I've become known as a noun. "A Ken" "Will there be Kens in the other departments?" May 10, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 4 I like to walk with my eyes closed. It is very relaxing - Is there a place where: - you can walk with your eyes closed? - Or learn to live like a blind man? - Or can you make a place like that? May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 5 A can of ice cold soda is the perfect fit to stick behind your collar, to cool off your neck. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 6 Learn to say "Yes" with joy. That is freedom. (Say it with as much relish as a child says "No"). May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 8 DISAPPEARING "Just see how the world looks when you have gone from the world" (When you have become absolutely transparent) You are not... and the world continues. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 8 If you are no longer enjoying something, drop it. There is nothing wrong with doing that. There is everything right with doing that. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 9 From Mom: To eat healthy, shop around the perimeter of the supermarket! That's where the fresh fruits, vegs, meats, chees, eggs, bread are! May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 10 Keep your mind in the middle of your tongue and all thought stops. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 10 No matter how broken you are or feel on the outside, there is an inner "me" that is pure, untouched and that is what brings healing. The inner core is not touched by the External. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 11 Create Holidays for every day of the year, celebrating various things like paper, apples, streams, ideology day, etc. May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 12 Is there someone who can take what I can sing/play in piano, and, using that as if a rough clay, give it molding and refinement? May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 12 Write a journal as if a travelogue - Everything as you experience it - or just before or just after write it down! May 11, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 13 Travel VERY light. Buy the clothes you need when there, and mail them back home. May 14, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 14 1) I want a girlfriend or to write. 2) I want friends, not just acquaintances. 3) I want to feel free to pursue happiness. May 14, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 19 Do I want to change? Yes! Why? Overall goal for interactive or social change is: - to feel confident in these situations, - to be able to speak in front of groups well, - to know what to say and what NOT to say. - to be able to comfortably BE in situations that I constantly avoid. 2 year timeline Why? Because it takes lots of practice. It's important so that I don't feel anxious in the circumstances and comfort is very important to me. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 20 [update May 21, 2014: I have not yet acheived this goal] Open a dating service that specializes in the handicapped. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 21 "Dread, then do!" -Shy people support group slogan idea. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 22 Invent/find a device using sonar on a car to measure feet away from objects on all sides. Have the dashboard make a sound and show a flashing red light on the side where to object is to give the driver a quick cue. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 22 [update May 21, 2014: I was not aware of backup sensors at the time] When I am stressed, I feel hot, Flush, itchy, my ears ring and burn, short of breath (sometimes a cough or tickle appears) and my mind starts spinning or obsessing over physical symptoms, tunnel vision, my neck stiffens, I want to scream, I prattle off when talking, my shoulders move up to my ears. When I'm relaxed, I feel time passing by me at managable speed; Alive! Comfortable. I talk slowly, confidently, I feel in control. My hands are warm. I can see the horizon. I feel certain. I feel safe. My shoulders are down. I'm breathing slowly and deeply. My head is cool. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 24 Time to be your own Father. Find a picture of you as a kid (probably the one in the white shirt in the 2nd grade as it is before the 3rd Grade picture with the crooked glasses and awful smile that is the source of your self-esteem problems) Start cultivating a relationship with your "Inner Child". Have a picture of you, then, and as you are recently. These will become your Father/Son or Adult/Child setup. Raise the boy up. May 15, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 25-26 You are doing EXACTLY what you are supposed to be doing, right now. You look exactly as you ought to look, right now. You are feeling exactly what you are supposed to be feeling, right now. You are thinking exactly what you are supposed to be thinking, right now. You are reacting exactly as you are supposed to be reacting, right now. Right at this very moment. - during a bout of anxiety, depression, anger, denial, frustration, inaction, paralysis May 16, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 27 [update May 21, 2014. My Internet has been down and it came up again. I decided to send that message to Vine in a video, to Facebook and Google Plus as a message to thousands of people. It sent successfully. Then my Internet went down again. I expect coincidences to happen because that is how things happen sometimes. I don't have any fancy reasons why except there are buckets - and then there is the stuff to put in the buckets. In this case, these words are the