I call it melancholy though. I don't let myself call it
   depression or sadness. Those are special words. I consider it:

   "Melancholy asserting itself"

   Then I remind myself, "I'm here." I really let that sink in.
   Where I am. When I am. How is that even possible? How much more
   possible it is that I shouldn't be here.

   Sometimes it snaps me into place a little better. Sometimes I
   just keep staring at the ceiling and random melancholy songs
   play in my head. So, I let them play on and enjoy the inner tune
   as best I can until I pass out or get restless and then do
   something.. like get online.