PURE HEROINE (2013)
2025-05-20

For no reason this morning, I launched my music player. I stared
for some time at the empty playlist. There's those songs mumbling
in the back of my head for days now. From what album? Oh...Yes...

So, for no reason this morning, I added this album by Lorde in
my music player and hit `play'. I stayed in front of the screen,
barely moving, just listening to the music, lost in other places,
other times. It transported me. I remember. I was living in the
city of Caen, in Normandy. It was a saturday morning. And it was
my birthday.

> Today is my birthday, and I'm riding high
> Hair is dripping, hiding that I'm terrified

It was december, and it was very cold and rainy outside. I had
taken refuge on the top floor of the university library, on the
Law section floor as always, so I can connect a little to the In-
ternet. The place was almost empty. I was on my laptop -- I re-
member exactly in front of what window I was sitting --, preten-
ding to study, headphones in my ears with this album playing.

The library stands on the hill overlooking the city, and I am at
the very top of the building. I feel as if it is me who is at the
very top of the city, gazing out of the window, almost distant,
from my privileged position, diffusely aware of all these people
at home, probably wrapped up in the warmth of their cocoon, slow-
ly, serenely letting this sweet, white morning flow.

> I'll let you in on something big
> I am not a white teeth teen
> I tried to join but never did

I remember receiving a message from my huge crush of the time, a
girl who literally seemed to come out of my dreams. A slighty
cryptic message. It was a puzzle. It was clear she had spent some
time shaping it. With patience and devotion, I finally unraveled
it. It was a message to celebrate my birthday. She knew I did not
like to be celebrated, but she found this charming way to do it
anyway. She filled my heart with emotions. I even never knew how
she knew that today was my birthday. What a girl...

> And I'll never go home again
> (Place the call, feel it start)
> Favorite friend
> (And nothing's wrong when nothing's true)
> I live in a hologram with you
> We're all the things that we do for fun
> (And I'll breathe, and it goes)
> Play along
> (Make-believe, it's hyper real)
> But I live in a hologram with you

I spent the rest of the morning, until the library closed at mid-
day, chatting with you by message, that Lorde album cycling in my
ears.

Your name was Lola -- but all my friends had kindly nicknamed you
Jessica Rabbit after I told them about you. Yeah, you really came
out from my dreams.

It was years ago. I don't know where your are now. But I sincere-
ly hope you are doing well.

> I've never felt more alone
> It feels so scary getting old

> I want them back
> The minds we had
> It's not enough to feel the lack
> I want 'em...

Thank you Lola for this fond memory.