I was planing to spend that
weekend at the Kamloops Tattoo
show. I planned to make some
connections in the tattoo
industry, offering cheap website
design and hosting for tattoo
studios. Meet tattoo artists, maybe
receive a tattoo, and maybe meet
some tattoo enthusiast, for me to
practice on, or maybe just to
fall in love with.

In order to view some of the
tattoo artist, I had to open a
Instagram account. I really
disliked it, but most of the
tattoo artists are on Instagram.
So I did. I also connected with
the psymurai tribe on there.
A tribe of psytrance enthusiast
that I've met a few month ago.
They were planing a party, on the
same weekend as the Kamloops
tattoo show!

I was so disappointed. I couldn't
choose between the two. With my
last experience of the party in
the mountain, where it hailed,
rained and was freezing cold, I
told myself, let the weather
decide where I go. If it's going
to be beautiful outside, we'll
rave, if it's gray and cold,
we'll get tattooed.

I contacted the organizer that
I met at the last event(1)
telling him I'd be happy to come
and help, as long as I could
spend the first night camping
there. There was no problem, and
I was really getting excited.

I got myself a 'workshop' tent,
as I was planning to offer Thai
Massage, and a rechargeable
camping light, which was missing
from our last trip. I felt we
were a lot more ready this time
around.

Psytrance rave in the wood is
really one of the top life
experience there is. With the
psychedelic art, the psychedelic
music, and of course a tad of
psychedelic substance, mixed with
the forest and nature, it's
really an experience out of this
world. I've had the chance to
help organize a few events like
that in Quebec, Space Gathering
and Open Mind festivals, and I
was so excited to continue on
that path.

The land was really rugged. It
was probably a cut block from
over 30 years ago, but there were
a few elder trees left in there.
With a lot of old growth dead
trunk, that were many hundred
years old at the time they were
cut. There were some old rusted
machinery parts near the place we
camped too. But nature still
prevail. The mountain peak around
the land, the river flowing next
to the party. The forest was
somehow partying with us during
all that time.

Art is a major part of the
psytrance crowd. You don't just
throw a party, you create an
experience. Lights, sculptures,
projections, are all integral
part of the show. I was tasked to
hang some dream catchers first,
with a beautiful woman called
FenRose, such a nice name.
Dreadlocks, tattooed traveler,
who roamed Europe to party at all
the psytrance event out there.
Fire spinner and quite the dancer
too.

We were throwing strings up in the
trees to hang the dream catcher,
in a pattern to circle around the
dance floor. The first one we
put up, it's white shape
contrasting the darker green
forest, was quite surreal. Julia
was coordinating the layout,
somewhat acting as the artistic
director for that part of the
decoration. It was nice to see
how people would step into these
role of AD for different part of
the setup. You would take the
role of the technician or the
artist or the AD, and help any
way you could. If you're just the
technician you listen to the
other's opinions, in a very
casual organic way. It was very
peaceful and creative.

After setting up most of the
dream catcher, chatting about
life and such, I was really
charmed by FenRose. We hugged
gently and moved on to other
tasks.

I went to help Zoe in the
gallery. A space dedicated to
an art exhibit. Some parts of the
stage from last party were
re-used in creating these rounded
psychedelic frames, hung around
to create a contained space. The
big yellow rope used to hang
these 2 meters wide rounded
frame looked not so great, so Zoe
was adding more rope to give them
a look that fitted more with the
installation. It reminded me of
Shibari, or Japanese bondage
rope, so we started talking about
our shared interest of tying up
people for pleasure. While
holding the ladder, my face well
aligned with Zoe's bum, she
turned around and said:

"I'd love to be tied up!"

Zoe is a very beautiful, petite
Asian girl. I met her at the
previous event, and I was charmed
by her beauty and her dance
move. Standing there, next to
her, talking about Shibari, I
couldn't help but being excited
about the idea of tying her up in
ropes. Should have I said, "I'd
love to tie you up" I am not sure
what's up with her relation
status, so I smiled and... yeah
didn't say anything. I can't
imagine how silly I probably
looked like at that moment.

