i finally set this up!! it took me quite a while, since none of the 
articles about gopherspace ive read actually tried to give a clear answer 
on how to dig your own "hole", instead treating it like its some arcane 
knowledge that you can only unlock once you travelse the seven seas to get 
the ancient scrolls that will bring out the innate talent of making a 
gopherspace inside your brain...

or i am just dumb. technically i DID spent two days trying to understand 
what a gopherspace really is, hopping around the sdf website to try to 
find my answers from the vague answers they gave in the documentation... 
apparently i just needed to make a shell account and download putty. what 
a mess! but i guess its expected when you are trying to create something 
using a protocol you werent even born yet when it was created.

well, at least i got here. im now bring my forst post here! hopefully it 
doesnt mess up in the actual site. i had alot of fun trying to figure out 
how to write a file, and made a silly little mistake trying to name a 
file with spaces instead of underscores. i have a perament stain named  
"nov" right in the directory where this entry is supposed be in. its kinda 
off and theres only a single letter inside, but i guess i did learn 
something from it - USE UNDERSCORES!

i honestly want to keep writing, since its actually been a while since ive 
sat down and written something about my life. i dont like talking about 
it, and its been horrible for me posting very personal troubles on the 
internet, so i avoid doing so. but if i try writing them in a notebook or 
a text file somewhere in my computer, i somehow get embasrassed of it, and 
lost motivation trying to write down my feelings. but holding my emotions 
in wasnt really good either, so here i am, rambling about anything that 
came trough my mind at 11pm while crying about the horrible school trip i 
will have tomorrow. (i am NOT climbing trees. god save me. please oh god.)

ive honestly been writing for too long. i should probbaly write for my 
school assignment instead, but i couldnt really care about that right now. 
i want to focus on myself.procastinating on school work obviously isnt a 
good idea for that, but hey! its my tiny internet on a random place nobody 
would find except strangers from the opposite of the world. my rules!

ive only told a few people about this personal little.."project" of mines. 
and none of them would ever figure out what im even trying to do. for now 
i would probably post something here from time to time, until my account 
expires in like - 600 days(2 years aprox)? i dont really remember. maybe i 
can get this account validated until then, either mailing a single us 
dollar across the continent or other weirder methods.

its honestly been wonderful typing here. i just love the feeling of typing 
in a obscure weird old terminal stuff. call me a poser or something. this 
is also probably some kind of self growth diary for me. ive been picking 
myself up from the ground, touching more grass and hanging out with real 
life friends, and i realised just how much i depended on social media to 
cope. hopefully i can change that, and this is one of the ways im trying 
to do it.

does it make me a bad person when i prioritise myself over others to the 
point of hurting them? im worried. but thats a question to ponder when i 
get in another slump!for now, im going to sleep and dread for my school 
trip tomorrow.

theres also a music directory where ill post my reviews and opinions on 
music i guess. i really love benny benji, and hes the reason i found out 
about gopherspace in the first place.