I'm through a phase of depression where
I couldn't get to bed until I was completely
exhausted.  Now I can decide when I go to
bed and I fall asleep easily. 

This is a lot more conducive to dreaming, 
and I've been having a lot of dreams lately,
with even some lucidity yesterday. 

Although dreams are back, my awareness 
isn't very strong. When I was a kid, my 
dad pointed out that when you have 
praying mantis in an ecosystem, you know
that it is balanced. It seems like when I
am balanced a lot more elements are
part of my life. When I'm imbalanced, 
I don't have a lot of dream, I don't have
a lot of awareness and lucidity, I don't
have a lot of self control and health. 

As I am slowly coming back to a balanced
life, these elements are coming back to me. 
It does feel very good. 

I've also started a mantra practice, 
which I want to write further about,
but for now, just to say it's been 
really good.

DREAM

I was in a shopping mall, and I was coming
through the crowd, I was saying: 
"Naked mad coming through" holding my
genitals in my hand to hide them. I wasn't
particularly shy about it, and I was thinking
they should just not watch if they are 
offended. I got back to my friends, and 
found some clothing. A friend was trying 
to kiss another friend, and we were all
quite surprise of the match. There was a
comfort and a ease between my friends.

REFLECTION

The whole dream was really relaxed and 
comfortable, even when faced with public nudity,
which is probably the least comfortable 
a human could be. 

I'm generally quite comfortable, but
in the last 15 years of my life, I've
learn to be on my guard. I've learn to
feel bad about myself, because I was
the cause of the unhappiness of my wife. 
I did some psychological self harm putting
myself as the sole reason my wife was sad. 
Now I don't need that anymore.