"Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places..."
stolen by Dunkirk
 
This is a list which appeared in a well-known column of all the things which doctors
have had to "retrieve" from the recta of various individuals.  This list was compiled
from the various medical journals published in the United States.  This list is, of
course, by no means complete.
 
A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup
An axe handle
A 9-inch zucchini
A fourteen inch dildo with two D-cell batteries
A plastic spatula
A 9-inch water bottle
A deoderant bottle
A Coke bottle
A large bottle cap
A 3.5 inch Japanese float ball
An 11-inch carrot
An antenna rod
A 150-watt light bulb
A 100-watt frosted bulb
A cucumber
A screwdriver
Four rubber balls
72 jeweler's saws (not all at once, although 29 on one occasion)
A paperweight
An apple
An onion
A plastic toothbrush package
Two bananas
A frozen pig's tail (it got stuck when it thawed)
A 10-inch length of broomstick
An 18-inch umbrella handle and central rod
A plantain encased in a condom
Two vaseline jars
A whiskey bottle with a cord attached
A teacup
An oil can
A 6 x 5 inch tool box weighing 22 ounces (patient died)
A 6-inch stone weighing 2 pounds (patient died)
A baby powder can
A test tube
A ballpoint pen
A peanut butter jar
A candle
A baseball
A sand-filled bicycle inner tube
A bunch of sewing needles
A flashlight
A half-filled tobacco pouch
A turnip
A pair of eyeglasses
A hard-boiled egg
A carborundum grindstone with handle
A suitcase key
A syringe
A file
A polythene waste wrap from the U-bend of a sink
 
     "In 1955 one man who was `feeling depressed' reportedly inserted a 6-inch paper
tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his
anterior rectal wall.  This changed his mood real quick..."
 
.