stuff and they will reach a bucket out there that needs to be filled by them. It doesn't make me special. That's just how things work] Create a supportive group for Poets, Bards and Storytellers to read aloud in a supportive environment. May 17, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 32 If I were all alone, what would I do? What would arise out of me? There would be no one else to perform for. No one to impress. No one for you to say, "Hey! Look what I can do?" How would you spend your time? Just you. All resources would be available to you, but no other people. Ever. May 17, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 37 Write a book every 2 -3 weeks. May 18, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 40 Many things in life happen in one year cycles but we are not always aware of it. For me, I tend to get bursts of new ideas and make new connections around the middle of May. I wasn't aware of this until I started this project last year. May 21, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Here. You CAN write a "How To Be Happy Book", even if you're not. May 21, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 44 Empty, In, Full, Out (repeat) (diagram of figure 8 representing the process). May 22, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 49 The Universe runs on the power of the possible. May 22, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 52 Your Body was created by your parents. Your Mind was created by society. You didn't get to choose your body. But you can work on your mind. May 22, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 59 Do. Then Ask. (because then, you have something to ask about!) May 22, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 60 Before you go to bed, go over everything you did today. May 22, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 62 I see things by mentally feeling them with my hands. May 29, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 64 Start looking up rather than down. May 30, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid 3x5 Pg 65 Start focusing on objects in the distance while you're walking. May 30, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid Page 65 If you want to write about the mind, find metaphors that are on the beginning cusp of public consciousness. Then you will be a great man. May 30, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid Page 66 Want to be an instant poet? Get rid of the nouns and use only impersonal verbs, modified by "it". "Upward behind the onstreaming it mooned" not "the moon rose above the river". May 30, 2001-Kenneth Udut-Rite Aid Page 67 Change comes down to four things: More of something, Less of something, Stays the Same or Goes Away. <, >, =, 0 May 24, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Red CPP Wireless Pg 6 Express how you feel but go with the flow. That way, you keep your calmness but you are expressing what you feel. Most importantly, you are keeping your pace, which is the key to self-control - your Tempo. May 24, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Red CPP Wireless Pg 7-8 In music, you often expect a note to follow another note, or a chord to follow another chord. Tension and release. It's in the pattern almost matching but not yet, or the FLIP. Anticipation of the next thing in the sequence brings the excitement to music May 24, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Red CPP Wireless Pg 9-10 Music IS the map, and the journey itself. Traveling down familiar roads. May 24, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Red CPP Wireless Pg 10 Patterns of neural activity - perhaps even the axions themselves can be exactly seen in a person's pattern of behaviour! May 24, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Red CPP Wireless Pg 11 If you weren't here yet or don't remember, don't feel guilty. It's just "history" for you. If you have to pretend to care because others around you are making a fuss, you can. But you don't have to feel as if you're supposed to feel something if you don't. I feel something because I was supposed to be there in bldg 5 for unix training from 9/10 - 9/15 but I already knew unix so I got out of training. And got out of a really horrible day. But don't feel guilty. Pretend if you must for those around you but don't feel bad if you feel nothing for it especially if its just a history lesson for you. [1]The message nobody says so I will say it: If you weren't here, or don't remember 9/11 Don't feel guilty. It's not wrong if you feel nothing. A lot of people who are asked to remember won't remember or can't remember and it's kinda not fair, really. I mean it's good to know about, good lessons to teach - but just like other wars and, well, 99.999% of Human History, it's, well, a History Lesson. Maybe it'll make sense, maybe it won't. I remember being made to feel bad - not by family but by teachers and things - because "You Need To Remember the blah blah blah" thing that happened before you were born" - and I'd like, "Um. it happened before I was born!" - and I felt bad and then I felt a little guilty 'cause I didn't feel like I felt bad enough and didn't know what to do about it. So I figured, this time around, maybe I can help someone know that it's ok if you don't feel bad for something, even when people say you should. It's a choice. And everybody deserves a choice. KENNETH UDUT-Sep 11, 2013- Google+ [2]#chaos and [3]#complexity solved by Ken. It takes a certain amount of energy to break free of the entanglement of acceleration. The answer is to cool down below absolute zero Kelvin. Temperature = acceleration. Just like Gravity = Acceleration. The thing that combines all of the forces... the