August 18th 2018
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I Was Sick, Hurt And Down
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I'm back on social media!
This is a phlog reflecting my life event.

#I Was Hurt And Down

I have been very negative last 4 weeks, triggered with the combination of catching cold and thrown very negative words in my personal 
life. I was so negative and depressed that I did not enjoy my usual daily activities. I was emotionally drained. So I thought to 
refrain from tooting and replying messages (with few exceptions) while I was dealing with myself.

#Negative Words and Mood Are Catchy

Words from negative people really do not mix well with me being sick.
Catching cold not only make my body weak but also my heart as well, bringing down my emotional and mental capabilities to fight back or 
to defend against nasty words.

When I'm sick my heart is sick. Both my body and heart need a rest.

#Shifting Gears

So this is what I did.
- I played hard enjoying Freeciv (game).
- Stopped tooting and checking social media (there were exceptions)
- I stopped listening to podcasts usually listen to.
- Instead I listened audio books that encourage me.
- bought and started reading a book on learning Linux (it was therapeutic)
- Watched two TV shows from the library (mystery and sci-fi)
- Found out the second issue of The Disconnect is out! I'm excited!

What I gained:
- realization of hidden negativity towards my current job and how I need to change it.
- new perspective on my job, building skill sets and learning to do a good job.
- new idea on how to work when I'm depressed.

What I learned:
- Selfcare is what is important day to day. If I was doing more properly, recovery from being depressed might be faster.
- Selfcare should not be relied on one or two methods. It should be done combination of three or more methods at a time might be 
better. Rotating different selfcare methods might do much better.
- I have to remind myself to practice what I learned this time. I might forget later!!

P.S. It's been more than 5 years since complete recovery from my major depression which it has been my companion for 10 years! I was 
referring it as "a hole" back then but I'm going to to reframe it as a bear who put his weight on my emotional shoulders. This time I 
really thought he came back to me. He can sneak up on me and put his weight on my emotional shoulders. He was smart this time but I 
outsmarted him ;)