My mind, infatuated with Molly,
wanders in all directions.

The next day after our kiss, I wanted
to give her a massage. I setup my
mat, and then I went to get her
on the dance floor. I gestured
that it was time for the massage,
she understood, but went to grab
her water bottle. She looked at
my reaction. I came standing by
the dance floor, waiting for her,
I would not let her go away.

She saw that I wouldn't take no
as an answer. I wonder how she
felt about it, but she promptly
followed me to the massage tent.
I didn't want to force her into
receiving a massage, but I was
thinking that we were kissing and
embracing yesterday, I really
hoped I could give her a massage
today.

Massage is one way for me
to express my love and compassion
to someone else. It is a body
language that I find clear and
deep. You can say a hundred words
and you will not understand each
other. But the connection that
happens during a massage is
profound and clear. The bodies
don't lie, they attune themselves
or they don't. Massaging Molly
was both tender and sweet. The
way she reacted to the massage,
completely giving in, made me
like her even more. People's face
becomes beautiful when they enjoy
the massage. There was something
very cute and tender, looking at
her, while I massaged her neck.

I was offering massage as a
workshop, little tasters of
massage, so after a few moment, I
told her that it was time for my
next massage. I didn't take much
time to close the session, I
don't remember what she looked
like. It felt a bit rushed, but
other people wanted to also be
massaged. I went on doing 5 more
massage, and by the end,
exhausted, I went back to the
dance floor, where Julia was
mixing an awesome psytrance set.

Molly was there, of course,
dancing her heart out. We looked
at each other, smiled, danced.

I went for several naps that day as
I was still exhausted from the
previous night. Then we finally had
our last dance, the whole
psymurai tribe was on the dance
floor, and then it was time to go
home, sadly. We quickly took down
our camping setup, I was playing
in my head what I would say to
Molly when I would say goodbye.

"I like how you dance, and how
you kiss, and how you react to my
massage, maybe we should try to
make love to each other?"

I didn't know how to say it.
I wanted her, but not now, not
here, sometime in the future.
I could have stayed one more night,
and see where this story would go.
I decided to leave anyway.

As we departed, I went to see and
hug everyone. Molly was one of
the last person I said goodbye.
I scratched her back gently.
She stood up and turned around.
We hugged, we embraced each other.
I brought my hand to her head and
caressed her hair. It was
tender. I simply said:

"Lets do all of that again soon"

She answered positively, and we
stay in this hug for a few minutes.

I wondered about kissing her
again, but when we came out of
the hug, she didn't reach for a
kiss, I simply said;

"See you around"

With a smile. Was she wanting a
kiss? I don't know. She seemed to
want something from me. I wanted
something from her too. I also
liked to let things linger around.
I am not sure how she took it,
should have I taken her contact?
Should have I made a move, give
her a last kiss?

I'm really glad that I asked for
the first kiss, and that she
answered yes, but only a kiss.
I was clear on what I wanted, she
was clear on how she wanted, and
I only gave her what she asked.
Nothing more. If she feels I
should have given her more, she
might realize that she set up the
rules. A bit of a game, I assume,
but I didn't fake it. I only did
what felt comfortable, without
asking the should, would... 

I feel really good at the moment.
Yes I could have had more of an
adventure, and maybe I missed out
on some of the cues. But at the
same time, everything was so
sweet and tender. If it's the
last time I ever see Molly, it
will be the sweetest memory. If
I see her again, I feel like
there will be even more passion
between the two of us.

I think there is something to be
said about the dance of flirting,
desires and sustaining this
vibration. Molly is a fairly
young woman, which makes the
whole story more romantic. Some
woman I meet wants to build a
family, some just want sex. While
some are more excited to live
life. I feel like Molly is in
that place of exploring and
enjoying life. Not overly wanting
sex, and not ready to settle and
have a family. I'm also at that
place. I'm not out to have sex
with everyone. I really enjoy the
early excitement, the flirting,
the passion, the tenderness of
meeting someone new and feeling
that attraction. I feel that all
that is more exciting than sex.
But also make sex so much more
pleasurable when you like the
other person's way of dancing,
kissing and massaging each other.

All that to say; I'm really
happy that we've only kissed.
Just a little tease. I almost
feel bad that it was such a
tease, but then I tell myself
that she ask for only a kiss.

It's really aligned with how I
want to live my life lately.
Just go with what is. Don't fear
the future, worry about the past,
just look at what is going on
now, make a move with what you
want to do (ask for a kiss, ask
to give a massage) enjoy the
moment fully. Don't ask for
more, i.e. if we kissed we should
probably have sex. Don't feel
like to have to do something
because of your action, i.e. take
her contact because this is what
you should do when you had such a
good time.

When I'm centered in that core
value of who I am, it also
attract the right people toward
me. Molly might be angered by my
attitude, which would make her
not wanting to connect ever
again. I would be fine with that,
we would have enjoyed each other
as much as we could at the time.
But she also might be charmed by
our interaction, in which case
she might reach out, or at least
look forward for seeing each
other again.

I would really like that.