My condolences to you, SJ- you're in a unique position now. She
   was your one and now she's not. Grief manifests itself in
   strange ways and even Spock was troubled in the relationship
   with his parents. It appears that 12 months is the appropriate
   amount of time to expect odd thoughts/feelings/actions from
   yourself, as, for some reason, we humans (and you are one of the
   same kind) seem to process large cognitive dissonance content
   over an entire four season segment. Just when you've taken a
   step forward, a seasonal reminder throws you into a strange
   place.

   You are unique and different, yes, but also human. I hope you
   allow yourself some leeway for at least a 365 day period from
   here. It is, all things considered, the most logical position to
   take at this time.

   Be well, my friend.