I registered an account on
instaddict last month. Wanting to
connect with some of the tattoo
artists I was to meet at the
convention.

Then I added the psytrance tribe,
then a few other artists. It
become filled with a new reality
that I want to create for myself.
Underground festivals, tattoo,
freaks, artists. It was quite
inspiring. I had the whole alt
community wanting me to be part
of it. I was part of something. 

Then it started to want more of
me. I probably scrolled too
slowly over a video of an emo
tattooed girl showing off her
body. Ah ha! said instagram and
then it knew. You like this, well
what about this and that? Or
maybe a bit of this? I have a
million ways to entertain you!

My FYP became that soft-porn
page, getting naughtier each time
I would watch. Then I started to
see creator doing this short nip
slip, underskirt, bum in the
mirror, so that instagram doesn't
block their content. Girls
complaining they don't get DM
enough by older men. Surely they
are porn stars or cam model, but
there weren't any link in their
bio. They were just doing that
for attention? Should I create a
second account? Hide deeper... 

Then, last Thursday, I kept on
reloading instagram every moment
I had free. The next morning, I
had a lingering sensation of
something really cool happened
the day before, I met someone or?
No it was only the sensation of
instagram that made me feel less
alone, that made me feel like I
was part of a really fun crew of
people. I wasted a bit more time
first thing in the morning on
instagram. I needed another hit. 

I realized I was fully
addicted. I wanted more of it.
It was naughty, sexy, fun, keeping
me entertained. Keeping me
feeling like I had a fun life
with people I like.
I wasn't alone anymore.
I didn't need
to do anything
to be cool.
I was cool.
Just because
instagram(tm).

This is so intense.

I deleted my account yesterday,
but of course they keep your
account going for another 30
days, in case you want to connect
back. They know that it takes a
while before you can completely
get rid of a habit. After 30
days you won't probably come
back, but until then, there is a
big chance you'll come back,
again and again. Once you login
back, you have to cancel your
account, and then another 30
days. 

It's strangely more addictive
than porn, because it's not porn,
but a lot of creator are in this
soft porn, for whatever reason.
Are they just in for the
attention? Some of them have cam
model account or something else,
while some of them are just being
sexy and hunting for like and
views, I assume. Instagram loves
that I'm sure. 

It's so far from my desire to
practice presence, to have a real
life, to interact and have fun
with people. It also would
replace all that in an instant.
I could easily spend all my free
time on there. It fulfill a lot
of what I am seeking.

I complain a lot about social
media. I've disconnected from
most of the social media many
years ago. The last remaining one
has been mastodon. But I haven't
had an episode like this in a
while. It's wild how affected I
was for a moment there. I feel
like it's a good reminder of why
I am not on social media. It
affects me on a very deep level.

I am probably more sensitive than
others too, from the fact that I
am not using regularly. I assume
it would calm down after a while.

But even there, even if I'd learn
to manage that addiction, what is
the point of all that? What do I
get in return for investing hours
on there. Getting followers,
likes, views? Fame? None of that
interests me.