!Advice to expecting mom --- agk's diary 07 July 2022 @ 17:33 --- written on iPad via ssh.sdf.org in Safari in armchair as Evy and our toddler go to library --- Yesterday, after I taught Basic Life Support/CPR at work, there was a "4th of July" cookout in the courtyard. That's my country's independence day. I sat with a woman in human resources who's always kind and helpful to me. Behind me food services talked about their grand- kids. Behind the woman our CEO and upper management talked about their financial advisors' investment advice and "friends" who lost money in bitcoin. The woman in human resources is entering the third trimester gestating her first baby. She asked for newborn parenting advice. We did things odd and no two births or babies are the same. Old internet'd say "YMMV." Birth ----- * Get The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin from the library for your husband. Talk about how you'll birth together. * Renew it so he can look up what's happening when you start labor. * Make a birth playlist. * Do a birth dreamboard with him. Prioritize 5 things. Pack a birth bag of stuff you'll want. * Learn about nonpharmaceutical pain control even if you want an epidural. Brainstorm what you think'll help. Try 5 things with him. Simulate contractions (ice on wrist, thigh, or vulva): 1 min on, 4 off (5-1-1 pattern). How'd you pro- cess pain? Which things helped? Write findings, tuck into Birth Partner book. * Hire a birth doula if you can. First week ---------- * Our friend stayed with us the week before the birth. She cleaned house and freezer, cooked and froze a month's meals, posted a list on the freezer door: how many containers of each meal. We scrawled tickmarks as we ate. Cassie got us a CSA farm share membership at Lazy Eight stock farm for fresh produce. * We had friends over once to play mah-jongg but otherwise told everyone to go away (unless they wanted to pick up our farm share basket). Most people don't know how to help and that's okay. * I soaked pads with alcohol-free witch hazel extract, froze 'em in ziplocs. We used many for perineal pain control; warm dilute witch hazel in the peri bottle helped too. * Keep taking prenatal vitamins. * We zipped our mattress in a waterproof cover with comfy pillowtop due to breastmilk leaks, spit-up, pee. * We didn't buy a crib. My friend got us a sheep- skin, we bought a wool swaddle blanket, Evy's mom got us a Moses basket. Diapers ------- * The hardest part of cloth diapers is figuring what to get. Our friend sent us her kids' old diapers, which let us try a variety. * We like prefolds or flats with adjustable snap cover shells (a few polyester, one wool for nighttime). We didn't like pocket diapers. * Our newborn used 5-15 prefolds and 3 shells daily. We change the shell at bedtime/morning, and if it gets poop on it or soaking wet. * Prefolds or flats are $2/ea, shells $10, rubber fasteners for prefold/flat without shell $10 (greenmountaindiapers.com). * Keep wastebasket diaper pail where you change diapers. Bring wet bag or plastic walmart bag when you go out. * Dilute vinegar neutralizes pee-smells. * Rinse cycle first, then wash and another rinse. If they still smell, switch from the gentle detergent you're using to something like Tide. Line-dry when you can; sun's magic. Pottying -------- * We read The Diaper-Free Baby by Christine Gross- Loh in the third trimester and postpartum. * We pottied baby over basin or toilet starting the day she was born. Eventually Evy bought a small secondhand potty for a few dollars. * We don't catch every poop or pee. Probably 7 of every 8 poops are on the potty. * Watching cues and meeting needs helps husband build a meaningful role and attentive relation- ship with baby. Swaddling, soothing, carrying ----------------------------- * I love Calming Your Newborn, a drawing by Colin Matthes: justseeds.org/calming-your-newborn- essential-knowledge-post-5/ * When the baby was new we carried her in the Moby wrap Evy's best friend got us. It cost $40. I walked her to the creek in it the morning after she was born while Evy rested. * When she was a few months old my mom brought my nephew's old bouncer/rocker. We rocked her up- right enough to see goings-on. Don't let babies <4 months sleep unattended in old bouncers. Breastfeeding and pumping ------------------------- * You might need to swipe baby's jaw open with a finger and shove your breast in its mouth to help it get a good, deep latch. * Watch baby's jawline to see if it's swallowing. Stimulation makes milk. * Push sides of your breast to squeeze out more milk, make more, not get mastitis. Lift/gently move around your breasts in hot shower. * The baby might nurse for 45 minutes at first. Get somewhere comfy with a boppy pillow and snacks. You get thirsty. Your husband can bring water and rub your feet to help make milk. * You have to eat more when you're breastfeeding than when you're pregnant. * If you have problems, lactation consultants know more than your pediatrician. They work in the hospital and community. * Nursing bras are better than regular bras. You'll probably have to size up. Put washable or disposable nursing pads in your bra cups. Not killing the baby or each other ---------------------------------- * Your husband should take the maximum FMLA leave he can get. At the end of 8 weeks, you'll both wish you lived in a country that allows longer maternity/paternity leave. * Catnip (Nepeta cataria) tea, warm or hot, is the universal home remedy for baby irritation, gas, constipation, fever. Brew 5 mins, drink (it relaxes you too and is delivered in milk). * Learn about "the period of purple crying" when babies cry most (peaks at 2 months). Like you planned for birth pain, make anyone who cares for baby tell you their plan to cope with frus- tration, exhaustion, and inconsolable baby. * Mom-guilt's a thing. It starts early. They try, but babies are actually bad at killing them- selves. You're imperfect but probably adequate. Relax, it's usually okay. * Build and maintain your family/friend circle. Your husband should too. As you feel and learn, who'll you confide in, play board games/drink coffee/walk with, etc? Whether things are great or awful, don't hide. People need people.