on the nest: week 39 & 40

week 39
according to tracie hotchner's pregnancy pure and simple, Aisling is now 
ready to be born. she's become plump enough by now, with the layer of fat 
that's been building up under her skin, to be able to regulate her body 
temperature after birth. her skin is soft and smooth and her body has 
filled out. she may weigh anywhere from six to eleven pounds by the end of 
this week. any time now i'm going to be a mother!

week 40
any time now, huh? *sigh* i've had so many false alarms in the past few 
weeks that semi-regular contractions seem commonplace and i barely even 
dare to hope anymore that i may actually be starting real labor... however 
on a weekend trip to the maternity center when i thought i had finally 
begun real labor i did decide finally and completely on the name for the 
little one: Aisling Stoirm, the words for "dream" and "storm" in gaelic, 
as on the way to the center we drove through the most beautiful 
thunderstorm... so another thing has been accomplished. i've run out of 
things to type about the baby, and i think i've run out of pregnancy pages 
as well...now there is just waiting. and it is horrible. my aunt came down 
this past week from phoenix, arizona on vacation in hopes that the little 
one would have decided to be born before she arrived--but no such luck, 
and my aunt's vacation time ran out, and she had to go back to 
arizona...however, it was very nice to sit in the floor and go through 
baby clothes with someone who would actually get as cute and silly and 
googly-eyed as i do...so that was neat. i've had to deal with this entire 
feeling of failure, as if the entire reason why i am not having this baby 
is my fault, somehow, and that everyone has been waiting for something to 
happen and it keeps not happening and somehow i should be able to force it 
or something--which i know is ridiculous--there is absolutely nothing i 
can do about this--Aisling will come when she is good and ready. but still 
for some weird reason i don't understand i feel like i'm letting the world 
down or something. anyway. on top of this, when the midwives checked my 
hemoglobin monday it was 9.0--an all-time low for me--and it needs to be a 
10.0 before i can be permitted to deliver the baby at the maternity 
center...so i have been taking my iron tablets religiously and eating 
high-iron foods and doing everything i can think of save chewing on 
nails...hopefully whenever i do begin to go into labor (if indeed such a 
miracle happens) i will have a high enough hemoglobin level to deliver the 
baby at the center... at any rate, we can keep our fingers crossed, yes? 
so it has not been a particularly wonderful week for me...however, monday 
evening, because i was so depressed at having such a low iron level and at 
not progressing as much as i was hoping i had, alestar and thorstone and 
the jupiter girl took me shopping for high iron foods, and then drew all 
over my belly and took pictures, which did a good deal to cheer me 
up...and it also means that i have pictures to show off instead of pouting 
and whining and bitching like i have been for the past thousand characters 
or so...so without further ado, here are pictures of me and my friggin' 
huge belly...







my visit with the midwives on monday led me to discover that my iron is 
fine and that i am 50% effaced (thinned-out), which means it could be 
today, tomorrow, a week from now--who knows? but i am still 
progressing--my body is not in a complete standstill, it is actually doing 
something--just not very fast. i spent some time in the waiting room on 
monday conversing with a father who's wife had delivered at the center 
four months previously and a new mom, nine weeks into her pregnancy, still 
all excited and glowing and full of that creative energy--i was rather 
envious of her. ;) she kept trying to show me the little pudge of her 
stomach, "see? i'm showing already!" and i just smiled really big 
remembering how excited i was around that same time for the same exact 
reasons...and she looked at me and said something about, "wow, you are 
really all baby." and i just nodded. it was nice to talk with people on 
both ends of the spectrum. it reminded me how excited i am about this 
child, and also that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one 
way or the other in the next couple of weeks i'll be able to start really 
being a mother.