!Theory of reality --- agk's diary 26 Jauary 2024 @ 02:19 UTC --- written on GPD Win 1 in living room with granola bar --- Tonight I went to a meeting of [nearby city] for Palestine, a group started by a local woman and some of her friends after we talked at a bonfire about nearby defense contractors and their power over our federal representative. Her and her friends' theories of action seem like they're different from mine. They mostly work in or associate with the college and nonprofit worlds. I don't like those worlds, even though I think I like these people. But I hate being in a meeting with them. My theory of action: Throw out a hypothesis about reality, about how the world works in relation to our goal. Take action brashly, but action intended to test our hypothesis. Reflect. Repeat. I think we want Israel to stop bombing, allow unrestricted aid, release Palestinian hostages and prisoners, shoulder responsibility for rebuilding, end occupation, apartheid, and Jewish supremacy, and surrender its nukes. I don't think all those are on everyone's mind, but I expect broad agreement. I think our hypothesis is: without US armaments and ammunition, diplomatic cover, and military belligerence in the region, at least the first three would have had to happen by now. We then have probably different hypotheses about what leverage we have in concert with the many others like us. Maybe a more educated public would be a lever that would achieve our goal. Maybe embarrassment, rising costs, or devaluing defense industry stocks would be levers. Maybe electeds who feel they can't stay in office without moving in our direction, or electeds who campaign on ceasefire etc and win are levers. Maybe social media. Maybe art. Maybe more people in the meeting. I think our unspoken hypotheses are all wrong, mine included. We get closer to a correct analysis by stating a wrong one, taking action, reflecting, modifying it, taking action again, ever more closely approximating reality. People from nonprofit world want to talk about how meetings will be run, how the group should be organized, peoples' capacity (what even is that?). Some of that's their management class culture I guess. It's a fruitless quest for virtue. It manages conflict, screens out people like me, keeps vulnerability and intimacy at bay. I think they want to replicate "actions" discussed about in Signal messenger chats by [bigger city] for Palestine. I think it's a mythic kind of consciousness wedded to ritual action, not the seat-of-the-pants scientific investigation I tried to lay out above. People do get some big wins through collectively replicating each others' behavior, never explicitly stating their theory of reality or evaluating what they learn through action. The way I was taught is not always the correct way. But how will you know when you're winning? How will you prioritize, given your limited capacity? I left the meeting with my bored toddler after an hour. She needed mama attention; meetings shouldn't last more than an hour, but theirs routinely do. I felt isolated, alienated, bored, and lonely; shut up, blocked, frustrated. People I learned my theory of action from, who learned theirs from the Viet Cong, War on Poverty-funded groups, and other formations from before or outside the nonprofit world told me nonprofits are counterinsurgency. I'm inclined to agree.