[1]kenneth-udut-middle-school-special-ed Trouble is, I only want to be myself and be helpful to humanity as a whole but from my moral/ethical standpoint. I can be convincing about many arguments: I'd make a decent defense attorney - always knew that (if I had the impetus to speak in front of people using full body language and engagement, which I don't), rather than a prosecutor. I also had considered political writing: But even there, I'm too much of a social anarchist to be any good to any politician. Minister/religious leader was always in the cards even at a young age; yet there's nothing I could stand behind with full confidence and be convincing about. Same with professorship. What field? I'm a generalist: every field has to cross-reference each other, bringing together the best-of-the-best from each in a manner by which one can discern true values for themselves. So, I dunno. My #1 profession in a test I took in 2002 (paid for it too) pinned me perfectly: "middle school teacher, special ed." Other things were coach, professor, minister, all the stuff I normally get on those things. But what struck me about this: middle school is the age of tumultuous emotions - the beginnings of a different kind of abstract thinking than one does when they're little and the end of a period of "little scientist/dreamer" - mixing together awkwardly like brackish sea water/fresh water where alligators and crocodiles can live side-by-side. And special education is illuminating as well: Special ed is not just people who are "slow" (I hate that word because it's incorrect: they're not slow, they process differently than what the school system is accustomed to) - but also the "talented and gifted" - in short, anybody outside of the bell curve. So, what's my place? At the moment, right here, doing what I'm doing right now. I reach out to whoever happens to be in contact with me at the moment - right now you - it'll be someone else in a few minutes - and I consider them: what they might think like, how much tolerance they might have for my long-windedness... what they might find engaging or dull, and through that customized lens I try to present what I think of as accurate-enough in hopes that they will find it agreeable - even if they disagree. Or... rather, they they find ME agreeable - as a worthy person to engage with. Unless of course they're pissing me off. But they're my bigger challenge and I try to take them from where THEY are and meet them on their territory, while never fully leaving my own. ==== This is probably the ONLY "career test" I've taken (the MAPP) that nailed me perfectly. Kudos to the test designers: they did something right. === And, to see this as I see it, forget the school part. Forget the "special ed" (slow + t+g), forget the age. Consider how we go through life in that "state": brackish water, neither fresh or sea water yet both simultaneously. Emotions and rational, dreams and realities converging awkwardly, throughout our lives. It's the realm I understand too well: the realm of "This does not fully compute". It's also a state shared by even the most certain of people because the "need to convince others" of their correctness stems from uncertainty. References Visible links 1. http://icopiedyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/kenneth-udut-middle-school-special-ed.jpg