On my way to the ferry, I noticed
a brunette, tattooed in bikini
top and shorts. She was with a
very 'neutral' looking man. Not
old, nor young, not too tall, or
skinny. Clean haircut, boring
clothing, but clean too. I get
weird out by people who are too
clean. She seemed out of place
with him. A good time to
practice. I dropped into my
awareness, breath and relaxed. I
looked at her in my peripheral
vision. She is looking. I turn to
her, she divert her look quickly.

I look at her while she know I am
looking. Is she blushing? There
is a tension created. I can feel
it in my body, a confused
discomfort, not so much an
attraction. We drive on the boat,
and then I sit away from her, but
I can see her. She sees me. She
moved in funny ways. I look away,
still observing her. She
stretches, and move to grab my
attention. She show off her kicks
to her boyfriend, put one foot on
the bench next to him to stretch
in some sort of a lunge.

It's a fun first experience. I am
not sure if she is reacting to me
really. I felt I wasn't close
enough to be clear about my
sensation. 

We drove all the way to my
daughter's friend place. It's a
nice hippy house in the middle of
nowhere. I already like this
family. 
 
I didn't meet the mother, but I
met the daughter. I took a pause,
and then looked at her. She
looked me in the eyes. I like
people who look you into your
eyes. I only said "Have fun!" and
she acknowledged. Some young
people don't look at you in the
eyes, most of them really. But
then, so do and are surprised to
have someone look back at them.

I also like to look deep into
people's eyes, to see how aware
they are. Most people have glazed
look, they are somewhere else.
The are watching a movie that is
place on top of reality, so when
you look into their eyes, you can
see they are out of focus. But
this girl was looking, observing,
for a split second, realizing
that I was too looking into her
eyes.

I then went to buy some more pink
fluorescent paint for my DMT Dome
project, and went boxing. I saw
Leyla at the entrance, talked a
few words, listened to my
presence. There was nothing
there. I was surprised as I had
created a bit of a story in my
head, which seemed different now
that I was aware of the moment. 
I though she might have been
interested in me, and I had
associated some of her behavior
with justifying my story. But in
that moment, talking to her,
looking at her, I realized that
it was all in my head.

I then went dancing. I tried to
stay present. I observed and looked
at the different people. A woman
there, she isn't really good
looking but was attractive
nonetheless. I really liked her
tattoos and her style.

I'm in a process of redefining
beauty and who I am attracted to.
It can be such a limiting factor,
to only select people from an
external beauty standard based on
how many people you watch online.

In any case, I tried to be
present and aware during that
exchange. I went to see her after
the class to comment about her
tattoo and how creative they
were. She talked about making
some of them herself, and I
shared that I was going through a
training with the machine and
played around with stick and
poke. "It was nice dancing with
you", and we parted. I didn't
notice much during this
interaction. I didn't look too
much, but didn't feel much
physically.

I then went to the restaurant.
That was a nice practice. I sat
in the middle of the patio.  I
faced 3 women.  A blond who was
sitting with 3 other men.  She
looked at me a few times. I
started to relax and look aside
and saw she was looking when I
wasn't. I looked back at her a
couple time "catching" her
looking at me. We exchanged a
smile.

Another woman, that had a pretty
bad style. For some reason, I
stopped myself from judging and
looked at how much effort she put
in there. Her hair were
flawlessly put in a pony tail. It
seemed so tight I wondered if it
pulled her facial features up.
He skin was immaculate, with just
a minimum amount of make up, well
blended with her skin tone. She
was a very proper girl, with good
table manners, everything she
wore was really clean, in light
pastel colors, to not offend or
distract. She noticed me noticing
her. She seemed to like that I was
observing subtly.

Then there was a third women.
French speaking, dark haired,
beautiful and proud. She was the
closest to me, so there were more
interaction with her. I relaxed
and tried to feel my body. I
looked around, looked at her in
my peripheral vision. She was
looking. She seemed to know that
I was also aware in that moment.
We subtly made fun of her
boyfriend and how he was eating;
bringing is head all the way down
to his plate, turning it side way
to accommodate the shape and
position of the taco.

I relaxed more into the
interaction. I then focused on
her for a moment. I was aroused.
This didn't come from a visual
input. I didn't find her sexy or
arousing. She was a beautiful
woman, but too many similarities
with my ex-wife turned me off.
I was surprised there was an
arousal.

I continued having my diner.
Reflecting about lucid dreaming
and what would I do if I was in a
dream. Do not focus on anything
for too long, breath, do not get
too excited. I was observing her
from my peripheral vision. She
was looking, there was definitely
a silent interaction there.

I moved from a peripheral vision,
to looking at her. She looked at
me in the eyes, and we stared at
each other for a moment, smiled.

I realized that I had to leave
quickly as my boat would depart in
30 minutes. I asked to pay and to
go. The woman seemed to want to
come with me. Gathered her stuff,
I wondered what was going on. I
lost track of my awareness as I
focused on time. We looked at one
another for a last time. She
seemed neutral, but aware. Was
she ready to run away with me?

I wonder what type of reality I
can create while being aware.
Falling in love madly on a patio,
leaving with someone's else wife.
It's a very exciting practice,
and blend awareness, perception,
relaxation. Focusing on silent
interaction with women around me
also makes it more exciting. I
don't have a pressing goal in
mind in any case, so it's fun
without being stressful. Lets go
make some coffee in the dining
room and see who I'll meet!