!Back to school
 ---
agk's phlog
19 August 2021 @ 1229
 ---
written on Pinebook Pro in the garage
during internet-based clinical orientation break
 ---

It's my first week in the accelerated BSN program. I 
commute one hour fifteen from the southern end of the 
county south of the college of nursing. I'm married 
with a one month-old daughter. 

My spouse and I are hospital nursing staff, front-
line through the pandemic. I don't have health ins-
urance because we got married and I got a $2 raise. 
When baby's social security number is issued I'll 
apply for Medicaid reinstatement. We're in our last 
few days of maternity leave.

We live with two roommates: a Wal-Mart cake decorator 
and a nursing student at another college. My spouse 
and I cook from scratch, garden, tinker, walk to the 
creek, play cards, ride an old motorcycle, listen to 
the radio, and read books aloud. I hope to: 

 * make a friend in nursing school,
 * go to {basket,foot}ball games with spouse and 
     baby at student rates,
 * not infect my baby with COVID,
 * take time from school to marvel at crawling, 
     walking, and talking milestones,
 * be a good wife,
 * graduate next December. 

I don't have many experiences of college yet except 
anxiety and bad edutech:

 * No students could register for ExamSoft. 
 * Half the class of 35 couldn't connect to the wifi
     AP in the nursing exam lab as required, even 
     with a guy from IT trying frantically to help. 
 * A class with our familes/support systems was re-
     placed with emailed video when Zoom didn't work.
 * Breakout rooms are a mess.
 * Registering for DRM-locked pdfs of textbooks took 
     the better part of a day of pasting more than a 
     dozen access codes to websites that spawned more 
     codes to copy-paste to other websites, after 
     tech support (sort of) resolved broken login.
 * I may only read textbooks via web browser, and watch 
     the spinner while I wait for each page to load.
 * I had to make 11 new accounts at websites, with 11
     new passwords, and pay a little over $1,000 to the
     websites for the privilege.
 * Most are "best viewed with Chrome" and requre down-
     loading something dodgy to a Windows, Mac, or iOS 
     device to complete registration. 
 * A login at Elsevier just routinely does not work. 
 * A Windows 10 laptop is required for exams, which 
     require Respondus Lockdown browser. It's tied to
     the institution that bought the license. I had a 
     Respondus install from a previous institution. 
     Uninstalling was not enough: I had to *re-install 
     Windows* to install the new browser, after a day
     of trying all else. The fresh Windows install 
     prohibits installing Firefox.
 * Faculty often say, "What we *were* going to do
     was...."

It's wild "non-technical" people say our way in 
Pubnix-land is hard. Their way *sucks.*

I watch the public facebook group without an account 
and GroupMe chat via SMS. Subsets of classmates use 
each. I got phone numbers from two classmates so far, 
in hopes of supportive study relationships. Only 
one classmate lives in my county. We reach for some 
of each other in hopes of making it together.

A senior who did two tours in Syria has a four year-
old. I asked how he balanced family, work, and this 
program. "Nursing school wrecked my marriage, I got 
divorced, and she has custody," he said. 

My baby girl squirmed, grunted, farted like a grown
man, and went back to sleep on her sheepskin next to 
me. Soon she'll wake, scream til she pees, look wide-
eyed at the bright blue sky, yell, feed, and fall 
drunkenly back asleep on the sheep.

I can do this, but it'll be hard. I'll be grouchy a 
lot. I'm glad for y'alls witness.