WHAT I LIKED ABOUT 2023
Looking back at the year. I grew a lot in many ways and feel like a
healthier, more fulfilled human being. Listed below are the things I
so liked happening.
I got a leather-bound notebook
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A friend gifted me a leather-bound notebook. The gift was rather
arbitrarily given, which is ironic because it's become an
indispensable and infinitely tool to my life.
The notebook is about the size of my palm, contains 5 signatures of 12
sheets, and has a wrap-around leather enclosure. The signatures can be
removed and replaced, something I've already done once and plan to do
again and again.
I bring the notebook with me everywhere everyday. It sleeps beside me
on the nightstand. It gets brought to ASL lessons and bus rides. I've
handled it so often and in so many ways that the exterior leather has
developed a scuffed patina from my oils of my hands and the bumps and
braises of the volatile world.
After trail and error, I've settled into a system of notation and
organization. The first four signatures are for notes and ideas I take
throughout my days. I prepend the current date to any entry that
happens on a day different than the day of the last entry. I write
about everything: programming ideas, concepts in computation, new
words learned, books to read, movies to watch, and food to cook. If I
get a thought and think it good or worth remembering it goes in the
notebook, on doubts raised! The fifth signature I use for my day
log. With surprising reliability, at the end of each day I write a
list of that day's notable events or accomplishments. Depending on the
day, the events noted can be mundane ("cleaned the litter box") or
exciting ("built a frontend to my home automation server"). Recently
I've also trialed adding emotion tags to events to indicate if I
consider it a happy event, sad event, or meh event.
My friend was so impressed that I found such fulfillment in the
notebook that was given as an offhand gift that they gave me a second
leather-bound notebook. This second notebook has an identical
structure to the first but different dimensions. It is about twice as
big. The larger page size makes it ideal for longform writing or
journaling.
I use this larger notebook, which I call my journal, to unpack my
life. Once or twice a week (or whenever I'm having a bad day or
experiencing an emotional event), I'll free write: pen to paper, mind
to hand, putting down whatever words feel right without judgment or
censor. Writing in this way I can get externalize my burdens or gush
about a happy event. I'm usually relieved and renewed after my
sustained writing. The exercise grants me a great sense of who I am,
what I'm feeling, and how my efforts to live can be fulfilling.
I learned more about my neighbors
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I got out of my comfort zone and started knocking on the doors around
me. This effort began last Christmas--I dropped in on my neighbors to
wish them happy holidays and give them a card I had drawn and printed.
Further into the year I'd wave when I passed them outside or stop in
to chat if I wasn't in a rush. When summer came I offered neighbors
vegetables from the garden: rhubarb, berries, and swisschard. One
neighbor helped me learn to ride the bus by telling me how to pay fare
and find the right routes. I learned that another neighbor likes
playing crib, so we've gotten together in the evenings to play cards
and chat about life. She's my favorite of the bunch! We share in
interest in quilts (she sews them, I admire them), and share stories
of our life (she learned to play crib as a polio nurse, in the late
nights while she kept an eye on her ward; I learned to play when I
fell in love and a girlfriend taught me how).
I resumed eating ferments
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I struggled with tummy troubles for much of the past three years. I
lacked an appetite, felt nauseous, and had pains in my stomach for
most of my days. Coffee was often an irritant and I had to stop
drinking my morning brew. Breakfast was a challenge to get down, lunch
a little better, and late evening when I finally felt like eating was
something I genuinely wanted to do.
I got tests done to look for a reason for my feelings. I didn't have
bad bacteria in me and nothing was showing up in my blood. I was put
on a pill to regrow my stomach lining. After the full cycle of this
drug I felt only nominally better. It's possible that it's the reason
that I am entirely without nausea now, but I've decidedly chalked up
my recovery to something else: ferments.
Around the time I noticed my nausea abate and my appetite return I had
started eating ferments. A friend is big into them. They always had
kombucha and sauerkraut in the fridge, which I ate or drank if I'd
made a call over to see them. Consuming these rekindled my interest in
the flavours and feelings of ferments. Soon I was buying my own kimchi
to add to soups and eat with other snacks. Throughout the summer I
accompanied nearly every meal with some ferment, be it kimchi,
sauerkraut, or kombucha. All the while, my tummy kept feeling better!
