I'm 44 years old. I used to get what my mother called "inconsolable" at times. Very smart little nerd, seems like I was similar to your son. She took me to biofeedback lessons. I learned things like, "breathing through my feet", controlling a computer's noises to go up and down with my mind. What I had (and still have) is anxiety. It's possible I'm also OCD and possible somewhere on the autistic spectrum (maybe Aspergers? I don't know) - and definitely some ADD (not the hyperactive kind but the brain-never-stops-running kind). Anyway, I was about 11 when I went to biofeedback lessons (from a psychologist). Helped me for life. == I think being OCD and needing to control the environment made me VERY suited for a program that specifically emphasized SELF-control - that is, the ENVIRONMENT of my brain and body. It was a new field to be OCD about and since you're inside of yourself at every moment of every day, it gives FULL expression of OCD but it's all internal and I get the satisfaction of thinking clearly whenever possible (straightening out the pictures in my mind so to speak) while allowing the rest of the world around me to be a bit messier. I become more forgiving of the world around me because I'm busy working on my own internal "mess" as it were. == I don't think there's anything wrong with your son. He is normal for him. Teenagers, unfortunately, especially in high school, tend to have a need to stereotype everything: put things not so much in categories of "this is normal" but rather putting things (and people) into categories of "abnormal". No, I think your 9 yr old is normal for him. That's very important. He is not deficient. But he can use coping skills that he can handle himself with so that he becomes more outwardly socially acceptable. I know because I've been acquiring coping skills my whole life. I always find new ways to handle people. I've learned an absurdist point of view about the world. I've learned when I need to go into a dark room or quiet room for a few minutes where its quiet so I can regain a sense of self. I almost became a psychologist, although I ended up working with computers in some capacity most of my life so far, likely because a computer was the first thing I had real mastery of: after all, here I was, controlling a computer with my mind. [making the computer noises go up and down]. People mastery takes longer for some people. I have long lists of mental rules about people, personalities, what to do, what not to do and I can only handle a few people at a time in social settings. But it hasn't hindered me. == You've actually helped me here as I don't usually talk so personally about this stuff. I might just see what it takes to go into biofeedback training as a profession. I knew firsthand how it helped me and I want to help others gain the same sense of self-mastery. Childhood was a very long and painful road for me but I had a little internal "oasis" I could take with me wherever I went. Just a few breathes away. Breath in for 6 seconds, breath out for 6 seconds, from head to toe, down to my feet and back up again. I was also grateful my mother gave me latitude to be myself. She'd roll her eyes sometimes at my strange habits or interests but generally, as long as I wasn't in an anxious state acting out, she let me be. I hope all works well for you. I've never been on the parent side, just the child side, so I don't know exactly what you're going through. You guys have my heart emoticon now. == Oh! One of the HUGEST helps for me was getting out of the public school and going to a TINY private school in the 9th grade. HUGE huge huge difference for me. This was up in NJ. I had 12 ppl in my class - it was just that small. == Thanks smile emoticon Yeah - Martial Arts helps as well - it's similar to biofeedback in that you learn self-discipline and self-control. Has the added benefit of being physical. I only did a little as a kid but I enjoyed it, and for a lifetime have had an interest in some of the Eastern things, learning meditation techniques and stuff. Whatever tools I can add to my mental toolchest for self-control that works, I use. == I'm really starting to think I need to switch gears and pursue this as a profession. Somebody out there should be "doing it right" and with a lifetime of BEING someone who is likely adhd/autistic/ocd/manic - I have *no idea* what the classification would be (they just called it "anxiety" - this was back in the 80s) - I think I could be a help to others going through this. Mid-life change. Might be worth it. Parents + kids shouldn't have it this hard. == School systems aren't designed for people who fall outside of the bell curve. I always fell outside of the bell curve. Being "too smart" or too fast thinking or whatever is as much of a social handicap as is being "too slow". The system we put kids through is broken and always was broken. But what to do? That's the thing. Can't fix school. Can't fix people being judgmental. Can't remove mean girls from society (both the girl and boy mean girls). So I can imagine it's especially difficult for parents to decide. == I've never been on any medication, outside of some Lorazapam in my 20s for a year. But I can't objectively say "what's better" or "what's worse" honestly. I just have the med-free experience - and it's a lot of inner work. It's likely there's some medication out there somewhere that would relieve the need to use these coping skills. So, just because I consider my life successful without medication does not mean that it's not right for someone else.... or even that it might not have been right for me all of this time. I just subjective POV. Consider my stories "Case Study" rather than "Role Model" tongue emoticon == Me at 11, same time as biofeedback training. Played soccer, but never understood "teams". Even now, I don't really understand things like politics, sports, things where people group together en masse and think alike. I always thought different. I assume EVERYBODY thinks uniquely, even when they seem to think alike. Also had speech therapy for a stutter and a lisp in the 3rd grade. 