buy a few super bombs and at least two big bottle rockets from him 
(Have at least three super bombs and one big bottle rocket for the boss).  
Also in this area you’ll find that “nature called” for Pokey (Yeah, see those 
brown specs?...)  When you’re ready, head to the pyramid, though on your way 
there you’ll have to deal with the possibility of getting sunstroke and 
enemies…..

					Enemies

Great Crested Booka: Stronger version of the Crested Booka, its regular 
attacks do hurt.  Paula should PSI Freeze while the others attack.

Beautiful UFO: I actually don’t know too much about this thing except for the 
fact that it has high evasion like its counterparts.  Not sure if it enters 
battle with a psychic shield like the high-class UFO does.  Though honestly, 
it doesn’t matter since you shouldn’t get into any encounters here.

Dread Skelpion: Can cast PSI Thunder Beta and can poison a character (PSI 
Thunder is actually kind of deadly since it has a higher chance of working if 
there are multiple targets).  One PSI Freeze Beta kills it.

Master Criminal Worm: If you manage to find one, it’ll run for the hills.  
Don’t let this sidetrack you, even for the massive exp because if somebody 
gets sunstroke you’ll have to reset.  If you wind up having to fight this, 
it’ll wipe out everybody but the person who has a Flame Pendant equipped since 
this thing is capable of casting PSI Fire Gamma.

Like I said though, avoid all encounters.  It isn’t worth it.  Right by the 
pyramid you’ll find a merchant who sells bottles of DX water, useless here.  
Unlock the pyramid and proceed.  The objective here is to obtain the Hawk Eye, 
which will allow you to “pierce the dark” in Deep Darkness.  But the minions 
who lurk inside don’t really care that what you’re trying to do is save all of 
mankind from complete and total obliteration (They only acknowledge you as 
somebody who is invading their stronghold)……

					Enemies

Guardian Hieroglyph: Its PSI Thunder Beta is a pain in the ass, other than it 
isn’t much of a threat.  It can “let loose with a hacking cough” which can 
give somebody a cold but your teddy bear will usually take the hit and nullify 
it.  Have everyone attack it.

Asp Hieroglyph: Its regular attack is pretty powerful plus it can poison 
somebody (Teddy bear FTW).  It’s weak to PSI Freeze.  Usually I have Ness and 
Jeff attack while Paula and Poo use PSI Freeze Alpha.

Petrified Royal Guard: These things are annoying.  In addition to being 
somewhat resistant to PSI Freeze, they have very high defense and very 
powerful attacks (Over 100 damage to Ness, Paula and Jeff, over 150 to Poo).  
Paula and Poo should PSI Freeze Beta because it’ll still do a lot more than 
their regular attacks will.  Or if you have some super bombs to spare, use one 
here.  Ness should use PSI Rockin Beta on it.

Fierce Shattered Man: Souped up shattered man, they’re pretty much a poor mans 
Petrified Royal Guard.  They’re weak to PSI Freeze and don’t have as much 
defense, but they’re regular attacks still hurt like hell.
Arachnid!!!” One shot of PSI Freeze Beta will kill it or nearly kill it.  Not 
really a dangerous enemy at all when you compare it to the other ones here.

You will have to endure several encounters here because there are some 
guardian hieroglyphs and asp hieroglyphs that are set on the walls and will 
come out when you get near them.  You really can’t avoid them.  There are also 
a couple of rooms that will produce the other enemies, you can try entering 
and re-entering (If you’re lucky you can enter with no enemies but the 
hieroglyphs there).  Basically you have to try and balance out your PP so that 
it will last throughout the entire pyramid (Bringing super bombs and big 
bottle rockets help).  Near the end of the trail you’ll find a casket that 
contains an item, oh sorry, it’s not an item…..

Guardian General (831 HP)
Basically it’s a petrified royal guard with more HP.  Three super bombs and a 
big bottle rocket will kill it (The super bombs may get the job done on their 
own).  Hope it doesn’t attack one of your party members because it will hurt.

In the room beyond, you’ll find a casket with a Rain Pendant in it, equip it 
on Ness.  You’ll also find an odd looking tile, so approach it and something 
will be unlocked.  Now, go back to the room where you found the giant casket 
in the middle, it’ll be moved and you’ll see a hole.  Approach the hole and 
you’ll fall down to an area that has the Hawk Eye.  Get it and now you’re 
almost home free.  There are a few more hieroglyphs that you’ll have to fight 
on the way out.  

When you manage to exit the pyramid, the Star Master will show up and fully 
heal you (Damn straight).  However, he’ll take Poo away from the group so that 
he can live with the Star Master and learn the way of the Starstorm (Vader 
NOOOOOOOO).  So for now, it’s back to three party members.  This area is very 
dangerous since it’s swarming with enemies and the possibility of getting 
sunstroke.  You’ll see a tribesman with a spear, talk to him and he’ll give 
you the Key to the Tower, you’ll also see a merchant who is selling Multi 
Bottle Rockets (OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!) but for now you don’t need them so just buy 
the French Fry Pan for Paula and the Crusher Beam for Jeff.  The enemies here 
are pretty dangerous, especially if all of your teddy bears were wiped out….

					Enemies

Marauder Octobot: Its regular attack is pretty powerful (Around 90 damage).  
It can also steal items and prevent somebody from using regular attacks.  Ness 
and Jeff should attack while Paula uses PSI Freeze Beta.

High-Class UFO: This one can be dangerous, its regular attack isn’t as 
powerful but it starts the battle with a psychic shield that nullifies PSI 
attacks.  Having Jeff use the Neutralizer here might not be a bad idea since 
it has formidable evasion like its counterparts.

Keep in mind that you’ll undergo a mandatory healing spot soon enough, so 
don’t worry too much.  When you get inside dungeon mans interesting looking 
tower (Looks like something out of the Flinstones), you’ll notice the mystical 
records and scalding cup of coffees are back.  The worthless protoplasms have 
also returned (Damn it’s been a while since you’ve seen those).  On the second 
floor of the tower, you’ll find a new enemy.

Lesser Mook: It can cast PSI Freeze Beta, so hope to god it hits a teddy bear 
or somebody with the rain pendant equipped.  Have everyone attack it.