I've now been long enough without any symptoms that I consider this
ailment inconsequential. To some extent, I suspect the ferments have
helped. In all probability, the pills did too. That both might have
been required to regain gastrointestinal health is no
surprise. Nutritionists often talk about how important it is to eat
healthy. Feeling as well as I do and eating as well as I can, I am now
experiencing a life that is mostly uninterrupted by upset stomachs.
I'm no longer on my ferment detox/retox of the summer. My current diet
includes some kind of ferment a few times weekly. If I suspect
something unless in my stomach I'll knock back a jug of kefir over a
few days or eat a poor man's olive (fermented green tomatoes).
I bake sourdough bread now, too. I know it doesn't retain the friendly
bacteria of my other ferments. But bread gives me something altogether
different. I love the flavour and sustenance of a slice of
bread. Freshly baked and dipped in olive oil, or made into toast with
mayo and topped by a tomato. I enjoy the rhythm of baking, and the
self reliance of a homemade bread (one less trip to the store!).
I became a curious computer user
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I remain short of being the computer programmer I want to be: fluent
in many languages, well versed in software design, capable of working
in high- and low-level contexts, steeped in knowledge of concepts and
skills like memory management, network architecture, and hardware
hacking. My dream is to feel unhindered by technology--for computers
to be tools I use as a second nature, sans frustration and
futility. My reality is that it takes me lots of practice to program
better, lots of time to read and remember concepts, and lots of tack
to stay headstrong in the winds of discouragement.
To be sure, I am leaving this year with a far greater understanding of
computers than I had the year before. I'm not a genius nor will I ever
be, that much is clear. But but often than not I am having fun, and I
feel that I'm working /with/ computers instead of /against/ them.
Better habits helped. My mind is more open to wandering through
computers without aim. Whereas before I was outcome oriented--always
wanting to find the solution to the /thing/--now I'm outcome
ambivalent. The /thing/ might fail or it might succeed. It doesn't
matter. What's important is what I learn. I now pay far more attention
to details of what I'm doing. I tend to repeat futile iterations
fewer, meaning I don't do the same thing twice and expect a different
result. I take notes as I work, take breaks when I get bored, and read
the fucking manual when I want to know how something works. What I've
become from all of this is a curious computer user. I find my fun by
looking for answers to the simple questions: what, how, and why?
I wrote and read a lot of phlogs
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Including this one, I published 18 little phlog entries in 2023. A few
are longform like Old Computer Challenge and Whatever you do, don't
reboot. Many are comics like Cleaning up after a heart break, You
probably thought this comic was about you and Is it a movie or is it
the real. There are also a few recipes I published, although those are
found on adc's gopherhole.
There's no sense or nonsense I can see to what I wrote. I seem to have
liked writing about whatever was going on in my life: feelings,
experiences, challenges. I didn't get too personal, though. I wrote
from altitude and avoided specifics. I'm remain guarded, uncomfortable
sharing thoughts that are too much about my interiority.
I wish I wrote more entries to share on gopherspace, though I'm not
disappointed I didn't. I like sharing what's going on in my life, just
as i like reading what's going on in the life of others. But it costs
an ammount of energy to sit down and hash something out. I'm still
building up my endurance to write.
My favorite phlog to read has been agk's diary over on SDF Public
Access UNIX System. Her writing gives glimpses into a rural lifestyle
that I admire, one rooted in community and family, exploring and
storytelling. She's generous with the depth and immediacy given into
her life. She shares her dreams, her opinions, and her past. It really
is like a diary, and I'm often left feeling I have been let inside a
personal and precious space. How she writes (sometimes raw,
staccato-like sentences) is refreshing. (I should like to find my own
salient manner of penning thought to page!) I look forward to reading
her phlog into 2024 and beyond.
Colophon
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Well, there's ROYGBYTE's 2023 looking back from the end. I hope to do
this same exercise in 2024. See you then!