spinach and artichokes
july 18th, 2000

ye gods. merely a week away from the computer, and now i have 47 messages 
in my inbox.

it has been a good day. my daughter and myself accompanied my expecting 
cousin (she'll be dropping that lil' one any day now, they say...of 
course, they said that about me too...*snicker*) to johnson city for a 
shopping extravaganza (actually, i didn't shop as much as watch the 
shopping occur) but it was much fun. we had in-transit conversations about 
motherhood and adolesence and relationships and travelling, and we ate 
spinach and artichoke dip and club sandwiches and white chocolate and 
macadamia nut cookies. it was much fun. Aisling and myself stopped at the 
grocery store on the way home, and ran into the sweetest lady. from her 
thick accent and her interest in tacos, dark hair and complexion, i am 
assuming she was mexican.

"what a cute baby!"
"say 'thank you', Ash."
"that has to be the cutest baby i've ever seen."
"and she knows it, too!"
"well, that's a good thing. they need to know it when they are young."
"yes, and hopefully she won't forget it when she gets older!"
"you don't look old enough to have a baby, though."
"i'm 21 years old..."
"21?! i never would have thought you were 21."
"yeah, i get that all the time."
"well, when you're 40 years old, you'll look like you're 20."
"and then it will all pay off!"
"what's her name?"
"Aisling."
"Ashley?"
"yep."
"that's a pretty name. do you make tacos often?"
"oh yes, all the time, actually. i love them."
"i make them by hand."
"yeah, my grandmother does that. i watch and learn. and i'm getting 
better!"
"that's the best way to learn!"

our conversation went something like that. it was really wonderful. very 
small things make me feel really good. and nice people are one of them.

it's very funny...as concerned as i've always been about my weight, i've 
never been on a diet before, until now. it's not horribly strict, but i'm 
hoping it will help. if i can just lose about ten or fifteen pounds, i'll 
be a happy girl. if i could ever fit into my ripped up, marked-all-over, 
jeans again, then i would be ecstatic. my plan is simply this - eat a very 
small breakfast, skip lunch, have a moderate dinner, and only eat one 
small, low-fat snack a day. in addition to this, i am going to walk up to 
the top of the hill behind my house every day after dinner and down again, 
and do fifty stomach crunches a night before i go to bed. and granted, i'm 
going to be cutting out a lot of my well-loved, fatty home-cooked southern 
meals, but i'm to the point where i feel very uncomfortable with my body, 
and thus being i feel i really do need to get rid of some of this weight. 
i've even switched to diet soda. and as i said in a much earlier entry 
that i have yet to resurrect, i *never* drink diet soda.

i must surrender the computer. let me raise my white flags high.