When you get to the top, you’ll find Brick Road.  You’ll only see his head (I 
guess the rest of his body is behind the wall…I hope).  He’ll heal everybody 
and even join you for a little while.  When you get out, head south to where 
the palm trees are (Dungeon man kicks ass in battle, he’ll hit for over 350 
damage, he’s kind of like EVE).  Sadly, Dungeon Man will get caught between 
the trees so he’ll have to part ways with you.  From here, head right and talk 
to the tribesman about the Deep Darkness (Ooooo, losing health just by 
wandering in the swamp, perfect for a no healing game!)  He’ll tell you that 
if you try to swim there (You’d need a hell of a lot of stamina to do that) 
you would be dragged in by the swamp.  If you had a submarine, it would be a 
different story…..

Visit Dungeon Man and of course he’ll have a submarine (Yeah, like he was 
gonna say “No I don’t sorry, I guess your quest is over huh?”)  So head back 
in, when you take the Goodbye Exit, you should see a present that contains the 
Mr. Saturn Ribbon.  Give it to Paula and then give Jeff the Mr. Saturn Coin 
that Paula had equipped before.  You’ll run into a yellow submarine (Of 
course, the yellow color is purely coincidental).  Use the check command near 
it and Jeff will repair it, allowing the party to head off to…..

					DEEP DARKNESS

The first thing you’ll want to do is find room to teleport out of here and 
back to Summers (The best place to teleport is the space where all the monkeys 
are).  Go back to Summers and stock up on some super plush bears (At least 
5).  Now have at least $20,000 with you when you head back to Deep Darkness.  
Talk to the businessman and buy Diamond Bands for everybody (About half price 
from Summers).  Next, talk to the thrifty guy who has managed to make it to 
Deep Darkness (Persistent guy).  Buy two Multi Bottle Rockets from him and 
stock up on super bombs (At least 6).  Now you should be ready to take this 
place on.

A main concern is that when you wander in the swamp, everyone will lose 2 HP 
after 5 seconds or so.  What I did here was have Ness use PSI Teleport and 
then intentionally crash.  Using this method, you can cover a lot of ground 
quickly and not lose health from the swamp. You can also avoid the enemies 
this way…..

					Enemies

Zap Eel: AVOID.  They use electrical shock attacks which have the biggest 
chance of hitting someone and not a teddy bear.  Attack it and have Paula use 
PSI Freeze.

Strong Crocodile: Devastating regular attacks, have Paula use PSI Freeze on it 
while the others attack.  Super bombs also work.

Purple Pile of Puke (Not real name of enemy): I didn’t find this guy so I 
don’t remember its name.  It’s a purple palette swap of the stinky little pile 
and mini barf.  They can call for help and make everyone cry.  PSI Freeze 
works on it.  Super bombs help here as well.
Big Pile of Puke: Palette swap of Master Belch, they can inflict nausea (Good 
thing you have teddy bears).  Paula should use PSI Freeze while the others 
attack, you can use a super bomb here since it has considerably high HP.

Attack Slug: Easy, they come in groups all the time.  Have Paula use PSI Fire 
Beta while Ness and Jeff attack, after one turn two of them will be dead.  
Then attack the rest.  They can however, be a threat if you happen to not have 
any teddy bears.

Hostile Elder Oak: Ugh.  The main reason why you want to avoid this guy like 
the plague is because like its counterpart, it will explode after being 
defeated.  Everyone will get hit including your teddy bear.  Super bomb is 
useful here, as is PSI Freeze.

Demonic Petunia: They can inflict paralysis and cast PSI Fire Beta, so AVOID 
these, they may very well force you to reset.  You know the drill by know 
though, attack, PSI Freeze, super bombs, etc.

During the trail you’ll run into Pokey’s helicopter which has crashed.  It’s 
also missing i’s engine (Perhaps Pokey was dragged to his death by the swamp?  
Well, that’s just wishful thinking….)
Manly Fish: It’s resistant to PSI Freeze, so just have everyone attack it.  
Its spear will do considerable damage.

Manly Fish’s Brother: How creative.  This is one is actually weak to PSI 
Freeze, so use it here.

The idea is to reach the boss with as much health as possible (After all, you 
won’t get healed until after you clear Lumine Hall).  PSI Teleport is very 
useful here, if you avoid the Zap Eels and Demonic Petunia’s you should be 
ok.  At the end you’ll run into Master Belch, who now dons a new color.  He’s 
trained and is now much stronger. He’s also changed his name to Master Puke.

Master Barf (1,319 HP)
I guess the game made a mistake here, because Belch clearly said his new name 
was Master Puke, not Master Barf.  No respect!  (No, Rodney Dangerfield and 
Jabberjaw do not make a cameo appearance here, I’m just saying…..).  Just have 
Jeff fire an MBR and the battle will most likely be over (Sometimes the MBR 
will hit for as “low” as 800-ish damage but usually you’ll hit for over 
1500).  Just to be safe, have Ness attack and Paula throw a super bomb at 
him.  He always starts the battle by inflicting nausea on somebody, so hope it 
hits a teddy bear or else you’ll probably want to reset (You’ll HAVE to if it 
hits Jeff since he plays a pivotal role for the next boss).

When you inflict at least 1,319 points of damage on Puke, Poo will swoop from 
the sky and finish off Puke once and for all with his new spell, PSI Starstorm 
Alpha.  Enjoy the pretty effects and nice damage.  Puke will drop the Casey 
Bat, the strongest weapon in the game but also the most inaccurate, only 
working 25% of the time (A play on the famous poem, “Casey at the bat”).  From 
here, I would use PSI Teleport to avoid taking damage from the swamp and avoid 
enemies on your way to the very end of Deep Darkness, where you’ll find…….