Elephant in the room they're not looking at... is [4]#acceleration [5]#higgs [6]#higgsboson [7]#hadroncollider [8]#science and somebody way smarter than me can figure out the math and make the gravity fields and accelerometers and magnetic fields and electrical fields. I have virtual ones of those in my head - I don't need the equipment to prove it. They'll keep looking for mysterious particles to fill in the Standard Model with. They're really wasting their time. Will they find little accelerating balls of "something" whose motions loop through the loops of other accelerating balls of "something"? Yes. And let's just keep them busy like that. It's how we get awesome huge accelerating things like the Large Hadron Collider to get built. August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ In the moment of change, was the creation of Time because it now has a Before and an After. "The child appears in the kitchen and Suddenly declares". If I was to write this in religious terms, I would say. There was God. Then suddenly, God had an itch. And He scratched." It is the first ? - and to have a question you need two parts: The thing and the confusion. The first wiggle in a straight line. So many analogies for this. The start of the first blip of life in a heart-rate monitor, the moment it goes from Flat Line to the registering of the heart beat. The first note of the first song. The first wavelength. The first temperature. It fits everything. It's the secret to all comedy too. I finally know how to tell a joke after all these years because I understand the formula August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ here's the funny parlor trick that scientists depend on without usually analyzing is: Randomness = God. If there is a thing we don't understand, we can call it Random. We can call it God. We can call it Infinities. We can call it a paradox... the focal point - the singularity... But in the end, it's simply the ? that we don't have the ! to yet. August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ The failure of full understanding comes from having a "something" that we refuse to accept. Something we ignore. Something we just aren't allowed to question. Science is not allowed to look at poetry, at least as a hard science, but it should because science writes in the language of poets. (analogies - analogies are the ONLY way we know anything - XOR -something different? write it down. say it. Do something. Grow. It is how memories grow from within. It is how roots grow by pushing from within the seed to outwards. - they grow down to reach through the dirt towards the water and up through the sky to reach the sun from within the moment they feel the sun and the water... growth is due to irritation (also it is where cancer comes from, algae blooms, mental instability - "too much in one direction" - unbalancing the systems) But: having something we refuse to accept also LEADS to greater knowledge. We keep looking deeper and deeper and deeper to get the details, or zoom out further and further and further to get "the big picture". I could babble on about this subject forever. August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ And truly, by seeing multiple perspectives, you become well rounded. You're not just the blind men feeling the leg of the elephant, or the tail or the trunk, but you know there is an elephant there, in an ecosystem, on a planet, spinning around other spinning things around other spinning things around other spinning things. You described infinite loops perfect. "Why?" "Why not?" "Why? Why not?" An answer is a long straight piece of dry spaghetti full of potential. A question is hot, cooked spaghetti, all tangled together, all the internal starchiness exposed. A Why? Why Not? Loop is what happens when you are inside of the spaghetti, walking around the starchiness and not following any particular strand of squishy spaghetti to try to find your way out of it to see where you truly were and what you truly are. A why why not loop does have its purpose though. it is an interesting form of Acceptance. "This is confusing! Of course it is! This is confusing! Of course it is! This is confusing! Of course it is!" Here is an interesting property of Corn Starch, which is probably somewhat true of all starches, including wheat: If you find yourself trapped in a vat of corn starch, if you try to rush your way out of it, you will end up trapped and unable to move. It is true quicksand. You have to work your way out slowly and carefully, gauging your pace so that you are not too slow to sink but not so fast that you get trapped. When you are trapped in the midsts of confusion, you have to ask the right questions (move towards the light, or towards the edge of the vat to get out of it) but not try to rush your way out or you will break (go crazy, get mad, lose your ability to ask proper questions at all) - in the right way and really LOOK to see where you are first before you make the first step, and step thoughtfully and carefully to find your way out.. not too slowly nor too quickly.. but finding what is "just right"... August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ I learned the secret of "Why?" back in high school spanish. Porque? For What? Or... For What Reason? Now, when a Why is formulated as "For What?" THEN that is something answerable. You have to give reasons, justifications, arguments. It becomes a "What." And that changes everything and makes Why's useful again. And the why/why not? becomes "For what reasons is it?" "For what reasons is it not?" - the ridiculousness is exposed, unless you are actually trying to prove "gaps" which are certainly possible. For what reason is the bucket in the shape that it is it? To