2 April 2026 Thursday

i have an extra day of increased freedom this week! tomorrow. 

i told e about the rabbit i saw yesterday, and he thought it 
could be good to bring them home, too. no animals besides us live 
in our house at present (that we know of). so it would be a shift. 
in the morning, we are going to go to the farmer's market/greenhouse 
(about 45 mins away) where i saw bunny, to see if new companion is 
meant to be. 

when i got home earlier, we went to the spring where we get our 
drinking water and filled our jugs. i feel so lucky to live close 
to a natural spring that flows with pure water. there are times
when there's drought, and the spring runs slow, and i worry 
whether it will recover. today the water was gushing with more
speed and force than i've seen in a long time. i express 
gratitude, and say a prayer when we go, that the water will keep 
flowing strong and clean, that all the plants and creatures who 
drink of the spring will thrive, that the land there will be
blessed and protected. 

i saw an enormous robin in the yard today, hunting worms. and i 
saw the first wild rabbit of the spring. 

we brought home a pot of yellow tulips. they make me think of 
my grandparents. when i was a kid, my sister and cousin and i
would plant marigolds and petunias and other annuals with them 
every spring. and the tulips would come up in the yard, and we'd 
help my grandfather mulch around the trees, and we'd all plant 
seeds in the garden. those years (from about age 3 until age 10, 
when my parents and siblings and i suddenly moved across the country
in an old rv) spent with them were so precious. i don't think i've 
ever felt as truly safe and loved again, as i did with them. 

more and more often, lately, i've been struck by a feeling of
unreality. or deeper reality. not in a concerning way, mostly.
but sometimes disconcerting. i just keep considering the strangeness
of existence, and our perceived separateness, and and and, as i 
speak with others, look into e's eyes, or watch the black-capped 
chickadees and house sparrows and whitebreasted nuthatches and 
cardinals at the feeder.