					TENDA VILLAGE

Tenda Village is home to the Tendas, who used to live in Scaraba but then left 
to find a new home (They were “too innocent” and had to leave).  The Tendas 
are a unique folk, much like the Mr. Saturns.  However, they aren’t up for 
conversation as they all suffer from shyness.  Everyone but one Tenda suffers 
this fate, a Tenda named Bubby who talks about finding dinosaurs beneath the 
hole next to him that’s now covered up.  The rock takes a lot of strength to 
remove and unfortunately for you, the one Tenda with the strength to move it 
is also shy (If you’re shy you can’t move a rock even if somebody is begging 
you to?).  There isn’t anything you can do here, so just save and equip the 
Death Ray on Jeff.  When you leave, you’ll get a phone call on Apple Kid, who 
is now in Winters.  Dr. Andonuts is nowhere to be found so he’s waiting for 
his return and making the finishing touch on his latest invention, the Eraser 
Eraser machine (lol) when he suddenly hangs up.  Before you go back to 
Winters, I would go to Scaraba and buy a Crystal Charm from the merchant.  
Why?  Because it increases your speed by a significant amount.  When you buy 
it, equip it on Ness for now and head back to….  

					WINTERS AGAIN

Welcome back to Winters, you’ll find Maxwell outside who says Tony has gone 
missing (Might have went on his own journey to find his love, Je…his love, 
those funky looking hats that he loves to wear).  You’ll also see that the 
area has become occupied with some different enemies (Man I miss those gruff 
goats now….).

					Enemies

Whirling Robo: Nothing special about it, it does resist PSI Freeze so just 
have everyone attack it.

Wooly Shambler: Capable of casting PSI Flash Alpha, that’s all you really have 
to worry about from this thing.  Attack it.

Lesser Mook’s are also in this area, so take caution.  Don’t use that many 
super bombs here, you’ll want some for the Stonehenge base in a little bit.  
When you reach the Tessie-watch club, if you talk to some of  the people here, 
you’ll learn that one of the watchers, Sebastian was kidnapped (Are you 
beginning to see a pattern here?)  One of them even claims to have seen 
Tessie, though he seems to think that Tessie is a UFO who appeared out of the 
lake, abducted Sebastian and flew back to Stonehenge.

You’ll find the bubble monkey here, talk to him and he’ll summon Tessie.  
Tessie will give you the ride to the next area, which you notice is blocked by 
the pencil statue.  If you don’t have it, you’ll have to spend an extra minute 
going through brick road’s home-made dungeon again.  If you do, you’ll save a 
minute of time.  Keep in mind that it’s practically guaranteed that you’ll get 
into at least one fight in this area as well (PSI Teleport helps if you want 
to get out of dodge quickly).

Into Rainy Circle, you can take advantage of the now puny enemies by leveling 
up characters who are on the verge of leveling up.  Though beware, the tough 
crocodile can still hit you for over 100 damage.  When you finish that, head 
to Andonuts’ lab.  Apple Kid’s pet is there and explains in a very informing 
matter how he felt before he was kidnapped (!!!!.....)  He’ll give you the 
Eraser Eraser, which can be used to enter the Stonehenge Base, so do so.

Now, you really need to be careful here.  You have to keep your health up as 
much as possible, which will be difficult because of the enemies….

					Enemies

Mook Senior: Honestly, this guy is the MAIN reason this place is hard.  It can 
cast PSI Fire Alpha and Beta, which can make you reset.  Pray it uses PSI 
Lifeup Alpha or PSI Freeze Beta (Unless it doesn’t hit your teddy bear).  
Don’t be afraid to use super bombs on this thing because you want it dead ASAP.

Starman: The only thing he has over Starman Junior is more HP, otherwise be 
glad this guy is considered superior.  All it does is do a beam attack which 
your teddy bear will usually block, it will waste turns by using a sudden guts 
pill (It can’t get SMMAASHHHH attacks because it’s attack is a beam) and being 
on guard (Jeff will still hit for normal damage).  Have everyone attack it.

A good tip to get a surprise encounter: Approach the Starman from the front, 
not the back and you will.  I would just run away if you pull this off, it’s 
not worth fighting here.  As you get deeper into the base, it’ll become more…
technological.  You’ll also find two more enemies…..

Atomic Power Robot: Just run away.  Seriously.  They can fully restore its own 
HP or its allies HP and will blow up when destroyed (Now you know why I told 
you to pick up a Crystal Charm)

Starman Super: They can cast PSI Healing Omega, which will fully restore the 
HP of an ally who you previously got rid of.  Besides that, their pretty much 
the same as the Starman, only gold, with more HP and the rare possibility of 
dropping the Sword of Kings for Poo (Not worth it, don’t bother).  Just attack 
it.

As you venture even farther, you’ll find a separate room with the exit mice.  
Take one and head into the next room, which is constantly flashing.  It’s kind 
of hard to see here, and the enemies here aren’t going to make your situation 
any easier.  Here you’ll mainly fight a new kind of enemy…..

Mechanical Octobot: Have everyone attack it.  Its beam is very powerful and 
will kill a teddy bear in 2 hits, so you should definitely use a super bomb 
since you’re almost at the end anyway.

Ignore the items and head straight to the next room, where you’ll find Dr. 
Andonuts, Sebastian, Mr. T (Man, what an adventure for him.  Going from vowing 
never to kidnap anybody in Twoson to not wanting to be disturbed while he was 
busy doing nothing in Moonside to serving water in the Stoic Club and now 
being some hick on a farm), the New Age Retro Hippie, Mr. Saturn, Apple Kid 
and Tony.  All of them are gasping for air, so you’d better do something about 
it (Unless of course, you’re bored of this game now, then by all means, turn 
it off and let them suffocate).  In the next room you’ll find the boss of 
Stonehenge who seems to have some speech problems. Though he’s being convinced 
that the Apple of Enlightenment may be true (Which is some sort of thing that 
prophesized that Giygas would fall to the power of three boys and one girl), 
he also doesn’t think you should underestimate the power of Giygas and his 
minions (Which you shouldn’t, because if you aren’t properly prepared here, 
you can say hello to the reset train, CHOO CHOO!).  Before the battle, equip 
the Crystal Charm on Jeff.

Starman Deluxe (1,400 HP)
If Jeff died along the way here, you have no chance of winning this battle.  
Otherwise, if he has the crystal charm equipped, he should strike before 
Starman DX does.  Let loose with a Multi Bottle Rocket while Ness attacks, Poo 
uses a super bomb and Paula attacks.  If the MBR doesn’t kill him, the others’ 
attacks will (Though hope the MBR OHKOs him, as he ALWAYS uses PSI Starstorm 
Alpha the first turn).  If everything goes accordingly, Starman DX will go 
down without getting a turn in and not screw up like I did here (When I beat 
Starman DX, Paula was dead, Poo barely had any PP and Ness lost more than half 
of his HP).