I really need to loosen up.
I feel I'm way too uptight for that
crowd. At the same time, I don't
want to expect or crave
sexual gratification. But I feel
like if I am prude, it might
affect other people in their
behavior. 

At the last party I saw a guy who
was going from girl to girl on
the dance floor trying to kiss or
touch them. Some were okay with
it, some were pushing him away,
and he kept on going, like a dog
wanting to hump something,
anything. This grossed me out, but
I also see that it's a way of
being that might be enjoyable for
certain people, not just him, but
for people around. Raw, sexual,
simply responding to your
instinct, no question asked,
somewhat liberated from ethical
behavior.

I was once in a coke party, and
my friend who has large breast
was offering cocaine line on
them. People would snort coke
from her boobs and just go on
partying. She offered me a line,
and I felt like this was
degrading, but my reaction kind
of killed the mood. She felt
weird about it, or something, so
she stopped doing that after me.

I didn't like that I killed the
mood. That judgment that I put
out there. This 'prude' look on
the situation. Why not enjoying
snorting coke from her boobs.
I've done that with other women.
It's sensual and fun, edgy. But
as soon as there is judgment, it
kills an innocence, a freedom, a
human nature.

Why not tell the person I am
working with that I'd love to tie
her up. Her small body would make
for a perfect match to shibari.
We would then move to hanging
shibari, since she is so light.
What's wrong with that. Why did I
stop myself? What am I afraid of?
I guess I'm shy, but it's the
judgment part that I dislike in me. 

We continued to decorate the
gallery, and then I moved on
helping with the stage. I was
jumping around from one project
to another. We were to install
the dragon, which was a major
piece of the setup. Another
woman had created that piece, and
it was really nicely built.
Fabric on the outside, with
chicken wire in the inside.  It
reminded me of the theater set
that I was working with just a
couple month prior. The dragon
was to be setup around the stage,
were blue and white clouds made
of plywood, created the backdrop.

A smoke machine tube was inserted
in the dragon's mouth, so it
could blow smoke. Ami was the AD
for the dragon, me and Shawn were
the technician on this. It was
nice to see the rhythm between
the three of us, but at one point
I had to call it off. After the
fifth time the fishing line broke
and we were still trying to
change the dragon's neck
position, I felt someone had to
call it. I have a bit of a
professional habits, calculating
the time and energy spent on a
detail compared to the overall
project span. We had spend enough
time on placing the dragon,
compared to everything that
needed to happen. So I called
quit on this.

The organizer was quite
surprised, what do you mean you
need a break. I felt Ami was a
bit sadden by my giving up, but
the other tech was happy to move
on. I had made that decision
after the number of swear words
was exponentially expanding,
while tinkering with fish line
wires, on top of 5 palettes and a
ladder. I felt the situation
might just break loose and
someone would fall out of the
ladder.

So I went down, and I was tasked
with putting up 200 meters of
fairy lights. 200 meters is a
very long. It took me a very long
time, I kind of felt that it
cooled me down a bit. Julia also
joined in for part of the
installation which was really
nice.

The decoration was going well.
Then we setup our camp, near the
river. It was a really nice spot,
but the river was quite loud.
Naima did most of the setup,
which felt empowering for her.
It was like the setup of the
party, which was empowering for
everyone. 

It was really nice to see the
balance between creative minds
that didn't have the physical
strength to setup the place, and
the people who had the strength
but maybe not the vision. It's a
very fragile balance, and I felt
like I've broken that trust when
I called quit on the setup of the
dragon. With my overly productive
/ efficiency oriented mind, which
might kill the creative juice.

These event requires the balance
of both. I dare to say the
feminine and the masculine energy
in balance. The tech, the nature,
the physical, the creative, all
embraced in perfect union.

There is a lot I'm learning by
being part of that collective.
I'm glad I can take some time to
reflect and shed some layers.


1: gopher://sdf.org/0/users/gef/reflections/dojo