23 November 2025: A FAILED CREATIVE PROJECT

Yesterday, I was forced to face the reality that I had failed a creative 
project. I am not handling this particularly well, so I thought I'd write 
about it.

I say "failed", rather than "aborted", because it wasn't something I 
wanted to give up on. It was intended to be a gift for an important occasion, 
for someone I love dearly. 

I say "failed", rather than "stuck", because the reason I can't complete the 
project is that somewhere I have made an error which is not fixable or even 
salvagable. 

And I also say "failed", because I have had to admit defeat. I knew this 
project would be technically challenging for me, but I have had to accept 
that it wasn't a stretch: it was beyond my reach.

Usually, when something goes wrong with a project, I can do something to fix 
it, or it wasn't something that was so important it actually hurt to abandon. 
At the very least, I can usually recover the materials and make something 
else instead. I'm a resourceful, reasonably intelligent person who has a lot 
of experience with this particular skill. 

I think it particularly hurts because I made the mistake not very far from 
the finish line, and there is just... nothing I can do. Starting again from 
scratch is also not an option due to time constraints.

And, for me, this project would have been an enormous personal achievement: 
by far, the most intricate thing I have ever made. I was *so* proud of how it 
was turning out. I felt so accomplished. It was a difficult, demanding 
project, and I poured every bit of resilience and discipline I could muster 
into its design and execution.

And now it's just a testament to hubris.

I don't know if it's normal to experience grief about a creative project that 
went wrong. Maybe it's because of how symbolic this project was, on so many 
different levels, that's making it hurt so much.

As for the recipient's gift? I have another idea of something else I could 
make in place of this project. Something that's much more within my skillset, 
that I am not worried about creating at all. Something I know how to fix if 
it goes wrong. Something safer - but something that I know I will finish in 
time. I haven't talked to them about it yet, but I will be later today. Maybe 
once we've talked it through I'll feel a bit better about it.

I think I'm maybe going to take a little while to process this though. I 
realise that probably sounds ridiculous. To be honest, I think it does too. 
It's just a project, no one has died, and I will go on to make many more 
things in the future. Knowing me, I'll find a way to look back on this and 
laugh. I'll draw the lessons that need to be drawn, chalk it up to 
experience, and carry on making.

But wow, this one stings.