TOWARDS A BETTER JOB: SO FAR, IN THE WAY, AND NEXT STEPS
"It is the goal of all to improve, advance, progress, grow." - Bella
Baxter, Poor Things
Towards
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I make websites using WordPress. I've been doing this for about for
about six years. I'm pretty good at it. I can take a set of business
requirements and a heap of disorganized information and produce a
product that is good to look at, easy to use, and in fulfillment of
most stakeholders' needs. Unfortunately, I don't enjoy the work or its
environment all that much.
About four years ago I made concerted efforts to find a different
job. I took hard right turns into teaching and printing which for one
reason (I couldn't find stable positions) or another (I'm not very
good at business) didn't pan out.
For the better part of the last six months I've been thinking more
strategically. Can I find a different application of my existing
skills in tech? There has got to be a better paying, more challenging
job out there for me--something only I (or a few people like me) can
do very well. How can I find that job? Or at least: what lateral
movements can I take to reposition myself and my skills into novel
opportunities that might give me better prospects?
I've been pushed along through hopes and woes by friends. They
encourage me with career suggestions, methods of skill acquisition,
and reminders to take it easy. I'm grateful they are in my corner
rooting me on to greater accomplishments in my life. Were it not for
their cheers, I would likely stagnate and accept my station. Instead,
I recognize I am capable of more.
The trail blazed so far is guided by a belief: changes to lifestyle
can affect changes to cognitive processes. In other words, I seek to
build a way of living that gives me ample sleep, sustenance, and
perseverance to rise up to challenges, be they in my heart or in my
head.
In this post I aim to capture the distance traveled so far, the
interference that is getting in my way, and the next steps I will take
to keep making strides towards a better job.
So far
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So far I've made some minor successes expanding my knowledge into
adjacent job fields. A friend suggested I might find my place in
cybersecurity. Following this notion, I've done the following:
- I read the RFCs for HTTP and The Web Origin Concept.
- I learned the basics of the TLS handshake procedure.
- I read some research papers on vulnerabilities affecting
cybersecurity, like side-channel attacks on search auto-complete
features.
- I started reading a textbook on computer network design.
- I did half of a Coursera course on cybersecurity.
- I learned lots about the standard tools for networking and
communications (openssh, tcpdump, openssl, cURL, ip, netstat, ss,
nmap).
- I ran a forensics suite on a friend's old USB drive.
I've liked what I've learned from these exposures. I find enjoyment
reading the rules governing something like an HTTP request or
Diffie-Hellman key exchange. I also like reading about how these rules
can be bent, broken, or incorrectly implemented. For instance: if
configured incorrectly an Apache server could suffer a DoS attack from
spending too much time computing a client certificate's chain of
trust. Cool, right? I've applied some degree of this new knowledge in
my life and job. I use the standard tools to investigate small network
issues at home or at work. And my improved knowledge of HTTP and the
Web Origin Concept have helped me make make better decisions around
application security.
I've also been able to refine aspects of my daily life:
- I created daily routines that let me maintain a nonvolatile baseline
each day. Now my ability to learn and retain increases as I become
better slept, well watered and fed, sufficiently exercised and
relaxed.
- I frequently journal or take note of interesting ideas, small nibbles
of information, and what I did in a day. Now I have spaces to think
deeply and capture cognitive ephemera.
In the way
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I feel like I have the potential to cover more ground. Like, I know I
can squeeze more theory and practice out of each day. But I often
needlessly worry and stress. I undermine my efforts with an internal
barrage of second guessing and belittling chatter. And I experience
bouts of despair that can suck a day or weekend dry.
The plumbing of life--cleaning, cooking, and maintaining personal
health--get in the way. My hobbies--sewing, printing, baking, fiction,
films--get in the way. Family obligations and social outings get in
the way. Work itself--sometimes stressful and exhausting of my
energy--gets in the way. Blogging--writting these very words--gets in
the way! But here's the rub: I might actually need this stuff. A clean
place to live brings me stability. Seeing friends brings me joy and
laughter. Fiction and films bring me new ideas and
perspectives. Baking leads to bread! And writing about my efforts help
me see more clearly their outcomes and flaws.
What's really in my way then is me. I carry emotional baggage that
weighs down the part of me that aspires to be something great. I feel
this weight greatest when I aim to put my theory into
practice. Sitting down to program, for instance, is often
troubling. New projects--like configuring an OpenBSD firewall--sit on
the bench collecting dust. I am divided in two: the me that wants to
do the thing, and the me that is too scared to take the first step.
Next steps
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I need to make an activity out of understanding and accepting my
emotional baggage. Like: why do I feel incapable of success, or why do
I have trouble working on my own ideas, or why do I feel afraid of
being me? The activity could be therapy, or self-help, or even an
artistic practice. The next step to the next step is to find that
activity (hint: identify what has worked in the past) and follow it
for a little while.
Another smaller next step is one that I'm presently in stride of
making: waking up early. I decided to embark on this lifestyle change
after consistently observing that I am my most optimistic and
care-free in the morning. Thus, I seek to put some of these precious
hours to work in service of my goals. I suspect I will find myself
more driven to do hard things like practicing my weak skill when I am
freshly risen.
Finally, there are a slew of next steps which seem important but I'm
unsure how to begin their stride. I list them here so that I might
review them later.
- Identify my interests and my strengths. Then validate that these align
with the theory and practice I am pursuing.
- Optimize how my time is spent after work. Identify the activities that
I can do while feeling tired and possibly stressed. Is there a way I
can effectively decompress after work?
- Find a way to measure if my skills are improving. What forms of
evaluation can I return to at regular intervals?
Coda
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That's it for this check-in.