hold stuff. For what reason is the bucket not in a different topology/shape? Because then it couldn't hold stuff. For what reason is there nothing in the bucket? So that it can hold stuff. Why is the bucket not full? Because you didn't put anything in it yet. Reformulating Why? to "For what?" fixes the Why/why not problem :) And actually, the correct answer to "Why?" really is - "Because it is". The trick is: Explaining the "because" Then you have a "How?" How and For What and Why are almost the same. And, actually, they're all the same question, formulated for different dimensions. Beacause place and space and time are the same thing, just pointing different ways. August 19, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ How to be happy: Leave yourself notes about happy things everywhere. May 28, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ How to NOT be clumsy: Having no depth perception, I've been clumsy my whole life. I've compensated by keeping my hands in and not reaching out to get things unless I needed to, because I always seemed to knock things over. Well, half a lifetime later, I realized the very simple rule that most people probably learn when they are very young: CLEARANCE. If you're eating, you might spill over your glass of milk. If you have your soda by the computer, you might knock it over the computer and break it. If you're working with power tools, you might cut off your fingers or cut your arm or face. Knowing your [9]#bodyspace is necessary. November 6, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ Life's Hard. But it's worth it. Give it a shot. October 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ 1) Compare how small you are to the size of the Universe 2) Compare how large the Universe is to the size of you. Got it yet? Really? How small you are. really... really.. small. Smaller than this . or 1/2 of . or 1/99999999999999 of . You're tiny. So insignificantly tiny that, well, you don't exist. But yet, you do. and Here you are, and Here I am July 22, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ 3.984375 ..........*terabytes Why the brain amazes me. Testing out possibilities of my old Microsoft Excel 2000 to see if the tool I've been looking for has been sitting in front of me the whole time - the one I'm expert at. Check this out: 65536 rows 256 columns 1024 characters can be displayed in a cell addressable using =mid 255 addressable characters (using the =char 4,380,866,641,920 directly addressable using formulas. 4,380,866,641,920*..........*bytes 4,278,190,080*..........*kilobytes -*4,177,920*..........*megabytes - 4,080*..........*gigabytes --*3.984375*...*terabytes In a SINGLE old Excel Sheet. (given enough memory/diskspace) This that's awesome, check out this thought experiment:and remember: this is just a single sheet. in a single workbook. in a single directory. on a single hard drive on a single computer on a single LAN on the internet Multiple sheets Multiple workbooks Multiple Directories Multiple Hard Drives Multiple Computers Multiple LANS Multiples of all of these on the Internet. Are all easily addressable from a single formula on an Excel Spreadsheet. AND.. I did not include: 56 colors 4000 cell cyles or VBA (visual basic for applications) which can directly address those dimensions as well. or the real total of 32767 characters per cell. Nor did I use Unicode or further variations accessable via VBA such as 255 width for column or 409 points high for rows All easily accessible dimensions through VBA. You can pin point any cell. And... THAT'S JUST LOCATING A byte of information. and to top it off: I didn't go into this: How can you compare the relationship between one byte and another? geographically? higher than, lower than, to the left, to the right, nearer, further away (3d), earlier/later (if you use one of these dimensions as TIME). What about the way that THREE bytes relate to one another? What about how one group relates to another? This row compares to that row? Or answering questions like, "How many places can you find the word "Ken" in this? Or variations of Ken: "Ken/ken/kEn/keN/KEn/KeN/KEN/Enk/enk/eNk/enK/ENk/EnK/ENK/Nek/nek... oh I'm tired of doing that by hand..." And for all the other things I didn't include... I just wanted to show: that... given enough memory or space or processing power, you do anything you want on a computer. June 26, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ Anything you accept as true, is true. Agreement is something else altogether. The key to happiness is acceptance. it is where peace comes from. April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ Time is the measure between events. But if there is no input from the bodies senses (like eyes/touch/ears), there's no time. People who are in comas do not experience time passing by. They wake up the same age they went in. Nothing happened. April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ The only difference between a dream and reality is we CHOOSE what is real. We all live in a dream world of our own choosing - and expect others to be a part of our dream. When they are not, we get mad, start fighting and wars. We choose to believe those who tell us what reality is. But we don't have to. Our perspectives are always different. it is not possible for two objects - even eyes + brain to be in the same place at the same time moving in the same way. April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ 1) First you notice something out of place 2) That creates a gap or void in you 3) You start when you decide to fill in the gap. April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ By the age of four, you know almost everything you need to know in life. You are fluent in