ttalk-20h.sh - dotg - a bitreich fosdem adventure
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---
ttalk-20h.sh (4407B)
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1 specific_talk_20h() {
2 item="$1"
3
4 case "$item" in
5 Old_Thinkpad)
6 _msg "Have you seen that new dotg act on gopherspace?"
7 ;;
8
9 Plastic_bottle_of_rakia)
10 _msg "Zagreb is such a nice city."
11 ;;
12
13 Plastic_bag_of_Water)
14 _msg "Is this toilet water?"
15 ;;
16
17 Dirt)
18 _msg "Ah, a souvenir of Brussels."
19 ;;
20
21 Unlocked_Macbook)
22 _msg "Your friend takes the Macbook from you and deletes its contents."
23 rm -f "$inventory/$item"
24 ;;
25
26 Smashed_Macbook)
27 _msg "Now that is a proper-looking Macbook!"
28 ;;
29
30 Cigarettes)
31 _msg "I don't smoke, but I like to see all smokers dying slowly."
32 ;;
33
34 Plate_of_Bolognese_Sauce)
35 _msg "Ah, I need more of this."
36 ;;
37
38 Keychain_with_a_key)
39 _msg "This looks like the key to the second bedroom."
40 ;;
41
42 Decorated_condom_balloon)
43 _msg "Do you like scaring christians like I do?"
44 ;;
45
46 Plastic_bag)
47 _msg "Plastic bags are meant to fly and be eaten by whales."
48 ;;
49
50 Old_yoghurt)
51 _msg "Let us see if this guy next to me can eat really everything."
52 ;;
53
54 Rolling_tobacco)
55 _msg "Where this comes from nature is beautiful but society isn't."
56 ;;
57
58 Google_Ad_coupons)
59 _msg "The last elves I had liked those coupons. I don't know why.
60 It is the last secret of life."
61 ;;
62
63 Cocaine)
64 _msg "This will free your nose."
65 ;;
66
67 Cheese)
68 if [ -f "$inventory/.isfrench" ]; then
69 _msg "Oh you are French! You should know what
70 to do with it in the toilet."
71 else
72 _msg "This cheese smells and belongs into the kitchen sink."
73 fi
74 ;;
75
76 Beers)
77 _msg "You give a beer to your friend. He thanks you and starts drinking it."
78 dropitem "$item"
79 ;;
80
81 Chocolate_Milks)
82 _msg "Your friend takes the chocolate milk and pours it all over the Macbook
83 guy's testicles to cool them down."
84 dropitem "$item"
85 ;;
86
87 Locked_computer)
88 _msg "Your friend takes the locked computer and installs Gentoo on it while
89 uploading the old content to the cloud."
90 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h/$item"
91 ;;
92
93 Smartphone)
94 _msg "Your friend takes the smartphone and calls father christmas to bring
95 some elves for fun."
96 printf 1 > "$inventory/.elvesarehere"
97 ;;
98
99 Used_condom)
100 _msg "Your friend takes the used condom, blows it up using heat from the
101 Macbook guy's produced heat and gives you back a balloon."
102 mv "$inventory/$item" "$inventory/Condom_balloon"
103 ;;
104
105 Condom_balloon)
106 _msg 'Your friend decorates the balloon with the mark of Satan.
107
108 He says; "Here you go. You need Satan more than he needs you."
109
110 You take the decorated balloon
111 '
112 mv "$inventory/$item" "$inventory/Decorated_condom_balloon"
113 ;;
114
115 White_Lighter)
116 _msg "Your friend asks for the red lighter."
117 ;;
118
119 Red_Lighter)
120 _msg "Your friend uses the red lighter to start the fire of the revolution."
121 printf 1 > "$inventory/.revolutionstarted"
122 ;;
123
124 Black_dildo)
125 _msg 'You give the black dildo to your friend. He smiles perversly
126 and says: "These things are useful to fill up holes..."'
127 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h"
128 ;;
129
130 Also_sprach_Zarathustra)
131 _msg "God dies.
132
133 Your friend takes the book and starts babbling about the meaning of life.
134 Also, Satan."
135 dropsauce 20h
136 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h"
137 printf 1 > "$hipsters/20h/.meaningoflife"
138 ;;
139
140 The_Birth_of_Tragedy)
141 _msg '"Christianity is bad, mmkay" - He tries to tell a meme.
142
143 Your friend takes the book from you and starts babbling about the meaning of life.'
144 dropsauce 20h
145 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h"
146 printf 1 > "$hipsters/20h/.meaningoflife"
147 ;;
148
149 Siddhartha)
150 _msg '"Religions suck." - He says.
151
152 Satan is the only answer.
153
154 You nod.'
155 ;;
156
157 The_C_Programming_Language)
158 _msg '"Nice find! Keep it. It could be of good use." - Your friend says.
159
160 You tuck the book back in your backpack.'
161 ;;
162
163 Developing_NodeJS)
164 _msg 'Your friend starts manically laughing.
165
166 "Maybe give it to those nerds behind you!" - He grins.
167
168 You tuck the book back in your backpack.'
169 ;;
170
171 Sex_drugs_and_cocoa_puffs)
172 _msg '"Drugs? No. But the other two will do"'
173 ;;
174
175 Baby_and_child_care)
176 _msg "Maybe ask the girls. They can make babies with
177 you."
178 ;;
179
180 To_Kill_a_Mockingbird)
181 _msg "Oh no. This is a hipster and girls topic."
182 ;;
183
184 Fight_Club)
185 _msg "Hey, we said we don't talk about it."
186 ;;
187 esac
188 }