We played 3 hours of Minecraft.

Enough to get us both dizzy. I
then proceeded to clean the
storage in the kitchen. Six
milk crates full of recycling.
It felt like someone was
preparing for the end of the
world. The whole house felt
like that for the first few
months after the separation. 

Why are we keeping so much
stuff around?

I then proceeded to burn all
our 'fire starter' paper.
Journals, notes, old invoices,
a complete story of my past
few years.

A lot of my ex's journals,
a lot of memories. It took me
a couple hours to burn it
all, but it felt very good.
I still need to get the paper
ashes out of the wood stove.
Paper create so much ashes. 

Two nights ago I dreamed about
keeping only what fit in my
back pack. A sign of downsizing?
Yesterday I did take a good stab
at it. Maybe today a bit more?

The wardrobe in my room?
Emptying it, bring it all in
the 'final' storage room on
the first floor? Lo talked
to me about chaos and order,
and there is nothing else.
No good, no bad.

Cleaning up this mess, I
feel like my ex was
chaos, I was order. She
liked it clean, but her
chaos made it really hard
for me to do so. Now that
I am mostly alone, I'm
reducing the chaos that
was created over the last
15 years. I still have
half a year to complete
the task, from my initial
writing on the "great exodus."

Chaos and order, I like
this concept, this in-between,
this walking the ledge of
a mountain. I feel this
in-between in my life, in
my day to day decision and
sensations. I am creating
order at the moment to be
able to ride chaos in the
future. Making my backpack,
choosing what tool I want
to keep, what I need to
let go of.

What is the one thing I would
keep if I could only bring
one thing? I don't know why,
but the first thing that comes
to mind is my violin. It's
not practical, it's fragile,
but if there would be one
thing... My hammock also come
close in the first few things
I'd like to keep around.

A hammock and a violin,
that's a weird, somewhat poetic
start. Some piece of tech,
I assume my ebook + mech
keyboard, portable solar
panels, would come in handy.
But that seems an overkill.
My tattoo setup is small
enough, when I get better
at it, it's a good money
tool. It's such an interesting
process to think about
what I'd keep, what I'm
willing to give up.

What did I bring when I left
Montreal to come travel out west?

My small Ganesh statue and
my mala, this give me plenty
for mediation, and I can
wear both. Fountain pen,
a dip pen, a brush, an ink
stick and stone for making
ink, with a notebook.

For sleeping, I had a hammock,
a wool lama poncho, an army
poncho and a Mexican cotton
blanket. That served me for
sleeping and for wearing
in many weather. Not super
warm though, I think I'd
add a small sleeping bag.
I always wondered, what if
I could wear my hammock too?

For food, I had a sprouting
kit, 3 plastic containers on
top of my bag. I had also a
tin can, big enough to cook,
made into a rocket stove. A
knife, a kind of cutting board
and one pot/pan that fit right
on the tin can. A small wooden
bowl for drinking and eating
from, chop stick, and a big
water 'bag.' 

That was the core of my
travel equipment, and I did travel
for a couple year. Hitch-hiking
around Canada, working here
and there.

I feel like I am aiming to
get back to something as
minimal as that. But not
really, simply going toward
that feeling of freedom.
Maybe a car full? Even that
feels like a lot for some
reason. All I know is that
I feel the weight of all
the stuff in my life and
I want to minimize, keep
only what is of value and
precious to me.