I changed the place where
I meditated. It used to be 
in my bedroom upstairs, but
I've moved it in my studio. 

As my sexuallity is changing
I decided to sleep in my own bed
alone. I tend to 'want' to have 
sex with my wife because we're
naked in bed together. Not sleeping
in the same bed changed that quite
drastically. We get quite excited
when we sleep together. 

It's quite refreshing and also healing. 
For me, for our relationship, but 
also for my meditation practice. 

The point I wanted to make
is that now I meditate more,
in a beautiful spot.

I've setup my zabuto, and 
an altar made from local 
old growth cedar, haversted
by a friend of mine. Ganesh, 
a Shiva Lingam and a buddha 
preside on it. 

I sit in front of a diamond shaped
window, overlooking Kootenay Lake. 

It's quite powerful!

Last year I reached Samadhi while
looking outside that window. 

I was helping my yoga teacher
in a zoom class. I was bored and
not really wanting to meditate. 
I was even browsing on my phone
during the class. I told myself
'I'll just be who, what I am and
won't try during this class.'

While meditating, I looked out
the window. I saw a shred of clouds
lost a few meters over the lake.
Clouds often get trapped 
on the moutain's lake and
offer a beautiful dance. 

I felt an understanding, a feeling
of coming home after being at the 
hospital for a while. A sensation
between sadness and relief. Sadness
that the separation is self created.
But a relief that this separation is
thing like these shred of cloud..

It was a glimpse, just a few second
of realisation. It wasn't a realisation
of the mind. There was not a change in
my understanding of reality, but 
a striking of a bell, leaving its
vibration affecting everyting. 

It affected me a lot for days. I did
not function the same. Bliss isn't what
I though it was. Samadhi isn't what 
I though it was. It's really potent,
open, uncomfortable. It's warm but 
completely expansive. 

I don't know if I am ready for 
more of these experiences. There
are other elements in my practice
that seems to be more pressing. 

It's said that enligthment is 
a samadhi that is always present. 
It would be hard to be in that 
place at all time. It would be
hard to live in this world like that. 

But it's inevitable in my sitation... 

I'll be posting some image
on pixelfed.sdf.org of my new
meditation setup...