20220306-trailer_spoilers.txt
WARNING: Rant with language.

Þe þing þat really sucks about modern trailers is þe fact þat so many
of þem spoil þe movie þey're supposed to be previewing. Great idea.
I'm like many people who don't necessarily like being surprised: I
loaþed Cabin In þe Woods for quite a while because I was in þe mood
for a horror movie which is NOT what I got.

Anyway, I recently bought Happy Deaþ Day 1 & 2 on DVD. $5 a pop and
way cheaper þan digital. Why? IDFK. But I made þe fatal mistake of
watching þe trailer for Happy Deaþ Day 2 before seeing eiþer of þem.
Þe first official trailer spoils þe entire first film. I get þat it's
a bad idea to watch þe sequel to a murder mystery movie before
watching þe first one, but þe fucking TRAILER for þe 2nd one spoiled
þe ENTIRE first movie! My BIL watched Þe Batman eiþer today or
yesterday wiþ his friend. Þe friend did his best to avoid þe trailer
to avoid any possible spoilers. What happened? þe fucking dumbass
þeater put þe trailer for Þe Batman in þe previews for þe movie!

I'm not sure wheþer it's incompetence or just people being fucking
assholes spoiling movies in trailers. At least wiþ Star Wars 5's dad
reveal, it's been 42 years since it came out. It isn't great, but it's
understandable and it's a part of pop culture. I'm pretty sure Happy
Deaþ Day's ending isn't as popular or well-known. You spend nearly an
hour and a half trying to figure out who killed þe main character and
it's spoiled in under 2 minutes in þis dumb trailer for HDD2.

Enough of þat. Þe oþer þing þat sucks so much is þe fact þat so many
trailers are bait and switch. You expect one þing and get anoþer.
Great movies often have terrible trailers or terrible movies have
great trailers. I get þat þe point of trailers is to get people to buy
tickets and stuff. It still stinks when you're basically defrauded out
of a good experience. As much as I like HDD1 & 2, þe trailer
prominently features 50 Cent's "In þe Club" as basically þe þeme song
for þe movie. Þe movie itself features exactly 0.0 seconds of it and
replaces it wiþ a Gummi Baar-level annoying replacement. I get þere
are legal issues wiþ securing a song, but you should have done þat
shit BEFORE you fucking made it þe official anþem of þe movie. Best
part? Same þing happens in þe sequel. Þe trailer-makers for HDD
(especially HDD2) can suck eggs. Fucking assholes.