!Christina's 5 questions
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agk's diary 
10 February 2023 @ 17:53 UTC
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written on GPD Win 1 via PuTTY
on couch while daughter tries not to nap
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I love to answer Christina's questions; read
others' answers. She wrote 5 new ones!

 gopher://sdf.org:70/1/users/christyotwisty

1. Do I give advice to close friends who seem to
    struggle, or wait for 'em to ask?

    To support a struggling close friend, I make
    time & space (walk by the creek, play jacks),
    elicit something to listen to:

    "Your marriage gotten better?"
    "You were crying when you came over last week."
    "People talking about you behind your back. You
      hurt someone?"
    "You're drinking more than usual."

    I try to have no advice, listen to what's on
    friend's mind; crack denial of what they're
    afraid to think about. People suffer from
    incommunicable experience. Shameful stuff
    (drink, abusing, neglect) needs more space:

    "You know I used to drink a lot. I did some 
      wild shit when it was still fun [chuckle]."
    "I badly hurt someone I loved when I was 18.
      Had no idea at the time. When I learned how
      bad I misunderstood, how irreparable the harm
      was, I got ready to kill myself. My friend
      Lee came in the middle of the night, said 'Ya
      ain't a monster or a saint, yer a fucking
      human. Gotta learn from what you can't make
      right, not run from it."

    Advice is cheap. Intimate space to reflect on
    tragicomic ambiguity of habits & situations is 
    dear. To close portals to Hell that threaten
    to suck me in, it helps to be supportive with-
    out rescuing:

      * Ask the person what he wants/doesn't want.
      * Be clear what you do/don't wanna do.
      * & what you are/n't capable of doing.
      * Negotiate what you will/won't do. 
      * Acknowledge if you have a rescue fantasy
         & find out why.

2. Best view where I live?

    East pinnacle at sunrise, west pinnacle day,
    "painted rocks" anytime, isolated stretch of 
    Wisemantown Road to stargaze, tiny waterfall on
    silver creek for just sitting.

3. What useful skill'd I want a nontechy friend to
    learn?

    Cook beans 10 ways. Change, wash, hang dry
    diapers. Put the seat high enough on a bicycle;
    confidently stop and start in traffic. Send
    mail. Read for pleasure. Sing. Use a map to get
    somewhere afoot. Visit, listen to old people.
    Make a personal blog or 'zine. Troubleshoot a
    problem. Grow tomatoes. Make bread, sauerkraut.
    Hand-mend clothes. Make, maintain, end friend-
    ships. Decide, plan, do, reflect.

4. What'd I do if I had a buddy or childcare?

    If I had childcare, I'd go on dates and do
    rope bondage play in woods with my wife and
    sometimes some of our friends.

    I might take a yoga class.

5. My favourite slow cooker recipe?

    Broth: bones, veggie scraps, onion and potato 
    peels, nettles or parsley, vinegar, water, bay
    leaves, 3+ days.