04 Sep 2025
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 Retrospective: Why so grumpy online

 I have recently deleted my Lemmy account and left a chat group that I joined
 for curiosity.

 My inner consciousness must know me very well so it picked this Gopherhole's
 title for me without me really thinking it deep. I now think that it is quite
 a perfect illustration of my online behaviour - I am ready to leave at any
 time. I guess it too will happen to this Gopherhole one day. There is no
 backup for the phlogs here and I don't plan to do it, so if they are gone they
 are gone.

 I think the true face of it is the regret of getting into online quarrels.

 The effect is really immediate. I have no problem being disagreed with. I get
 disagreements everywhere, and I am wrong all the time. I can live with them as
 long as they are constructive and I can see sound reasons that lead to a
 different opinion. But when things become more like emotional argument, with
 no real inputs to support the viewpoints, I immediately feel the discomfort.

 Another thing that I still don't quite understand is, some comments were made
 by people who had no experience of the matter (as in actually trying it) and
 were confidently wrong factually. I am fine with people having their own
 personal opinions because different people experience different scenarios in
 their life, so who am I to judge. Like if someone loves wearing underwear on
 the outside of their trousers, who am I to judge. Bonus points if they can
 explain about the good things of this style, I will love to know. It is just
 like food - you can choose not to try others' favourite food but you don't
 judge others' preferences, unless there is a very strong reason to do so, like
 health. However, being factually wrong is something that I noticed I couldn't
 bear.

 This happened in the chat group. Not going to put the case in a phlog but when
 I think about it later, I reckon the "fact" was actually a personal opinion,or
 I should say it was a conclusion that started from a fact but heavily shaped
 by the person's own opinions, and presented as a fact. (i.e., the sentence was
 "XXXXXX is less private")

 Now I think about it, the person simply digested the fact for others, helping
 them to understand that the matter being discussed requires a certain degree
 of expertise to execute correctly. I still feel bad because I was quite
 unsettled about the "fact" being not "right", and decided to raise a different
 viewpoint. It got me distracted when the person started to share articles that
 reinforced their opinions, but never answered to the fact. With my bad social
 and communication skills, I failed to acknowledge their opinions and tell them
 that I just wanted the fact to be correctly presented, separated from personal
 ideas so that other members could consider themselves.

 The conversation went further and further from what I was supposed to talk
 about, so I thought "it's time to stop". I was so immature that I said, "No,
 I am telling you that XXXXXX is not less private and you don't mask it with
 personal comments when giving technical advice". In the end the person left
 the group.

 Really feel bad about it. I think the person was quite resourceful. I didn't
 go into every single article that they shared, but I could tell the members
 loved having those reading materials to learn more about the topic. I rarely
 spoke in the group but the very few interactions have already led to someone
 quitting the group unhappily. 

 I think it is just an escape from the problem. But like that Hungarian proverb
 used by a Japanese manga, "Running away is shameful, but useful"...What did I
 learn? I am still thinking...maybe next time I should start with asking for 
 clarifications and shouldn't be in a hurry to talk about my own ideas that
 soon...

 Well, I am back to having only IRC and now a Gopherhole. Can't say I am not
 happy though. I do enjoy the, to some degree, anonymity from Gopherspaces and
 free from likes, votes and karma. I think in the end I just like being me and
 put my thoughts here without needing to know who read the burblings and what
 feelings they have. 

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 Afternote: Honest feeling above, but won't be unhappy if I receive feedback
 about anything shared in any phlog. Appreciate your time and please don't mind
 if you receive an awkward reply. Not an expert in replying.