_______________________________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ ((___)) ((___)) [ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ] \ / presents... \ / (` ') (` ') (U) (U) THE DAY MY KID TURNED PUNK by The Dark Static >>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- _______________________________________________________________________________ (featuring variable indentions...) Preface:Earnie was in his teens, at the peek of puberty. He was just coming to realize that the world was going to end someday. Terrified by this horrible thought, he shuddered and popped in the newest tape from Genesis..that temporarily brought him back to his usual self... He spent many a day jamming those poor beaten speakers with his 3rd class music. He pushed up his glasses and leaped over his bed to the computer.. he had almost forgotten to cover his path on the newly found UNIX account glaring on his green screen. After this feat was accomplished ease, he started getting ready for the computer meeting at the Library... After adding a few more handfuls of mouse to his already greasy hair, he grabbed his backpack... Week later:The doorbell rings...Oh, it's only Gene, here at his usual time... "So what new tapes did you bring, Gene?", questioned Earnie in his high-pitched voice.. "I brought this awesome cool new tape, and your definitely gonna spaz when you hear this shit!" exclaimed Gene, in his normal 'Gosh Wally' type personality... So they raced up to the bedroom to play them...After MEN AT WORK came on, Earnie violently unplugged the 'jambox'. "Gosh Gene, I thought you said it was new, I've heard that tape a million times twice already... Say, let's go down and scope out some chicks at the library...". "Sounds swell Earn'. Let's get down there before anyone leaves...". They got down there alright, and the selection wasn't too exciting... Gene tried his luck. He walked up to a skinny girl with glasses. She shoved her pencil up his ass when he tried 'touching' her... "Oh well Gene, at least you DID get to touch her... I'm proud of you... Looks like we'll make a man out of you yet". "Gee, do you really think so?" Later in the week:(Over the phone):"Ok Gene, I guess you can come over today...This time bring a GOOD tape...". "Alright, on my way dood, get ready to ROCK!" After arriving:Earnie answered the door... Gene started talking before Earnie could speak. "Earn bud, so sorry my man, but I can't stay, but I at least brought you over this tape... I don't know what's on the back side, so try it out..". "Ok, thanks Gene. Tomorrow?". "You bet, see you at the normal time." Later:"Earnie, get your tail down here. Your supper's getting cold". "Be right down ma.". After making a game of jumping down the stairs, he skipped to the dinner table... "Ma, guess. I got another 'A' in advanced Geometry Techniques class today... That makes 16 in a row..". "Geez your such a nerd... Just go jump off the roof!" said his sister [17, and gets bad grades]. "Now Angie, that's not acceptable at the table! Wipe your mouth and go to your room!" squeaked their timid father, speaking for the first time. Satisfied with the results of this, Earnest makes a face at his normal [and quite gorgeous] sister as she ignores her dad's command with a laugh. That night:[Things get interesting]. Being satisfied with the first side of the tape, he flips it over and pops it back in.. After a period of silence, Earnie concluded that the volume was too low...So he turned it to '10'. Suddenly some very frightening music blasts throughout the house... Paralyzed by the event, Earnie was unable to turn it off... The tape rumbled for 10 minutes before his dad burst through the door. Earnie's hair was on end, and his face was red.. His dad leaped over the bed and turned it off...It took quite some time for Earnie to mutter 'I'm.........o.....k....". That night Earnie couldn't sleep.. His mind was filled with thoughts that wouldn't go away...He was unknowingly transforming inside... Next morning:Getting ready for school was the normal routine...Almost. Today he put on eyeliner, as if he had always done that before school..He toyed around with thoughts for lyrics, but lyrics that were totally different to him.. Not even Earnie knew what was slowly happening to himself.. At the Breakfast table:"Earnie, you're such a dick!" said his sister. Not even waiting for his parents to say anything, he blurts out "Fuck off bitch... I have every right to eat at the same table with such a goddess as yourself, please, can I can that privilege bitch?".. The table was now silent..Dad looked at Mom. Mom stared at Earnie. And so did his sister. This had never happened before. Things were going to be different. And now the present:Today, Earnie was wearing his dad's boots from the war...Oddly, he also had the dogleash around his neck. [Along with that, he killed the dog for biting him when he was trying to get it.]. People at school still hadn't gotten over Earnie's transformation... They thought he had totally flipped from being on his computer too much. Earnie was on his way to the local CoOp to pick up some new tapes.. Today he was getting Suicidal Tendencies - Join the Army tape, and SOD - Speak English Or die.. He didn't quite have enough to get a COC tape. "Shit" he exclaimed as he was a nickel short. His brain had gone to waste in these new days, and he decided to steal the tapes instead of the logical thing - Ask for a nickel! Of course, he got caught, this was only his first attempt out of many to come... At the station: Earnie was sitting in between 2 headbangers...Here's the conversation: "Hey fag, what's the makeup for?" "Fuck off, it's too much for a Scrotum Sucking Slut like you to contemplate all at once!"-Earn "Hey, you're a dead mother fucker! prepare to die!" He and his friend got up to jump him, and he surprisingly pulled out a newly purchased knife and slashed one while they pounded away...The charges against him were adding up. He was being busted for: Theft, Computer Fraud, Computer trespassing, and now Attempted Murder... Yes, there was a long sentence for Earnie.. But don't worry, he should be out by the time he is 60... [ Moral ] Let this be a lesson for any of you nerds out there, never try to be who you aren't. Be yourself. Final notes: a] The 'old' Earnie: ___ /.. \ -----greasy hair ! _ ! \___/ / \ -------weak arms !! !! !! !! w! !w !___! / \ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! _! ! !_ !___!___! b]the present Earnie: ! ! -----MOHAWK _!_ /.. \ ! _ !. -----earring __\___/__ / \ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ww! !ww !_____! / \ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !___!___! ! ! ! ----Docs ! ! ! __! ! !__ !______!______! -This file was for slightly humorous purposes only. Ok, so I got bored! Don't yell at me... =============================================================================== (c)1988 cDc communications by The Dark Static 1/28/88-51 All Rights Worth Shit .