The destruction of Starman DX will stop the Stonehenge from functioning.  All 
the enemies will now be gone forever (No Sword of Kings for you), so now you 
can safely pick up the Pixie Bracelet here.  All of the folks who were 
kidnapped and placed in those confining pods will now be set free.  Talk to 
Mr. Saturn and he’ll give you a Saturn Ribbon for Paula.  Talk to the Apple 
Kid and he’ll mention that he returned the “Overcoming Shyness” book back to 
the Onett library, so guess where you’re going?  (No, not Disney World, that’s 
AFTER you beat Giygas)

					ONETT REVISITED

It’s been a LOOONNNGGG time since you’ve been here.  If you want, you can 
purchase the crappy house.  You can read an amusing story in the house and get 
your picture taken in it (You get a great view of the sea too……).  When you’re 
done living in the past (OMG FRANK AND MAYOR PIRKLE), head to the Library and 
pick up the book, then head to……

					TENDA VILLAGE REVISITED

Give the book to the Tenda leader and he’ll read the book to all of the 
tribesman.  Now everyone will talk to you.  Keep in mind, that when you talk 
to the leader, after he cures everyone of their shyness by reading the book, 
every living character will have their HP and PP restored (Big break for me!)  
Talk to the leader after he gives you the Tendakraut and he’ll give you a bag 
of dragonite.  Also, the trading post is now open; a Tenda who has a fetish 
for the Horn of Life will give you an item on his list in exchange for one 
(You can’t choose, though).  Do this before you get to Magicant because one of 
the items is another bag of dragonite which you’ll need for the boss battle in 
Magicant.

Now that all the Tenda’s aren’t shy, talk to the one by the rock and he’ll use 
his strength and throw it away into the great beyond.  Head down the hole and 
you’ll see a rock with a face.  You can’t leave until you talk to him (Can you 
blame him?  I’d imagine rocks would get pretty lonely), so do so.  And then 
venture into the Lumine Hall cavern.  As usual, try your hardest to avoid the 
enemies here….

					Enemies

Fobby: Ok, these guys aren’t a threat at all, even if you get stuck fighting 
six of them (Well maybe).  Two attacks will kill it, they can use the deadly 
HP Sucker (!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Conducting Spirit: Ok, these guys are no laughing matter.  They can cast PSI 
Thunder Gamma and PSI Flash Beta (PSI Flash Beta is HELL to anyone not wearing 
a Night Pendant since it can cause instant death on occasion)  Have Paula PSI 
Freeze Gamma it while the others attack (Poo can throw a super bomb here)
Uncontrollable Sphere: Hopefully by now you understand that any enemy capable 
of casting PSI Fire Beta is an enemy you want to avoid like the plague.  They 
also explode when killed, so they may force you to reset.

Hyper Spinning Robo: Easy.  They’re weak to PSI Freeze so have Paula or Poo 
use PSI Freeze Gamma while the others attack it.

In this cavern you’ll find Poo’s Diadem of Kings but I would go after it after 
killing the boss since the enemies will run away from you after.  Right before 
the boss you’ll find a present that contains the Rabbit’s Foot, a very 
important item.  When you obtain it, approach the…..

Electro Specter (3,092 HP)
One of only three bosses that have at least 3,000 HP, the Electro Specter is 
kung fu fighting, although this cat may be as fast as lightning, and in fact 
it starting with a psychic power shield may make it a little bit frightening, 
Ness and the gang fought with expert timing.  Seriously, me typing all of that 
just now should hopefully give you the idea that this fight is a joke, because 
it is.  The Electro Specter likes to use some of those Jeff-only items such as 
the Hungry HP Sucker, the Neutralizer and the Shield Killer (LOL).  

It’s only actual attack is a crash, boom, bang attack.  Somebody has the 
Franklin Badge so honestly, you can’t lose (Unless the Hungry HP Sucker of 
doom does you in somehow).  If Jeff has an MBR, this will speed up the win 
considerably.  Have him use the Neutralizer as well so Ness, Paula and Poo can 
pound him with PSI attacks (PSI Rockin Gamma from Ness, PSI Freeze Gamma from 
Paula and Poo, it’s weak to Freeze so Gamma will do more than Starstorm).  I 
couldn’t imagine you losing this battle unless you had only one person alive 
and that person didn’t have the Franklin Badge (Though if that happened to 
you, how in God’s name did you even make it this far?).

After you win (The Electro Specter “became tame”, wtf?  What the hell is that 
thing supposed to be anyway?)  Go back and get Poo’s Diadem of Kings if you 
want (It only increases his defense by 20 points, and defense doesn’t help 
against PSI attacks).  Ness’s thoughts will appear on the wall (Soon I’ll be 
what?  Soon I’ll be naked?  Soon I’ll be with Paula?  Soon I’ll be Tom 
Hanks?)  The only place to go is to jump down that creepy hole, so go ahead 
and you’ll wind up in the…..

				LOST UNDERWORLD

Welcome to the lost underworld, think of this place as where the Land Before 
Time took place, only now gigantic orbs with a cunning smile are running 
around, presents placed in weird areas, talking rocks, Tendakraut loving 
Tenda’s, birds that act like phones, a weird cave and a firey hot cave (Yeah, 
damn that Giygas!)  The first thing I would do here is teleport the hell out 
as you’re too far away from a phone and REALLY want to avoid the enemies 
here…….

					Enemies

Chomposaur: Lets see, it can kill anyone except Ness in one hit, can cast PSI 
Shield Beta (Physical power shield, bombs and bottle rockets lose their 
effectiveness now) and can cast PSI Fire GAMMA.  Run away if you run into it, 
because otherwise you’re going to have to reset (Also auditioned to be on the 
Flinstones but didn’t get the job as it had psychic powers and was generally 
too mean).

