Ok - what might help is identifying sources of expectations. WHO
   wants you to have a regular job? Doesn't have to be now. It can
   (and usually is) someone from your past. WHO caused you to
   believe in life purpose? Was there a movie that inspired you as
   a kid? A favorite story? A motivational speaker? Here's what
   sucks: Adults lie to kids. Kids go through puberty. They get
   legal responsibilities. The lies remain in the bran. Then, the
   truths start to bust at the lies. But they're old lies that feel
   like truths because trusted authorities gave you these ideas and
   you believed them. But... adults lie to kids. Disney lies to
   kids. TV lies to kids. Teachers and parents lie to kids. And
   those kids grow up and wonder, "what the fuck?" == Very true. I
   am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. They can be observed
   and you can watch them pass by. I live by that like, ugh,
   forever. It works for overthinkers like me. == There *are*
   foundations for existence but sometimes you have to dig really
   deep to find them. They're not the shallow structures they try
   to pawn off on kids. Maybe it works on the regulars. I think
   it's great it works for them. Look how many women want to be a
   princess with a perfect wedding? They're happy enough with that.
   I say, good for them. They can go on pain killers in the
   mid-life later on if they like when they start questioning
   stuff. But if you're outside of the Bell Curve, school isn't for
   you. "Regular life" is a struggle to try to match up with. This
   doesn't make you deficient. You're not deficient. But your base
   is deeper, earlier. I started to see the first cracks in reality
   when I was 8 yrs old and realized TV ads were lying to me. 5th
   grade when I realized the teachers had all the answers because
   they read them out of the "teachers textbook". My nephew is in
   5th grade and he's going through the same "wow it really is all
   bullshit isn't it?" experiences I went through. So, what's the
   foundation? Can you be BOTH happy in a career and fulfill your
   life purpose simultaneously? Lots of books tell you. Are they
   lying to sell books? yes, they are. You can make money and find
   BITS of fulfillment in the job but it's more likely that you'll
   find your life fulfillment OUTSIDE of whatever makes you enough
   cash to do what you want to do. "What Color is your Parachute?"
   is a great book to find at a library (yes library) and go
   through it. It helps identify transferable skills and such so
   that you're not totally miserable - that is, if you're ever
   ready to pursue a job and TRY to find at least a little
   satisfaction in it. But I don't think it's possible to get a
   perfect match of career and life fulfillment without
   compromises. Doesn't mean you have to compromise. But you might
   have to change how you look at things. For example:
   psychologist. One of my possible life directions. Never finished
   school. But: I am a psychologist. How? It's what I'm doing.
   Right now. Or motivational speaker? I'm not on stage getting
   money selling books and making videos. Yet, I am. here I'm doing
   it. Change the framing of your existence. You might just be
   living your dreams already. == You're welcome grin emoticon I
   suspect you, me and AR re like-minded. $ always got in the way
   of finishing schooling. [middle school special ed teacher was
   one of my callings - it even came up as #1 on a very good career
   test I took a while back - damn accurate test]. Yet, I still
   pursue it. I help kids and adults online who are "outside the
   bell curve" - I look for discussions and situations to have a
   few thing to say to try to help and to learn more about myself
   and others in the process. It's what I _would_ be doing if I got
   paid for it. So, I don't get paid for it. But it's fulfilling
   and to me, that's ok, even if the things I do and have done to
   make money had little or nothing to do with what gives me a
   sense of life satisfaction. == I've written a number of "letters
   to my Future Self" through the years. I still do it from time to
   time. The most fun was one I made when I was 17. I was crying. I
   thought my childhood was dying. [I didn't know that you really
   DON'T change as an adult - not at all] I sat on a swingset in
   the local playground late at night, in tears. I came home,
   decided to set the date to when I turned 42 years old.
   Hitchhiker's Guide: 42... it seemed appropriate. I was/am/will
   always be such a nerd. Anyway, I wrote it. Sealed it. "Do not
   open until January 28, 2014". So, 25 years passed by. When I was
   42 years old, after people were finished with the birthday cake
   and some token presents, I went into my room and found the
   letter. I'd forgotten its contents. In it, I described who I
   hoped I'd be at 42 years old. The kind of man I'd become. What
   I'd look like. What life would be like. I gave advice to my 42
   year old self. It was an awesome bit of Time Travel and when I
   considered myself as I was at 42 (I'm 44 now), I had fulfilled
   all of my 17 yr old dreams in SOME fashion and in SOME way and I
   continue to. I became my own father and had been raising myself
   all along. I have yet to write another one to my future self,
   but I'm thinking I'll do an end-of-life one at some point. I'm
   figuring 84-88 - somewhere around there. Hoping for more, might
   get less. Not ready to write it yet but I'm sure I will at some
   point. Maybe I'll write some interim ones as well. == I have no
   idea if it helps anybody else on a planet of 7 billion+ unique
   individuals but I can definitely say it helped me. I'm glad I
   was here to make a difference and that neither the dark side of
   my 17 year old self nor dark side of my 24 year old self won. ==
   You made the right choice writing this message in this
   particular forum at this particular time with these particular
   people. You plunged ahead with uncertainty but with hope that
   just *maybe* someone who is "not you" can see something
   different and reflect you back to yourself in some way. I'm
   reading the comments: this is the kind of knowledge that you
   can't find in a single book. So many perspectives. So many
   viewpoints. So many ideas. So many tools. I'm glad you chose to
   write it here instead of in a journal somewhere. Our brains are
   only so big and can do only so much, especially when we're stuck
   within mental mazes, staring at a corner unable to turn around
   or move. You went outside of yourself. People are taking time
   out of their lives. THIS is amazing. Can't find this in ANY
   public space "in real life". But here? Online? It's possible.
   The impossible is possible. I think that's why I've been an
   advocate for it for so very long. This happenstance is made
   possible. Who knows what will come of it - BUT here you are at
   this point in time in human history and you made a fantastic use
   of this tool. My existing love for what's possible here on the
   net vs 'real life' grew again 10x more than it already was. ===