4th grade, everybody thought I was from England but I learned to think for a moment before I spoke and and e-nun-cia-ted everything-g. Helped control some of the anxiety as well. <-- more info for a case study. (consider: YOU are your child's primary physician. You are his doctor and all decisions have to go through you. All the doctors and people you talk to work for you, and you make the final call. You are the ultimate teacher, the guidance counsellor above the guidance counsellors, the psychiatrist above the psychiatrists. You approve and disapprove. You hear the opinions, weigh them out, and decide when the diagnosis of your junior physicians is correct. == So, this is why I'm providing the doctor (you) with as detailed a case study for comparison as I can. You may have a single patient, but this single patient is VERY important indeed because he's yours. == [whew I wrote 1250 words on the topic to provide a case study (not including these). This is probably part of an add "hyperfocus" or whatever they call it - but it's an issue that's important to me I know you'll do well. like emoticon and heart emoticon - I'm actually VERY quiet and rarely talk in real life but on a computer, I'm 110 wpm and my thoughts can fly out full speed. Having a speech mechanism that doesn't work as well as most people's is likely why I was drawn to writing and programming, piano playing and such through my life. Anyway, thanks for listening and I hope I was able to help a little] == [I was supposed to go into theoretical physics in college in 1990 but the professor I wanted was on sabbatical so I took some child psychology classes instead. Ran of out of money, never finished but I've been successful in other ventures. Brain never stops running and I'm aware of my emotional states right as they're happening, and it's a beast but self-control is very satisfying, however one gets it] ok - there's my final PS tongue emoticon (I write too much sometimes grin emoticon ) == That's interesting: (the "case study of myself" is up above) - I don't think these diagnosis existed when I was young but I definitely have "overactive" nerves. It's like being aware of every single nerve of my body all of the time, so a lot of time is spend mentally ignoring its excessive input. I was also born 1/2 deaf and 1/2 blind (premie). Some have said I have synesthesia but I dunno - I think everybody has bits of it. Perfect pitch. Not a fan of sudden noises. Beng 1/2 deaf (more than 1/2 actually but no hearing aids - I refused them as a kid and still do) means I have to listen more closely to people. They think I'm a good listener and I am, because I have to be. But most people don't know I spend a lot of that time reading lips, body movements and other cues for communication. Regarding dolphin/equestrian therapy - Always had a fondness for cats. Any cat. I seem to 'get' animals. So, had Dolphin therapy been available in New Jersey would I be different today? I don't really know. I think it might have. Fascinating how things have progressed; there's so many options I can imagine a parent finding the best route to be almost an impossible task. I agree about the labeling. I accept very few for myself - I always considered labels the realm of meangirls and teachers and hated being called gifted or being fawned over excessively. I learned to focus on the teacher when it public school to block out everybody else, and when I went to private school the class sizes were small enough that I could socialize more. [and here I thought I was done talking about myself tongue emoticon But I'm trying to help give [1]Melanie Columbia as much data as possible from a unique source that _might_ have some relatability, might not. Better too much data than not enough, imo and a case study, while not establishing "norms" at least gives a detailed model to compare/contrast against. [not "role model" - I'm no role model - just a model or example] == vestibular input! I never thought to investigate that! Oh thank you for that. I just take being a premie with the hearing thing for granted but never considered it causation for much. You gave me a new avenue of research for self-understanding - thank you smile emoticon == It does, but the negatives have their positives as well. [cliche but truth]. Up down down up, sideways. It's a pain. Absurdism can be helpful. Ponder your own ridiculousness and the seriousness of the ridiculousness as well. Might help, might not but it' helped get me through some shit times. But everybody has different coping mechanisms and I have a whole mental toolset that I've gathered over the year from AS MANY sources as I can and I'm still gathering tools. == References Visible links 1. https://www.facebook.com/melaniec0891?hc_location=ufi