Wetnosaur: Not as dangerous as the Chomopsaur, but it can still kill anyone 
but Ness in one hit.  You could probably beat this thing since it can only 
target one person I believe (Teddy bears FTW).  Have Paula PSI Freeze it while 
the others attack (Use a super bomb if you have it).

Ego Orb: Giygas couldn’t quite think of what new minion he was going to create 
new day, then he overheard somebody say “Man, you have an ego the size of 
Texas!”.  Thus, the Ego Orb was born.  This is basically a poor mans 
Wetnosaur, it can only target one character.  It’s weak to PSI Freeze so abuse 
it.

But as I said earlier, teleport out.  Head to Deep Darkness and buy at least 3 
MBRs (If you don’t have them already).  Then I would teleport back to Summers 
and stock up on Super Plush Bears (Have 6-8 with you).  From there, save your 
game and now teleport back to the Lost Underworld.  Notice how you’ll be taken 
to an area that has a phone near it?  Go there and save your game, now you can 
reset if you get into an encounter.  The Sea Pendant is up ahead, so MAKE SURE 
YOU ACQUIRE IT.  Giygas will be 35435647658765986790809443543567x times harder 
without it.  Up ahead you’ll also find the giant cage area, the boss will take 
your Tendakraut from you (NOOOOOOO) and let you in.

In this area, you’ll find a shop.  Buy the Ultimate Bat and the Holy Fry Pan 
(Arguably Paula’s best weapon, the Magic Fry Pan being the other).  You’ll 
also find a rock that has “something important to say” and basically talks 
about how when you find all “your sanctuary” spots, you’ll find your own world 
and that doing so may falter Giygas’ plan to destroy the Universe.  When you 
talk to him, all your living characters will have their HP and PP restored, so 
save before talking to him (If you even want to talk to him, that is).

Up ahead you’ll find a strange cavern where you’ll see something that appears 
to be a destroyed Sky Runner.  Nothing much you can do here so head out and 
continue on, also around here you’ll run into the Cloak of Kings for Poo, so 
obtain it if you want.  When you head down South, you’ll find another bird-
phone thing (Ok, this area HAS to be a parody of the Flinstones).  Up ahead 
you’ll find the Fire Springs cavern.

This place really isn’t that bad as long as you’re prepared (Several teddy 
bears).  Only a couple of enemies are dangerous….

					Enemies

Soul Consuming Flame: It’s weak to PSI Freeze and has defense stat of 6, so 
even Poo will hit it very hard.  Just have everyone but Paula attack it, Paula 
should PSI Freeze Gamma it.  While it’s easy to kill, if does manage to get an 
attack in, it can be very devastating.  For instance, it can hit the whole 
party for over 200 damage with its fire breath attack.

Evil Elemental: All it can do is attack and try to possess somebody; your 
teddy bear handles both nicely.  Just have everyone attack it.
Psychic Psycho: These are very dangerous since they usually come with its 
counterpart, the Major Psychic Psycho. They usually cast PSI Fire Alpha which 
will probably warrant a reset.  Have everyone attack it as it starts the 
battle with a psychic shield.

Major Psychic Psycho: These are VERY dangerous as they usually cast PSI Fire 
Beta.  Also starts with a psychic power shield.  Since they usually come with 
a Psychic Psycho, you’ll probably have to reset here.

You’ll usually only encounter the PPs and MPPs in the tunnels within the 
cavern.  And remember, with the Rabbit’s Foot equipped you do have a decent 
chance of running away.  At the end of the cavern, right before the boss, 
equip Jeff with the Rabbit’s Foot.  Not only because you want him to strike 
before the boss but because of some very good information that Floogal of 
Gamefaqs provided me with (Which he got from Nitrodon of Starmen.net).

“The probability of an enemy dodging a normal bottle rocket is ((2*target 
speed) - Jeff's speed) percent. Big Bottle Rockets and Multi Bottle Rockets 
try to hit the enemy 5 and 20 times respectively at 120 power. Bottle rockets 
can work on any enemy if you have enough speed. Criminal Caterpillar and 
Master Criminal worm are too fast to hit without the rock candy glitch, and 
you can't increase Jeff's speed enough to hit Clumsy Robot by the time you can 
battle him. Anyone else can be hit by Jeff equipped with the Rabbit's Foot.”

So with that said, the Rabbit’s Foot will also greatly strengthen the power of 
the MBRs, which will help greatly against one of the most infamous bosses in 
the game…..

Carbon Dog (1,672 HP)
Have Jeff fire off an MBR the others attack or whatever.  One MBR should do 
over 2,000 damage or at least do enough to kill it.  Easy right?  And you 
wonder why many have regarded this as the hardest battle in the game.

Hey, what the hell is going on?  The spirit of an angry science teacher has 
possessed the Carbon Dog and wants to teach these school-skipping kids a 
lesson they’ll never forget!  

Diamond Dog (3,344 HP)
Is this the lesson that angry science teacher wanted to teach Ness and the 
gang?  Ok, hopefully now they’ll understand not to enter a boiling hot cavern 
with all their clothes on…or was it something else he was trying to teach in 
the form of example?  (Yeah, sorry guy, we already know THAT, keep your tie on 
for god’s sake).  Anyways, you’ll notice that Jeff will be the victim of the 
Diamond Dogs physical power shield and will take over 1,000 damage.  Have 
everyone defend while Jeff uses another MBR (He should enough HP to pull it 
off before dying unless he took a couple of PSI Fire’s beforehand) and the 
next MBR will take off between 2,000-2,800 (I did 2,737 here).  When Jeff 
dies, have Ness use PSI Rockin Gamma while Paula uses PSI Freeze Omega and Poo 
uses PSI Starstorm Alpha.  Very easy battle unless Jeff is dead, then it 
becomes a nightmare because the carbon dog has that damn fire breath attack 
that hits everybody.  Its main threat is when it does an attack equivalent to 
PSI Flash Beta but you only have to worry if somebody dies from it or feels 
strange.  Then again, if Ness, Paula and Poo are hammering it with PSI attacks 
this battle should only go say, 3 more turns.  Poo can also use PSI Freeze 
Gamma if you want a chance to solidify it.