whatever your primary languages are going to be. The rest of life is roleplaying. Consider four year olds roleplaying marriage - how complicated is that!? April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ There are different types of infinities. Easily mathematically proven - look up Cantor Infinities on Google to explain it or Youtube. Do we live after we die? Sure! How? I don't know I have my own ideas. The way I view the nature of the Universe, from a dimension higher, all TIME simply "is". We never die. We always live. Like many things in life, just because you don't see something - or someone - doesn't mean that it - or they - aren't there! April 17, 2014-Kenneth Udut-Google+ AVOID: You are replacing yourself. Let someone else deal with it. Get someone to handle the problem INSTEAD OF you. Say the magic words to the right person and it's no longer your problem anymore. Monitor the situation on occasion if you're curious if it worked, but really, it's off your back, not your problem, you're free to carry on with your life. July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ DUPLICATES: YOU + ANOTHER: Get someone to handle the problem WITH you. The "at least I'm not alone in this" answer. Share the effort, share the victory, share the failure. The "army" of "You and What army?" July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ "Enemy? What enemy? I don't have any enemies. What is an enemy?" Let them think or do what they want. They're not important enough for you to care. I don't like you, love you, or hate you. I just don't care about you. Do whatever you want to me, say whatever you want to me. It doesn't affect me in any way at all. You're not worth my time. But I'll play along and pretend. If you want to talk, I'll talk. If you want to yell, I'll yell. If you want to fight, I'll fight. But I really don't care if I win or lose. I don't care of you win or lose. I don't care if I get hurt because I'll heal. I don't care if you say mean things about me or to me, because your words mean nothing to me. You don't affect ME in any way at all. Want to start a rumor that I eat pancakes with my cat while standing on a toilet? Go ahead. Meaningless. Trying to get everybody to believe that I'm someone who can't be trusted? Doesn't matter. Did you succeed in getting people to think bad or wrong things about me? It's ok - if they believe those things about me it doesn't matter. Are you telling people my secrets that are true? It's ok. "If that's what you want to believe" is all I'll say. Let them figure it out. Not worth MY energy or time to figure it out for them. July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ FLOW: try to make them your friend Co-operation, find something in common, act as if you want to be their friend, find things to do together. Say I'm sorry/Please/Thank You. This is how little kids solve it. But, that solution can be very hard when you've already decided they're not worth that kind of effort and don't want to do it / lazy / don't care / hate them too much. This answer can take a lot of work and dedication. IMPLICIT, INTERNAL, NATURAL, AUTOMATIC, FROM THE IN TO THE OUT. UNCONSCIOUS, HABIT, FAST July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ WRITE IT DOWN: Make a DEAL with them. Find out something they need that you can provide. "If I do this for you, can you be my friend/just leave me alone" Much easier to do. If it works, it's a Verbal Contract. It's a just like a written CONTRACT that you sign. And yes, you can have it in writing too. EXPLICIT, EXTERNAL, FROM THE OUT TO THE IN TO THE OUT, CONSCIOUS, SLOW July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ AVOID. Neutral. No Talking Needed. ALONE. How to avoid someone with no substitutes to stand in your place. This takes a lot of PHYSICAL creativity. Ducking around corners, hiding, scheduling your time so you DON'T meet up with them. More permanent avoiding involves moving to a different place completely, making the POTENTIAL for meeting up with the enemy again LESS LIKELY. July 13, 2013-Kenneth Udut-Google+ Fight. My enemy is my best friend, in reverse. Fending for yourself, with yourself, by yourself. You have a lot of ways to fight. You can fight with your mind by thinking creatively how to win, you can use your mouth by verbally fighting, you can fight with your fists or feet or whole body or use tools or weapons. Stand tall and proud and give it all you got if you choose the final option. If keeping an enemy your enemy is important to you, then they deserve NOTHING but the BEST FROM YOU. Fight like you mean it. Your enemy is your best friend, but in reverse. I personally prefer NOT breaking any LAWS or doing things that you feel are WRONG. HOWEVER That's my opinion. Breaking laws and doing what's wrong is something that people do every single day. It's just as valid of a way to live your life as any. Mom and dad and teacher and police and court and religion and neighbors and family and friends may disagree with me saying that. but it's true. Of course you can do it. If you couldn't do it, nobody would be doing it. I can't breath in the middle of the Sun, but I can break a law. I just choose not to. I do choose to do what's wrong sometimes. Choosing right and wrong and good and evil and following laws or not is all CHOICE. If you choose this option, you are likely References Visible links 1. https://vine.co/v/h1TV9FqwalD 2. https://plus.google.com/s/%23chaos 3. https://plus.google.com/s/%23complexity 4. https://plus.google.com/s/%23acceleration 5. https://plus.google.com/s/%23higgs 6. https://plus.google.com/s/%23higgsboson 7. https://plus.google.com/s/%23hadroncollider 8. https://plus.google.com/s/%23science 9. https://plus.google.com/s/%23bodyspace