For many years I couldn't drink
even one beer without getting a
splitting migraine for a couple
days. About a month ago, I tried
to drink a beer, worried it would
put me in bed for the next
day. Nothing happened. So I've
been drinking so much more in the
last few weeks.

I really liked to be scared of
drinking for so long. But I guess
I have to go through a
celebration round, and drift back
into the non-drinking habit I
had. I have to admit I was still
drinking high end mescal, but at
100$ per bottle, my habits were
quite limited.

One positive aspect of drinking
is the next morning blues.
Drinking makes me depressed,
like, I assume, a lot of us.
In that depressed state, a
lot of my sadness comes to the
surface. But right now, I am not
too sad. I do feel lonely, I feel
my life is a bit boring, a normal
morning blues, not too deep, no
tears. I am getting better, so it
seems.

Tomorrow we're planing a magic
mushroom, electronic music, full
moon, beltane evening
exploration. I'm looking forward
to the test of mushroom! If
alcohol give me the blues,
mushroom also bring to the
surface the emotional body that
hasn't been dealt with. I really
like doing psychedelic when I am
clear of worries and fear,
stepping in the world of magic
without too much healing to do.

I don't think there is a lot
there to worry about, I am sad,
yes, but a normal level of
sadness that accompany a break
up. It's been three months now,
so it's not as potent as it was.

Drinking makes my writing pretty
bad too, so I'll stop for now. I
mean it's probably different if I
write when I'm drunk, which I
should probably try some days...