When you win, if you want you can go back and get the Moon Beam Gun for Jeff 
and the Cherub’s Band but it isn’t necessary at all.  Remember to make sure 
that Ness has the Sea Pendant, Rabbit’s Foot, three Bags of Dragonite and at 
least one Super Plush Bear before you enter the spot.  You’ve finally reached 
all 8 power spots of the Earth and now Ness will enter the realm of his mind……

					MAGICANT

Welcome to Magicant.  This place basically has many people, animals and things 
that Ness has encountered some point in his life.  You’ll find some snowmen 
that he made, birds that would chirp a song that Ness would remember, Ness’s 
younger self and of course, some of the villains that Ness put a hurting on.  
The main objective here is for Ness to encounter the evil side of his mind 
which perhaps, is beginning to grow.  After you’ve finished exploring the 
various contents here (Including Pokey who has been seemingly jealous of Ness 
years before Ness’s journey started), head out to the Sea of Eden.  Remember 
to pick up a Flying Man too.  Before you head out, make sure Ness has the 
Rabbit’s Foot equipped.

On the way there, you’ll encounter enemies who appear to be figments of Ness’s 
wild imagination…….

					Enemies

Loaded Dice: It’ll go down in 2 attacks but all it will do is call for help 
and it will always succeed.  The enemies that will come and help it depend on 
the background.  If the background is blue, Fobby’s and Electro Swoosh’s will 
join in, if it’s that other background, High Class UFOs and Care Free Bombs 
will join (Care Free Boms are REALLY ANNOYING!)  Always focus on the Loaded 
Dice and then kill it’s allies.

Electro Swoosh: Not a threat, just attack it.  It uses electrical shock 
attacks twice before using a charge attack, but you should have no problem 
killing it before it uses it.

French Kiss of Death: Easy.  All it ever does is use the French kiss which can 
inflict poison but you have a teddy bear and a flying man to distract it.  
Attack it.

Mr. Molecule: Another easy foe, it can use PSI but it will take four turns 
before it can use it.  The only time you might have to worry is if it comes in 
four.  If that’s the case, equip the Sea Pendant during battle so you’ll be 
protected from PSI Freeze and PSI Fire.

Care Free Bomb: UGH!  These can easily force you to reset.  They have decent 
defense and can throw super bombs which can hit you for over 250 damage.  I 
would try running away since the rabbit’s foot will give you a giant boost in 
speed.  If you don’t have the rabbit’s foot equipped (Always have it equipped 
before battle), PSI Paralysis can work on it.  If you do manage to succeed 
with it, the care free bomb will become helpless.  

In the beginning of this trail, I would highly recommend picking up the 
Goddess Band.  It will give you a very nice boost in luck.  If you have an 
extra slot, go ahead and pick up the bag of dragonite as well (It can’t hurt 
unless your pack is full then don’t get it).  You’ll also stumble upon the 
Magicant Bat, which for some reason can’t be dropped once you get it, but hey 
it’s the third best bat in the game.  When you get to the strange looking 
object at the end, use the check command and you’ll be teleported to the Sea 
of Eden.  Take off the rabbit’s foot and equip the Sea Pendant here.  The Sea 
of Eden is the center of Ness’s emotions but, it’s also home to three familiar 
foes…..

Kraken (1,097 HP)
The sea pendant will protect you from its fire breath and flash attack.  
However, its tornado attack will still hit you for a little over 100 damage.  
Constantly attack it.

You can’t avoid the first Kraken here, but you CAN avoid the other two.  If 
you can avoid them, I would recommend it.  If not, it isn’t a big deal as if 
you kill them now and lose to the boss, you won’t have to worry about them 
when you come back.  At the end, you’ll find the evil side of Ness’s mind, 
which comes in the form of the Mani Mani statue.  Since you’re the reason it 
exists, it can use many of your attacks and the reason it comes in the form of 
the Mani Mani statue is because the Mani Mani was the device that created evil 
illusions (If you were to say, lose, then you could probably say evil would 
overtake Ness’s mind and Giygas would be able to manipulate him).

Ness’s Nightmare (1,654 HP)
Arguably the hardest boss in the game, and perhaps the hardest boss in a no 
healing game, Ness’s Nightmare requires luck to beat in this challenge without 
a doubt.  It can cast PSI Rockin Omega which will either kill you in one hit 
or badly cripple you.  It can also cast PSI Lifeup Beta which makes it a huge 
pain in the ass.  It can cast PSI Shield Beta as well, which makes it even 
more annoying here.  Now you know why you had to bring those bags of dragonite 
here.  The bags of dragonite will allow you to hit Ness’s Nightmare for 550-
700 damage per use.  It’s the only way you can win this battle since it can 
kill you off quickly.  The sea pendant greatly helps as well because it uses 
an attack equivalent to PSI Flash Beta, which can kill you instantly or 
paralyze you which is just as bad since it paralysis prevents you from using 
items.

Basically, use the bags of dragonite (duh).  If it leads off with PSI Rockin 
Omega, you’ll lose since it takes at least 3 to kill it.  Hope it leads off 
with PSI Rockin Alpha or that flash attack.  The second turn it might use PSI 
Lifeup Beta, which is ok because you aren’t getting hit with PSI Rockin 
Omega.  If it casts PSI Shield Beta, I’m not sure if it will cut the damage 
done by the dragonite in half or not, but you will take half damage.  Dealing 
600 damage and receiving 300 can be just as devastating as taking PSI Rockin 
Omega.  This is how I won the fight:

-NN used PSI Rockin Alpha
-Ness used BoD
-NN used flash attack
-Ness used BoD
-NN used PSI Rockin Omega
-Ness used BoD

Well, it went something like that.  Anyways, if go into this fight expecting 
not to win, it’s ok if you lose.  Because when you come back at least one 
Kraken will be dead and you’ll keep your exp.  You can also get up to 4 more 
flying men so the only thing you really lose is any BoDs you used (Don’t use 
any if you don’t expect to win, duh) and teddy bears.  Eventually, you should 
come out on top and Ness will overcome and vanquish the evil in this mind and 
absorb the eight power spots.  Ness will get a gigantic stat, HP and PP boost 
and learns PSI Teleport Beta as well.

