__________________________________________________ / / / The Eternity Articles / / / / Act I, Scene i -- February 1995 / /_________________________________________________/ \ \ \ Guy in charge: Sanjay Singh \ \ eternity@cyberspace.org \ \_________________________________________________\ "To start blindly with a statement is a sign of arrogance and narrow-mindedness and will lead to conflict. To start blindly with a question is a sign of uncertainty and honesty, and will lead to wisdom." [Scott Watson] Too bad I don't really have a question to begin with. Oh well. This is the beginning of the journey. Hopefully, through this thing, we will be able to accomplish something. I'm not promising any great questions will be answered, but at least they'll be exposed. If we're really lucky we might even find out what our destination is. I meant to say that in a less cheesy metaphysical sense, but sometimes the right words just don't want to come out. This, being the first issue, might not be perfect. Hell, it probably won't make any sense in some parts, but as time goes on, we should be able to fix the little problems, and get on with our lives. It's also a little short. I was hoping for something around 10 pages, but being the first issue I didn't really have that many other people willing to talk. Hopefully, this will change with time. The Eternity Articles are mine, but I'll take whatever help is offered. Any comments, questions, or just plain old fashioned rantings are welcome. If you do send mail then please let me know how you found out about The Eternity Articles. Might as well find out how many people are reading it. Each month I'll try to deal with a new topic... In the spirit of Valentine's Day (or the Suicide Holiday depending on who you listen to), I'm starting off with love (awwww). Even after all of the pain it's caused me, I still need it, go figure, eh? Sorry to have kept on beating myself up on this one, but hell, next issue I start getting angry. Don't worry, that'll make sense in a couple of issues. Dedication ========== "This entire opus is respectfully dedicated to all those who have loved unconditionally only to have their hearts unanaesthetically ripped out: base not your joy upon the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. NO HOPE = NO FEAR." [Peter Steele] This issue is dedicated to her (or him). We all have someone that could have turned out to me more than a friend, or just someone that we admired from a distance. They might have torn out our hearts and thrown them away without even knowing the pain and anguish they've caused, but we still love them anyways. Introduction ============ "Love is a rare opportunity and when that love is somehow parted it's something deep down inside that wants just a reminder, a slice of memory, a possession." [2nu] I've always loved the rain. It always had a cleansing and purifying feel to it. It takes all of the dirt on the road and just washes it away. Of course, the problem is that when it starts to rain, everything comes to the surface, all of the oil, dirt, and cap that's been buried deep below the surface. The best part of a rainy day has to be the at the end of it all. When the water stops falling and a dark cloud of fog covers everything. The light is gone, you can't see too far ahead, but whatever's ahead can't see you either. * * * It was a rainy day that she stopped by my house. I opened the door, and there she was, just standing there with just enough water in her hair to change it to a deep chestnut colour. It reminded me why I fell in love with her two years earlier. It had more than a year and a half since I'd last seen her, and I don't think she could have ever looked more beautiful to me than she did at that moment. I don't know how long I was just standing there, staring at her, but eventually she asked if should could come in. I let out a little nervous laugh, and invited her in. I knew she was coming, she called yesterday afternoon. I had always missed her, but even though we talked on the phone every once in a while, it just wasn't the same thing as seeing her. She told me that we needed to talk, face to face. I can't really say that I've ever been more scared at any other point in my life. It took me completely by surprise. Of course, I would be ecstatic to see her again, to hold her in my arms, and never want to let go, but it also brought a flood of memories back to the surface. The same memories, that had stopped me from seeing her for what could have been an eternity. Memories I had desperately tried to bury, to hide, to ignore, to forget. We sat down and started to talk. Well, she talked. I listened, but I don't know if I heard anything she said. All I would think about was the night it all ended... Quote I Had To Toss In But Didn't Know Where To Put It ====================================================== "I am a romantic, but I do put up a barrier around myself, so it is hard for people to get in and to know the real me. I fall in love much too quickly and that results in me getting badly hurt. The problem with love is that you lose control and that is a very vulnerable state to be in. I would love to really have a beautiful relationship with somebody, but it never seems to work out. What I would like most of all is to be in a state of blissful love." [Freddie Mercury] Why I Hate Valentine's Day ========================== Yes, I hate Valentine's day. Big deal. A lot of people do. I know, I just thought I'd say it. It's actually one of the elitist holidays. A chance for you to either flaunt what / who you have or just feel pathetic because you're alone. Wonderful, as for the romantic aspect... Well that's all fine and dandy, but why do we need a special occasion to actually express love? It's like when a friend told me that Christmas was nice because at least it's a time when people actually try to be nice and civilized to each other. Why the hell do we need an excuse to be nice to each other? The sad thing is that he's right. But, back to the occasion at hand... Why do we need to have a day to show affection? If you want to give your significant other a gift, then give it to them. You don't need a holiday to shower someone with gifts. If you feel like getting someone something, then just do it. Don't wait for a holiday. The same things goes for nice dinners, or nights on the town. Love is supposed to be impulsive... don't wait for one day to make it worthwhile. If you lose the person you love before Valentine's day then you'll know that you have to make every second count, and you can't waste your life away, just waiting for anything, be it holiday or even just tomorrow. Sometimes you don't get a second chance, and sometimes you throw your second chance away. Don't waste what you have. But I've gone far off topic now, so I think I'll just close this part. By the way, the only redeeming quality behind Valentine's day is those little cinnamon hearts. (fyi: the only redeeming quality behind Easter are Cadbury's Cream Eggs) Why Be Alone ============ "I see your face in every flame / With no answers I have only myself to blame / Of all the women I have known -- they're not you / I'd rather be alone." [Type O Negative] In a time where love is supposedly everything that matters and anyone that's single is left out in the cold, the obvious question is 'why be alone?' I wish I had an answer to this. I've been alone for far too long, but there's not much I can do about it (yes I know that's a cop out). Everyone that is alone has their own reasons and excuses. My excuse is that I just haven't gotten over her yet. She was perfect, and I screwed that relationship up. Then about two years later someone else came along. It was great. She was beyond perfection, for a time when I really needed someone, I knew she was there for me. Then I fell in love with her. I should've seen it coming, but I didn't. Of course, it didn't work out. Hell, I couldn't even tell her until last year how I really felt. The problem is that I'm still madly in love with her. It's been a year since the last time I talked to her, and that was a year and a half since the last time I had talked to her. I've had my chances, and I've thrown them both away. How many people actually go through live without knowing what true love is, and I've felt it twice. No more second chances, no more dreams, no more hopes, no more anything. Maybe I should've enjoyed the ride while I was on it. Song Tossed In Because I Wanted To ================================== Ok, so maybe I am the only person in the world that bought their album, but that doesn't mean that it's not good. Personally, I love the album. You don't need to buy it (and you'll probably never find it if you're looking for it) but here's one of the songs. I'm sure you'll see why I chose it... And if you notice any similarities between this and the introduction it's because they've articulated what I wanted to say much better than I ever could. Two Outta Three by 2nu ---------------------- There was a humming bird just outside the glass that separated us from the lake He looked in for just a moment and flew away I couldn't help thinking how simple his life must be We sat quietly in the warm swirling bubbles I don't think I could have loved her more than at that very moment There was this little bead of water that was making its way down her long, silky, wet hair I said to myself, if I can count to ten before it drops, she'll love me forever I barely got to seven before it fell like a rock And ran slowly down over her bare shoulders and disappeared into the bubbles again I must have been looking at her for a long time, before I realized that she was looking back And that day in the rain was a million memories ago The cafe was getting noisier, and the coffee was getting colder And finally, she began to explain why it was over I couldn't believe what was actually happening I was watching her talk, but I couldn't hear the words I was dying inside And she never looked more beautiful Even after she was gone, I could still smell her perfume I always would I got up to leave and stepped out into the rain Stuck my hand in my coat pocket And pulled out the rose that I meant to give her The wilted petals fell to the ground I counted them out Still trying to beat the odds She loves me, She loves me not Two outta three Dying Culture ============= Alright, I won't be doing this often, but this is something that I had to do. I'm just going to suggest that everyone out there that's reading this go out and rent the movie FRESH. Supposedly it's coming out on video this week, and I honestly believe that it is the best movie I've ever seen. I saw it over the summer (after Forrest Gump) and had never seen anything like it. I won't waste any more time than this, but see it. I can't really give you a plot summary without screwing up some of the more important scenes, sorry. The only reason that I'm suggesting this here, is because it was great, and no one has probably ever heard of it, which is a tragedy in itself. How To Get This =============== Well if you have this then you probably know how you got it, but in case this was passed on to you, then I'll just let you know where this can be found. ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/WhyMe/ gopher: gopher.etext.org follow the prompts mail: if you want a copy sent by mail then just send a request to me at the eternity address. I'm not sure if I'm going to set up an automatic mailing list... depends on demand I suppose. But if you ask for a copy then I will send one to you. Notes On Quotes =============== In case you haven't noticed it, there's a quotes.gz file in my directory at etext. Take a look at it, it's my own personal quote list, and it's more or less the inspiration behind this. At last count there were over 400 quotes, sometimes I get more each week, or less frequently. If you want a more recent copy, send mail to eternity, I'll send out the latest version to you. I should update the file at etext every 3 or 4 months, just so you know. Where To Now? ============= "Sometimes you want to run away / Sometimes you think you do / But you never had a dream like this before / And you don't want to ask for more / Sometimes you leave a mark / Before you know the score." [Ric Ocasek] Honestly, I'm not sure where we will be going from here. I was planning on doing the next issue on "who we are," but the story I wanted to start off with was written by a friend of mine, and he's not too sure if he wants to share it with everyone, so that idea was thrown out the window. Of course, this leads to the problem of what to do. "Freedom," in all it's glory, for good and bad. That's what this thing will cover next month... Any ideas, suggestions, or articles are welcome. Anyways, I'm off, thanks for keeping me company this month. Inspirations ============ Well, I just want to acknowledge the following for helping out directly or indirectly: Type O Negative -- when nothing else seems to make sense, they do, I'm not sure why, or even if this is a good thing, but it seems to work. (I can't believe that I'm acknowledging them before I got to The Cars, but c'est la vie) Scott Watson -- the only person that keeps me on my toes constantly by pointing out flaws in every single thing that I say and do. Disclaimer ========== I take full responsibility of the overall content here. There might be other contributors (and their articles are their own intellectual property), but what goes into this is my choice. Truth is subjective (if you believe something then to you it is fact, and if you don't then it is fiction, simple enough?) so I won't make any claims about honesty... believe what you want. I have no problem with people taking bits and pieces from here to pad essays, or even their own stuff. Just make sure that you cite whoever wrote the article. If it doesn't say who wrote it, then it's probably mine. If you know anything about ISSN numbers, like where I can get one, or what I need them for, or even if I need one, could you please let me know... Everyone else has one, and I want one too. Thanks. Sanjay Singh (2/23/95) .. .