Part of me
want to escape
in pornography
in social media
in entertainment

Dissolve reality
numb the experience
jerk off my passion
Forget and move on

But I want to retain
a memory of the experience
let the taste linger
on my lips
on my mind
on my body
a little longer

            .,oO()Oo,.

Yesterday I went to the
celebration of life of a friend,
Rowan. I strangely don't remember
a lot form her. I liked her, she
was aware, looking, powerful.
I don't remember her sickness, I
missed that chapter. The last
memory I have of her, is her and I
dancing like wild monkeys on a
boat under the stars. I was super
silly and was having way too much
fun, and Rowan heard me, came
over, and started to dance and
laugh with me.

Her celebration of life was all
about dancing. So I danced.
I connected with a few old
friends. I saw a girl, in a short
dress. Not wearing any bra, her
breast were moving freely.
She had too much make up.
Her panties, so small, her dress
moving revealing most of her
bottom. She was sexy, making love
to herself on the dance floor.

I wouldn't have look twice in the
past. A little too chubby for my
taste. But yesterday I saw her
and watched. I heard the judgment
in my head, I didn't care. She
was having a lot more fun than
I was. We would probably have a
lot of fun if I'd let myself be
charmed. Yesterday I wanted her.
I was ready to let go of any of
my judgments. It didn't matter
anymore. I was horny, she turned
me on, that is all that mattered.

By living my life to the fullest,
in real life instead of online, 
I dissolve this virtual illusion,
this judgment of the other.
I listen to a deeper voice, a
more animal voice. This physical
reality is what is, take it now.
There is no back up, there is no
second life, there is no replay. 

With the overwhelming quantity of media,
socials, pornography, movies and
tv shows, I created a fake
reality that I lived in. This has
been even more aggravated with
social media and AI. Anyone can
be watched nowadays, and anyone
who dare can watch and undress
or re-cast who they watch. It
used to be limited to our
internal fantasy, now we can
create pornography from anyone in
our social, enacting our fantasy. 

The fantasy that is created,
sucking us away from the real
world, will be even more
treacherous. This is a very scary
part of AI, the machine that can
materialize all of our fantasy,
an even greater threat to our
sanity. 

I really enjoy living in the real
world. With my full potential,
with my lust and desires, with
being bored, lonely, sad. Being
powerfully moved by a kiss, a
kiss that linger in my reality
for days. It was just a kiss, and
yet I'm still touched, affected,
transformed. I know a few hours
of socials and pornography would
have wiped any memory of it.
I could go online, numb my
experience, get excited about
anything else. But I'd rather
dwell into the beauty of the
physicality itself. 

Like a the fragility of a flower
that can be immortalized between
the page of a dictionary, I want
to seize my human experiences and
savor them to the fullest.  

There are many teachings that
talks about this physical reality
being a illusion in itself.
Another form of the dream, that
we need to awake from. But to
awaken from it, you have to dive
deep into it.

Passionately savoring the gently
dissolving dream. I remember
being aware in a dream, holding
on to a toy, hoping it would still
be in my hand when I woke up. 
I want to hold on to reality,
follow the white rabbit, wherever
it will lead me.