16 April 2026 Thursday

well, tomorrow and over the weekend i likely 
won't be writing entries. when i'm done with 
work we're going to head to a 'renegade' 
camping music microfest. a friend of ours who
lives in a nearby state will be DJing. we just
found out about it earlier in the week, so it's 
a very last minute trip. E checked our camping
gear today while i was at work. when i got home,
he'd made us a dinner of salmon and pierogies
with mushrooms and onions, and salad. we ate 
and spent some time relaxing, and then he left
to go see a couple of different friends DJ in 
the nearest city. 

i stayed home and spent the evening packing. 
i often do everything super last minute and it
takes way too long and it drives E nuts. so this
time i'm actually just about set, and we'll be 
able to head out tomorrow as soon as i'm done
with work. 

i'm going to practice guitar after this. my 
left index finger is feeling much better. i'm 
hesitant to declare myself totally out of the 
woods, but strangely it seems that, after the
initial (month and a half or so of) intense pain 
and swelling subsided, playing the guitar has 
maybe actually started to help. i'm doing shorter
sessions as i can feel some strain when i go longer
than half an hour. but i feel like the pain when 
bending and pressing has vastly decreased.

my just-a-bit younger sister video-called
me earlier. she was crying and feeling bad about
herself and scared of potential impending external
criticism in her life. which are things she often
struggles with feeling. she said we both have 
complex ptsd from our childhoods. i feel for her
so much. i think we've experienced or processed life 
so differently. i've had traumatic experiences, but 
i've never identified as a traumatized person. 

i see myself as being in a lifelong process of healing, 
self-investigation, and self-development. which i 
think is sort of the thing in life, ultimately. if 
i have a 'reason,' i guess that's it. i do get joy 
from learning, and creating, and helping others to 
heal or grow. and also, just connection.