When Ness wakes up, the Sound Stone will be gone (Remember when Buzz Buzz 
said “When the chosen boy reaches the point, shattering the nightmare rock”?  
It also gives me the implication that the Mani Mani statue wasn’t destroyed 
back in Moonside, its spirit lived on inside of Ness, boiling up inside of him 
ready to control his mind).  The group will teleport to Saturn Valley and 
you’ll find out that the prototype Phase Distorter has been stolen (By someone 
resembling a pig with clothes….hmmmmmm).  Luckily, Andonuts, Apple Kid and Mr. 
Saturn have managed to nearly complete the Phase Distorter 2, which is capable 
of instantly traveling to any location.  However, it’s missing one key 
component; a material normally found in meterorites, Zexonyte (Something like 
that).  Remember when that meteorite fell in Onett?  It’s time to make a 
return there, but Giygas is aware of your intentions and has dispatched some 
troops there……

					ONETT AGAIN

Onett is now dark and everyone has barricaded themselves in all of the 
buildings, afraid to come out.  You no longer have access to areas such as the 
hotel, the drug store, hell even your own house that you purchased (Always 
lock the door, or maybe some person had a bad key machine on them……).  The 
only thing you can do here is get that material but now Onett is occupied by 
some of the strongest enemies in the game.  Note, if Ness has the Rabbit’s 
Foot on, I would suggest running away.  Or you can give it to Paula, because 
her going first will let her set up a psychic shield on everyone which can 
come in handy….

					Enemies

Ghost of Starman: They ALWAYS open up the battle with PSI Starstorm Alpha.  If 
Ness has the rabbit’s foot, run away, if you gave it to Paula, have her use 
PSI Shield Omega and you’ll win instantly as it will take four separate doses 
of PSI Starstorm (Any allies with it as well).

Evil Eye: They’re weak to PSI Freeze, one dose of PSI Freeze Omega usually 
kills it.  They can cast PSI Brainshock Omega, which always seems to miss 
Paula (For me, at least) and PSI Paralysis Omega.  They can also diamondize a 
character, but after abusing it’s weakness to freeze it shouldn’t be doing 
that much.

Mechanical Octobot: Uh yeah, kind of easy considering this is the same place 
where GoS’s flock.  It has a beam attack and can steal an item from you.  Just 
attack it or whatever.

If you get to the meteorite with a badly damaged party (Say, everyone but Ness 
dead), it doesn’t matter as at the end of the game you’re fully healed 
anyway.  When you get the meteorite, teleport the hell out and head back to 
Saturn Valley.  Give Andonuts the meteorite piece and sleep at the hotel.  
Before you move on, make sure you have several teddy bears, a crystal charm 
and at least 2-3 MBRs.  Now tell him you’re ready to board the Phase 
Distorter, which will take you to….

				LOST UNDERWORLD REVISITED

Hey, you’re back in that weird cave you found in the Lost Underworld.  As you 
walk forward, the Star Master will show up out of nowhere and fully heal you.  
He’ll also give Poo PSI Starstorm Omega, one of the three strongest attacks in 
the game (PSI Rockin Omega and MBRs being the other two).  Up ahead you’ll see 
that crashed object you saw before and it turns out it was actually a crashed 
Phase Distorter.  If you check it, you’ll find a horn of life (Useless!).  
Walk around a bit (What’s up with that pointy object…thing?)  And another 
Phase Distorter will show up.  Andonuts, Mr. Saturn and Apple Kid will come 
out of it and Andonuts will explain that Giygas is attacking from this very 
location but many years in the past.  Giygas can be reached by using the Phase 
Distorter 3, which can travel to the past.

However, living things can not be transported as all organic life would be 
killed in the process of warping.  The only way to pull this off would be 
transfer Ness and co’s spirits into robots and send the robots to the past.  
The only catch is, he can’t promise that Ness and the gang will be able to 
return to their bodies after the battle with Giygas is over (When I first 
reached this part, many years ago, I found this very disturbing and it scared 
me to the point where I was actually afraid to proceed with it.  I didn’t like 
the concept of Ness and the gang having the possibility of not being able to 
return to normal.  But I was pretty little back then too so yeah.)

You don’t have much of a choice, so Andonuts, astonished with your courage, 
will go on with the transfer.  The Phase Distorter 3 will undergo a somewhat 
lengthy warp to the same location, but in an undetermined number of years into 
the past…..

				CAVE OF THE PAST

Welcome to the final section of the game and the final section of the no 
healing game challenge.  You’ve managed to undergo the desert tunnel, the 
Fourside department store, the pyramid, Deep Darkness, the Stonehenge base and 
other areas that seemed challenging enough in a normal game without healing 
once.  You have just one more challenge left; to reach and get rid of the 
scourge of the Universe, Giygas without healing once.  Put the Crystal Charm 
on Ness and the Rabbit’s Foot on Paula.  If you get into a battle with an 
enemy that isn’t a Ghost of Starman or a Final Starman, run away, if not have 
Paula use PSI Shield Sigma (I highly doubt you have Omega, plus Sigma costs 
less PP).  Since Paula has the Rabbit’s Foot on, you won’t have to worry about 
the enemy killing off your party with PSI Starstorm.  In this eerie, white 
place (The music is the perfect touch as well), you will find a crapload of 
enemies, especially in the final area.

Perhaps the hardest part of this will be to reach Giygas without Paula dying.  
If Paula dies, you have to reset.  In this cavern, the ghost of starman is 
back to make your life a living hell.  You’ll also find three new enemies in 
the first area….

					Enemies

Wild ‘n Wooly Shambler: It can cast PSI Flash Beta, very dangerous.  Run away 
from it or just have everyone attack.

Ultimate Octobot: Its beam attack hurts.  Paula and Poo can PSI Freeze it 
while the others attack.

Nuclear Reactor Robot: RUN AWAY.  You know what these things do.  

Squatter Demon: Have everyone attack it.  It can only target one thing and 
teddy bears protect you from its attacks.

At the end of the first area, you’ll run into a present that contains the 
Legendary Bat, arguably Ness’s best weapon.  In the second area, you’ll find 
two new enemies…..

Bionic Kraken: Basically it’s a Kraken with a little less HP.  PSI Freeze 
works here.

