it's hard to encourage people to move up to their potential or
   to shape anybody except through fear (fear unfortunately works -
   fear of losing love is probably the #1 way people shape other
   people in interpersonal relationships). Other methods that don't
   involve fear are in the end, more fundamental changes and far
   more powerful, but slower moving and take thousands and
   thousands of little tiny b...its - and you don't get the instant
   feedback you get from fear. I won't use fear in my dealings with
   people - I think its evil - but it means I've had to ramp up my
   level of patience with people and lower my expectations of
   growth tremendously. I don't try to shape people anyhow - I try
   to encourage and hope it hits a mark somewhere. I don't feel its
   my place to try to 'make people do what i want' - there's too
   much of that in the world. (too many ... "