Janis Kenderdine The struggle to *not* end it, is one that I
   know as well. I consider myself lucky, biochemically, that
   enough of the inhibitors are *generally* kicking in so that that
   underlying boredom with reality and my place here can stay down
   in the deeps. But it's always there - a undercurrent. Sometimes
   I'm in it and ignoring it is not an option. It's not an awful
   thing; it's just ther...e along with many other conflicting
   thoughts and ideas that gurgle and bubble and try to get my
   attention at any given point of time."