Final Starman: They have an array of PSI spells.  They can cast PSI Starstorm 
Alpha AND Omega, can cast PSI Shield Beta (Physical), PSI Brainshock Omega and 
PSI Healing Omega.  They also start battle with a psychic power shield.  The 
Neutralizer can work if you’re stupid enough to attack it.  Run.

In the third and final area, you’ll see MANY, MANY enemies.  There are so many 
here that the game will experience slowdown often.  In this area you can also 
fight three enemies at once (GoS, Nuclear Bot and Final Starman).  Run like 
hell and hopefully if you’re lucky enough, you’ll reach Giygas’s Lair with 
everyone in good condition (Especially Paula!)  You’ll be pleased to know that 
Giygas is so massive that his lair consists of….himself.  Yep, you’re getting 
your mechanical fingerprints all over Giygas’s innards.  You’ll also be 
accompanied by a laboring, constant breathing that Giygas makes (Scared me 
like hell here, considering this is the same game where you fought enemies 
like new age retro hippies and old men grumbling about today’s youth).  The 
game did a very good job of addressing a very serious moment in what for the 
most part is a humorous game (I found Giygas VERY intimidating).

Right before you engage Giygas, give the rabbit’s foot to Jeff.  As stated 
before, it will greatly increase the power of his MBRs.  Make sure Paula has 
the Sea Pendant and Franklin Badge, seriously, MAKE SURE.  At the end, you’ll 
run into what seems to be Giygas’s “face”.  If you look closely enough, you’ll 
see what appears to be his eyes and mouth.  What you’ll probably notice first 
though is a big ball….thing that will begin to resemble Ness’s face.  After 
the constant shaking ensues, none other than….Pokey shows up in a large spider 
mech (I was terrified at this point, hey, if people got scared at wussy games 
like Silent Hill and Resident Evil, why couldn’t I be scared here?  Plus it 
just seemed terrifying to me, the thought of Pokey now emerging as part of the 
final fight and hellbent on helping Giygas destroy the Universe).  

Pokey will explain that he only assists the strong and able (Hence explaining 
why he said he no longer had any use for Monotoli back in Fourside) and that 
while the Apple of Enlightenment may have been able to predict what it did so 
accurately, it wasn’t able to predict that Giygas would become evil itself.  
However, Pokey mentions that he cannot control it on his own (May give you an 
idea why Pokey is assisting Giygas) and that Giygas is the “Evil power”, 
starting in my opinion, the greatest final boss battle in video game history.

Giygas (Infinite HP)
Heavily Armed Pokey (???? HP)

Ok, Giygas is invincible here, any attacks you try on him will be deflected 
back in your face.  So, focus all of your attacks on the pig king.  Ness 
should attack while Paula uses PSI Shield Sigma which will protect the party 
from being killed off by Giygas’s endless onslaught of PSI Rockin Alpha and 
Beta.  Note that Giygas will probably go before Paula does, so hope he leads 
off with PSI Rockin Alpha.  Jeff should be firing MBRs while Poo uses PSI 
Freeze Gamma.  Pokey will “discharge a stinky gas” which lowers everybodies 
offense, no big deal.  After Paula casts the shield, have her use PSI Freeze 
Omega.

Pokey should go down in 3-4 turns, and explains that if the gang were to see 
Giygas’s real form, they’d be petrified with fear.  Pokey proceeds to turn off 
the “Devil’s Machine” which was some sort of device that contained Giygas’s 
incredible power and hid his true form, which is now exposed as a very 
disturbing figure for a game like EarthBound.  Pokey talks about that Giygas 
can no longer think rationally has no control over his actions, his own mind 
was destroyed his incredible power.  Pokey explains that the gang “will be 
just another meal to him” (Makes you think, now that Giygas is an “all-mighty 
idiot” as Pokey says, it makes you wonder, maybe Pokey is just trying to use 
Giygas for his own bidding?)  This will initiate phase 2…..

Giygas (Infinite HP)

Giygas’s attack will be an attack that can not be comprehended due to its 
massive power.  It does one of three things; PSI Thunder Beta, PSI Freeze 
Alpha on the whole party or PSI Flash Beta.  Since Paula has the franklin 
badge, she’s protected from thunder and with the sea pendant she’s unaffected 
by flash attacks and will only take like 7 damage from freeze.  You pretty 
much have this fight in the bag now.  Anyways, now you basically have to hit 
Giygas with everything you have.  Ness should use PSI Rockin Gamma while Paula 
uses PSI Freeze Omega while Jeff fires off MBRs while Poo uses PSI Starstorm 
Omega.  Eventually, Pokey will come back and note that you’re capable of 
telepathy and taunts you to “try and call for help”, initiating phase 3…..

Giygas (Infinite HP)

In this phase, Paula must now use her Pray command over and over, which will 
get mostly every notable character in the EarthBound Universe to pray for the 
party’s safety (Human emotion is Giygas’s true weakness, which drove Giegue 
away, see the connection?)  Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the name 
you entered for Tony’s school project will pray for the safety of the kids 
despite having never met them before (I entered the name Shigesato Itoi for 
this playthrough….).  Giygas will take around 50,000 damage and will be on the 
verge of death.  Pokey shows up, amazed that Giygas was able to be defeated 
and sneaks off into another era to think about this next plan, leaving you to 
take the full blow of Giygas’ implosion.

The robots have been badly damaged, but the spirits of the kids leave the 
robot bodies, find their way back to Saturn Valley in the current time and re-
enter their normal bodies.  A gloomy and dark end game has to be countered 
with a happy end.  Congratulations, you’ve beaten EarthBound without healing!

V.	Credits

-Thanks to Shigesato Itoi for creating EarthBound and the Mother series.

-Thanks to NoA for translating EarthBound.

-Thanks to every possible person associated with the development of 
EarthBound, English and Japanese versions.

-Thanks to Starmen.net, for helping popularize EarthBound and helping it get 
the recognition it deserves as one of the greatest games of all time (In my 
opinion of course).

-Thanks to Gamefaqs who gave me the possibility of submitting a walkthrough 
like this.

-Thanks to CJayC for creating Gamefaqs